kindertrauma

Year: 2010

Name That Trauma :: Reader Vince on Outerspace Stranger Danger

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hi there, I love your site and it's great reading about the scares that other people got when they were kids. My little story is a bit different though, I was probably about 7-8 years old, and whilst a few other things did scare the hell outta me back then (CHUCKY) this experience showed to me that the world is a lot more real and frightening than some orange hair doll.

I can't remember the premise of the movie, only that it was set in the future on a space ship, the crew was I think mostly if not, all male, this leads me to the scene that would make the world a whole lot more real to me at such a young age. There was a young man taking a shower, which was in a communal bathroom, you can see on his face that he is nervous and not comfortable with his surroundings, then an older man enters the room to shower as well. Now my memory is a bit hazy but I think I remember up until that point there was an uneasy one-sided sexual tension between the two characters, the older man wanting the younger one.

This all comes into fruition when he enters shower, then attacks and rapes the young man, now you don't actually see the rape, just a cut to the outside of the ship and the screaming of the young man but it is clear enough what went down.

At that age I was learning all about "stranger danger" at school and that "bad things" can happen to you if your not wary about strangers, this brought home the point, after seeing this movie I was paranoid for a long time about men I didn't know, each one of them could be JUST like the man from the movie. Real predators just waiting for their chance to get me cornered and do god knows what to me. It also made me realize that real life can be more sad and frightening than anything my young mind could imagine.

If anyone out there knows which movie I'm talking about it would be great to see what left such an impact on me as a kid.

Thanks!

Vince

UNK SEZ:: Vince, I'm going with 1990's MOON 44 which was directed by ROLAND EMMERICH who later went on to do INDEPENDENCE DAY and STARGATE. MOON 44 stars such notables as MALCOLM MCDOWELL, MICHAEL PARE and FRIGHT NIGHT's STEPHEN GEOFFREYS. I'm not sure all the details fit perfectly but it sounds like a match to me. Check out the trailer below and tell us if it rings any trauma bells!

Traumafessions :: Reader Smidget on The Stepford Wives

Posted on By aunt john

O.K. …when I was a kid I was terrified of THE STEPFORD WIVES movie. I think it really had to do with the fact that I was routing for her to make it through, and when I found out she didn't I was like….UGH….but the scariest part for me was the all-black eyes!


AAAAAAAAAAAH!

I love this movie now, it's a '70s classic that SPEAKS VOLUMES about the '70s and the E.R.A. Love it. Hated the remake. However, the original is pretty darn scary and creepy.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Karen B. on an Eyeball Entity

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Dear Kindertrama,

I have a very clear memory of a movie I watched as a child. It may have been of a scientist tinkering with human nature, but my memory is that a man, having a severe itch on his shoulder, scratches and scratches and then one day he wakes up, looks in the bathroom mirror, and an eyeball has popped out on his shoulder. Eventually, an entire head grows out of his shoulder, and by the end of the movie the entity and the man literally split in half into two separate people.

I can't say that this traumatized more than it fascinated me, as I watched it at least a few times. Do you guys have any idea what movie this is? Thanks for any help.

Karen

UNK SEZ: I think I might have this one Karen! I'm guessing it's 1989's HOW TO GET AHEAD IN ADVERTISING!

P.S.: Thanks to CLASSIC-HORROR for sending you our way!

Kinder-News:: Elvira's Movie Macabre Returns!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

UNK SEZ: Don't forget kiddies, ELVIRA's MOVIE MACABRE returns to television tonight! Investigate over HERE to find out what channel it's playing on in your neck of the woods. Tonight's movie is GEORGE ROMERO's NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and if you miss it, you will cry like JULIANNE MOORE!

Traumafessions :: Reader Mike on Sesame Street's Nosy Shapeshifter

Posted on By aunt john

As someone who was scared of EVERYTHING as a kid and is trying to pick up the pieces of his broken psyche as an adult, your site makes me feel not so alone. Serious time-suck, but oh so worth it.

I didn't like to be scared as a kid. I hated roller-coasters and as for scary movies, their trailers (the usual suspects: BEYOND THE DOOR, MAGIC, PROPHECY) were traumatic enough. Naturally, not being exposed to the hard stuff let scares sneak in via seemingly innocuous carriers. Like SESAME STREET.

