kindertrauma

Month: July 2009

An American Werewolf in London

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I suppose it was only a matter of time until a remake was announced for 1981s AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. It's only one of the best horror films ever made so I'm sort of surprised it took them this long. (I guess its lackluster 1997 "sequel" AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS probably slowed things down.) All I know is that no matter how good the remake might end up, it will never have the atomic bomb effect on me that the original did. You see, that crazy movie had the nerve to land smack dab in the middle of a horror movie that was happening in my own life: a horror movie called "puberty". Although that time period is far, far in the rear view mirror, AMERICAN WEREWOLF will always bring to my mind the fear of losing control of my body and the confusing rush of energy that made me kind of like it.

I realize that the interwebs are the ultimate mixed company, so I'll spare you the gruesome details and keep my paws on the table at all times. The sad, dreary, basic truth is that JOHN LANDIS' lycanthropic opus pushed sweet innocent me off a cliff and I have not seen that poor creature since. Up until then adulthood was a destination that I thought was cater made for unimaginative rubes. The prospect of jumping on the coffin conveyer belt did not appeal to me in the slightest. You could pitch fame and fortune to me until the cows came home; I did not care; I wanted to be alone with my STAR WARS figurines. The shower scene in AMERICAN WEREWOLF between DAVID NAUGHTON and JENNY AGUTTER changed all that; this mortal coil now had my full attention. Sure, I was still torn between which of those fine thespians to ogle, but I rightfully figured that eventually that would all come out in the wash.

Truth be told, the avalanche of early eighties body transformation movies ALL seemed to be directly speaking to my guilt ridden, yet wide-eyed and bushy-tailed libido in training wheels; CAT PEOPLE (If you touch me I'll turn into a monster!) THE HOWLING (Everybody is in on this secret except me!) THE BEAST WITHIN (My parents must never know of the creature I've become!),VIDEODROME ( Holy crap. I'm like a RICK JAMES level Super Freak!) and even JOHN CARPENTER'S THE THING (A young me stands up in class, raises his hand and says, "Here!") The general that lead this dysmorphic brigade though, had to have been none other than AMERICAN WEREWOLF. Gosh, they even ventured inside a porno movie theater in that one, plus it was the first time I ever heard the term "quickie."

Putting lasciviousness aside, AMERICAN WEREWOLF successfully popped the top off of every other bottle in my six-pack as well. It scared the living daylights out of me (I still remember the spooky, at dusk, trek home after the movie.) It made me laugh my head off with sick glee (The dead woman in the movie theater smiling through bloody teeth helpfully offering, "You just put the gun to your forehead and pull the trigger!" as a way for our hero to escape his dilemma, still cracks me up), and, call me a softy, but the authentic affection shared between NAUGHTON and AGUTTER actually did seem like a worthwhile experience to shelve my action figures for. It's not the easiest thing in the world to incorporate all of these divergent elements together so smoothly but while JOHN LANDIS was kicking my ass out of childhood, he made a kick ass movie as well, one whose potency might be very hard to emulate in this day and age. Good luck remake people! You'll need it!

NOTE: It is important to note that Mr. DAVID NAUGHTON was successfully able to elbow JENNY AGUTTER out of the ogle race eventually (not that the WALKABOUT star didn't put up a good fight). What can I say? I guess was born to be a "Pepper!"

Name That Trauma :: Reader Mathew M. on Kung Fu Vampires

Posted on By aunt john

There is a film I watched in the mid ‘80s on the USA network, so it was probably on Commander USA's Groovie Movies. My memories of it are not too strong, but I think it was a vampire/martial arts flick or vampire circus flick. Now, I know that both of those types of movies aired on the network at that time, so even that might not even be correct.

What I do know for certain: There was a fighting sequence that took place in a (saloon, church, circus? not really sure) that involved throwing someone over a banister on a stairwell and jumping and landing directly on their stomach, forcing what seemed like lots of blood to come out of their mouth. This image has stayed with me my entire life.

The memory of this action sequence is what leads me to believe that there were martial arts involved in this horror film. I know this could not be any more vague, but please help me!

Love your site!

Mathew

Name That Trauma :: Reader Moises C. on a Bow-Legged, Killer Beast

Posted on By aunt john

Hello there! I just discovered your site today while spending a good deal of time trying to identify a movie that I only remember a few parts of, and it seriously spooked me at the time!

I hoped maybe someone would be able to help me pin a name to it. It may have been a made-for-television movie along the lines of DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK, but I'm really not sure. It would have been on either Superhost or one of the other mid-day movie shows in the early eighties. The movie MAY have been about monsters or aliens that were monsters. I thought there were three of them and they all had different attributes, though I recall that one of them was dark and hairy, possibly with those backward-kneed, bandy legs a satyr might have.

At one point there is a scene where a man hears noises in his basement and goes to investigate. He flips on the light and this hairy thing is standing right there and proceeds to kill him! (This, I don't mind telling you, still crosses my mind whenever I go to flip on the light in my parents basement!!!)

Really creepy.

Then there is another scene where a man is standing outside in the snow and there is a shot of these hairy monster legs and feet walking up behind him and crunching the snow. This creature is killed I think, but not before strangling the man. And I'm afraid that's all I remember. As I said these monsters may have been aliens.

WHAT IS THIS MOVIE??!!! It's driving me NUTS!!!

I appreciate any help anyone can give me on this one.

