Month: January 2009

Reading all the previous entries, I'm REALLY glad my folks were always so careful about what I could and couldn't watch as a child.

That said, there was one show I stubbornly insisted on watching, because I loved it so much and 'oh it's not scary at all!!'–

GHOSTWRITER.

It aired, as I recall, some time in the ‘90s, so I guess I was about six or seven. For those who have never seen it, it's about a group of kids that are sometimes contacted by a ghost–a spirit of some kid who died in the 1800's, I think this was revealed at some point–who writes messages to them that only they can see. How does he do this? Why, by altering text on anything they happen to be looking at, of course! So if they happen to be reading the back of the cereal box at breakfast, suddenly the cheery cartoon is glowing and the letters rearrange themselves to spell anything from 'Gabby's in trouble! Find her!' to 'Party at Jamal's!' With his help and guidance the gang solves mysteries. Cool premise, to a kid's way of thinking, and I loved it.

There was one specific episode, however, that to this day remains the only thing I can ever recall giving me a nightmare. It dealt with a gang coming into town, taking over some turf the protagonists used as a hangout. This gang was no ordinary gang, however–they wore masks. Big green rubber masks, with horridly-bulging eyes. Shudder. Worse yet, each member wore TWO masks, one on his/her face and the other on the back of their head! At one point Alex, one of the protagonists, decided to join up with the gang to infiltrate them and take them down from within. Part of his joining entailed signing an oath of some sort, and a member offered her back to him as a writing surface, her mask leering down at him all the while. I woke up screaming bloody murder that night, convinced that a dual-headed green-faced monster with bulgy eyes was lurking the closet.

Just thought I'd share. Thanks!

AUNT JOHN SEZ: Well Matthew, thank you for sharing that with us. The episode that terrified you was first show of its first season, and it's called GHOST STORY. Below are the clips for your viewing pleasure.

Could it possibly be that no one has mentioned the Sleestak from LAND OF THE LOST as a leading cause of childhood night terrors? Surely I must have missed that post.

The way they would creep silently around their labyrinthine cave passages stalking their prey was simply chilling. The Sleestak would slowly emerge from the blackness not unlike Michael Myers in HALLOWEEN to claim their prey. Nocturnal hunters, they prowled the darkened forests in packs; large, reptilian, and totally without mercy. They were known to sacrifice their human victims to their God who dwelt deep within a pit in the bowels of the subterranean city (a creature Holly would confront face to face). And don't get me started on their Library of Skulls. Amazingly, these terrifying denizens of darkness were creatures from a Saturday morning T.V. show for kids!

Fast forward to the present, and most folks remember LAND OF THE LOST as just a silly little children's show from the '70s. They've forgotten the dark underside of LAND OF THE LOST: the sinister Mist Marsh, the mysterious Zarn, and, most of all, the brooding horror of the Sleestak.

AUNT JOHN SEZ: What child of the '70s could really forget about those nasty Sleestaks? Kindertrauma surely hasn't, and Unkle Lancifer personally inducted them into the Official Traumatizer Hall of Fame this past year. Speaking of the '70s, be sure to check out Kinderpal Gilligan's super-cool Retrospace!

Growing up I watched a lot of horror movies; guess you could say I grew up with them. My cousins are not the bravest of folk and when they rented horror movies I was "forced" to watch them as well. This started when I was about 4 years old. I've watched everything from ‘80s slashers, to old classics, to horrid B-movies even MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 wouldn't touch. I was not afraid, the only thing that remotely frightened me was CHILD'S PLAY, but that wasn't even bad. I was quite confident I could watch anything or see anything and not be scared.

I was wrong.

My horrors came not from movies… but from a book. SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK. I believe this has already been covered, but only a particular picture was discussed and it wasn't the one that made me sleepless for months.

I was about 10 when I discovered this book in my school library; the cover was rather eerie so I was drawn to it. Without looking inside, confident I would be entertained judging by the cover alone, I checked out the book and was on my way back to class.

It wasn't until I got home that I started to read the book. The stories were rather cruddy but the pictures were what struck me. They were so otherworldly in the way they were drawn it sent shivers down my spine in a good way. That all ended when I saw 'the picture.'

