kindertrauma

Month: January 2008

Official Traumatizer :: Louise Fletcher

Posted on By unkle lancifer

It's a rare remake that can improve upon the original, and TOBE HOOPER's 1986 retelling of INVADERS FROM MARS was widely panned for missing the mark upon its release. On cable and via videotape, it eventually reached its target audience, kids unaware of the original who found a unique motion picture largely told from their point of view. One of the additions that left a lasting impression was the character of Mrs. McKeltch, played by LOUISE FLETCHER, an already formidable school teacher whose threatening demeanor is magnified after she becomes host to one of the evil aliens that are replacing the townsfolk. Most parents were well aware that FLETCHER could play scary in her sleep after her Oscar winning performance in ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, but the kiddie set were startled to find their every classroom fear personified on screen. The scene where young David Gardner (HUNTER CARSON) stumbles upon the malicious schoolmarm dining on a frog behind the science class was particularly unsettling for Kermit loving kiddies, and burned a lasting mark into many of their minds. So, here's to you FLETCHER for hitting a nerve in all of us who ever had to stay after class. You revealed a truth that many of us had already suspected; much like the aliens from the miniseries V, the administrators at our schools where covertly munching on defenseless smaller animals while our collective backs were turned!

Ghosthouse

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

Although the ever-popular traumatizer POLTERGEIST CLOWN DOLL never reappeared in the subsequent POLTERGEIST sequels (one assumes he was destroyed with the house…weep!), a reasonable facsimile (direct rip-off) does wreak havoc in the Boston-shot, Italian-produced lesser spook ride GHOSTHOUSE. Along with a creepy unsympathetic ghost girl, this clown doll maliciously murders all who stray into his home in this schlock-athon directed by CANNIBAL kingpin UMBERTO LENZI. GREG SCOTT stars as ham radio enthusiast Paul who stumbles across a broadcast of several people screaming in horror while fiddling with his dials. He follows the signal to a house where several squatters have taken up residence. Recognizing the voices as their own, the rag tag team of camping buds stand in line to be systematically slaughtered by the polter-tyke and her terrible toy. Deliciously gory, yet routinely moronic, you'll only hurt your brain trying to make sense of the characters behaviors and the elusive storyline. More like a brainstorm of unconnected horror ideas spit across the screen, when it works you'll be on the edge of your seat cheering, and when it fails you'll be on the edge of your pillow napping. Sure it's a mangled incoherent mess and five hours too long, but really who among us is strong enough to resist the pull of a killer clown doll movie? They're just too few and too far between to quibble about such non-necessities as competent, rational storytelling. 

   INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • Whenever the ghost girl and her evil clown dolly appear, they are accompanied by what is referred to in the movie as a nursery rhyme like song. In fact, it sounds neither like a song nor a rhyme, and more closely resembles a robotic voiced child in the back of a car asking over and over again, "Are we here? Are we there yet?"
  • Someone please explain Pepe the hitchhiker to me.
  • Not scared of kids and dolls? The handyman is a maniac who will kill you with a cleaver that is for some reason referred to as an axe
  • Not scared of handymen? There's also a ghostly Doberman Pinscher to contend with
  • Not scared of dogs? Don't worry an unexplained maggoty-faced grim reaper stops by!
  • Head in a washing machine!

 

         

Official Traumatot: Ann Carter

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Give it up for 40's child star ANN CARTER! After gaining attention playing VERONICA LAKE's bewitching offspring in I MARRIED A WITCH she astounded many with her touching portrayal of an imaginative square peg in the classic CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE. HALEY JOEL OSMET may have become a household name whispering "I see dead people," but decades earlier this flaxen haired wonder had been there and done that. We're proud to bestow her with our highest honor THE HONORARY TRAUMATOT AWARD!

