Author: aunt john
Traumafessions :: Readers Grayson K. & Justin L. on Hasbro's Monster Face
KINDERTRAUMA!
I'm actually kind of surprised that this isn't on your site already. One of my earliest memories (I think I was four) was being at my parents friend's house who ran a daycare. For some reason I had to sleep in her older son's room by myself. I'll never forget being alone in that dark room and suddenly seeing a horrible, deformed life sized head looking right at me! The head was none other than Hasbro's Monster Face. It was a kind of a Mr. Potato Head for older children and came with a bunch of different accessories to customize it's heinousness.
This memory has slid through my brain off and on throughout my life, but it wasn't until about a month ago that I tracked down what this horrible head in my memory was I wasn't sure if I had even made up this memory until a few hours of internet searches revealed that this THING does exist… and it's name is MONSTER FACE!
— Grayson K.
When I was a kid, like all young boys, I loved disgusting and scary things. Hasbro knows its demographic and in 1992 released Monster Face. It was a mad scientist take on Mr. Potato Head. You could add body parts, bugs, etc. But one of the things I remember most was the container of snot that came with it. There was a spot on the back of the head to pour in the snot and it would ooze out of the nose.
This is one of the most haunting memories from my childhood. At night, seeing the face partially illuminated scared me to no end. I believed that the face would come to life in the middle of the night. I eventually became so frightened that I had to cover the face before I went to bed.
I remembered this terrifying toy after reading other similar stories on your blog. I googled for a while before finally coming across its name and soon found other recollections similar to my own. It's good to know that I'm not alone in being tortured by this thing.
Justin L.
Name That Trauma :: Reader Jeremy S. on Sticky Stairs
I'm pretty much out of options here and I just found you guys. I heard you've helped people find movies in the past and are very knowledgeable about horror movies. I'm coming to you on the end of my rope.
I believe this was from the late ‘80s. In this movie there's a guy crawling up stairs, but they're like gooey, like marshmallow or something and he's sticking to them. Then his girlfriend axes him in the back thinking he's one of the monsters or whatever that's trying to kill them and their friends. He may have been wearing a leather jacket.
Possibly in the movie but not sure: There may have been a farmhouse, some kind of statue remembering people that died, and possibly a graveyard. I believe this was from the late ‘80s. Also that scene I remember may have been taking place in a basement.
UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Special thanks to reader Mincemeat for coming forward with GHOSTHOUSE!
Traumafessions :: Rev. Wayne Austin Goodchild of They Call Me Potato on Reeves and Mortimer's 'Masterchef'
Hello Kindertrauma!
Whilst balancing cutlery on my fingers the other day I was reminded of something that deeply disturbed me, although it's supposed to be weird so I'm not sure if it classes as a boney fidey trauma. And despite being 15 at the time, and already lapping up hideously gory films and whatnot, it still managed to freak me out. What is this devilry of which I speak? Why, only VIC REEVES' interpretation of the mangled-accent MASTERCHEF host LOYD GROSSMAN!
I'm not sure how popular/known REEVES AND MORTIMER are on that side of the pond, so a quick spiel about them: they rose to prominence in the mid-‘90s with a variety of surreal comedy shows, the most famous being THE SMELL OF REEVES AND MORTIMER, where they occasionally worked alongside other comedians like MATT LUCAS (LITTLE BRITAIN) and CHARLIE HIGSON (THE FAST SHOW). They were known for being, quite simply, very very strange. Here's a YouTube clip of the inexplicable MASTERCHEF sketch that gave me the willies (and still does, a little bit). May it haunt your collective dreams from now on!
Regards,
Name That Trauma :: Reader Stephanie R. on a Turtle Traumatizer
Hi,
Great website. I had the sudden urge to find a movie I'd seen years ago called the CHILD OF GLASS. The search led me to your site — and all I can say is HA! Love it!
O.K. so it got me thinking…one day in about 1979 on a Sunday afternoon, I'm flipping through the channels and I come across the end of a French (I think) movie in which some kind of reptile or alien or large turtle tears it's way out of a woman's back, and then the next scene is of a giant sea turtle swimming out into the blue ocean depths…
The End.
UNK SEZ:: Whenever something crawls out of a woman's back I think of THE MANITOU and whenever I hear of a giant sea turtle, I think of THE BERMUDA DEPTHS. I don't know what to think here, does anybody out there have any ideas?
Traumafessions :: Reader Zoë M. on Superman Short "Terror on the Midway"
Hey Kindertrauma! First of all, I want to thank you for solving my "Name That Trauma" a while back. (The answer was THE BONEYARD and involved a giant PHYLLIS DILLER monster) Well, now I've got an odd little traumafession for you in the form of one of the Paramount/Fleischer Superman shorts.
When I was a kid, my dad made sure to raise me on a diet of oddities and rarities; what this meant was that he made sure I was growing up with the same things he did. While I'm thankful for all the twisted things he put on play, I cannot deny that I've had a great deal of kindertraumas because of it (and I think I will relay more of these at a later date. In fact, it's a promise.)
I've seen most of the Paramount/Fleischer shorts, definitely all of the ones produced by the Fleischer Bros. (they made the first nine out of seventeen that Paramount produced), but I think this one stands out for me in particular because my dad made a VHS of this short followed by MIGHTY JOE YOUNG (1949), so when I would reach for that tape I'd get a double dose of big gorillas.
Biased reasoning aside, there are a few reasons this film may be the most gut wrenching for me to watch.
