kindertrauma

Author: unkle lancifer

Clash of the Titans (2010)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Is it my imagination or have there been some major advancements in the art of special effects since we last caught up with Perseus in 1981? I'm no expert on such matters but from what I can tell there has been a particular surge in the area of crafting giant scorpions. I know, I know, there's nothing quite like the sublime beauty of RAY HARRYHAUSEN's stop motion animation but let's be frank, by today's standards it's looking a bit, how do I say this politely…crude. Pelt me with whatever you like, you were thinking the same thing.

Since my cards are on the table I'll add that even as a thirteen year-old watching the original CLASH OF THE TITANS, I thought the effects were pretty unconvincing. Still, that never stopped them from commanding my full attention. In fact, I was well aware that the entire movie was shoddy but that just made me hold it that much tighter to my chest. C.O.T.T. is fucking sweeter than a crayon drawn Valentine. It's a cynicism free, hokey, golly-gee hayride that, like all bright-eyed innocents, was spat upon and jeered on arrival. It may not be good but as I've said before, good movies can bite me.

My big fear in taking in the 2010 CLASH remake was that our story would be flared with cool dude, pseudo-butch crap and phony baloney Dark Knight posturing. Hey look how modern I am because I'm dingy and I'm all growed up now because I'm a nihilist! Ptooey and ptooey and further more ack!

I'm happy to say that the new CLASH is just as dorky craptastic as its source material and even though there are more than a few missed opportunities (how about a bit more time getting to know Pegasus people?) it's a fun, giddy Saturday afternoon, dumdum adventure that didn't make me wish I'd bought a hoagie instead. Some beloved characters do get shafted big time but I can't really complain as several others were given much more due. The rag-tag gang that joins Perseus on his adventure may all be red shirts, but at least they are mourned and acknowledged. I'm not sure who or what the rock-faced, magical djinn are but I do know that if I was still 13 that they would be first on my must-buy action figure list. Of course it would have been even ballsier to include Bubo the maligned, mechanical owl in on the Monster Mash, but baby steps people, baby steps. I have to give praise for any small ember of corniness still allowed to glow in a modern fantasy adventure and CLASH, although no great success, is at least amiable enough to bow hard on that ember.

So yeah, you're going to hear that this is crap and your reply should be, "Good, when's the next showing?" If you are so far gone and removed from your younger self that you can't get spooked out by the hideous witches, awed by the stomp on CLOVERFIELD Kraken, glory in a horse with wings, thrill at a snake lady like Medusa, or even just note the hilarity that this is LIAM NEISON and RALPH (pronounced Rafe because he's not a Cretin) FIENNES' second clash following SCHINDLER'S LIST, well I can't help you. Get the to the comic shop and lighten the Hades up.

NOTE: I should also add that I really like the hurt, injured and mostly quiet Perseus as performed by SAM WORTHINGTON. I dug that he wasn't the standard dickweed narcissist we usually have to put up with in adventure movies. My favorite moment in the whole movie may be when his dad Zeus opens up his wallet and gives him some spending cash (a gold coin) to take on his ski trip.

Also, yes, Perseus! Ethereal tomboy Lo (GEMMA ARTERTON) is a keeper, who needs Andromeda? Now you two lovebirds go off into the sunset but if you leave behind Bubo again, I'll never forgive you.

Kinder-News :: BRIAN DE PALMA's TOOTSIE 2: THE CURSE OF DOROTHY MICHAELS Heading Straight To DVD!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Originally conceived as an Oscar hopeful BRIAN DE PALMA's TOOTSIE 2: THE REVENGE OF DOROTHY MICHAELS, after several disastrous test screenings and a multitude of release date changes, is finally heading straight to DVD in early June. This is a giant step backward for a 200 million dollar production once poised to go head to head with JAMES CAMERON's AVATAR in theaters. "The plug needs to be pulled on this abomination," says an insider, "any money spent advertising this doorway into hell is going right down the toilet."

TOOTSIE 2 has been a lightening rod for turmoil ever since its inception. The original script by JEFF BUHAI (REVENGE OF THE NERDS, EDDIE) was strong enough to lure the once resistant, high-priced talents of DUSTIN HOFFMAN and JESSICA LANGE to return to their roles. For reasons only known to DE PALMA that script was scrapped at the last minute in favor of an overhauled version by DAVID SELF (1999's THE HAUNTING), which eliminated comedic elements in favor of direction that was more in line with a psychological thriller. LANGE unhappy with the new direction bowed out, her only official statement being, "There's not enough money in the world," and was replaced by frequent DE PALMA collaborator MELANIE GRIFFITH.

