kindertrauma

Month: January 2008

It's Alive

Posted on By aunt john


On the surface, the Davis family is living the early 1970s California dream. Husband Frank (JOHN P. RYAN) is a chain-smoking, high-powered public relations executive, and his very pregnant wife Lenore (SHARON FARRELL) is ready to pop with their second child. Their middle class world is rocked when Lenore literally spawns a monster that savagely murders all of the doctors and nurses in the delivery room before escaping through a skylight. With the police out looking for their brutal baby, Frank and Lenore pawn their older son off on a family friend and try to pick up the pieces. He soon loses his job, and turns to the bottle for solace, while she becomes understandably withdrawn. Between swigs of scotch and puffs of his smoke, Frank declares that he just wants the baby dead and his life back to the way it was. The constant badgering by the doctors from the local university who want the baby's remains for further study, and the lawyers from the pharmaceutical company that manufactured Lenore's birth control pills (who want the mini-mutant destroyed) does much to compound the marital riff growing between the Davises. The baby does manage to elude the police long enough to make a pit stop at home to kill the family cat and family friend, and win over Frank before leading the cops to the underground labyrinth of L.A.'s storm drains for a chase scene that can only be described as sureal.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • The aftermath of the delivery room massacre
  • The stream of blood-tinged milk running from the delivery truck after the baby offs an unsuspecting milkman
  • Frank's realization that his baby has come when he finds his normally full freezer of meat completely bare
  • The baby's final take down of the police chief amidst the hail of bullets in the sewer system

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Reader Sharon D. On Star Trek 2: The Wrath Of Khan

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I was an easily scared kid, so horror movies were off limits which was fine by me. I was allowed to watch sci-fi, and since my dad was a huge Trekkie I was exposed to that stuff all the time and I was fine. That is until I saw STAR TREK 2: THE WRATH OF KHAN. Chekhof is captured by Khan, and Khan sticks some disgusting worm in his ear to control him. This freaked me out for a long time, and I used to try to sleep with my hands over my ears to protect myself. I can watch horror movies now but that worm thing I still have a problem with.

The Babysitter

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Long before REBECCA De MORNAY's hand rocked any cradle, serpentine usurper extraordinaire STEPHANIE ZIMBALIST rocked the worlds of extreme overacting power duo WILLIAM SHATNER and PATTY DUKE. As the icy 18-year-old Joanna Redwine, ZIMBALIST elbows her way into the squabbling couple's homestead insuring its downfall, if not by her manipulations than by the termite like power of the couple's own competitive scenery chewing. Of course Joanna is a gift from God at first, taking daughter QUINN CUMMINGS under her wing and throwing about helpful bon mots, but before long, she's making goo-goo eyes at SHATNER and pushing PATTY towards the bottle. It doesn't take much convincing to get mom to put on her VALLEY OF THE DOLLS lampshade and soon she is slurring her words more than the elocutionary impaired QUINN. Dad is a harder nut to crack, but when he walks in on Joanna wearing his wife's lingerie he too starts to melt to her will. (In this 1980 TV movie's most bizarre break from reality, ASTIN and ZIMBALIST wear the same size). Thanks to JOHN HOUSEMAN's detective work, which mostly consists of calling people on the phone, Joanna's reign is short lived. With the discovery of her previous employers packaged in clear plastic, she is carted off to jail. The dysfunctional Benedict family is free to return to their previous existence but whether that is an improvement is this tales biggest mystery.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • Joanna gets a little over zealous while clubbing a fish
  • After Joanna's canoodle buddy Scott's not so accidental death, QUINN comes in to console a crying Joanna only to discover she is laughing hysterically
  • PATTY's final, furniture throwing breakdown
  • ZIMBALIST wandering around her previous victims' home, and talking to the former occupants as if they were still alive
  • Family perfectly preserved in plastic wrap on the master bed

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Reader Bilgin on Suspiria

Posted on By unkle lancifer

When SUSPIRIA first came out, I remembered seeing the trailer for it on TV. All you would see is a woman brushing her hair from behind and her singing, "Roses are red, violets are blue, the iris is a flower…..(something, something) SUSPIRIA!! After that, every time it came on, my sister and I would run from the room. Needless to say, since my mom was a horror lover we ended up seeing it at a matinee. I was 9 and my sister was 6.