Gigantic, which seems to be the name of the menacing gorilla, is SCARY, plain and simple. When he first busts onto the scene, everything and everyone stops dead in their tracks before scrambling like ants after he roars. His strength is also more than the average gorilla, easily defeating the 6 (or more) men that try to restrain him, followed by him throwing his cage cart at them. In fact, it seems like the only one who can subdue this creature is Superman… which is a little odd since based on all this, how in the heck did they get him into a cage in the first place? The only thing that was restraining him was a lock that a much smaller, cuter monkey released. Did I say cute? I meant stupid. Stupid, stupid monkey for releasing the world's scariest cartoon gorilla.
If the visage of Gigantic doesn't freak me out nearly enough, his theme song does me in. Although there's a shocking cue when he shows his face, the shot where he's starting to stalk Lois Lane is where his unnerving theme plays. It almost conjures up images of the dinosaurs trapped in tar towards the end of "The Rite of Spring" segment from FANTASIA, albeit a somewhat cheaper and grandiose piece of music by comparison. It is a grueling, haunting piece of music that frankly sends chills up my spine to this day. What a great theme for a terrible Gorilla!
Lastly, the chaos; Oh my god, THE CHAOS. The minute Gigantic comes out, there is no such thing as the word "calm" in that tent. Besides Gigantic, elephants, lions, and a rogue panther all smash and attack those in their way. Superman even gets attacked not a split second after changing into his costume by that rogue panther. HOLY CRAP! The escalation of terror is astounding and I absolutely love it. What, a gigantic gorilla with the face of Satan wasn't enough? Okay, have a team of scared elephants. What, still not satisfied? How about the gorilla corners Lois, stalks her, AND THE TENT STARTS TO BURN DOWN.
Of course, Lois and Superman survive to have the usual exchange of, "And I live to see another day", "Yes, thanks to Superman."
GOD CLARK, way to rub it in. But in all seriousness, I love love LOVE this short. Well, then again I love the Fleischer Superman shorts, but this one sticks out to me for that Gigantic gorilla action with his scary ass song.
Thanks and best,
Zoë M.
Traumafessions :: Reader Heystu3 on the Tristar Pictures Unicorn (?)
My personal trauma, I've always felt, is pretty random and a little embarrassing…the Tristar Unicorn. At a young age, girls are encouraged to embrace the majestic image of the unicorn. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against unicorns, I had the Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper to prove it, but this one in particular never sat well with me.
I think what bothered me the most was the crescendo of music. It starts off nice and soft, and before you know it, you've got a mythical beast galloping toward you with the horn section blaring! This opening sequence bothered me so much that when my family went to see HOOK in theaters, I had to sit in the lobby with my mom until the the unicorn had run its course.
With such absurd fear, of course the inevitable ridicule ensued. My two older sisters would taunt me by humming the Tristar theme. All in all, let's just say I wouldn't be fazed if this horse went down NEVER ENDING STORY, Swamp of Sadness-style…perhaps then I could have watched a movie without an initial panic attack!
UNK SEZ: Wait a minute Heystu3! You have been running in fear of that unicorn for so long and you never stopped and looked behind you to see that it is only a friendly Pegasus! Unlike the monstrous and evil Unicorn, the winged Pegasus loves all humans and would never cause them harm!
Thanks for the trauma Heystu3 and thanks to ULTRA GROSS for the yummy unicorn meat!
Traumafessions :: Reader Smidget on The Stepford Wives
O.K. …when I was a kid I was terrified of THE STEPFORD WIVES movie. I think it really had to do with the fact that I was routing for her to make it through, and when I found out she didn't I was like….UGH….but the scariest part for me was the all-black eyes!
AAAAAAAAAAAH!
I love this movie now, it's a '70s classic that SPEAKS VOLUMES about the '70s and the E.R.A. Love it. Hated the remake. However, the original is pretty darn scary and creepy.
Traumafessions :: Reader Mike on Sesame Street's Nosy Shapeshifter
As someone who was scared of EVERYTHING as a kid and is trying to pick up the pieces of his broken psyche as an adult, your site makes me feel not so alone. Serious time-suck, but oh so worth it.
I didn't like to be scared as a kid. I hated roller-coasters and as for scary movies, their trailers (the usual suspects: BEYOND THE DOOR, MAGIC, PROPHECY) were traumatic enough. Naturally, not being exposed to the hard stuff let scares sneak in via seemingly innocuous carriers. Like SESAME STREET.
What is it about SESAME STREET? Parents of kids of my age used it as the ultimate babysitter and yet, there seem to be an endless store of stories of kids who were terrified by something they saw on this "explicitly for kids" show. For me, it happened one day when I was watching the T.V. alone (thankfully; if my older sister ever found out I would have been doubly traumatized, triply so if she told my cousins who LOVED to torment me with dumb stuff I was afraid of). All of a sudden this weird animated filler comes on. A woman's head appears in profile. Her nose starts changing shape. This is accompanied by a LOUD and SHRILL squeaking sound every time her nose changes shape. I think that was it, as I bolted from the living room and cowered in my bedroom, my undeveloped brain unable to process what I had just seen.
I got kind of reactionary regarding SESAME STREET after that. I remember after that seeing my sister watching it and dismissing it as "for babies!" I think she knew something on the show had scared me, though.
For the longest time, I thought this was some weird hallucination until I posted about it on an Internet messageboard. A woman who had also been frightened by the clip confirmed seeing it as a kid, and again on Youtube. She said it was taken down and was glad because she still found it disturbing. I, however, am disappointed that I didn't get the chance to see this again, having faced so many other childhood fears. It does leave me wondering why they dropped this random bit of randomness into a nominally educational show. What was it supposed to teach kids?
As for me nowadays, I realize most of the scary movies from when I was a kid…really aren't all that scary. I still hate roller-coasters, though.
—Mike
UNK SEZ:: Thanks Mike! I wish I could find the clip you speak of but I guess your friend was right when they said it was taken down! I did find the animated SESAME STREET clip below though, I hope it will do for now. Let us know if that shapeshifting nose clip ever appears again!