Many thanks!

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Huge thanks to Reader ElderMarsh for getting a leg up on THE ALIEN FACTOR!

Name That Trauma :: Reader Richard L. on the Terrors of Two Heads

Posted on By aunt john

I vividly remember a movie from my youth that scared me so much I had to call mom to help me watch the rest of it.

I just tried to find the title and info about it but failed.

I thought it was THE THING WITH TWO HEADS with RAY MILLAND but the synopsis says that a doctor transplanted a head onto a guy.

The movie I saw has a guy growing a second head. It started as an eye growing in his shoulder and grew into a complete second head! (I thing the guy splits in two later in the movie.)

The scary part, for me, was the "monster" behind the door! He shook the door so violently in the evil doctor's laboratory that it scared me.

Thanks,

Richard


UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Big ups to Name That Trauma champ Senski who knew that this was from THE MANSTER.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Kiddofunk on Still-Moving Severed Limbs

Posted on By aunt john

Hi,

First of all, I would like to tell you that I LOVE your site!!! I visit on a daily basis and rejoice in reading what scared the shit out of other people when they were little. I have, thankfully, been able to nail down all the stuff that affected me at a tender age except for the one I'm about to describe. I'm curious to know if you or your readers can help me discover the name of this movie.

This was in the mid ‘70s, so I was about 6 or 7 years old. It was Halloween night, my favorite holiday, but I had the flu so I couldn't go out trick or treating. Instead, I lay on the couch at home watching horror movies that were airing on our local station. This one film I watched terrified me, but I don't know the name of it. Here's what I remember:

It was a Frankenstein's monster film. I'm pretty certain it was a HAMMER HORROR film from the ‘60s or early ‘70s. I think PETER CUSHING was in it, but I can't be sure. Anyway, some mad scientist has an aquarium filled with water in his lab. In that tank is a man's severed arm. For some reason, he takes the arm out of the tank and shows it to another man. The scientist instructs that man to touch the arm, but the other man is afraid to. After a bit of prodding, the man finally touches the arm and suddenly the hand of the arm comes alive, grabs the man's wrist, and won't let go!

I have always been creeped out by still-moving severed limbs, or elongated limbs (ala Freddy Krueger's arms stretching across the alley in A.N.O.E.S.), and this movie scared the crap out of me. My mom made me turn it off so I never got to finish watching, and I've never seen this film again. Please help if you can.

Thank you,

Kiddofunk

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Special thanks to Reader highacorns for realizing it was Frankenstein: The True Story (1973).

Kindertrauma Funhouse

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Being dead is a hot new craze that is sweeping the nation just in time for summer! Fashion experts say it's the new being alive. Those who have partaken in the experience verify that it stops the aging process in its tracks and that dieting and acquiring wealth become immediate non issues. "Death is like a vacation that never ends," says Pam Hildenberry editor of MODERN CORPSE magazine. She adds "Life is so yesterday, as soon as I find out what the hell MICHELLE FORBES has up her sleeve on TRUE BLOOD I'm out of here."

Kindertrauma in its never ending quest to be the hippest website in the world jumps on the death bandwagon with this fresh new puzzle honoring those early upstarts who made death the cultural phenomenon it is today. Can you name these famous dead stars and the films they appeared in? You better hurry, the clock is ticking!

Traumafessions :: Reader Senski on "It's Ten O'Clock"

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I don't think that anyone has addressed this trauma yet, and I'll wager that this is one that more than a few of us out there share…

"It's ten o'clock…Parents, do you know where your children are?" Since the 1960s, that's been a familiar late-night refrain from the bumper of many a local newscast. Its treatment varies with each station, some quite benign, but in Central Wisconsin in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, the local CBS affiliate dealt with it in truly ominous fashion. They had the announcer who also did the severe weather bulletins handle the voice-over, a sepulchral "voice of doom" who stressed the "your" with dark portent. It was implied that if your kids were out there, they were up to something horrible…that is, if you heard it as a call against juvenile delinquency.

See, on my channel, it was also accompanied by a black and white title card of an over-sized clock face. Running along the bottom were ghostly silhouettes of children, no older than 10 or 12, even some toddlers among them. (I can still see the little girl in a skirt and pigtails.) This wasn't THE WILD BUNCH we had to be on the lookout for – these were happy little children who could disappear at any time…and their mommies and daddies wouldn't be able to find them! I knew of other kids in my school who refused to even step outside of the house after 10pm lest they be snatched away forever by whatever lurked outside. It was never that bad with me, but it sure made me pull the covers up a little tighter – especially on Wednesday nights, after I had just seen NIGHT GALLERY on NBC.

But that's not all. This advisory was immediately followed by a commercial, frequently a spot for a movie that was being shown at one of our five area cinemas. Since horror films were usually platformed across the country and needed local media to be sold, this was when we got to see ads for films like LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, DON'T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT, and for me the most memorable of the lot, 1973's TORSO:

Nighty-night, kiddies, huh? I can still hear my mother saying "Jeez!" as she saw that! Ten o'clock was Terror Time, just another reason why the '70s were magical for a young horror fan.

UNK SEZ: It's 10 o'clock do you know where JOAN RIVERS is? Senski, it looks like the old ten o'clock parental heebie jeebie alert is still going on to this day. Watch this bizarre oddity I caught while fishing about the YouTubes (WARNING: This video may contain trace amounts of JOELY FISHER)…