Editor's note: That "something, something" was "The iris is a flower…that will mean the end of YOU!" as far as trailers and TV ads go this is one of the creepiest ever. Check it out!

Critters

Posted on By unkle lancifer


Two bounty hunters from outer space who can absorb the identity of anyone around them are hired to hunt down a group of escapees from a prison asteroid. These on-the-run aliens are really on-the-roll as they're in the form of fuzzy bowling bowls with countless teeth and shootable poisonous quills. Like most new arrivals to Earth their first stop is DEE WALLACE STONE's house. Here Dee is a Midwestern farmer's wife with two kids, a precocious ginger boy (SCOTT GRIMES) and a daughter preoccupied with locking lips with a young BILLY ZANE. One of the bounty hunters quickly assumes the form of an ‘80s era rock star while the more fickle one assumes the identities of various townsfolk. Equipped with futuristic weapons, they aid the family in clearing the town of the terrorizing GREMLINS inspired mutant tumbleweeds. There's no real scares or gore here and the focus is more on quipy humor sometimes delivered in the hairy hooligans own tongue and subtitled for maximum comedic effect. By films end, the stakes are raised when a giant sized critter joins the fray but all ends well with the miraculous reverse collapse of the family home complete with reconstructed mailbox with beloved family feline CHEWY residing within safe from harm and flying quills.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S)

  • Horribly accurate mid-eighties music video
  • Critter language has a facsimile for the F word
  • Critter rips E.T. doll to shreds
  • Village idiot turns out to be virtuoso at baseball and Molotov cocktail throwing
  • One well-placed firecracker destroys critter spacecraft
  • Dad's GHOSTBUSTERS-esque bowling shirt

KINDERPRESS

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hey look! Kindertrauma was mentioned in RUE MORGUE magazine (Dec. issue #74), how great is that? We'd just like to thank the fine folks over there for thinking of us (especially one Monica S. Kuebler)! We're very proud to be singled out in such an illustrious not to mention very cool publication!

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Reader Tony on Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Posted on By aunt john

holy shit!

Back in the day, there was a short series of old school horror story anthologies called SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK. Now, if the stories didn't scare you shitless as a kid (and they usually did), then Stephen Gammel's horrifying illustrations sure as hell got the job done. To this very day, there's a particular drawing that I can't bring myself to look at. The story was about a girl whose nightmare was coming true, and the illustration was that of a hideously obese woman with thin gangly arms, oily black hair, tiny black eyes, and an enormous smile. It doesn't sound so bad when I describe it, but trust me, it's pretty damn traumatizing for an eight year old. The book is sitting in my bookshelf as I type, and there's no way I'd take it out at night.

KINDERBATTLE: General (CAT'S EYE) vs. Momma Rat (NIGHTMARES)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

hot for teacher!

Who will win in this no holds barred battle for supremacy? GENERAL has been victorious over run ins with both CHRISTINE and CUJO! MOMMA RAT, hailing from Germany, is a mythical creature ten times his size! Forget TOM AND JERRY, scrap ITCHY AND SCRATCHY… this is the ultimate battle between feline and rodent (not to mention anthology movie vs. anthology movie) and your vote will decide the outcome! Tell us who you prefer and why in our comments section, and you will be eligible through a random numerical drawing to win not only an official hand made one of a kind KINDERTRAUMA T-shirt (size will be determined by availability) but also an official KINDERTRAUMA button! Vote now and vote hard, vote as often as you like! You may be the deciding factor in the war between GOOD and sorta EVIL but really just trying to get her baby back!