Month: April 2024

How much fun could a movie about a group of mostly dopey criminals being trapped in a mansion with a rampaging child vampire with a penchant for ballet be exactly? Well, tons of fun, obviously. Even if done poorly, I’d venture this particular set-up is fool proof entertainment but happily in this case it is executed by folks with true love and knowledge of the genre ( Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, the talents behind READY OR NOT and the last two SCREAM flicks) and showcases an absolute dream team cast playing characters so contrasting and sharply carved you can almost imagine them on CLUE game cards. MATILDA: THE MUSICAL’s Alisha Weir is instantly iconic as the title character, a supernatural whirling dervish that is part Rhoda from THE BAD SEED, part Pris from BLADE RUNNER and part Carol Kane in SCROOGED sans toaster. With her sly precociousness she effortlessly joins the ranks of other classic “child” vamps that floated before her (Danny Glick of SALEM’S LOT, Homer of NEAR DARK, Claudia of AN INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE, et al.). She’s one of the many reasons this movie is a bloody, demonic party and a half (one scene even strongly references NIGHT OF THE DEMONS) but all involved deserve kudos (and I don't mean the discontinued granola bar).

ABIGAIL introduces us to a group of rag-tag crooks whose get rich quick scheme involves kidnapping a rich kingpin’s kid, taking her to an isolated mansion (I just love a limited location film, what better way to fully block out the outside world than to literally erase it from visual existence?) and collecting some ransom money for her safe return. What could go wrong and how could all involved possibly know Universal pictures was looking to update DRACULA’S DAUGHTER? Things go South mighty quick and soon the rat pack code-named group including level headed ex-junkie Joey (SCREAM 4 & 5’s Melissa Barrera ), conniving short fuse ex-cop Frank (THE GUEST’s Dan Stevens fresh off GODZILLA X KONG and nearly unrecognizable), wacky hacker Sammy (FREAKY’s Kathryn Newton), no nonsense marine sniper Rickles (William Catlet), sweet natured bumbling muscle head Peter (Kevin Durand) and dim-witted psycho thug Dean (the late Angus Cloud in a spot-on performance that makes you reel at the incalculable loss) are fighting for their lives against a fanged pirouetting pipsqueak with daddy issues who is immune to crucifixes, stakes and garlic (like myself, her only true kryptonite is sunlight).

ABAGAIL (much like last year’s LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER) proves there’s plenty of blood left to be sucked from the archetypal vampire tale and although it’s literally explosive at times in its implementation, it works equally well as as a cozy parlor, old dark house flick complete with hidden passages and nods to “And Then There Were None”. Much of the territory may feel familiar but there’s a subterranean wild streak that keeps you on edge right up to its final enthralling surprise. As always, a good film is greatly indebted to its cast and truly, there isn’t a weak link to be found in this crew. Darkly twisted, laugh out loud hilarious, terrifically brutal and ultimately strangely endearing , ABIGAIL is a movie and a character for the ages with an unabashed appetite for horror we can all relate to.

Cameron and Colin Cairnes’ retro horror jaunt LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL has an irresistible cult-baiting premise. The year is 1977, Satanic panic is brewing and late night talk show host Jack Delroy (David Dastmalchian, who with recent appearances in THE BOOGEYMAN & THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER is carving out some impressive genre star cred) is desperate for ratings (presumably to one up contemporaries like Johnny Carson). Unfortunate domino tiles begin to line up involving an impromptu conjuring of a certain “Mr.Wiggles” a demonic force that speaks through a pretty yet creepy young girl named Lily (Ingrid Torelli) who is the subject of a recent book (that recalls the infamous “Michelle Remembers”) on none other than Halloween night (Speaking of Halloween night, fans of BBC’s GHOSTWATCH (’92) should have a general idea of what’s in store). There’s little room for disbelief as Lily begins to spout information she herself could not possibly know as her chair alarmingly levitates. Eventually chaos reigns and audience members flee as hallucination and reality converge while the fully possessed Lily dispatches anyone who gets in the way of her exposing a massive skeleton in the not so innocent Delroy’s Faustian bargain lined closet.