Curse of the Cat People

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

 Young Amy Reed (ANN CARTER) knows that one of the many benefits of being a child is that the line between reality and fantasy is easily crossed. Trouble is, she's having problems navigating the return trip. This not only irks the ire of her fellow classmates, but also severely disappoints her father Oliver (KENT SMITH). Unfortunately his daughter's flights of fancy echo those of his deceased ex-wife Irena (SIMONE SIMON) who, in his mind, also had difficulty keeping her feet on the ground of provable reality. Making matters exceedingly worse is that Amy's new secret, make-pretend play pal is dead Irena herself! Father and daughter battle wills. Oliver sees Amy as a dreamy headed liar and Amy is crushed that he has no faith in her. Irena's presence is actually surprisingly nurturing  all things considered (she tried to off Amy's mom in the original CAT PEOPLE), and she takes on a guardian angel type role for the girl. The real danger lies in the gothic mansion Amy has been visiting. Scary old lady Farren is harmless, but her estranged jealous daughter (equally feline ELIZABETH RUSSELL) sees Amy as a threat coming between her and the mother who denies her. Producer VAL LEWTON went out of his way NOT to deliver the psychosexual horror sequel audiences (and RKO) were clawing for. Instead he delivers a personal film about miscommunication between parents and their children and the ominous scary world such conflict breeds. True, it's not the full on horror show its predecessor was, but for those who beg for originality in a sequel your wish has been granted. Strangely, because of this difference in tone, some have even questioned if CURSE is indeed a horror film at all. Well, it's partially directed by ROBERT WISE (THE HAUNTING) and involves a ghost, a traditional looking haunted house, the headless horseman and a sinister looking spinster bent on strangling a kid. You may not find the interiors running red with blood, but they are soaked in the darkest shadows ever filmed. Like little Amy, what you see within those shadows is up to you. CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE is a real groundbreaker when it comes to showing the inner workings of a trouble youngster's mind (PAN'S LABYRINTH owes a debt). It is sensitive, even delicate, but that does not disqualify it as a horror film. Any child could tell you that. indelible scenes   

  • Irena's first ethereal appearance
  • The magic tree mailbox is on the fritz!
  • Irena's picture burning in the fireplace
  • As with all VAL LEWTON's films, the cinematography through out is uniformly exquisite but Amy's flight from imagined danger through a snowstorm is especially breathtaking

 

            

The Changeling

Posted on By aunt john

 

Having recently lost his wife and young daughter in a tragic car accident, composer John Russell (GEORGE C. SCOTT) packs up his belongings and flees New York to take a teaching position in Seattle. With the help of local historical society worker Claire Norman (TRISH VAN DEVERE), John moves into the Chestnut House, a dilapidated mansion that makes the BURNT OFFERINGS estate look like a bungalow. It doesn't take too long for Russell to realize that he is not the sole occupant of the manor as faucets start running and doors start slamming. After he's almost taken out by a flying shard of stained glass from a dormer window, John discovers a hidden room in the attic complete with an old-timey wicker wheelchair suitable for a dead child. Faster than you can say microfiche machine, John enlists Claire to help him research the history of the house at the local library. They learn that a child living in the house was a coal cart hit-and-run victim, however she's not the one behind the haunting. A subsequent séance reveals that the child's name is actually Joseph, and John spends the rest of the movie in full-on Sherlock Holmes mode as he connects the supernatural activity going down in Chestnut House with prominent Senator Joseph Carmichael (MELVYN DOUGLAS). With its noticeable lack of special effects, aside from the occasional touch of pyrotechnics, THE CHANGELING is an old-fashioned, bump-in-the-night ghost story. GEORGE C. SCOTT's grounded performance as a grieving man seeking solace for both himself and the kid haunting his house keeps the plotline, especially in the second half of the flick, from bordering too far on the absurd. Okay, maybe the ending was a little out there with the Senator being in two places at the same time, but SCOTT makes the suspension of disbelief worthwhile. 

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • The infamous rubber ball that returns from the river to bounce the stairs and scare the shit out of John
  • The monotone voice and spastic penmanship of the medium conducting the séance
  • The little girl sees the apparition of a drowned boy in the floor of her bedroom
  • Claire tumbles down the stairs after being mercilessly terrorized by the wicker wheelchair

Suspiria

Posted on By unkle lancifer

NOTE: This review is part of THE FINAL GIRL FILM CLUB. If you have not experienced the wonder that is STACIE PONDER get over there right quick! She's not only whip-smart she's the final word on all things horror! 

