kindertrauma

Month: May 2008

TRAUMA-MOMMAS :: 10 Most Horrifying Movie Moms

Posted on By unkle lancifer


We here at Kindertrauma love to talk about the gruesome kiddies of horror films, but we're all getting old enough to know that the stork was not really responsible for their births. They all had mommas and with Mother's Day right around the corner, we thought it was high time we brought up the subject of TRAUMA-MOMMAS; those mothers of horror who showed, through example, how to get the job done. From now until Sunday we vow to bring you some killer mom-ertainment, and it all starts with our listing of our favorite top ten monster mommies of mayhem…

10. YVONNE DECARLO in AMERICAN GOTHIC. So it's not the most famous horror flick in the world and we admit to giving extra points to YVONNE for her stint as power mom Lily Munster, yet we're true blue fans of her work here as "Ma." AMERICAN GOTHIC is a real original, just like YVONNE, and anyone who could put up with the ramblings of both ROD STIEGER (as Pa) and MICHEAL J. POLLARD (as one of her psycho offspring) deserves mucho recognition, if not a jewelry box made out of popsicle sticks.

9. ZELDA RUBINSTEIN already owns our hearts thanks to POLTERGEIST, but in ANGUISH she astounds even more. In her film within a film role as Alice Pressman she puts the average taskmaster mother to shame. Rather then send her kid MICHAEL LERNER out for the usual carton of milk, stick of butter and loaf of bread, she instead demands all the eyeballs in the city! Once more she makes this request in her patented SMURFETTE on helium voice!

8. Speaking of SMURFETTE and helium, JENNIFER TILLY as Tiffany the doll does not seem to be a suitable parent at first glance. She's sorta self-involved and yes, has a famous violent streak. Her itchy kill impulse would land her on this list regardless, but we gotta give her extra props for standing up to big daddy CHUCKY in defense of her limp plastic wrist-ed son Glen in SEED OF CHUCKY.

7. BEATRICE PONS (as ROSE ROSS) in MOTHER'S DAY is a force to be reckoned with. It would be bad enough is she were to turn a blind eye to her two moronic son's killing and chilling attitude, but this creepy lady spurs them on and even makes requests for the dreaded SHIRLEY TEMPLE Polaroid game. Sick stuff for sure. Extra points for being in a movie appropriately entitled!

6. A mother who gives birth to her own rage and sends it out into the world to cause havoc? O.K. we realize you only have to open your front door to witness THAT, but the whole licking the litter thing in THE BROOD is just too bizarre not to award, plus SAMANTHA EGGAR!!! Have we ever mentioned we are total Anglophiles (and gingerphiles) here at Kindertrauma? Think about it, you know it's true.

5. Any mother can act monstrous but in PETER JACKSON's DEAD ALIVE a.k.a. BRAINDEAD, ELIZABETH MOODY really does turn into a giant beast that our poor hero has to battle on his rooftop. Easily the most Freudian zombie movie ever made that features contaminated monkeys, kung-fu priests and mass lawnmower kills.

4. The idea that anything would go chin-to-chin or ta-ta-to-ta-ta in a throw down against Ellen Ripley (SIGOURNEY WEAVER) still boggles the mind. I guess having an extra jaw and acid blood can help to raise the old self-assurance level. Momma Alien from ALIENS didn't sweat a bit and she didn't even have to rely on bad language ("Get away from her you bitch!") to psyche out her opponent!

3. CARRIE's mom Margaret White (PIPER LAURIE)… where do you even start to describe this drunk on Jesus juice, hot-mess tranny? She was the shit, and worse of all…SHE LIKED IT! She ended up just like her hero, crucified, but even Jesus didn't have to suffer the indignity of being crucified by a potato peeler. MEL GIBSON make a movie about this momma's "passion" then maybe you can come back into our good graces!

2. One thing about destroying your offspring's life is that you usually have to curb it when you're six feet under. PSYCHO's Norma Bates (voice by VIRGINIA GREGG) did not feel the need to yield to such restrictions. She just kept yacking and yacking. She yacked until the modern horror film was born, and then she yacked some more. She single handedly yacked the slasher genre into existence, and then she yacked some more. Norma Bates is still yacking. Let's all pray she never stops.

