Author: unkle lancifer
Name That Traumatot :: Round 3

Hey kids, ready for round three? Here are ten more traumatots. Can you name the titles of the movies they appeared in?










The Possessed

With all the countless hours I spent watching the boob tube in my youth, how is it even possible that I have never come across the 1977 made-for-television EXORCIST wannabe entitled THE POSSESSED? Jeez, the darn thing takes place in an all girls school and stars DEAD AND BURIED's JAMES FARENTINO for Pete's sake. FARENTINO plays an ex-priest who, during a near death experience, is told to get his ass back to Earth and start stomping evil. That premise alone would have placed it high on my must obsess about list but egad, the entire cast is like a who's who of soon to be stalked by me stars.
Just imagine that future Wookie pal, whip virtuoso and debatable Replicant HARRISON FORD shows up to play a smoldering, in more way than one, biology teacher; and his hot to trot students include ANN DUSENBERRY (JAWS 2), DIANA SCARWID (PSYCHO 3), DINAH MANOFF (CHILD'S PLAY) and wholly Toledo P.J., "I always forget my chemistry book and my math book, and my English book, and my, let's see, my French book, and… well who needs books anyway, I don't need books, I always forget all my books, I mean, it doesn't really matter if you have your books or not" SOLES of you know, HALLOWEEN (and of course, CARRIE).
O.K. it's not exactly scary by today's standards, and it is of course stifled a bit in its need to keep notice of prime time censors, but I feel pretty confident that if I had caught this back in my youth it would have freaked me out in a serious way. FARENTINO begins investigating a number of increasingly dangerous fires that seem to be igniting on their own or perhaps are sparked by one of the school girl's unwanted affiliation with the occult. Before you know it some characters are exiting stage right engulfed by flames and eventually the culprit is revealed to be someone rather low on the suspect list. The final poolside showdown between priest and possessed may lack spinning heads and levitation, but it almost makes up for that with it's one of a kind nail spitting sequence.
Truth be told, Aunt John (an unrepentant devotee of nonsensical made-for-T.V. cinema) was more than a little miffed that zero was given as far as any explanation for what we had just witnessed, and he does have a point. Who knows what the hell was going on at this crazy school where kids ride their bikes in the hall and HARRISON FORD is treated like a garden variety himbo? Frankly, I'm not sure I want to know. I just wish this baby was made into a series. Plus c'mon, I'm not the type to look a gift P.J. SOLES in the mouth, especially if that mouth has the potential to spit nails!

Traumafessions :: Richard of Doomed Moviethon on Alligator

Shortly after I had discovered the horror of JAWS and the irrational fear of even the shallowest of waters, my parents introduced my sister and I to the 1980 film ALLIGATOR. The scene that shook me to the core of my being was the birthday party scene when some bratty kids blindfold an unlucky youngster and took him to walk the plank. The plank, of course, is the diving board of their pool and as luck would have it, the titular beast is waiting hungrily at the bottom. This takes place at night so the kids don't know of the danger until somebody's parent turns on the pool lights revealing 36-feet of alligator badness.
You know how things slow down when you're scared? This scene seemed hours long to my kid-brain. The way I perceived this moment was that the kids KNEW the alligator was in that pool and were trying to kill their friend ON PURPOSE. So what is really just a great scare in a horror movie turned into this long, protracted and sadistic murder scene. Was this a nihilistic comment on the state of children in the 1980s? Probably not, but on the following Monday morning, I viewed the other kids at my grade school in a different and much more suspicious light.
UNK SEZ: Great traumafession Richard! Just what one would expect from the brilliant mind behind DOOMED MOVIETHON and the equally awesome DOOMED MOVIEBLOG!
Coraline