SELF's script was eventually leaked onto the Internet and greeted with fan outrage. The story finds the popular character of Michael Dorsey decades after the events of the original TOOTSIE. Although the still-working actor has enjoyed a small amount of success on a prime time drama called "Higgon's Point," its cancellation has left him grief stricken. "It's harder for actors of a certain age to find quality roles," reveals HOFFMAN in an exclusive Kindertrauma all-access, on-set interview, "TOOTSIE 2 confronts that reality head on." Learning in the local trades of a plum part in a Broadway production of IBSEN's A DOLLS HOUSE, Dorsey auditions only to be rejected on sight. After a bit of sleuthing he learns from a stagehand that the role of "Nora" is only being offered to actors of the female persuasion. "That's when the spirit of Dorothy begins to speak to me again," confides HOFFMAN. "That's how she gets inside my head!" (As if to illustrate, HOFFMAN bangs his head into a craft services table repeatedly.)

Suddenly every actress who is up for the role is being murdered by a shadowy trench coat wearing, flame-haired figure with a straight razor. Terror hits even closer to home when Michael's wife Julie (GRIFFITH) reveals that she too has her eye on the part. Has Michael's alter ego "Dorothy" returned to kill all who stand in his way? "I can't tell you that!" says HOFFMAN, "but I can tell you that Dorothy is alive and well and living inside Michael, whether she's a crazed, blood thirsty killer or just a friendly entity on hand to help solve the riddle is the film's big mystery!" GRIFFITH is equally tight lipped. "I'm not in the end of the movie!" she says, "That much I remember."

The roster of victims in TOOTSIE 2 reads like an Oscar Who's Who: MARISA TOMEI, MIRA SORVINO, HALLE BERRY and HUNTs LINDA and HELEN all fall prey to the figure crew members have dubbed "the wig." Word has it that TOMEI's death is particularly gruesome. "BRIAN's plan was to outdo HITCHCOCK," says TOMEI chewing on what could either be a soft pretzel or a knish. "Only instead of a shower," she continued, "he'd use a bidet. Although seen by a precious few, TOMEI's bidet death has already garnered much attention, it is claimed that DE PALMA shot over four hundred hours of footage for the three minute scene. "Sometimes a director can fool the audience by killing off his biggest star right off the bat, the audience is like, 'Wow, now who am I supposed to care about?'" TOMEI plops the last morsel of whatever it was she was eating (an Egg McMuffin?) and smiles mischievously, "I'm not allowed to tell you if that's what happens in THE TOOTSIES (sic) but I will say that my fans better bring plenty of Kleenex!"

Ultimately no amount of high wattage star power seems likely to save TOOTSIE 2 from its straight to DVD fate. Five alternative endings were filmed and all were greeted with equal amounts of disdain from preview audiences. "I've never seen a film that doesn't involve WILL FERRELL score this low," said one insider. "I'd call it a train wreck but that would imply that it once had the power to function." Somehow DE PALMA is able to stay optimistic, "We've still got a couple weeks to turn this decision around, Michael's inner Dorothy wouldn't let him give up and let me tell you my inner Dorothy, who I refer to simply as "Dot", is equally willful. We' haven't even tried this thing in 3-D yet, that will be the true test!"

HOFFMAN who is a credited producer and is currently writing a comic book tie in that will fill in Dorothy's "lost years" between the two films agrees. "As an actor you know when a character has outlived their welcome and I don't see that ever happening with Dorothy. I've made sure that each and every ending we've filmed whether on the Earth or on the moon includes a shot of her hand coming up from the grave." When asked what direction he sees the franchise going in the future Hoffman offers up this Kindertrauma exclusive. "I'm talking to JULIE ANDREWS right now about returning to the role of Victor from VICTOR VICTORIA, people have been asking me for years, who would win in a fight, Dorothy or Victor? If I have my way, we're all going to find out!"

