kindertrauma

Month: September 2009

Traumafessions :: Reader Gary B. on Icky Twerp's Sidekicks Ajax and Delphinium

Posted on By aunt john

I wanted to tell everyone about a childhood trauma that used to haunt me. In fact, it still haunts me somewhat to this day. Your readers in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area will likely remember this, but I'm sure that everyone can appreciate this trauma no matter where they live.

In the DFW area in the ‘60s and ‘70s, we had two children's TV hosts that were local celebrities. One was Mr. Peppermint – he was the kind, sanitized, completely safe children's T.V. show host. And then there was Icky Twerp. Icky was the other children's T.V. host. The one that pushed the envelope just a little bit. The one that parents secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) wished their children wouldn't watch. And, of course, all the kids wanted to watch Icky.

Icky was huge in DFW, often packing local malls to the brim when he would make a personal appearance. Icky hosted Slam Bang Theater, a show filled with cartoons and old THREE STOOGES shorts. In between cartoons and Stooges, he would perform some wacky slapstick skits. Pratfalls happened, pies were thrown, and everything was fine…until Icky brought out the apes.

Icky had a couple of sidekicks named Ajax and Delphinium that scared the hell outta me. They were simply men dressed in gorilla masks, but it was creepier than it sounds. First of all, even though their heads were distinctly simian, the rest of their bodies were undoubtedly human. Secondly, I guess 1960s ape mask technology was not yet perfected, because something about these ape-heads just wasn't right. It's hard to place my finger on it, but these apes were super-creepy for some reason. Of the two, Ajax scared me the most. My 5 year-old eyes had an attraction/repulsion to these horrible man-beasts. Even though they scared me beyond belief, for some reason I was unable to look away from these unholy abominations.

For those of your readers who are skeptical about just how scary a man in a gorilla mask performing slapstick skits on a children's T.V. show can be, I present to you Exhibit A – the attached photo. Take a good look at these ape-like hellspawns, and ask yourself if this is appropriate for a T.V. show targeted at the age 4-8 crowd.

WTF?!

Name That Trauma :: Reader Leah C. on a Horror Anthology & Monster Make-up Book

Posted on By aunt john

Hi there!

Loving your site, so many memories coming back! I'm thinking this may be the perfect place to ask about a book I remember reading. It was a book of short horror stories for children, paperback, I remember an illustration on the cover of a boy in bed with the sheets pulled up over him right up to under his eyes, and I think there were monsters or something at the foot of his bed. I feel like the color yellow played a part in the illustration, maybe wall color? It's been almost 20 years though so I could be wrong. I also feel like the book may have been written by a woman, again, could be wrong.

The story I remember the most vividly was a boy who went to a pizza place after school with his friends and missed the bus he was supposed to get on, so he got on a different, later bus. He ended up being the last person on the bus, and the bus driver turned out to be a vampire and tried to attack him, but was thwarted by the garlic on the boy's breath because he had ordered garlic on his pizza!

Another story I remember was a boy from an undisclosed Romanian-type country who was the new kid in class, and he was depressive and pale and smelled funny, and he turned out to be a vampire. I'm 90% sure these stories came from the same book. If I had to guess, I'd say the book would've probably been written in the late ‘80s or early ‘90s. I checked the book out many, many times from our elementary school library somewhere between 1992-1994 I'd say.

There was another book I used to check out all the time, had to have been written sometime in the ‘70s, which showed you how to create Halloween costumes and monster faces using Cray-Pas like makeup. I think that one was hardcover.

Any leads would be so appreciated!

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Mad props and love to senski for getting the first book "Creature Feature" by Jim Razzi.

Sorority Row

Posted on By unkle lancifer

SORORITY ROW has been jerking me back and forth for over a year now and not in a good way. When I found out there was to be a remake of THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW I was duly excited, it's a slasher film with a unique, worthy plot and a psycho killer with bucket loads of untapped potential. When I learned it was to be one of those "in name only" dealies with little in common with its source material, out went the wind from my sails. Next up I learned that the director was to be WHISPER's STEWART HENDLER and I allowed myself the luxury of hope once again. That hope was quickly squashed by the news that an escapee from THE HILLS was to be in the cast. And so it went back and forth and back again, the trailer looked cool, the poster looked lame, the pimped out tire iron was awesome, the hooded killer uninspired. C'mon SORORITY ROW make up your mind are you gonna suck or what? There was only one way to find out what SORORITY's intentions were. I was gonna have to shell out some cash and sit my ass down in the theater.

As it so happens the whole flirting with greatness only to lazily fall back on the humdrum routine seems to be SORORITY ROW's basic nature (Don't cha just hate a tease?) For every clever slice of dialogue or innovative set piece, there is a matching missed opportunity or unnecessary misstep. As the film started I realized that if it was going to be a rehash of I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER that I was in for a long 90 minutes but then by golly, SORORITY slowly but surely gained my trust and respect. I was in hog heaven there for a while before it decided to crap out unnecessarily at the end by identifying the killer as the most boring person in the cast with a motivation so flimsy that even KEVIN WILLIAMSON would wince.