What is it about SESAME STREET? Parents of kids of my age used it as the ultimate babysitter and yet, there seem to be an endless store of stories of kids who were terrified by something they saw on this "explicitly for kids" show. For me, it happened one day when I was watching the T.V. alone (thankfully; if my older sister ever found out I would have been doubly traumatized, triply so if she told my cousins who LOVED to torment me with dumb stuff I was afraid of). All of a sudden this weird animated filler comes on. A woman's head appears in profile. Her nose starts changing shape. This is accompanied by a LOUD and SHRILL squeaking sound every time her nose changes shape. I think that was it, as I bolted from the living room and cowered in my bedroom, my undeveloped brain unable to process what I had just seen.

I got kind of reactionary regarding SESAME STREET after that. I remember after that seeing my sister watching it and dismissing it as "for babies!" I think she knew something on the show had scared me, though.

For the longest time, I thought this was some weird hallucination until I posted about it on an Internet messageboard. A woman who had also been frightened by the clip confirmed seeing it as a kid, and again on Youtube. She said it was taken down and was glad because she still found it disturbing. I, however, am disappointed that I didn't get the chance to see this again, having faced so many other childhood fears. It does leave me wondering why they dropped this random bit of randomness into a nominally educational show. What was it supposed to teach kids?

As for me nowadays, I realize most of the scary movies from when I was a kid…really aren't all that scary. I still hate roller-coasters, though.

—Mike

UNK SEZ:: Thanks Mike! I wish I could find the clip you speak of but I guess your friend was right when they said it was taken down! I did find the animated SESAME STREET clip below though, I hope it will do for now. Let us know if that shapeshifting nose clip ever appears again!

Kinder-bitz!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hold on to your lunch. I have to talk about stuff occurring that is not horrible and depressing and, in fact, makes me happy. I know, the thought makes me uncomfortable too. It is all very unseemly but we can get through this bubble of non-hell together. Soon things will be back to the normal drudgery I promise. I feel so jolly right now that I'm convinced a car is being manufactured somewhere in the world that will ultimately crash into and kill me. You know how the universe works.

Here goes. I wasn't going to say anything but then I realized that not everybody is on the Twitter so they may have missed this slice of cosmic fortune. See that new Halloween header at the top of the page? See that ROB ZOMBIE quote up there? I didn't make that up during a late night drinking binge as you might suspect. That's the real deal. Yes, ROB ZOMBIE tweeted about good old Kindertrauma! He came upon my impassioned H2: Director's cut review and he appreciated my appreciation. Is that not gold?

I know there are both crab trees and Evil-lyns out there thinking, "Sure he likes your review because you love his movie!" to which I say, "Oh, you poor sad, misguided…dumb-dumb. It's not about the love, it's about the understanding." ROB and me are now super best friends forever and you're just going to have to get used to it. Your jealous scorn only tightens our bond.

Seriously though how cool is that? How satisfying to know that my ramblings reached the one who inspired them. I'm just sad that I've already written two reviews for H2 because frankly I'd like to write five more. Maybe I will.

I wonder what the hell my horoscope predicted for last weekend. Did it say, "You are about to encounter greatness" or "Your self delusions are about to hit a fever pitch."? You see, I also encountered the one and only JENNIFER RUBIN! I'll let that ferment in your brain a tad.

Yes! Aunt John and I went to the fanciest town in the universe, Baltimore, to hob knob with the rich and infamous last weekend at a MONSTERMANIA convention. We finally got to meet the Miss Yvonne of our playhouse AMANDA BY NGHT in person for the very first time. If you follow kindertrauma you're surely familiar with Amanda from her multiple Funhouse hosting stints, her informative comments and her non-stop enthusiasm. I have to thank Amanda for showing A.J . and me around and introducing us to her cool friends including but not limited to DANIEL FARRANDS who did such an incredible job with that NEVER SLEEP AGAIN : THE ELM STREET LEGACY documentary ( if you haven't seen it yet change that.) It was a stellar weekend and a great time was had by all.

