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your happy childhood ends here!
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The first two OMEN movies scared the hell out of me when I was a kid and they always seemed to be on T.V. Something about those demonic chants that would come before an approaching death got to me. Were they singing "Long live Damien"? The scariest part, I think, was in the second film when that guy fell into the ice. Just knowing that he could see safety through the ice but not reach it freaked me. All the people running around unable to do anything but watch him float away, and he could SEE them! What an awful way to go!!Â
Yes Virginia, there is a danger to be found on frozen lakes! And as we once did with scarf safety, we're going to take the opportunity you just provided us to speak of ice safety. Usually ice safety is a subject for spring, but with this whole global warming thing going on, now is as good a time as any. We don't want any of our beloved readers to suffer the same fate as that guy in DAMIEN OMEN 2! Let's look at some other fine films that address that logical fear!Â
Google research also reveals similar ice calamities in cute doggy flicks (EIGHT BELOW), crap-fests that shoplifters have to star in for penance (MR.DEEDS), and the always educational daytime sudser PASSIONS.
So listen up kids, if you're going to learn anything in life, it certainly won't be at school. It will be at the movies, and all movies agree STAY OFF THE ICE!
Hey kids, would you like to go on a magical trip with MARK TWAIN through time and space? Sounds a bit boring doesn't it? Sounds kinda learn-y right? Well, what if I told you that Ol' MARK was going to scare the living crap out of you? And what if I told you that he wanted to introduce you to a friend of his by the name of…wait for it… Satan? In the 1985 full-length claymation movie THE ADVENTURES OF MARK TWAIN, children found a brand new level of hell to experience thanks to a visit from everyone's favorite fallen angel the devil himself. Director WILL VINTON, who is also notably connected with notorious trauma devices RETURN TO OZ and THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS, doesn't seem to get that combining psychedelia with morose nihilism is a recipe for kiddie suicide. We're not questioning the guy's artistic genius; his work makes the RANKIN & BASS canon look like a bunch of paper bag puppets and we realize that he was just giving a shout out to Twain's unfinished work THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER. We're just wondering how he sleeps at night knowing he's blown little underage minds to smithereens. Isn't Satan scary enough with his red underwear and twisty tail? Where'd that morph-y mask come from? And what's with all that creating of little people just to destroy them bit? That type of crazy, power-hungry behavior is usually reserved for the big head honcho himself…God! Depicting Satan as an evil dude who wants to take over the Earth, now that's what we can get behind. This Satan not only doesn't want the dump, he's convinced it's not real, and that it's only an illusion, a dream. There's a fun concept for a kid to mull over! If nothing else, we certainly could have done without the sight of the little cow falling into the pit, now that was just plain mean!The brave among you can check out the offending scene HERE!
Here's a video from my youth that scared the hell out of me. My trauma started with an innocent night at my grandmother's house to bake Christmas cookies. After eating handfuls of raw dough, I knew I was in for a rough night. As I laid on the couch, bellyaching and moments from praying to the porcelain god, I put the TV on to distract my young mind. In what I thought was luck at the time, my grandmother had cable and MTV, so I innocently put some music videos on. Then… Yes came on with the video for "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and taught me what anxiety was. (more…)
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Who can deny MARTIN STEPHENS' precise, sharp as an ice-pick, performance in 1960's
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