The story I believe was called "The Haunted House" or something close and the image that accompanied it was that of a woman's face; if it could be called a face. Decay had taken most of her visage away leaving a wraith like being with scraggly hair and empty sockets with piercing pinpoints of light visible in the back of the skull. Her mouth was agape, lips nearly rotting off her and her teeth were few and far between. I was literally frozen with fear, staring at this being in the pages of a book.

Once I regained my composure, I slammed the book shut and threw it from me, never to finish it. My mother had apparently heard me yelp, I didn't recall making any noise, and came in to see what had happened. I explained what I saw and she had to see for herself and was shocked to see such a graphic image in a kids' book. She promptly did the mother thing and told me it was just a picture and couldn't hurt me, but what kid really believes that? I was convinced this thing would come and kill me in my sleep.

The face haunted my dreams for the next few days, that simple image and my explosive imagination had done what no horror movie had ever done to me. I was afraid to sleep in the dark; I couldn't sleep without waking up from a nightmare in a cold sweat. After a month or two the initial scare wore off and only trauma remained. To this day I cannot look at that image without shuddering, so imagine my despair when they released a new edition of the same book with that face adorning the cover.

Does anybody remember the 1973 movie, Sssssss in which a young DIRK BENEDICT undertakes a position as lab assistant and is slowly transformed into a cobra? I believe I first saw this film at a drive-in theater in New Jersey, though I remember also seeing it on T.V. I'm not sure. I would have been 3 in 1973, so I'm not sure if we saw it that early, but it's possible (maybe '74-'85).

Before seeing it again on DVD in the past couple of years, my memory of the film was sketchy, at best. I remember key scenes: the freak half-snake, half-man hybrid at the carnival; the snake eating the man after choosing to select a key to his locked room from a coral snake or a milk snake; DIRK BENEDICT peeling his shedding skin off in the bathroom; but mostly I remember "Snakeman." In fact, that's what I used to call the movie- I didn't know it was Sssssss until much later. My memory of the Snakeman was a phase in DIRK BENEDICT's transformation in which he turned pale and hairless, his folded arms fused to his body, and his mouth became wide and speechless (with the exception of pained "mmmmm-mmm!" sounds). He was locked in the lab by the professor character and his scenes involved him clumsily stumbling around the lab, bumping into things and going "mmmm-mmmm!" In actuality, this memory is actually a fusion of various scenes in the movie: the carnival freak; the discovery of the previous lab assistant; the final transformation; and the actual scene (shown below).

After seeing this, my nighttime fears became an obsession with Snakeman. Snakeman was under the bed, Snakeman was in the closet, Snakeman was looking in the window, my brothers' suggestions as to Snakeman's whereabouts and intentions didn't help.

Well, as I mentioned before, I watched it again on the no-frills DVD my brother lent me. It's a terribly insipid movie. The Snakeman scenes are only a few minutes of screen time and hardly the stuff of horror legend. I cannot overstate the inevitable let down you're setting yourself up for when re-viewing movies that effected you as a child. It's best just to let these things remain what they were to you. Most of my childhood terrors were comprised of the bits and pieces of horror films I had seen (until my parents told me to close my eyes or go upstairs to bed) and the creative continuations and reconstructions of those scenes. This was one movie where I fixated on one scene and just blew it out of horror proportion.

I am writing to you about the weirdest musical ever…and the only movie written by Dr. Seuss himself! THE 5,000 FINGERS OF DR. T.! This is a classic Kindertrauma film. Imagine a live action version of Dr. Seuss's drawings but way before RON HOWARD's HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS and MIKE MYERS' CAT IN THE HAT.

Dr. Seuss wrote the script and the lyrics and designed the sets (of course). This is an amazingly weird, wonderful film that will creep the crap out of you. There's a dungeon for all non-piano players who then perform an extend dance sequence. There are doors in floors and stairs that lead to nowhere and hands coming out of the wall. There are Siamese twin guards, connected by their beard, on roller skates. Oh yeah, the main kid Bart and all the other boys forced to play piano, wear a hat with a hand coming out of the top!

The best part is that the adults in the film learn to, "Always listen to kids, even when they lie."