kindertrauma

Month: September 2011

Name That Trauma :: Reader Tasha P. on Harpy Harassment

Posted on By aunt john

Hi Kindertrauma,

I have a Name That Trauma from the early 2000s. I asked about it on Yahoo but got no (helpful) answers.

Around 2002-3, I caught about 10 minutes of a movie on T.V. The movie looked pretty grainy so I'm guessing it wasn't a new release. I have no idea what channel it was on.

The gist of it was that there were a group of harpies, or bird-human hybrids, I don't know, that lived on a mountain near a coastal village. I've since realized that this was probably not an American film, as the scenery looked very European or possibly even Russian, with the big snow-capped mountains and tiny little quaint seaside cottages.

Maybe it was being played during a foreign (crappy) cinema marathon or something, but now I'm just guessing.

I remember the bird people, whose costumes pretty much consisted of cheap fake wings, talons and tails, flying down and terrorizing the residents of one of the cottages. A girl came out of the cottage and the bird people flew down and grabbed her with their feet and dragged her along the ground into the forest. That's when I turned it off.

Do you guys have any idea?

— Tasha P.

Crypt of Terror :: Horror From South of the Border Vol. 1

Posted on By unkle lancifer

While searching for an image of a possessed doll for a Name That Trauma, I came across the Mexican horror film VACATION OF TERROR. Further investigation led me to Amazon where I was happy to discover that said film was available in a set called CRYPT OF TERROR: HORROR FROM SOUTH OF THE BORDER VOL 1. Although intrigued, I wisely decided that I should not gamble my meager clams on a film I'd never seen before and so I walked away from the computer sad but proud of my will power. Before I could congratulate myself too much, I received an email invoice thanking me for my purchase! What?! I was only window-shopping! I knew I could easily dispute the sale but I decided to just let it go. Fate was clearly at work and it was best not to push against it because that causes adult acne. I imagined that I was meant to see VACATION OF TERROR and it turned out that I imagined right. Let's hear it for happy mistakes!

VACATION OF TERROR (1989)

Lord do I love haunted house movies. VACATION begins with a witch being burned at the stake cursing revenge. We jump forward a couple hundred years and a family consisting of a ma and pa, two twin boys, a little girl, a babysitting teen niece and her affable beau (PEDRO FERNANDEZ) unleash the witch's wrath when they seek R&R on her property and discover the doll she left behind in a well. The body count is zero but there is never a dull moment when the walls are bleeding, snakes and tarantulas are being hallucinated, refrigerators are teeming with rats, and folks start flying around and falling through mirrors. Rational sense is thrown to the birds and the special effects resemble a grade school play but, overall, I feel like I'm watching the Mexican version of CATHY'S CURSE and pigs only think they love slop when compared to the euphoria I find myself in. I never want to see a good move again; I know where I belong. V.O.T. is directed by RENE CARDONA III, the son of the guy who did 1978's BERMUDA TRIANGLE and grandson of the guy who did NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES and ‘59s SANTA CLAUS. Talk about a dynasty! I sure hope there's a RENE CARDONA IV.


VACATION OF TERROR 2: DIABOLICAL BIRTHDAY

Speaking of sequels, having enjoyed V.O.T. so much, I was beside myself with joy to see that my new DVD set came with its further installment. If it were half as good I'd be content enough, but my expectations were blown completely out of the water. Part 2 finds the niece's boyfriend from the first film (PEDRO FERNANDEZ) off on his own adventure where he is again confronted by the dreaded witch doll! It gets better! The doll not only transforms from porcelain to felt muppet but it also splits at the seams and a giant lizard demon complete with tail pops out! Better still, the action takes place at a kids' Halloween/ birthday party and our hero is joined by TATIANA, a Mexican pop star, who brings along her own TIFFANY-style musical number! Is this much fun legal? Lifting heavily from POLTERGEIST and ELM STREET, V.O.T.2 is non-stop, surreal lunacy with special effects that swing from awesome to infantile and back again and frankly, it's a volcano of entertainment. Allow me to reiterate that it takes place on Halloween.

CEMETERY OF TERROR

Satisfied as I was with the VACATION movies, I had no right to expect my winning streak to continue and then came CEMETERY OF TERROR. It too takes place on Halloween and it too rocked my world. A bunch of teenagers steal a corpse not realizing the body is that of Mexico's answer to Michael Myers, a bearded goon named Devlon. He's even got a Loomis type following him around (NIGHTMARE CITY's HUGO STIGLITZ) and he kills folks to the synth-beats of a faux-HALLOWEEN score! Just when you think things can't get any more wonderful, a group of children happen upon the cemetery where Devlon was resurrected and are confronted by an army of THRILLER zombies! (One of the kids is even wearing a MICHAEL JACKSON jacket!) Yes, I've watched this one twice already and will be spinning it again in October.