1. Are you trying to pretend that you don't know who our number one choice for TRAUMA-MOMMA is? Why? What is wrong with you? Give in to reality, give in to the truth. You can pretend as long as you like that the FRIDAY THE 13TH series is subpar. You can claim it's juvenile, pedestrian, hokey and dated. The proof is in the blood pudding that stained the wreck room carpet and is never going to go away. It's pointless to resist any longer, submit NOW! No other mother brings it like PAMELA VORHEES. No other mother has that voice, that smile, that commitment. The entire franchise and many other horror films that followed it in its wake owe their eye teeth to BETSY PALMER. Even as a decapitated head in a refrigerator, she owns it. Even as a crazy sweater shrine, she brings it. BETSY PALMER IS THE ULTIMATE TRAUMA-MOMMA! GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD!!! We have prepared a poem in her honor….

M is for the murders you inspired!

O is for the only son you had!

T is for the terror that transpired!

H is for the horny teens that made you mad!

E is for the evil that won't retire!

R is for the revenge of your drowned lad!

Put them all together they spell mother.

Someone we would like so much to please,

But this mother bests all the others

And her name is PAMELA VOORHEES!


NOTE: If you don't see your favorite TRAUMA-MOMMA listed, keep your shirt on, there's more to come! Check out our picks for TRAUMA-MOMMAS 20 – 11 & The 10 Most Horrifying Moms From Non-Horror Movies.

Official Traumatot:: Harvey Stephens

Posted on By unkle lancifer

traumatot

Portraying little Damien Thorn in 1976's THE OMEN, HARVEY STEPHENS brought an incredible naturalness to a part that may be the last word in evil child roles. With his light hair dyed jet black and his butter wouldn't melt smirk STEPHENS rode his tricycle into the nightmares of viewers of all ages. His admission into the sacred ranks of The Traumatot guild is a no-brainer. He may have only one major film role to his credit but when you do something right the first time why mess with perfection?

Gates of Hell a.k.a. City of the Living Dead

Posted on By unkle lancifer

gates of hell
Even diehard LUCIO FULCI fanatics must admit that the director's oeuvre presents something of a roulette wheel to first time viewers. Although traditional coherency is never really an issue, the pendulum of success swings very wide in both directions. Will it be a visionary nightmare that you cannot wake up from like THE BEYOND, or just a nightmare that you can't stay awake for like MANHATTAN BABY? Will it be an influential mini-masterpiece with an unfortunate name like DON'T TORTURE A DUCKLING or will it feature a sleazy killer who talks in a duck's voice while he's torturing his unfortunate victims ala NEW YORK RIPPER? GATES OF HELL is not FULCI's best, but it rates rather high on the list thanks to a couple of simply unforgettable scenes and a sick relentless vibe that you just can't fake. It might not provide the simple pleasures of ZOMBIE or the campy fun of HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY, but it does provide a woman crying blood just before she vomits her intestines out. With apologies to TISA FARROW, it also sports one of FULCI's finest casts, which not only includes future THE BEYOND star CATRIONA MACCOLL, but also my personal favorite person on earth GIOVANNI LOMBARDO RADICE (HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK) and GRIZZLY foe/playgirl centerfold/cigar enthusiast and all around lucky bastard CHRISTOPHER GEORGE. The horror begins when a priest hangs himself in the town of Dunwich, Massachusetts, which is not only built on the site of the original Salem (whatever that means) but also, if the soundtrack is any indication, suffers from an unlikely monkey infestation. For reasons high on the murky scale, the reverend's deed opens up some doorways that lead to hell and if someone doesn't get to closing said doors, the dead will walk the earth and pretty much spoil everything. Meanwhile the town is suffering from a hoard of supernatural occurrences ranging in seriousness from unsightly cracks in pub walls to maggot tornados and teleporting cadavers. With its Lovecraft love and various small groupings of people converging to battle uncanny elements and curses, GATES plays like JOHN CARPENTER's THE FOG's violent, hyperactive, Ritalin-starved borderline-mongoloid sibling. Whether intentional or not, FULCI pretty much invents splatvant-garde here and I'm pretty sure that if you have any idea of what's going on by film's end that you were not paying close enough attention. The film's final frames, in particular,r are blatantly indecipherable and have been attributed to the director's spontaneous experimentation with damaged footage in the editing room. In any case, the viewer better be willing to submit to G.O.H.'s lunatic charm or prepare for a rough ride, for once those gates are open, rationality exists first and it doesn't leave a forwarding address.
indelible scenes