When Suzy Bannion (doe-eyed JESSICA HARPER) arrives at the prestigious Freeborge Dance Academy in Germany, she minuets her way down a fluorescent rabbit hole into a psychedelic universe the likes of which have never been seen before or since. DARIO ARGENTO's bizarre, sometimes draw-dropping visual creation pulsates with a supernatural power one usually only finds in fairy tales and the work of Disney. The slightly off dubbing and trance like delivery of the bordering on nonsensical lines only further convince the viewer that SUSPIRIA is more celluloid fever dream than traditional movie. Hypnotic, filled with countless visual flourishes and subliminal asides, SUSPIRIA is unquestionably a technical marvel. Behind the curtain of aesthetic brilliance though, stands real terror. The amazing opening sequence powered by the haunting audio howls of GOBLIN delivers one of the most nerve shattering introductions in the history of horror film. It alerts the viewer immediately to the fact that they are not only not in Kansas anymore, but they may be standing over the precipice to an unfriendly phantasmagoric universe where it'll take a lot more than H20 to take down the wicked witch. Multiple viewings are not recommended but required, as there is just no human way to absorb the entire onslaught in one sitting. As with other great works of art, SUSPIRA is almost a living thing, it grows, morphs and expands with each passing year. Plus there's maggots.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S): 

  • Make sure there are seatbelts in that taxicab HARPER, the symphony that is the opening to SUSPIRIA is a real head rocker
  • The M.C. ESCHER wallpaper
  • Close up of knife in heart
  • Maggot rain
  • Landing safely in a pile of…barbed wire!
  • The missing gargoyle and the blind man's dog
  • The creepy kid and the maid
  • Don't knock over that peacock lamp!

 

 

The Boogens

Posted on By unkle lancifer


Yellowing newspaper articles fill us in on the tragic past of a silver mining town in Colorado. Cave-ins, disappearances and mysterious deaths lead to the abandonment of further digging and the permanent closing of the mines. Flash forward to the early eighties when dynamite blasts signal the grand reopening of the cursed labyrinth. Enter THE BOOGENS; tentacled, amphibian creatures responsible for all that previous hardship that are now free to return to their deadly ways. Two young couples learn the hard way that the local doom-saying oldster is not as crazy as he appears. In fact, he's really the local authority on all subjects Boogen as his own personal pappy met his death via a Boogen bite many years ago. Slasher veterans REBECCA BALDING (SILENT SCREAM) and ANNE MARIE MARTIN (PROM NIGHT) star in this entertaining monster mash infused with slasher tropes that delivers authentic suspense while keeping the title creatures securely under wraps until the final reel. The unveiling of the creatures may disappoint those whose imagination painted the beings as something a tad more menacing than the turtle-faced hand puppets they actually are. Thanks to an atmospheric, snow covered, cozy log cabin setting and atypically likable, even endearing characters, it's easy to forgive this low budget flick its few mostly financial limitations.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • Tiger the poodle steals every scene
  • Old man's passive aggressive vandalism involves spray painting the word DEATH on the mine entrance
  • The Boogens utilize the heating duct
  • Jessica's choice of objects to throw at the camera to thwart off Boogen attack includes empty tea kettle
  • Jokester Jeff gets yanked under a truck

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Unkle Lancifer on Alan Parsons Project

Posted on By unkle lancifer

What is it about the ALAN PARSONS PROJECT that has given me the creeps ever since I was a wee lad? Why is it that even now, whenever I hear them playing in a drugstore, I either immediately feel like committing suicide or I imagine it's a bad omen that foretells that at any-second there will be a hold up that will leave cashiers and customers alike sprawled out on the floor swimming in their own blood? Alan Parsons was the audio engineer for PINK FLOYD's THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON which explains a lot, but whereas the FLOYD come off as anti-authoritarian and kick-ass, Parson reeks of a sort of surrender to a larger malevolent power. It's euthanasia music, a soundtrack for pulling the plug. The old man in the SENTINEL who has to guard the doorway to hell for eternity has ALAN PARSONS PROJECT on his iPod. The scariest song may be TIME which is an existential taunt just perfect for a hospital death bed, but the one that really gets stuck in my craw is EYE IN THE SKY which is either about a floating God face that judges your every move or a stalkers theme. I think maybe that guy who killed the girl from MY SISTER SAM listened to it. It may be responsible for the death of DOMINIQUE DUNN. I'm glad that there are some folks who do enjoy these admittedly well-produced ditties. It makes me feel that perhaps there is not really anything inherently evil within them. For me I'll be fine never hearing them or getting that goosebumpy feeling ever again, and if some smart ass plays them at my funeral, I vow to rise up screaming!