GRAVE ROBBERS

Can I even take anymore? A hulking Satanist is put to death during the inquisition and held quiet by a hatchet removed hundreds of years later by group of grave robbing teens. This one appears to be inspired heavily by THE EVIL DEAD and FRIDAY THE 13TH (particularly JASON LIVES) and it really delivers the gore. I've always wondered what happened to the spirit of American horror films in the late eighties and now I believe that it obviously just jumped on over to Mexico. GRAVE ROBBERS is directed by the same guy who did CEMETERY OF TERROR (RUBEN GALIDO JR.) and it not only makes for a perfect companion piece, but it also shares some of the same cast. The killer with his trademark axe and hooded robe is highly memorable and what a shame he was not awarded a sequel!

HELL'S TRAP

This time a group of kids venture into the woods to compete in a bear hunt but instead find themselves being hunted by a crazed Vietnam vet. I wasn't sure if I was going to dig the less supernatural set up of this one, but I was appeased to see my pal PEDRO from the V.O.T. films playing the lead role. HELL'S TRAP borrows a bit from RAMBO and PREDATOR; however, the killer is certainly slasher-inspired with his Freddy-style knife glove and the pale expressionless HALLOWEEN mask covering his scarred face. When utilizing home made traps a'la THE FINAL TERROR fails, he's not afraid of disposing of multiple characters via sub machine gun and hand grenade. I usually prefer my horror gun-free but having disposed of several characters with his Freddy glove, I guess this guy has earned the right to bare arms. This one is directed by PEDRO GALINA JR., the gentleman responsible for V.O.T.'s wild sequel.

AND THE REST

This set may claim "3 Discs… Six films!" but it's just being modest, there are actually 4 discs and 8 films. You also get DEMON RAT, which I'll save for a rainy day, and two versions of DON'T PANIC which, for some strange reason, I didn't care for but will give another try in the future. What a great find, especially if you can purchase them used. My beloved set cost me less than ten bucks!

If you believe enthusiasm trumps technique, if you don't mind subtitles and can look past and/or adore makeshift effects and bombardments of hokiness, this is your dream ticket especially with Halloween fast approaching. If you are a fan of eighties horror, and feel as if you've been scrapping the barrel lately looking for new finds, it's like striking oil and dancing under black rain.

Thank God I didn't go back on this accidental purchase; oh what I would have missed.

Name That Trauma :: Reader GeeQ M. on a Nerdy Yellow Demon

Posted on By aunt john

OK, this didn't totally scar, or scare me… but I NEED to watch it again. I'm usually pretty good with finding old movies I used to watch as a kid on T.V. in the middle of the night… I own copies of MONSTER IN THE CLOSET, UNINVITED (cat demon on a boat version) and GHOULIES 2…(GHOULIES 1 sucked)… BUT I specifically remember one thing that I can't find.

It was a nerdy guy who was attempting to summon a demon. Somehow or other he ends up summoning a nerdy demon. Like a lesser demon or something like that. I want to say the demon was yellow, and there may have been a point that he wore glasses. The demon was trapped in a pentagram force field or something like that, and couldn't move, but I think the movie had a lot of talking. IF I remember correctly, the yellow demon made a deal with the human to help him summon a more powerful demon and there was a huge thing about passing something (summoning scroll maybe) through the force field.

PLEASE help. I want to say it was on USA UP ALL NIGHT… MAYBE HBO… It also could have been a short film, because I think it all happened in one room.

Traumafessions :: Reader Grimpressions on Witness (1985)

Posted on By aunt john

Even though I was probably only in kindergarten, I remember the movie WITNESS being a huge deal around the time it was released. It was such a big deal that my parents granted me a pass to watch my first R-rated movie. WITNESS was partially filmed in Lancaster County, PA and we lived in the city of Lancaster so everyone was excited to see it and to watch a movie that had to do with the Amish. The Amish brought a lot of tourism to our area and since my family lived in the city and only saw them when we drove to the country or the farmer's market, we still found them to be somewhat mysterious.

It seemed like my Aunt was the only member of my extended family at the time to own a VCR so anytime a good movie came out, we had to view it at her house. She had a big living room with a wrap-around couch which could seat a decent amount of family. My Aunt was considerate enough to warn my parents that there was a scene that might be too scary for me. At that point I decided that I wanted nothing to do with this movie at all. I remember my parents telling me I could just cover my eyes when the scary scene started. I told them that I wanted to nap and I buried my head in some throw pillows and pretended to be asleep. I couldn't help but to listen even though I didn't want to watch.

Not too far along into the movie, maybe 10 minutes or so, I heard my Aunt point out the "scary" scene to my parents. I listened as the music swelled and I could here a man gasping and screaming. Soon after, it all seemed to calm down. I didn't trust that it wouldn't happen again so I kept my face covered. I stayed in this position so long that I did eventually fall asleep.