gates of hell

GIOVANNI LOMBARDO RADICE a.k.a. JOHN MORGHAN is the heart and soul of just about every movie he's in. His famous head-drilling scene in G.O.H. may be the goriest murder ever filmed. Giovanni's character, Dunwich's dead-baby hallucinating, blow-up doll loving town scapegoat "Bob" is confronted by a young girl's father who takes the law and (Bob's noggin) into his own hands and adds some ventilation to the poor guy's apparently already damaged head. Is the father possessed by the evil that has infected the town or is this just mayhem ala cart? I have yet to figure that one out, but I do know this scene has lost none of it's try not to flinch power.
gates of hell

Is there anything worse than being buried alive? Yes, being buried alive and having to rely on the lovable CHRISTOPHER GEORGE's slow-as-molasses-in-January detective skills to save you. FULCI wrings about as much tension as humanly possible out of his POE would-be-proud premature burial scene. Even after the goof is discovered, our beloved GEORGE decides to take a pick ax to the coffin rather than scan for latches and gets perilously close to making that whole dead thing stick by poking our already traumatized and thankfully un-embalmed heroine's eyes out. If you're still looking for realism after this scene you may be slower than GEORGE-y.
gates of hell

That's director MICHELE SOAVI (CEMETERY MAN) getting the back of his head ripped off right after having a make out session with his girlfriend spoiled by her sudden need to vomit up all her intestines.

TRAUMA-SCENE :: THE OMEN's Party Crasher

Posted on By unkle lancifer

the omen

RICHARD DONNER's classic son of Satan film THE OMEN overflows with scenes high in trauma content. Priest ka-bobs, shrieking psycho monkeys and slow-mo-spinning decapitated heads rule the day. Even attempting simple household chores like watering one's plants sadly results in smashed fish bowels and a trip to the emergency room. But that's how it should be; nowhere in the bible does it say that the spawn of Satan is going to be carting a wagon full of marshmallow unicorns behind him. Out of all the scenes in DONNER's Whitman Sampler of end of days atrocities, the one that stands out as the most KINDER-traumatic takes place at little Damien's outdoor birthday party; a celebration whose festive spirit is crushed under the devil's hoof.
the omen

Let's face it, some folks are really pulling for Damien's (HARVEY STEPHEN) future reign to be a success. One of those people is not-so-super nanny Mrs. Baylock (BILLIE WHITELAW). The first order of business is to get rid of Damien's present nanny (fruit of JACK PALANCE's loin, and RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT co-hostess, HOLLY PALANCE), so that bad Mrs. B can take her place and have a hand in raising the child. Enter demonic doggy. Demonic doggy, a handsome Rottweiler with sparkling eyes, appears to have the ability to influence a person's decision making skills ala the son of Sam's canine pal, but without all the chin music.
the omen

For the most part, this outdoor shindig seems to be a smashing success thanks to the Thorns being rich as hell. There's a merry-go-round and even some cool mini rollercoaster thing I never found under my Christmas tree. You really couldn't ask for better weather either, so it's kind of a shame about what happens next. (Actually as horrible as the following events are, you just know that none of the guests could wait to get home to call their friends and relatives to tell them about how F-d up the well-to-do Thorn's party was. "They ran out of plastic forks and…")
the omen

Our mousey nanny, with more than a little nudging from demonic doggie, decides a much more memorable gift than the store bought kind could be bestowed upon little Damien by hanging herself like a human piñata out of a three story window. With the words "Look at me Damien, It's all for you," she takes one step forward and walks out into Kindertrauma history. A hanging nanny should be horrific enough, but THE OMEN, which for the most part, is a relatively restrained affair (sans that decapitation) just can't resist adding a few extra turns of the satanic screw. In this case it's not enough for nanny to simply hang and choke, horrifying the on-looking partygoers, she also has to swing backwards, destroy a perfectly good window and startle an unsuspecting indoor maid, who by rights should have been able to go about her daily dusting chores without any knowledge of this, the gift you cannot return.
the omen