Flowers in the Attic

Posted on By aunt john

After her husband is killed in a car crash on his thirty-sixth birthday, mother of four Corrine Dollanganger (VICTORIA TENNANT) falls on to financial hard times. Rather than take a secretarial position or even a cashier job at the local food store, Corrine packs up her alliteratively named brood, Chris, Cathy (KRISTY SWANSON), and twins Cory and Carrie and returns to the mind-boggling mansion of her estranged parents. One of the caveats of the flaxen-haired family's stay is that the ailing Grandfather must never know of the children's existence, so that Corrine may work her way back into his good graces. The children are kept locked away in a room with twin beds and attic access, and Corrine assures them that it will just be a temporary housing solution, as her father is not much longer for this world. What Corrine neglects to tell her kids is that their late father was actually her uncle (awkward!), however their austere, Bible-banging Grandmother (LOUISE FLETCHER) is quick to inform the children that they are nothing more than the Devil's spawn in her judgmental eyes. The kids try to make the most of their house arrest situation and transform the cobweb-riddled attic into a pretty sweet playroom complete with a ballet bar so Cathy may practice her dance moves. The passage of time is marked by the changes of the leaves on tree outside the attic window, and as visits from Corrine decline, the violent cruelty of the Grandmother escalates. Due to lack of sunlight, the siblings develop a heavy pancake makeup pallor, and the twins' health seriously declines. It takes the death of Cory to finally get the "We really should devise a solid escape plan and get the hell out of here before we end up dead too" fires burning under Chris and Cathy's assess. On their way out of the mansion, they learn that their Grandfather has been dead for almost two months, and although their mother was reinstated into his will, she will be re-disinherited if there is any proof of offspring from her first marriage to her uncle. It just so happens that their mother is getting remarried in a ballroom on the ground floor of the mansion, and the surviving Dollanganger kids raise their objections rather than hold their peace.When it comes to turning novels into feature films, it's standard operating procedure that certain elements of the text will be lost in the adaptation. One of the key themes to V.C. Andrews best-selling novel was the incestuous yearnings between the older siblings which culminated with Cathy's rape by Chris. Aside from a furtive glance of Cathy in the bathtub by Chris, FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC turns a blind eye to the brother-on-sister action, and ends up feeling more like a watered-down made-for-tv movie.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • Grandmother is rather handy with a bull whip, and forces Corrine to show the kids the deep lash wounds on her back
  • Cathy gets a haircut from Grandmother, and follow-up trim by Chris
  • As the groundskeeper buries Cory, the camera pulls back to show three pre-dug graves for the other of the Dollanganger kids
  • Cathy bitch slaps Corrine so hard that she topples over a balcony and ends up being hung by her wedding veil

Kinderguest Vicar of VHS on The Children

Posted on By unkle lancifer

The plot was some dumb thing about kids being turned into zombie-like killer munchkins by toxic waste, then going around hugging their parents to death in a cloud of flesh-dissolving chemical fog. Much like WHO COULD KILL A CHILD?, in this one the adults had to defend themselves by murdering the kids–by cutting off their hands, or something, I believe. (Don't ask me, I didn't write it.)

Something about this movie just GOT me as a kid–maybe it was the creepy, CARNIVAL OF SOULS makeup on those innocent little faces. Maybe it was the idea of Mommy reaching out for a hug from her beloved daughter and instead of warm fuzzies getting SCREAMING CHEMICAL DEATH! Or maybe it was the emotionally gut-punching notion that in order to survive, the parents had to kill their own children–an idea so distressing to my 9-year-old mind just thinking about it made me cry. Whatever the case, this movie got into my brain and stuck there. Anyway, I loved my parents, and I knew they loved me…so the horrification of that love, even making that love DEADLY, was truly traumatic.

I rewatched it years later and found (as I figured) it wasn't a well-made or well-acted movie–and yet I still had the same visceral emotional reaction to it! So there's still some scar tissue, obviously.

Afterwards, I called my Mom.

  • Thanks V.O.V. The Vicar of VHS can be found holding court over at MAD MAD MAD MAD MOVIES, a great spot with an eclectic mix of cinematic oddities. Visit often!
  • For more on THE CHILDREN check out this KINDERTRAUMA REVIEW!