As the years went by I was granted more R-rated viewings, mostly only being allowed to watch what my Mom wanted to watch. She was in love with MEL GIBSON in the ‘80s and ‘90s so I got to watch the LETHAL WEAPON movies. I liked DANNY GLOVER's portrayal of Detective Murtaugh as GIBSON's partner.

During the 90's, my parents broke down and subscribed to the Prism network. Prism was a Philadelphia-based, premium movie and sports channel. I would tell my Dad that I was recording the encore showing of a Sixers or Phillies game and be able to record late-night soft-core classics such as FELICITY ('80) and CINDERELLA ('77). Of course from time to time Prism would air some quality, more-recent movies. On Prism I watched movies like GRAND CANYON and THE SAINT OF FORT WASHINGTON in which DANNY GLOVER played humble, proud, and stoic characters who had the ability to talk down any thug who wanted to start trouble.

My curiosity peaked about the movie I had avoided watching a decade when Weird Al Yankovic released the video for his "Gangster's Paradise" parody called, "Amish Paradise." He pretty much solidified Lancaster as the unofficial Amish capital of the world in his "Amish Paradise" video which prominently displayed a "Welcome to Lancaster" sign in it.

I finally rented and watched WITNESS only to be horrified by the scene I had shielded my eyes from years before, not because it looked like little LUCAS HAAS was about to meet his maker, but because I was watching my 'BELOVED' Detective Murtaugh, who played a corrupt Philly cop, slashing some guy's throat. It made me sick to see DANNY GLOVER playing a bad guy. I was able to tough it out anyway and continued through the whole movie. WITNESS turned out to be a great film. It was totally worth it to see: HARRISON FORD hiding out in an Amish community and kicking a local bully's ass for picking on his new friends, a great representation of Amish nudity courtesy of KELLY McGILLIS, and the unforgettable silo death scene.

— Grimpressions

Traumafessions :: Reader Jay of Hallowaltz on Hunt the Wumpus & Haunted House (Atari 2600)

Posted on By aunt john

Hey Kindertrauma!

Did you guys ever play Hunt the Wumpus? I had a random memory of the Wumpus when I was trying to name a picture that I took for my Halloween blog. I remember playing this one as a kid on a Texas Instrument computer and it used to scare the crap out of me. Your character would move around these round spaces in search of the Wumpus. There were pits you could fall down; some bats that would send you to a random spot on the board, and of course the Wumpus.

The Wumpus was the monster that would eat you if you landed on its space or if you missed shooting it with an arrow. The game was as simple as Minesweeper where there was the suspense of stepping on the wrong spot. Seeing the big teeth of the Wumpus pop up on the screen (accompanied by a short clip of The Funeral March) spooked me almost every time I played it.

Or how about Haunted House for the Atari 2600? This was another simple, great game that would get my heart pounding. You're a set of eyes with a flashlight searching through 4 levels of darkness for pieces of an urn. While wandering around the house you have to avoid ghosts, spiders, and bats.

Keep up the great work guys!

— Jay

Hallowaltz

Streaming Alert! :: Tom Karpe of Holy Karpe on Not Quite Hollywood

Posted on By aunt john

I just watched on Netflix streaming a great documentary called NOT QUITE HOLLYWOOD. It's about the rise of Australian cinema during the 1970s, '80s, and early '90s.

It starts off by discussing the crude sex comedies of Australian cinema that marked the divergence from the creation of critically acclaimed historic dramas. Then the documentary goes into the wild horror and ridiculous action movies. I recognized most of the horror flicks from my youth but I had no idea about the historical context.

I just wanted to let you guys know how good this documentary is and that I've added a lot of the titles mention in it to my Netflix Queue.

Sincerely,

Tom Karpe

— Holy Karpe

UNK SEZ:: Thanks Tom Karpe for providing us with today's STREAM WARRIORS suggestion! I could not agree with you more NOT QUITE HOLLYWOOD really is a must see. It's not only immensely entertaining itself but it provides the viewer with a ton of ideas on what to watch next!

Name That Trauma :: Reader Robert on a Hungry Pit

Posted on By aunt john

Hi,

Love your website, especially the trauma confessions.

The Trauma I need identified is actually my brother's. He saw a short film, where a brother and sister find a very deep dark hole in the ground and could hear movement at the bottom. At first they send down a flashlight in a bucket, they get back gold coins and a note asking for, "Eats."

They keep sending things down until the whatever is down in the hole does not send gold coins back in return. The brother gets angry and decides to go down the hole via a rope to complain. From the perspective of the sister we see the brother reach the bottom, but then his flashlight goes out.

The sister pulls the rope up and there is a note attached to it. The note states, "Thanks for the eats."

Regards,

— Robert

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Let's all give a round of thanks to reader Rabs for knowing it is the episode "Thanksgiving" from the T.V. series AMAZING STORIES!