Hello, I wish to tell you about 2009's childhood horror: CORALINE. This movie is messed up! It looks cute, it's in stopmotion for crying out loud! BUT…it's one scary movie! It had scenes in it where two ladies are twisted together and where a man becomes a melty monster! And guess what? It's in 3-D too! In one scene, it is shown that Ms. Forcible and Ms. Spink STUFF thier Scottie dogs when they die. and that's not even the part where the other mother turns into a spider witch. Finally…the hand. it gets cut off and still follows Coraline around! PLEASE PUT THIS ON YOUR SITE!
— Squirt00
UNK SEZ: Thanks Squirt00 for giving us the heads up on the sure to be future traumatizer CORALINE! We've heard from several sources (including our pal Rat Saw God) that this flick is primo Kindertrauma material. I did get a chance to see it recently (in 3-D no less!) and although I'm a little late on commenting about it, I agree with you entirely. I'm sure CORALINE will give kids plenty of stuff to worry about before they go to bed for many years to come!
CORALINE was, of course, directed by HENRY SELICK who was also responsible for the creeped out classics THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS and JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH. It's based on a book by NEIL GAIMAN that tells the tale of a young girl who finds a secret passageway to an alternative universe. At first things seem pretty perfect in the mirror world until she discovers the price of perfection involves sewing buttons on to her peepers! It's all very spooky and weird in the best way possible and, as per usual with SENNICK's work with stop motion animation, the artistry on display is without question. CORALINE's evil alternative "Other Mom" (voiced by TERI HATCHER) is a truly kindertraumatizing sight to behold once she shows her true colors.
My personal favorite aspect of CORALINE though is the fact that super cool JOHN CARPENTER alum KEITH DAVID (Childs from THE THING, Frank from THEY LIVE) lends his voice to an all knowing slinky black cat. If that fact doesn't get folks renting this baby as soon as it hits DVD than I don't know what will!

The Children (2008)

Effective killer kid movies are hard to come by. Their shock value has diminished severely since the days of THE BAD SEED and truth be told, few movies are willing to take the sub-genre to the extremes needed to be successful. One false move by the director and you're looking at a campy joke. One false line reading by a kid actor and you've permanently lost your audience. 2008's THE CHILDREN (not to be confused with the unintentionally hilarious shocker from 1980) is a film by director TOM SHANKLAND that routinely impresses by not shying away from the disturbing nature of its subject matter.
Taking place over a snowy Christmas holiday two families meet for seasonal festivities. Tension is patiently doled out as we slowly find that the children of these families are beginning to act more and more feral due to an unnamed virus. The madness that blankets the children is of the cold and icy variety and the film highlights this visually with its grey bleakness. As we progress the general static atmosphere becomes more and more frequently punctured by migraine inducing blasts of vivid imagery, harsh primary colors and shrill sound. In some instances these frenzied collisions of tone are annoying as hell, but they also provide a pitch perfect arena that could believably incubate domestic insanity.
There is a balancing act evident throughout the film's running time of which director SHANKLAND is dutifully aware. Most of us would like to believe if we were confronted by a homicidal child we could more than hold our own, but in THE CHILDREN confusion and chaos reign supreme. The adult victims are slow to the realization that their beloved offspring have gone batty and even upon realization, struggle to accept that they will have to use violence themselves in order to survive. A great deal of the film's success in building a believable groundwork for its action that is derived by keeping both the audience and the film's characters partially in the dark. As things escalate the parents' natural instinct to scapegoat rather than implicate their own children muddy the waters even further. Refreshingly, we are also presented with a teenage character who seems to be the sole heir to clarity when the dominoes begin to fall.
There is something about killer kid movies that will always strike the funny bone. Watching perfect little angels behaving badly is innately amusing. THE CHILDREN is smart enough to follow the lead of WHO CAN KILL A CHILD? by demanding that the audience think hard about when violence is necessary and allowing them to appreciate the parents' dilemma rather than dwell on heroics. The end result may not scare the crap out of you, but be prepared for plenty of creeps due to some severely haunting images and a couple of flinches thanks to some convincing gore. If nothing else, if you have ever wondered what it would be like if somebody made a killer kid flick and not only took its subject matter seriously, but didn't back down in fear of stepping on sensitive toes, you now have your answer.

Name That Traumatot :: Round 2

Hey kids! Here are ten more traumatots. Can you name the titles of the movies they appeared in?