Scream Pretty Peggy

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I usually liken the winters spent in Kindertrauma Castle with THE SHINING. You know, unavoidable cabin fever, highly repetitive writing and the occasional Big Wheel ride. This past winter though, sheesh, that analogy just won't cut it. Winter 2010 was more like JOHN CARPENTER'S THE THING, more Antarctica than Colorado. Beards were grown, long johns were worn and as we fond ourselves surrounded by suspicious pets, paranoia reigned. The only alleviation from the madness was found in roller-skating to STEVIE WONDER tunes, whiskey and the occasional video chess game (well more like UNCHARTED 2 than chess, but you get the idea). And yes, I admit it, mysterious shredded clothes were discovered and somebody ended up tied to a chair. Let's not talk about the noose, "I'm all better now."

I tell you this because last week when spring finally frickin' sprung it was time to get the hell out of this stinkin' shoebox! How could we though, we had just discovered SCREAM PRETTY PEGGY on VEOH (thanks to readers Mike & Senski) and it simply had to be viewed at once, what to do?

Then I had an idea of Blair Warner magnitude. Since we were locked into watching SCREAM PRETTY PEGGY on the laptop anyway why not take it into the backyard and watch it outside under the stars? A.J. groused like a man in love with his couch but I insisted. I needed to get outside before my head popped off and grew lobster legs!

Kids, do you know that watching T.V. in the backyard is the best, most fun thing on Earth? You can drink beer freely and they have something called oxygen there. If your brain is made of Play-doh like mine is, you can even imagine that you are at the drive in! It's easy, just pretend that you're as big as a matchbook and that you're sitting on the space key of your computer. Naturally, the more experience you have beating reality into submission the easier this trick will work for you. Good luck and remember to turn back to normal size after the show!

Now on to the movie, one of the first things that I noticed while watching this one was how much of a fan I WAS NOT of Peggy. I had just seen actress SIAN BARBARA ALLEN in YOU'LL LIKE MY MOTHER and found her tolerable enough so I'm assuming it's the way the character is written. I'm sorry, but if the first thing I learn about you as a person is that you CUT IN LINE, our relationship is pretty much null and void. I thought momentarily that Peggy and I could be pals when she said she was looking for a "lighthouse keeping job" as that too is my dream. Turns out she didn't say, "lighthouse keeping," she said, "light – housekeeping." Oh, Peggy, you and I haven't a chance.

You see, I have your number Peggy, I've encountered your type before! You feign helplessness to get your foot in the door and then suddenly you own the place. Your too easy grin, your phony self deprecation, do you think I was born yesterday Peg? You are obnoxious and pushy and that is why I've re-titled your film SCRAM PUSHY PEGGY!

I have a hard time believing anyone would hire Peggy but get hired she does; I guess it helps when you're willing to sell your services for 75 cents an hour (an amount that shrewd, manipulative Peggy jacks up to 1.65 within minutes of arrival.) Peggy is hired by famous sculpture Jeffrey Elliot (TED BESSELL, THAT GIRL's ever patient Donald) who lives with his mother Mrs. Elliot (some lady called BETTE DAVIS). The audience is aware that the Elliots are hiding secrets almost instantly and Peggy, who's not the brightest peg on the Lite Brite board, has a notion too. FREE ADVICE: If you have a horrendous, odious secret you're trying to keep, a secret so dark and twisted that discovery of it will land you a lifetime gig in Sing-Sing do your own "light-housekeeping." Don't allow strangers into your web, fool! There's a reason why everything in Kindertrauma Castle is covered in fur balls and on the fritz!

Although more cliché ridden than a thousand hipsters, there are several elements to this 1973 made-for-television movie that raise its ass above the chaff; the killer in a long flowing nightie with disheveled hair is tops for one. The image is not used enough but it's grand and slasher worthy. Check out TERROR OUT OF THE SKY (1978)'s TOVAH FELDSHUH's opening kill it's pretty good (incidentally, TOVAH did the voice over work as "grown-up Jane" in SILVER BULLET. Man, I wish she got the part of Peggy.) In addition, I LOVE the evil red sculptures that Jeff creates; they're these gigantic molten creations and they steal every scene they're in (plus they'd look great in the backyard.)