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2011)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

After the hurricane split town it was finally safe for me to venture to the movie theater to see DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK. Many, many people felt differently for I found myself to be the only person in the place. I pretended I was rich enough to buy out the entire showing to watch it by myself and sadly this made me feel like a big shot. Outrageously the trailer for THE WOMAN IN BLACK was withheld from me and I had to be satisfied with the trailer for THE THING instead. It's too early to tell if that film will suck or not, but the music in the trailer contented me. DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK was about to start! I'm excited for this because it exists on account of the original T.V. movie happens to be GUILLERMO DEL TORO's own personal kindertrauma! I've never to my knowledge seen a movie based on a kindertrauma before! Gummy bears are in my pocket. God, CONTAGION looks like crap. What is WINSLET thinking?

There are a few major changes from the original DBAOTD but they all make fine sense. Sally is no longer an infantilized adult but an actual child and it's her dad (GUY PIERCE of RAVENOUS) rather than her husband whose careerism prevents him from properly engaging with her. Pop's girlfriend (KATIE HOLMES) is named Kim (after DARBY) and she reveals with a bit of dialogue that her own childhood was such a wreck that she's weary of the prospect of mothering by default. Sally's biological mother is briskly painted as an apathetic goon who can't be bothered even by a frantic phone call from the child she dumped like a load of laundry on her once husband. Naturally Sally is feeling so unwanted and so starved for connection that she starts chatting up the whispering demonic voices that come from the pit in the basement. They sound absolutely evil but they say exactly what Sally longs to hear, "We want you."

I was a bit worried from DBAOTD's trailer that the opulent mansion setting would be distractingly over the top and strain credibility but it's explained that our characters find themselves in such an extravagant environment while working on a temporary renovation. The joint is called Blackwood Manor as it was once where artist/biologist Emerson Blackwood hung his hat at least before he was pulled through a chimney by trolls. The biggest addition to the framework provided by the 1973 T.V. move is the extended mythology of these creatures who forever now can be referred to as "Homunculi" rather than "walnut heads" or "prune goons." The beasties are now linked to tooth fairy legend as their hobbies include trading children's teeth (which they crave) for silver coins. Better still, the creatures (whose humanoid mugs on rodent-like bodies now favor LOVECRAFT's Brown Jenkin character as much as the dudes from 1987's THE GATE) are seemingly connected to the work of Welsh author ARTHUR MACHEN, particularly his tale "The White People" which also concerns a young girls relationship with extraordinary beings. Nice!

Not everything runs like clockwork though and sometimes the clichés outnumber the trolls. The goth cloaked SECRET GARDEN vibe is very inviting and the acting is fine considering the box office poison death wish cast but things do get vague and choppy (or MIRAMAX-y) towards the end of the film and it feels as if valuable pieces are left behind in an effort to rush toward the climax. Allow me to be an even bigger stickler for a moment and say that the film's largest break from known reality involves not fairy monsters but a magical Polaroid camera that never runs out of film. I want one! Still, this is a dark fantasy; a fairy tale really so reality does need to shut its trap to an extent.

Which brings me to my ultimate question, why in the name of ROALD DAHL is this movie rated R? Are they trying to make sure that anybody who might relate to it can't see it? There is no sex and little gore and what I like most about it is that it feels like one of those early eighties dark DISNEY flicks like WATCHER IN THE WOODS or SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES. Most adults don't have the required imagination to make this work for themselves so why court wet blankets? I don't get it but I suspect that this is a movie that will gain traction in the home market. Indeed, as much as I enjoyed it, I won't try to sway you folks to run out to the theater to catch it. I think the preferred way to watch this is at home in the dark on the couch under a blanket late in the month of October with your critical brain drugged and gagged. It's a fun spooky and mostly harmless "things that go bump in the night" flick with a couple lapses in logic but several decent, jolty scares and I think it will feel most at home exactly where it originated on the living room television set.

There is a sweet scene in DBAOTD where Kim realizes that young Sally needs some grounding guidance before she floats away for good. She takes her to see a pond within the grounds' labyrinth garden that is home to some brightly colored Japanese fish. She explains that the fish's markings attract badgers and that it is exactly what makes them special that makes them vulnerable and I'll say that is true for this film as a whole too. It may be a bit too precious for its own good and it has no business hanging out at the mall after dark. As an R-rated horror film for adults it leaves something to be desired but as a PG-13 fantasy, I think it deserves a silver coin. Director TROY NIXEY apes producer co-writer GUILLERMO DEL TORO well and although this movie may not be on par with the best of DEL TORO's work, I have a sinking suspicion I will be revisiting it more often. If it plays its cards right and freshens up with a smoother director's cut on DVD, it may even find its way to my Halloween heavy-rotation pile.