That song you hear growing louder in your head is Lakme because this trip to glamorous Baltimore was fate's way of bringing JENNIFER RUBIN and I together at last. O.K. I know this picture is weird and it looks like RUBIN is a lifeguard who drug a drowned victim out of a swamp but what can I do? God was obviously watching both Howdy Doody and NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD when he decided to invent me.

See in this picture I'm reserved and relatively normal but hours later I'll bump into RUBIN in the hotel bar and tell her everything that has always needed to be said. Things like you are a way better actress than that too cool to show up for an ELM STREET 3 reunion PATRICIA ARQUETTE and that BAD DREAMS is better than all but two of the ELM STREET sequels. I stand by both of those statements. Luckily AUNT JOHN caught the legendary meeting of JENNIFER RUBIN and UNKLE LANCIFER on video and the clip is below…

All right, that's it. Enough about me and my frenetic mania that will soon inevitably come to a crashing halt. let's see what's going on around the interwebs…

B-SOL of VAULT OF HORROR saw the new I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE remake and his thoughts are HERE!

VICAR of VHS caught ATTACK OF THE BEAST CREATURES which I've always wanted to check out and have neglected to HERE!

My pal Christine from FASCINATION WITH FEAR goes a little psycho HERE!

ARBOGAST does something beautiful with graveyards HERE!

Funhouse winner BILLY V. suggests you get right over HERE!

ZOMBIES ARE MAGIC talks about one of my favorite movies HERE!

NOW KINDLY UNDO THESE STRAPS cracks me the hell up HERE!

And last but not least AUNT JOHN insists that I show you the ad below…

Name That Trauma :: Reader Ruth M. on a Ceiling Crawler

Posted on By aunt john

Hello.

When I was little, that was early-mid ‘80s, I watched a trailer that traumatized me for years. I am Spanish but I remember it must have been either an American or English film. The images I still remember were of a blond woman under a tree with somebody else and then there was someone in a room (blond woman probably) and I remember she looked up and she saw a very pale woman with black hair on the ceiling, she either appeared there or was crawling on the ceiling.

I remember something like "The Lizard Woman" was mentioned in Spanish. Sorry it is such a brief description but I must have been 7 years old or so…even though that pale woman still haunts me I tell you.

P.S.: Also I remember the trailer had a very ‘70s soundtrack so it could have been a trailer of a late ‘70s flick.

Thank you,

— Ruth M.

American Vampire Funhouse

Posted on By unkle lancifer

UNK SEZ:: Hey look it's an AMERICAN VAMIRE FUNHOUSE! How many vampire movie posters do you recognize? Thanks to our pals at DC COMICS somebody out there will win the nice new hard cover book that collects the first five issues of AMERICAN VAMPIRE by SCOTT SNYDER, RAFAEL ALBUQUERGUE and some dude named STEPHEN KING! Get your fangs out and good luck to all!

Invaders from Mars (1986)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I think I was the exact wrong age to appreciate INVADERS FROM MARS when it crashed into theaters. I was too old to take it seriously and too young to take it humorously. Now that I'm in my introspective, open-minded post-prime you'd think I ‘d be able to rediscover it as a diamond in the rough but nah, same as ever, my patented me-likey meter still reads "not so much." Yep, I'm saying my TOBE HOOPER love train jumps a smidge off the track with INVADERS FROM MARS but that's O.K. What's a romance without a splash of apathy?

On paper we're made for each other, INVADERS, based on the 1953 classic of the same title, is basically a kid's eye view of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (the original INVADERS actually predates SNATCHERS.) The material can't help but capture a specific and crucial time in any adolescent's life when they begin questioning the motives of their parents and start forming their own perceptions of the world. If you can find a decent copy of it (good luck with that) the original is a trippy mind-bending maze of forced perspectives that functions like a pint-sized, paranoid WIZARD OF OZ. There may be some movies that shouldn't be remade but this isn't one of them. Every generation deserves their very own INVADERS FROM MARS.

HOOPER gets some important things right in his re-do. He's able to modernize the tale without completely evaporating the previous take's naiveté and who knows better how to collide the everyday with the bizarre? We're invited into a picturesque home with a cartoon picket fence and doesn't that hilly pathway in the backyard look like it leads directly to Munchkin land? It's a hokey patchwork paradise but no worries, we're dealing with a remake of a fifties film so the cardboard ideal makes sense. Some of the visuals really do chime and reverberate. I love how HOOPER transforms a simple window in a child's bedroom into a portal into another world, that's some good stuff. So where does the crystal ball get dropped?