It's not so much the violence of the scene that we find horrifying but the glee in which it is performed. With the batting of a doggy eyelash we watch the nanny transform from "one of us" to "one of them", a shiny happy sleeper agent with a Moonie grin. Rather than quietly going to her room and overdosing on sleeping pills, which would open the same opportunity for Baylock, she picks a spot where she is sure to be seen by all. It's an act of true terrorism on the part of the devil (and DONNER). A public announcement that the happy family photo montage scenes (like the one that preceded this one) are officially over.
the omen

The only thing that needs to be said about the emotional devastation that this display causes is that one of the children at the party is actually shown seeking comfort from a clown (!). Many of the other guests simply look on expressionless, probably trying to figure out how much money the Thorn's paid the nanny to perform that trick and wondering if she is available for Bar Mitzvahs. LEE REMICK understandably takes this moment to shield her son from the unsightliness, while simultaneously posing for the film's advertising art, with a pleading expression on her face usually reserved for stained glass saints and porn stars.
the omen

All of this trauma-drama is doused in JERRY GOLDSMITH's life ruining musical score and some weird uncanny bizarre sound effect that sounds like a faucet leaking in an echoey flying saucer. The one person who is nonplussed by the day's events is little Damian who, by scene's end, is shown waving a thank you to the rotten Rottweiler for giving his boring (and obviously very impressionable) nanny the pink slip, and creating a crack just large enough for good old Mrs. Baylock to slip through….
the omen

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Mr. Canacorn on DONKEY-DONKEY

Posted on By unkle lancifer

donkey-donkey

Back in the early 1970s, before I could read to myself, my lovely mother would read me a bedtime story every night. Like most children, I got to choose which book mother would read from. There was one I kept going back to…Donkey-Donkey by Roger Duvoisin. It's about a donkey that isn't happy with his ridiculously long ears. He seeks out advice from all the other farm animals on how he should wear his ears…down like the dog, out to the side like the cow and the sheep, or to the front like the pig. He tries all the different ways and after a few mishaps, finally realizes that his ears are fine just the way they are…long and straight. It wasn't because of it's sweet lesson of, "being happy with who you are", but for the horrific event on page 14 that I chose this book almost every night. I hated page 14 but couldn't wait to see it because it made me feel so anxious and weird. This was the page that poor Donkey-donkey accidentally stabs his ear on a "wicked nail" that holds the scythe on the stable door.

The combination of the scythe, the blood, Donkey's agonized expression, and that creepy spider on the barn wall freaked me out every single night. I knew it was coming and I couldn't wait to be terrorized by the picture and my mother saying, "wicked nail."

Last Valentine's day, my very thoughtful wife bought me a brand new copy of Donkey-Donkey. As soon as I saw the cover all I could hear in my head was my mother's voice, "Wicked nail…wicked nail…wicked nail…" Needless to say, I couldn't wait to get to page 14.

bookworm
UNKLE LANCIFER SEZ :: Thanx Mr. Canacorn! Hey kids, add more corn to your diet and visit AWESOMENESS FOR AWESOME'S SAKE!

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Reader Betsy on Sleepaway Camp (and more)

Posted on By aunt john

sleepaway camp

1) I can't believe you haven't said anything about SLEEPAWAY CAMP, specifically the freaky ending. I saw this as an adolescent at a slumber party in the 80's and we had lots of fun mocking the lame kills and acting, but that image of Angela standing naked over her boyfriend's severed head and doing that weird gutteral "hissing" still affects me as a 32 year-old. I don't believe I slept a full night in my own bed for at least 2 weeks after seeing that!

sleepaway camp

2) A made-for-T.V. movie I saw in the 8th grade called FROM THE DEAD OF NIGHT starring LINDSAY WAGNER and BRUCE BOXLEITNER (I had to visit imdb.com to look up the name of the movie) really freaked me out. LINDSAY plays a woman who has a near-death experience and sees these weird shadowy figures in a tunnel before she's resucitated. Well, the shadowy figures want her back and begin stalking her. I don't remember much else about it, but the thing that really sticks in my memory is a kid on a skateboard who is killed and possessed by one of the spirits and rolls after LINDSAY's character in the dark (I think it was a parking garage, but maybe a dark alley, can't remember.)

sleepaway camp

3) Another made-for-TV movie that got to me was THE STRANGER WITHIN starring RICKY SCHROEDER and KATE JACKSON. I had a HUGE crush on RICKY from watching SILVER SPOONS as a kid and seeing him play such a convincing psycho really tainted my pristine memories!

sleepaway camp