LATE NIGHT is consistently entertaining thanks to it’s central performances (Dastmalchian is fantastic and Torelli’s arrival enlivens the proceedings even further) and the delicious anticipation of witnessing doubting Thomas “Carmichael the Conjurer” (Ian Bliss) proved wrong in his cynical skepticism. It’s not all smooth sailing though as the part faux-documentary (with Michael Ironside as narrator), part found footage, part backstage pass, part dream/delusion with a side of delirium, struggles tonally due to an indecisive foundation. Unlike the aforementioned GHOSTWATCH, LATE NIGHT doesn’t have much of a desire to fully commit to convincing the viewer of its own reality which gives it ample creative space to play around in but also dilutes the scares. It’s almost as if LATE NIGHT, by constantly pointing out different levels of artifice, shoots off its own foot in the process. There’s no real danger in a cardboard cut-out world. Still, no reason to throw out the possessed baby with the holy bathwater. This film’s glib, gimmicky nature may prevent it from getting truly under one’s skin but that doesn’t stop it from being a enjoyable send-up and a future shoo-in low commitment annual Halloween watch.

I will forever be grateful to my late father for taking me and my brothers to see the raging pile of cinematic pandemonium known as HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP (1980). Rarely has a film delivered such a schizo-mix of goofy guilelessness and pure exploitation. How can anyone resist a film brave enough to expose the epic confrontation between giant mutant fish men and the unflappable Troy McClure? Extra points scored when said flick features creature designs provided by none other than the brilliant Rob Bottin! This Roger Corman produced slime riot is cartoon-level silly for much of it’s runtime but I have to admit there are a few stalking scenes that still deliver authentic creeps and its final trashy jolt is an eye-popping ALIEN-inspired humdinger that may leave you reeling.

How in the world can anyone question the power and validity of made for TV movies when GARGOYLES (1972) is flying around? From it’s eerie opening narration to it’s unnerving aerial shots to its multitude of gorgeously created monster effects (Stan Winston’s work here rightfully earned an Emmy), this is a one of a kind monster mash that every horror fan should track down.

NECRONOMICON: BOOK OF THE DEAD (’93) is a squishy special effects heavy anthology loosely based on the work of H.P Lovecraft (who is portrayed by horror icon Jeffrey Combs in a wrap around segment). The Philadelphia-set third story “Whispers” is of special interest here as it was directed by the great Brian Yuzna and features absolutely freaky flying subterranean stingray-type creatures that are the stuff of nightmares (and could almost be related to my buddies THE BOOGENS (’81) or even THEY (2002). I’m a fan of the whole film but this third tale is disturbingly surreal and sports one hell of a sadistic mind-screw mean streak.

If you want to scare away potential friends just tell them you’re a fan of 2011’s prequel/re-quel THE THING and watch the light slowly evaporate from their eyes. Sure, I know the movie makes the mistake of slathering on unnecessary CGI and botches its climax (blame studio execs and rando test audiences) but it’s not nearly as faulty as its reputation suggests. There’s a great attention to detail that could only result from sincere reverence to John Carpenter’s classic, the cast is solid, the paranoia is substantial and more than a few of the hideous monstrosities it showcases are actually pretty impressive. It can’t compete with its predecessor for sure but it makes a fine optional companion piece and well, I just can’t resist its icy score and on-point arctic setting. One scene in particular always stands out to me involving Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s character observing stars in the night sky. It’s a pure moment of contemplation of the endless unfathomable nature of the universe and no effects are needed.

The ever clever Larry Cohen’s darkly funny flying monster movie Q: THE WINGED SERPENT (1982) features awesome aerial views of Manhattan and a gleefully retro stop motion animated beastie but the greatest ace it holds is the quirky acting stylings of one Michael Moriarty. I don’t know how he does it but Moriarty with his unpredictable eccentric mannerisms is somehow able to upstage a winged prehistoric Aztec God who sleeps in the Chrysler building and has a name I’m not even going to try to spell; it’s truly a remarkable thing. Cohen clearly felt the same way as he would continue to fan the flames of Moriarty’s idiosyncratic talents in several more collaborations. Over the course of his career, Cohen has delivered a surplus of cinematic gold to genre fans and this strange, eighties time capsule oddity, in my opinion, may be his grandest, most entertaining creation.