Then there's BETTE DAVIS, it may be the gay gene talking but you're more likely to look away from a UFO landing than her. I know A.J. has a penchant for her because he has a soft spot for snide, irascible misanthropes (don't ask me how I know that) but I dig her because she never fails to remind me of MARTIN SHORT. Some feel that DAVIS has little to do in this movie but I think that's kind of the beauty part. More often than not she is just propped up on a bed, handed a teacup filled with hooch and prodded to squawk lines like "Leave…this…house!," "You don't…be-long here!," and "You're…(pause)…fired!"

SCREAM PRETTY PEGGY is generally bland and predictable but speckled with splinters of semi-greatness. I'm sure its final revelation held some kind of scandalamity power back in the day but to contemporary audiences, it's the second most overused "twist" right behind "P.S., you're already dead!" Still one does not look a DAVIS cameo in the mouth and I have to admit my abhorrence toward the title character made it a particularly fun movie to bark and throw imaginary jujubes at. That's another great thing about watching movies outside; what better way to announce to the neighbors that their cruel summer of bad eighties music noise pollution is right around the corner? I know it's rude to subject innocent ears to archaic pop tunes but at least I don't cut in line.

Robert Culp In Spectre!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

ROBERT CULP passed away yesterday at the age of 79. Although he gained notoriety for his work alongside BILL COSBY in I SPY, most of my generation may more fondly recall his presence in THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO where he partnered up with WILLIAM KATT (CARRIE, HOUSE). CULP also appeared in the classic HARLAN ELLISON penned episode of THE OUTER LIMITS "The Glass Hand" and the (kindertraumatic) television pilot SPECTRE. Produced by GENE RODDENBERRY, SPECTRE starred CULP as William Sebastion an occult detective who travels to England to uncover a satanic cult. Much as in the case of 1973's THE NORLISS TAPES, SPECTRE left a lasting impression on those who caught it on television regardless of the fact that it failed to go to series. (Interestingly, in England, SPECTRE, with the help of a few added scenes of nudity, played theaters.)

HEADS UP: I'm not sure how long it will be there but currently you can catch SPECTRE on YouTube HERE. Why not honor this beloved actor's passing by checking it out. Besides spying a young JOHN HURT (ALIEN), you'll also notice that the relationship between CULP's Sebastian and GIG YOUNG's Dr. Ham Hamilton not only tips a hat toward Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson, but paves some road for the future Mulder & Scully!

The House That Would Not Die

Posted on By unkle lancifer

AARON SPELLING produced television movies don't grow on trees. Well, actually I guess they kind of do but I for one have never met one I didn't like. You may have to take my reviews of seventies T.V. movies with a grain of salt kids because I'm just a big push over for them. I watched THE HOUSE THAT WOULD NOT DIE (1970) at around five in the morning and what can I say, I was as happy as a clam who just married a pig in slop. Yes it's as hokey as your grandma's doily and about as provocative as a READER's DIGEST cover, but it has magical time traveling power! The melodramatic music, the over estimation of the effectiveness of slo-mo, the canned wind sound effects, the cocoa and copper hues and the general graininess of it all, was somehow able to successfully transport your Unk back a couple decades. The only thing missing was my mother yelling downstairs to tell me to "Turn that off and go to bed!"

THE HOUSE THAT WOULD NOT DIE is based on a novel called AIMEE COME HOME by popular supernatural author BARBARA MICHAELS. It stars the one and only BARBARA STANWYCK as Ruth Bennet, a lady whose hairdo looks just like a bowl of popcorn and so I made a bowl of popcorn. Ruth has inherited a creepy house which she moves into along with her niece Sarah (hooray, it's KITTY WINN from THE EXORCIST!) Both ladies immediately land age appropriate boyfriends and then decide to have a séance. The séance is a success because the spirit world is indeed contacted but also a disaster because a couple of the participants are left possessed by ghosts. Sarah is possessed by some girl named Aimee and Ruth's sexily named boyfriend Pat McDougal (RICHARD EGAN), is possessed by Aimee's pissed off Dad. What is the secret of this house that won't die? Like most secrets the answer lies beyond a false wall in the basement. I have no idea why people don't check there first!

