kindertrauma

Year: 2010

Traumafessions :: Reader Carmie on the Giorgio Moroder's "Chase Theme" from Midnight Express

Posted on By aunt john

Hello there, love your website!

If you ever have room for this, the one thing that EVER scared me when I was a child (who was frequently taken to see horror films at the drive-in and walk-in) was Giorgio Moroder's "Chase Theme" from MIDNIGHT EXPRESS. I was four at the time, and that damn song was all over the radio, and I mean in heavy rotation. What made things worse was that I used to sleep with the radio on! It never occurred to me to turn the radio off, but then again, I was only four. Of all the things to be afraid of. At least I wasn't afraid of CHER's "Believe."

That dishonor goes to my little brother, who was born twelve years later.

Cheers,

Carmie

Kinder-Editorial :: Kinderpal Erczilla on the Death of Blockbuster Video & the Awesomeness of Evil Dead 2

Posted on By aunt john

I come to both bury Blockbuster Video and faintly praise it. With Blockbuster Video filing for bankruptcy protection, it signals the final nail in the coffin of brick and mortar video stores. Blockbuster itself signaled the end of the greatest video stores of all, the mom and pop owned video store.

My appreciation of all things horror was heavily influenced by the gamble that was picking out a video off of the shelves of the local video store. The proprietors hardly had a clue of the deviance and insanity contained inside some of their tapes. Often the artwork would creatively disguise the crapfest one was about to rent, as in the case of RETURN TO HORROR HIGH or BLACK ROSES. The best moments were when one was able to mine through the stacks of slasher movies and ALIEN rip offs and discover a movie that would rock your socks off.

My older sister and I had such a moment when we picked up EVIL DEAD 2 off of the shelf of our local video store. The store was actually a gutted, double-wide trailer that reeked of mold and old newspapers and the poorly made shelves lined the wood paneled walls. There was a rickety old fashioned bar door that separated the normal videos from the porn tapes. The horror and science fiction tapes were of course very close to that rickety bar door. The store was the perfect mixture of sleaze and low rent cheesiness.

The video box cover with a smooth skull with intact eyes and the three star review from non other than ROGER EBERT were all it took to convince me. The experience was like no other and it shaped my taste in movies from then on. It was one of the only movies that I can recall rewinding and watching from the beginning just as soon as the credits started rolling.

When I heard that Blockbuster was going to open up a store in my small northern New Mexico town, I could hardly wait for it. The reality was rather disappointing. The small horror section was filled with popular mainstream titles and edited versions of movies that I had already seen. The mom and pop stores started to close one by one and took all the magic and mystery with them.

Netflix and streaming video is king now and I certainly appreciate them, but lost is the tactile experience of picking up the video box and being scared and titillated at the same time. If you don't like a movie now, you can just click on a new title to stream or mail back your DVD and get a new one in about a day. If you made a bad choice with a video rental you had it for two days and had to beg your parents to let you go back and get a new one before the weekend was over! No one will be traumatized by having to keep TROLL and GHOULIES for an entire weekend anymore.

My Soul To Take (2010)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

 

Hmmm. While watching MY SOUL TO TAKE all I kept thinking was that the direction was serviceable and that the acting was passable but whoever wrote the script needs to be diagnosed and medicated appropriately as soon as possible. Now as I look on the IMDb I see that the writer of SOUL is none other than my darling, my hamburger, WES CRAVEN himself. MR. CRAVEN, if you should be reading this, I'd like you to stop right now and go HERE until I am done.

Is he gone? Are you sure? Oh, my God you guys I am SO GLAD to be home and far away from that movie. It was driving me bonkers. It's just non-stop jabbering from beginning to end, exposition on top of exposition over and over and over again. Rules and numbers and ifs and maybes and blah blah blah. One guy actually falls out of a closet gutted and then is forced to explain how he ended up there for twenty minutes as he dies. "I was coming to see you and then this happened and then that happened and I thought maybe this but then it turned out to be that and then I went over there and you made a sound over there and then…" Holy shit, I get that you are NOT the killer just die already and peace out.