It's sad really, SORORITY has a great look, some reasonable shocks and a mostly likable cast that I could tell apart from each other (it even has the classy decency to throw in a cameo from the cane weapon utilized in the original film), but even though I've withstood far more outlandish killer identity reveals (HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME) for some reason this one seemed just too typical and even beneath the film I had come to enjoy. Yes SORORITY, you won me over in spite of myself only to trample on my heart for no good reason. Please tell me that you are hiding an alternative ending on your DVD!

Oh, S.R. how can I stay mad at you just because you goofed up in the final lap? You've got good ol' CARRIE FISHER roaming about for Christ sakes. How can anybody not appreciate Hollywood royalty that has made the amazing life journey of going from every straight boy's fantasy woman to a bloated cranky mentally unstable curmudgeon i.e. every gay boys fantasy woman. Sorry dudes she's ours now, if it makes you feel any better we have to live with the painful reality that BRUCE WILLIS only had female children to bequeath his lantern jaw to…

Aw, RUMER! I know I'm not supposed to like you but I do! I think you did a great job in this movie considering you had to cry and run around like a headless chicken throughout. Strangely it seems BRIANA EVIGAN the film's lead is the true inheritor of your mother's raspy voice though. I like this BRIANA kid too, I thought she was a stand out in the otherwise forgettable S.DARKO, plus I'm now all kinds of Jimmy Tickles jazzed that she's going to be in the new MOTHER'S DAY jaunt. Speaking of Hollywood royalty, check out that last name again, BRIANA is B.J. AND THE BEAR's loin fruit!

O.K. SORORITY, I'm gonna give you a passing grade with reservations, you had a groovy bubble death scene, a rockin' frat party with good tunes and you crammed a bottle down a victim's throat. To ask any more of you is just gluttony on my part. Just next time, please don't underestimate the power of a creepy harlequin costume O.K.?

Traumafessions :: Brian from Plaid Stallions on The Plant People

Posted on By aunt john

I don't know if you guys ever tackled this but my stars, this book was terrifying to me. I found it in my Catholic school library when I was 9 and it has photos in it that look like stills from some movie you'd see when you were home alone.

Basically a whole town gets infected by a strange fog and the people start slowly turning into plants, they get strange marks on their face and at one point they find a woman that has completely turned into a cactus. It's really effectively done.

Like a lot of things produced in the 1970s, it has a real downer ending as well.

Cheers!

Brian

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UNK SEZ: Thanks Brian for turning us on to THE PLANT PEOPLE! If there is anyone out there who has never visited PLAID STALLIONS before, let me just say I'm jealous of you because you are about to have the time of your life. Traveling to PLAID STALLIONS is like diving into a pool of non-stop nostalgic awesomeness and your cherry trip is an unforgettable one. Jump in HERE!

Traumafessions :: Cowboy Killer Director Jason Baustin on Independence Day Alien

Posted on By unkle lancifer

O.K., I have to admit I wasn't always a horror fan. And only recently have I warmed up to it. And usually I lean toward the horror comedies like CABIN FEVER, 2001 MANIACS, and EVIL DEAD. But some movies I remember that creeped me out were LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, JAWS and WITCHES. And as a kid, I remember being really disturbed by these films.

A movie that actually really scared me when I was younger, sorry it's not a horror film, was that one scene in INDEPENDENCE DAY when the alien kills the scientists in the lab. Even today it makes me a little uneasy. I mean that scene is brilliantly executed. The disgusting alien, the tentacles, and making the scientist talk was really scary! And I love how they play on what you don't see. The alien massacres the whole lab, but because of the smoke and everything, you can't tell what's happening until it's all over.

And the best part?!?!

"What is it that you want us to do?"

"DIE!"

UNK SEZ: Thanks Jason, for letting us know what scared you! Kids, Jason is the Director of a film called COWBOY KILLER you can learn more about his film at its official website HERE or check out the trailer and synopsis below…

Deranged cowboy drifter Roy Thompson arrives in a small town and immediately begins savagely murdering the locals. The carnage runs at full throttle as the town's citizens try to figure out how to defend themselves against the folksy killer.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Diana G. on a Taxidermist on Trial

Posted on By aunt john

This one has puzzled experts for decades.

When I was a kid, I saw a cartoon about a taxidermist having a nightmare. He was put on trial and sang to a jury of animals. The taxidermist sang, "I ain't gonna stuff no more, no more, ain't gonna stuff no more."

And the all-animal jury replied,"He just says so, how do WE know he ain't gonna stuff no more?"

I suspect it was a Harvey Toon, since that's the package our local after-school show ran more often than not. But for decades I've been trying to see this cartoon about stuffed animals putting the man who stuffed them on trial.

Any help would be appreciated!

Kindertrauma Funhouse :: North 40 Contest!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hey look, the comments section is currently closed which means we have yet another nifty contest on our hands! This time YOU, yes you, the person reading this can find themselves the proud owner of the first three issue of DC comic's new horror series NORTH 40. I have not read these babies myself but I can tell you that the artwork is exceptional (For a proper review look no further than THE VAULT OF HORROR, our buddy B-SOL has nothing but glowing words HERE). So get to work! Tell me what ten movies the below images are from and send your answers to kindertrauma@gmail.com; this week's winner may live in your mirror!

NOTE: If by some chance you don't know any of the answers to today's Funhouse then of course you should be punished severely! Treat yourself to the living hell you deserve by watching this suicidal duck contemplate his lonely, almost certainly pointless existence…

(That slice of torture comes courtesy of EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!)