kindertrauma

Month: April 2008

Traumafession:: William H. on Tales From The Darkside :: "Inside the Closet"

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Like almost all children of the '80s, I lived for Saturday morning cartoons. Those four or five hours of the week belonged to children everywhere. So why did they show commercials for TALES FROM THE DARK SIDE side during kiddie cartoons!I'll never forget how terrifying the previews for one show was for me. The episode was titled "Inside the Closet." The brief glimpse of the show alone left me with numerous sleepless nights and fear of the dreaded closet-thing.I saw the whole episode years later, and I found it laughable–not so when I was eight years old listening to that eerie narrator's voice asking "What's in the closet? Is it under the bed?" And the brief clip of some huge-eyed horror shadowed in the closet. I was scared by so many trailers when I was a kid, but this one was THE WORST.

Tales From The Darkside :: "Inside The Closet"

Posted on By unkle lancifer

When bookish student Gail Aynsley (ROBERTA WEISS) rents a room from veterinary scientist Dr. Fenner (CREEPSHOW's FRITZ WEAVER) she is rightfully disturbed to find that the space comes complete with a small locked door she is not to have access to. Worse still are the scratching sounds that come from within the cubby's interior, which she assumes are the rustlings of a rat. Complaining to the doctor gets her nowhere and each night the nocturnal disturbances become progressively worse. When she finally does manage to open the door she finds it is bare and places a mouse trap within. The next morning, rather than discovering a dead vermin in her trap, she discovers the closet is now miraculously stuffed to the brim with the toys and clothing of a little girl. Didn't the good doctor once have a daughter? Directed by special effects legend TOM SAVINI and written by the man responsible for BEETLEJUICE (MICHAEL McDOWELL),this episode, thanks to it's bizarre beasty, became a sort of calling card for the mid '80s GEORGE ROMERO-produced horror anthology show TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE. "INSIDE THE CLOSET" is a bit too slight to cause any major chills nowadays, but it is not hard to imagine it causing grief amongst the footy pajama set upon its original airing. The fear of "What's in the closet?" and "Do I dare hang my foot over the bed?" are pretty much a part of all of our childhoods, and this episode is tailor made to exploit those concerns. The pay off is indeed memorable and somehow manages to be slightly endearing as well.
Television has certainly had an extensive history of tiny terror tales from various episodes of THE TWILIGHT ZONE to the now classic TRILOGY OF TERROR and DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK. As recent as 2006, a WILLIAM HURT-starring installment of the mini-series NIGHTMARES AND DREAMSCAPES joined the mini-monster fray with animated toy soldiers responsible for the mayhem. The ankle biter in "INSIDE THE CLOSET" dubbed "Lizzie" by SAVINI may not be as frightening as some of her ghoulish competition, but she makes up for it with simple charm. Who could say no to those big blood shot eyes?
indelible scenes

  • Who needs indelible scenes when you can watch the entire episode yourself? Currently, you can check out this popular TFTD episode via Youtube. Here is PART ONE and PART TWO! Pleasant dreams!

April Fool's Day

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Produced by the guy who brought you many a FRIDAY THE 13TH sequel (FRANK MANCUSO JR. also brought you I KNOW WHO KILLED ME, but nobody's perfect) APRIL FOOL'S DAY does it's best to swim against the slasher tide and deliver an original offering. Most slashers begin with a false kill or two, or perhaps even feature a character whose morbid sense of humor is questionable, but the clean cut preppies that inhabit this AGATHA CHRISTIE on Crystal Lake suspenser are ALL guilty of favoring the monkeyshines. None more so than Muffy (chipmunk VALLEY GIRL DEBORAH FOREMAN), the center of the pack, who has invited her buddies to her impressive island homestead for a birthday celebration. Since her birthday falls on April first, it's also a great excuse to pull out the whoopee cushions, hand buzzers and retractable knives. Her friends have no issue with following suite and a battle of pranks ensues. Before you can say, "It's all fun until someone loses an eye" some folks start showing up dead (and one guy actually does lose an eye in a boating accident) and it seems something far more sinister is afoot. Director FRED WALTON (WHEN A STRANGER CALLS) goes against the grain by filming the shenanigans in crisp bright colors and it all looks just a bit classier than the standard earthy slasher. Not everyone will be on board when the film's biggest prank is played and it certainly pushes the plausibility factor to it's limit (in other words, don't try this at home!), but most will be having too much fun to care. With its spoiled rich kids, birthday setting, evil twins and elaborate shell game script A.F.D. resembles a light-hearted HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME more than anything in the Vorhees saga. FOREMAN (who even begins to resemble MELISSA SUE ANDERSON the crazier she gets) showcases her talents like never before playing, in effect, duo roles and horror icon AMY STEEL (FRIDAY THE 13th PART 2) is present, as well, to provide a virtuoso final girl performance. Ultimately it's more of a slasher spritzer than a hard shot of gore, but if you can't get behind this tongue-in-cheek, pre-SCREAM convention crusher, the joke is really on you.

  • Here's a good joke: Play a tape of a baby crying in the room of your friend who just had an abortion
  • Uninvited snake joins in on the festivities
  • Thirst-quenching well full of fresh decapitations
  • The doll display in the attic
  • Muffy and Buffy's basement height chart
  • The last final wink

Note: The movie APRIL FOOL'S DAY at one point had an entirely different ending. To find out more about this alternate version you must check out the always valuable RETRO SLASHERS. Webmaster John Klyza not only lists the LOST SCENES but is also kind enough to include an excerpt of the film's NOVELIZATION for your reading pleasure.

Kinder-news :: Childstar Urban Legend Debunked!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Many of you have read about the three alarm blaze that resulted in the partial collapse of the east wing of Kindertrauma manor last fall. Wether it was shoddily hung pre holiday lights or Aunt Johns insistance on using a 175 watt three-way light bulb in his EASY BAKE OVEN is still under investigation. Our first instinct was to simply ignore the gaping hole but after a winter of near nonstop looting we relented and hired two handymen to repair the damage. We were shocked (as many of you soon will be) to learn that the two gentlemen under are employ were none other than SMASHING PUMPKINS frontman Billy Corgan and T.V's Jerry Suprian of SMALL WONDER fame. This picture of the two taking a well earned break together proves without a shadow of a doupt that rumors that they are one and the same person are unequivocally false. 

    

Kinder-news :: Foster Footage Finally Found

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Take a look at this recently unearthed footage from the abandoned film project THE LITTLE GIRL WHO LIVES DOWN THE LANE 2: ESCAPE TO PARIS! This would-be sequel starred JODIE FOSTER reprising her role from the previous film in which she played a murderous adolescent. The unfinished second installment involved FOSTER's character Rynn Jacobs who, in order to avoid police questioning, high tails it to France to live anonymously. Keeping a low profile becomes a real challenge when tomboy Rynn is discovered singing in a bistro and quickly becomes the toast of Paris. Unfortunately Rynn still has her fair share of secrets to keep and soon the Seine is littered with the dead bodies of her Svengali-like manager , a rival songstress and a nosey chef. Although at least 40 percent of the film was completed, the entire production was canned due to the disappointing reception FOSTER's other musical effort BUGSY MALONE received. By all accounts FOSTER is ecstatic about the discovery and vows to complete the film using state of the art computer animation. 

 
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