Kinder-Link :: The Haunted Closet

I stumbled across a great site the other day that I would love to direct you to. It's called THE HAUNTED CLOSET and I think you guys will really dig it, I know I do. In the closet you'll find reviews for trauma classics like BURNT OFFERINGS, TRILOGY OF TERROR and both WATERSHIP DOWN and THE PLAGUE DOGS. There are spotlights on episodes of the horror series THE DARKROOM and there is even a look at Aunt John's most favorite episode of LITTLE HOUSE! You'll discover detailed examinations of such obscurities as an animated version of POE's TELL-TALE HEART from 1953 and a craptastic DRACULA video game from the eighties. There are tons of scary kid's books, JAWS 3-D cards, Halloween Chick Tracts and tons and tons of more creepy nostalgia. I myself found an amazing haunted house puzzle that I used to own as a kid! (Check it out HERE). THE HAUNTED CLOSET is great fun to dig through and is sure to unlodge more than a few memories for anyone who was a twisted kid. Do yourself a favor and check it out HERE!

Cold Prey (Fritt Vilt)

Howdy Kindertrauma readers, it's your Unkle Lancifer here writing to you from the Lone Star State where I am visiting my folks. By the time this is posted I will probably be back at Kindertrauma Castle, but I just had to write to you about a couple things. First of all, I miss you guys and apparently believe that you all live inside specifically MY computer and not my mother's lap top from which I write to you now. Weird huh? Also, I've been digging up in my parent's attic and I found a bunch of great old horror paraphernalia that I hope to drag back and share with you soon. The real reason I'm writing to you now though, at exactly 2:13 in the morning is because I just finished a super great movie that I'm really excited about and can you believe my dear mother was the one to find it?
There we were at the local hemorrhaging video store and I was grabbing just about every horror flick I could get my paws on and my mom hands me something called COLD PREY. Now the cover of the DVD is awful (Anchor Bay you should know better!) but the back sounded intriguing and since it was a snowbound horror flick, which I have a fondness for, I decided to give it a whirl and guess what…I LOVE COLD PREY!
Now the film is a couple years old (2006) and forgive me if I am totally out of the loop, but how did this sucker get past me? I just checked it out on imdb and it seems that its hype was pretty big, but truly I had never heard of this one or it just didn't stick if I had. Maybe I've walked past the DVD a million times and just ignored it because, like I said, the cover is stink-o.
COLD PREY is from Norway and the set up is by the book classic slasher with a group of groovy kids getting stranded and being hunted down by a crazed maniac. The beauty part is that it is done so well. It's wonderfully shot and the location, an isolated ski lodge surrounded by post card snowscapes, is incredible. Here's a thing too, I loved all the actors in it. They're not the Hollywood type that look like they have been dipped in caramel and nursed on latte bottles, they're all normalish and I wouldn't run away from them if I saw them in the street. The female lead simply ruled. She ran the gambit from breaking down emotionally to mustering up the chutzpa without ever being over the top infallible or cartoon Amazon. It's seriously suspenseful too. There is little gore but you feel the damage the characters endure thanks to the knowing hand of the director. Be warned though it is pretty formulaic but much like the formula of nestle quick plus milk, the end result is hooray for you!
If you are not a slasher fan then COLD PREY probably will not do much to convert you, but if you are I think that it's a must see flick. I for one am going to buy a copy as soon as possible. Even though Anchor Bay scratched on the cover art they do supply plenty of yummy extras like a making of doc, music vids and trailers/T.V. spots (as is their way). I know that my aversion to snarking it up all over the place may have some of you thinking that I'll roll over for any flick that scratches my belly, but trust me,COLD PREY is neo slasher heaven.
O.K. I guess that will do for now, sorry I didn't look up the director's or actors names on imdb (D.I.Y.S.), but like I said it's late at night and I just wanted to drop you guys this dose of enthusiasm before it waned. Now I'm off to get some shut eye or maybe raid the fridge (my parents love Super Pretzels too, can you believe it?)
Unk L
ALSO: So sadly out of it am I, that I just found out that a sequel to COLD PREY was released in 2008. Man, who knew you could actually miss out on stuff by living in the past?

Name That Traumatot!

Look at all these Traumatots! Some are nice kids who found themselves in horrific situations, but one of them is so super bad that he took an axe to his ma's head! Can you guess which movies these youngins appeared in? Some of them are kind of obscure, but you've bound to have come across a few if you are a horror fan. Now get guessin'! The answers will appear… eventually!