What I like about the HOOPER is his looseness but yep, that's his downfall too. The second half of INVADERS is as slack as a wet noodle. Plus, I can't believe I'm saying this about the guy who directed THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, but I think he can be too lenient with his performers. Was he afraid to ask for a second take from this bunch?

TIMOTHY BOTTOMS and LOUISE FLETCHER get it right the first time but some of the other apparently on the D.L. thespians here need discipline! I appreciate that HUNTER CARSON is not your typical precocious Hollywood imp but sometimes he sounds like he's reading the back of a cereal box. Furthermore, like any self-respecting horror fan I've saved room for KAREN BLACK in my last will and testament but in my opinion she is miscast here. She's too transtasticly fierce to pull off a fumbling schoolmarm/nurse. Is it too late for her and LARAINE NEWMAN who plays the kid's mom to switch roles?

What's that you say Aunt John? It IS too late for that? 24 years too late in fact? Fine, it was just a suggestion. A suggestion that made absolute sense considering BLACK is CARSON's real life mommy and that she can play creepy better than nearly anyone but hey, who listens to me? What do I know?

All right, enough with the negative. I didn't start writing because I needed to find a new way to bitch (…or did I?) INVADERS FROM MARS is fun. Not terribly fun but fun enough. My eyes glaze over a bit when the military gets involved but that's not exclusive to this movie. I only enjoy the military in movies when they are fighting giant ants. I think this movie is worthwhile just for LOUISE FLETCHER really. She doesn't need to steal scenes, people just hand them over to her and then thank her for the privilege of being robbed.

I'm thinking there's plenty out there who get warm fuzzy nostalgia vapors over INVADERS and I don't begrudge them that in the slightest. Its got its fair share of fumbled opportunities and foul balls but it's a kid's movie that's willing to get dark and twisted and that is always welcome here. I might suggest watching RETURN TO OZ instead but I used to make my Han Solo and Princess Leia action figures get married (with Chewie as the best man) so you might want to ask somebody cooler than me.

Wait, wait, in the words of CURT COBAIN, I have a new complaint. Nice job on the Martian monsters recently departed and forever will be missed STAN WINSTON, but it's painfully obvious that you made exactly and only two (not counting the leader-brain). They keep dying and reappearing but you only ever see two at a time! You and TOBE couldn't get together and figure out something with split screens or blue screens or miniatures or something? How about a mirror? A simple mirror would have worked. Two does not seem like very many monster costumes to me. I think there were at least three Sleestak suits in LAND OF THE LOST. I guess that's probably the least of INVADERS problems but I'm just saying…

You know what? The sand whirlpool thing works better in the original and that's not really acceptable either…

So, INVADERS FROM MARS is not my favorite HOOPER movie by a long shot but it'll do in a pinch. Like a pop-tent without a pole I suppose you can squirm in there to get out of the rain if you have to, but a little more ingenuity and whip cracking would have made a universe of difference. It's starts well and I admire its intentions, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I went from happy to nappy before the end and I mean the FINAL end because there are like, three endings. Yes, this movie has more endings than it does monster costumes and that's never a good idea. Still, LOUISE FLETCHER, she undeniably owns.

Traumafessions :: Reader DK on William Peter Blatty's 'The Exorcist'

Posted on By aunt john

Hi, I really enjoy your site, so I figured I should contribute…

One of many things that scared me as a kid was one of the early covers for THE EXORCIST novel by WILLIAM PETER BLATTY.

I was a friend's house and spotted it on a shelf and found the image of the girl so scary it gave me nightmares for days. Yet every time I would go to his place I would find some excuse to have a peek, compelled to face my fear.

Compelled or not, I did not want to be left alone in that room with the book, no matter how many lights were on.

Even now, I find that image more frightening than LINDA BLAIR in the DICK SMITH makeup (with no disrespect intended).

Best,

DK

P.S.: I have another story to tell about a show that scared me as a kid, but I'll save that story for next time.

UNK SEZ:: Thanks DK, I've always been fascinated by that book cover too. Have you ever heard THIS HERE tidbit before?