From the very get go we're thrown detail upon detail and are delivered nonsensical procedures that if not done properly will result in this or maybe that and are you familiar with the California Condor? Allow me to read you the Wikepidia page on The California Condor. When the actors aren't squawking then the radio or television is on doing the same thing in the background. It never ends. Now some of this may have been intentional as a way for WES to show what it might be like to have voices in your head all the time but still, I've seriously just taken an Excedrin anyway. Please don't ask me to tell you the plot of this movie because I just can't bear to go over the convolutions again.

It's not scary at all. Well, that's not entirely true, there was a period where I was scared that I myself may be going crazy or perhaps that somebody had put some drugs in my DR. Pepper. Maybe I'm just getting too old. Am I really old now? Everybody in this movie looked like a troll doll and spoke like a gnome. I guess I can accept that somebody might call somebody on their cell phone while running in the woods from a killer after seeing their friend dead but would they call the person who they think is chasing them? I just think that I would concentrate on running. Am I crazy, maybe I'm going crazy?

You know what? I liked the woods. There are a lot of woods in this movie and I liked going there. The look of the movie was kind of nice and autumn-y and the main guy in it was pretty good too. He's supposed to be an innocent "angel" that looses his wings and WES put these two gashes on his back so that was a nice touch. He may have had some gay thing going on with his friend but I always think that when two guys hug in a movie while one is stabbing the other that they really should just get a room already. His sister was pretty.

Oh, well c'mon it's not that serious. We all know WES right? He's the guy who followed up NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET with THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 and DEADLY FRIEND! Ha-ha! He's probably just joking around with this movie. He loves doing movies like this every once in a while. It's kind of like when my little brother and I would put every disgusting thing we could find in a blender and see how gross it would come out. You're not really supposed to like it right? I don't know, maybe it's me. Maybe the whole thing just flew over my head like a California Condor.

No, no, no, no, it's NOT me. It's not me at all. It's YOU WES and you're just going to have to man up and take responsibility for your actions. Since we've got history and I still do LOVE you even with all your faults, I'm going to give you a blurb for your DVD cover: "It's a movie going experience that you won't soon forget…..(cough) try as you might." Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to sleep now and dream of a wonderful place called "shut your pie hole town".

 


NOTE: By the way, about half of the stuff you see in this trailer does not occur in the actual film. Do not be sad about that, the movie is long enough as it is.

 

 

 

 

 

Name That Trauma :: Reader Callum S. on a Otherworldly Oddity

Posted on By aunt john

Ahoy! I'm a big fan of the site. I've got a Name That Trauma to pose to you, but it's pretty obscure.

I remember watching T.V. when I was off sick from school, early- to mid-‘90s. Here in the U.K., BBC2 and Channel 4 used to show a block of children's educational programmes on weekday mornings, when the majority of kids were at school, so catching these shows on transmission was a bit of a rarity.

One of these shows featured images which have haunted me in their vague nightmarishness ever since.

It seemed to be your basic E.T. plot – a group of ragtag kids rallying round an otherworldly character to keep it secret from adults. The being in question was a child-sized figure dressed in a ragged, patchwork robe of some kind. It didn't have a face. No eyes, ears, nose, mouth – just a smooth beige head with mannequin-like indentations. As such, it couldn't speak. Despite its inability to see, I remember it moving its head slowly from left to right, as if checking that the coast was clear, before moving slowly down a hallway accompanied by its young companions. I believe the kids also had some sort of treehouse or clubhouse where this horrifying creature was kept.

Although it was shown in the U.K., I think it was made in the U.S. or Canada. I'm guessing it was made in the early ‘90s; the tone and production values were somewhat reminiscent of GHOSTWRITER. No idea of the title.

Any ideas, guys?

Frozen (2010)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I know I may judge things too quickly but trust me; I'm always so excited to be wrong. In fact, I wish I could be wrong more often. Wrongness makes me super happy. Late last night I thought I'd catch ADAM GREEN's FROZEN on the pay-per-view. As it started, I thought, "Oh crap, this is a ‘dude' movie, I just paid five bucks for a ‘dude' movie and I'm not in the mood." I like dude movies for sure but sometimes I need a little more than wheelie popping and hackie sack playing from my movie characters. Chances are, no matter who you are, I don't care about your car. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong about the trio of characters that were introduced at the beginning of FROZEN, I thought I was going to hate them and now I can't stop thinking about them.