I have to say this movie with all its talk about Revolutionary War era ghosts got my hopes up that there might be an appearance by the FUNKY PHANTOM but alas he never showed. Instead, what we get is a painting that keeps falling into the fireplace and a front row seat to hapless Ruth being manhandled by her possessed boyfriend and strangled by her possessed niece. Additionally, an inordinate amount of time is spent in the town's "Hall of Records." Again people, forget the Hall of Records! The secret is always in the basement, what do you think basements are for? THE HOUSE THAT WOULD NOT DIE's scares may be softer than bunny fur but it's got a general spooky atmosphere that works nonetheless. (I know perfectly well that it would have scared the crap out of me as a kid.) Ruth's nightmares of Sarah calling for help are particularly eerie.

The climax which involves EGAN's possession momentarily upgrading to super bananas is short lived but convincing enough thanks to the fact that EGAN is kind of scary even when not being host to a contentious ghost. Gorehounds and folks under 70 may want to run in the opposite direction of this one but if you're up for quiet granny scares this just might be the hooch for your hot toddy. Grab a shawl.

NOTE: Any shame I may have felt for enjoying this creaky chestnut has been erased by finding out it was directed by JOHN LLEWELLYN MOXEY, the same guy who made CITY OF THE DEAD a.k.a. HORROR HOTEL (1960) one of my favorite black and white horror films . If you're looking for something to do today… watch HOUSE HERE and HOTEL HERE! Or you can come clean out my garage; I'll pay ya a quarter!

Traumafessions/Name That Trauma :: Reader Nicholas of Norway on Urban Legend & a Cross Dressing Beach Bum

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Thank you for this amazing site that I discovered all the way from Norway. I love reading about all those slasher flicks and the so-bad-they-are-good T.V.-movies. The way you write makes me laugh out loud.

But I do have a bone to pick with you.

Loving everything that's old with a twist, I got my hands on a copy of HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, after reading about it on your site. I finally convinced my friend, who really isn't into old slashers at all to see it with me; "Just wait for the ending," I told him.

We were amazed, and not in a good way. It stuck in my head for all the wrong reasons. I could not care less about the characters, as they didn't do a good job in my opinion. We laughed hard throughout the movie, and when the twist came up, we laughed even harder. We didn't see it coming, but it was disappointing. They way you were praising it I thought it was up there with SLEEPAWAY CAMP, but it was not even close.

Now I will use all my convincing-powers to make him see APRIL FOOL'S DAY instead. I think the movies are similar, but A.F.D. being the better one. Better acting, better murders, scarier and a much better twist!

Now, over to my kinder trauma. I'm 26 years old, and saw URBAN LEGEND in the theatre; it's the scene at the gas station where she drives off only to see the killer in her backseat with an axe, killing her off. That has traumatized me to levels I don't even know if I can explain. (I left my car at the movie theatre, and took the subway home for starters.) To this day, the first thing I check when I get in a car is the back seat, and if it has a lot of clothes, etc. I have to lift them up to see that the killer isn't waiting for me under the pile. If I'm driving alone at night, I can start panicking because I think I see a hand in the backseat, so I have to pull over and make sure. Damn that movie, it surely has scared me for life.

I have a movie I have been looking forever for, it's an ‘80s romantic movie. It's about a girl who is a lesbian I think, and she dresses up as a boy so that she can date this girl. Then in the last scene, at a beach, it's revealed that she has boobs, and really is a girl. I badly want to see this movie again, so please help. I do think it has slasher elements as well. Anyone?

Thanks,

Nicholas.

UNK SEZ: Nicholas, where to start?

1. Thanks for your kind words.

2. How does one not enjoy HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME? I know that the ending makes zero sense but what about the shish kabob murder? Did you guys even listen to the theme song at the end? It's the best theme song EVER!

3. Why are you keeping company with someone who, "really isn't into old slashers"? What kind of person is that? I think that questionable character must have swayed your opinion on H.B.T.M.!

4. I know that you are a rational person because you understand the glory of SLEEPAWAY CAMP and APRIL FOOL'S DAY so I have faith that you can still be saved and learn to appreciate HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

5. I like the opening of URBAN LEGEND too! BRAD DOURIF as the gas station attendant, NATASHA GREGSON WAGNER (MODERN VAMPIRES!) as the girl in the car and BONNIE TYLER singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on the radio. "Turn around bright eyes…" good stuff! I don't think it's quite scary enough to inspire me to take the subway home, but maybe in Norway you guys have nicer subways. Here in Philly, it's actually safer to get in a car with an axe murderer in the back seat than to take the subway. (I kid!)