FROZEN is an arduous experience with an emphasis on experience. As the credits rolled at the end I realized that I was exiting a very different door than the one that I came in through. In a way it kind of brought back memories of the OPEN WATER films (Yes, I even dug the second one) but it really kicks the dilemma and the human element up a few hundred notches (not to mention feet.)

The premise involves two guys, a girl and a soon to be unanimous desperate longing for a pizza place, getting trapped on a ski lift half way up the mountain. With its stagnant setting and limited cast, FROZEN could not have been an easy film to pull off but GREEN certainly does so in spades. There is real suspense here and moments that had me wincing and holding my head in horror. As far as delivering the thrills go, I doubt the screws could have been tightened with better expertise but ultimately we get much more than an endurance test.

I don't want to ruin much here but GREEN, who also wrote the screenplay, does an incredible job with the human element of this film. Imagine THE BREAKFAST CLUB facing death. The nightmare scenario drifts down in such a way that I think anyone could relate. It brings forth moments in life when we realize we really may be up shit's creek and that things may not just magically turn around for the better. We watch and feel the characters come to this horrid epiphany and it's nearly impossible not to put yourself into their ski shoes.

Both KEVIN ZEGERS and SHAWN ASHMORE deliver strong, believable performances as two long time friends facing the end but who the heck is this EMMA BELL? EMMA BELL is frickin' above and beyond amazing in this! She was killing me! I actually wanted to tell her, "Stop!" at one point because I was about to (sniff) lose it! In fact I don't even want to think about it right now, it's a nice day. I'm almost mad about being manipulated in such a way but I think there is so much truth in the dialogue and I know that my mind would be going to the same places that these characters' minds go to in this situation. Really, the direction impresses a lot but the writing even more so.

So, short review because the less you know the better but an overall tip of the wool cap to all involved for making me squirm like a worm and actually making me feel something for some folks I initially wanted to shrug off. Check this one out whenever and however you get the chance. If you think you know the direction that the cold wind is going to blow in FROZEN, let me assure you that you're probably just as wrong as I was.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Nicki on Deeds Done Good

Posted on By aunt john

Hello,

Wondering if anyone knows what my middle school trauma was:

In home economics, when there was a substitute teacher, the class had to watch a video about doing good deeds. There was a creepy ass, CYNDI LAUPER meets SHELLEY DUVALL-type woman with a super screechy voice who was supposed to teach children who had stolen something out of a store (I think they stole jewelry) to do good deeds. She keeps magically appearing with this device called a "Deedio" and keeps singing this song with the lyrics, "Turn on the Deedio and do good deeeeeeeeds!"

If anyone knows what this video is, please let me know! That woman was super scary! This has been driving both me and my brother crazy for the past 8 years or so trying to figure out what it is. Plus that damn song still gets plastered in my brain after all these years.

Thanks!

—Nicki

Traumafessions :: Readers Grayson K. & Justin L. on Hasbro's Monster Face

Posted on By aunt john

KINDERTRAUMA!

I'm actually kind of surprised that this isn't on your site already. One of my earliest memories (I think I was four) was being at my parents friend's house who ran a daycare. For some reason I had to sleep in her older son's room by myself. I'll never forget being alone in that dark room and suddenly seeing a horrible, deformed life sized head looking right at me! The head was none other than Hasbro's Monster Face. It was a kind of a Mr. Potato Head for older children and came with a bunch of different accessories to customize it's heinousness.

This memory has slid through my brain off and on throughout my life, but it wasn't until about a month ago that I tracked down what this horrible head in my memory was I wasn't sure if I had even made up this memory until a few hours of internet searches revealed that this THING does exist… and it's name is MONSTER FACE!

— Grayson K.

When I was a kid, like all young boys, I loved disgusting and scary things. Hasbro knows its demographic and in 1992 released Monster Face. It was a mad scientist take on Mr. Potato Head. You could add body parts, bugs, etc. But one of the things I remember most was the container of snot that came with it. There was a spot on the back of the head to pour in the snot and it would ooze out of the nose.

This is one of the most haunting memories from my childhood. At night, seeing the face partially illuminated scared me to no end. I believed that the face would come to life in the middle of the night. I eventually became so frightened that I had to cover the face before I went to bed.

I remembered this terrifying toy after reading other similar stories on your blog. I googled for a while before finally coming across its name and soon found other recollections similar to my own. It's good to know that I'm not alone in being tortured by this thing.

Justin L.