6. I have no idea what you're talking about as far as this cross dressing beach flasher goes, maybe one of our readers does. I'm just going to pretend you are talking about the best movie ever made, JUST ONE OF THE GUYS on account of I just want to bring up JUST ONE OF THE GUYS. The only thing missing from JUST ONE OF THE GUYS is a good shish kabob kill!

NOTE: Speaking of "Total Eclipse of the Heart," try not to love this…

[REC] 2 is Decent, DESCENT:PART 2 is a Wreck!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

You're courting heartbreak when your expectation for a movie sequel is for it to hit the nail on the head in the same manor as the original. It's almost a built in impossibility, if it were easy to capture lightning in a jar, the films they were sequel-izing wouldn't have been so special in the first place. Two of the last decades strongest, most competent horror flicks [REC] and THE DESCENT have sprouted highly anticipated continuations. Both take off just where their predecessor landed, both expose a startling development (the same development actually) and both falter in capitalizing on that development's full potential. I can't say either film is without entertainment value, they both keep your attention and deliver at least a few good gotcha moments, but (don't kill the messenger!) these two comrades in the art of diminishing returns are likely to leave fans longing for their original's sting. In my opinion, [REC] 2 fares better than THE DESCENT: PART 2 due to that fact that even though it sometimes feels like a diluted shadow of its former self, it's at least never outright boneheaded.

Directors JUAME BALAGUERO and PACO PLAZA who delivered the first [REC] are no slouches; they know exactly what they're doing and exactly how to make you squirm. In this installment we follow a SWAT team and a priest who have entered the infested, quarantined apartment building from the first film. As this is our second venture into the address, we're admittedly signing up to learn more. Unfortunately a lot of the first film's strength was derived from our confusion, we're braced this time and have an inkling of what to expect. The original [REC] only implied an evasive supernatural cause to the horror but now those muddied waters clear. I can't say that [REC] 2 isn't riveting and frenetic but with its leaning more toward action oriented tropes and its more focused view of the situation, it kind of looses the peaking through a keyhole into hell aspect that packed the original's cinder block fist.

We end up with a sort of well oiled, modern retelling of LAMBERTO BAVA's DEMONS 2, which is not a bad thing at all, just don't expect to pee your pants. I don't know, maybe this film's biggest crime is just being second in the series. The bottom line is, the first [REC] haunted the hell out of me where this sequel works merely as a reasonably thrilling jaunt. Maybe I should be thankful.

So what's THE DESCENT: PART 2's excuse? The filmmakers were able to bring back SHAUNA MACDONALD who was so good in the first movie, they were able to impressively duplicate the look of that film from its rolling forests to its claustrophobic caverns and yet nobody thought it might be a good idea to double check the script? I just want to grab a big red pen and cross out most of what is done here story wise. Somehow I was able to FORCE myself to swallow the set-up, which involves the police dragging a heavily medicated trauma patient from her hospital bed and back to the location of her ordeal, I felt I owed the first movie that much. Little did I know that was merely the idiot appetizer of a four-course moron meal and a dumb as dirt dessert.

I don't want to spoil anything, this movie needs all the help it can get but if you've seen it already, can I just say that the sloppy, obvious bit with the handcuffs infuriated me? What a ridiculously blaring set up for a lazy, not worth it pay off. Truly, I'm insulted. There's a lagging, lackluster effort to conceive an emotional aerial view martyr death finale (ala ALIEN 3) but I felt so mishandled by that point that it came off like an awkward pass from someone who should just go to bed. Ugh and ugh and furthermore, UGH!!!

O.K. I admit, I jumped a couple times but I expected more for this series. I feel like I just married off my favorite daughter to the most feeble-minded dolt in town. Worse still is the epilogue, which I can only describe as a cinematic Dirty Sanchez.

I'm not saying you shouldn't see these two films, REC 2 is pretty good, it's just not possessed by Satan himself like the first one was and THE DESCENT 2 is kind of fun in a ditzy straight to DVD piece of utter crap sort of way. Just keep your expectations low (in DESCENT 2's case VERY low, as in place the limbo pole on the floor) and remember your Unk warned you. Meanwhile, I'll still be wondering why the female mole person in THE DESCENT: PART 2 (or "crawler", who really cares anymore?) has long hair. Seriously, I'm surprised they didn't put a little red bow in it.