kindertrauma

Author: unkle lancifer

Official Traumatizer :: Mr. Roarke (In Memoriam Ricardo Montalban)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I used to think death meant that God just wasn't that into you, but I am now beginning to believe the un-killable rumor that it happens to everybody. Today Kindertrauma idol RICARDO MONTALBAN passed away at age 88. Mr. MONTALBAN had already established himself as a Hollywood Legend when he stepped into the signature white suite that belonged to FANTASY ISLAND's beloved and highly mysterious MR. ROARKE. I think I can speak for all of our readers (especially die-hard fans AMANDA BY NIGHT and THE MICKSTER) when I say that FANTASY ISLAND was a big influence and effected our generation's lives more than it is often given credit for, plus that show could be damn scary when it wanted to be!

Besides just being the coolest guy around, MONTABON was a forerunner in changing the image of Latinos in film and spent much of his life breaking down barriers when he was not schooling us all on the of the advantages of "soft, Corinthian leather." This man owned Saturday night from 1978 to 1984 and I, for one, thank God he was there.

P.S.: You can watch FANTASY ISLAND on Hulu for free HERE. (I highly recommend the ventriloquist dummy spit personality revenge episode with MAREN JENSEN entitled "Mary Ann and Miss Sophisticate").

Kinder-News:: Harry Warden's Return

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Yesterday saw the release of a special edition DVD of the 1981 slasher favorite MY BLOODY VALENTINE. Included on the disc are two versions of the film, the theatrical release you know and love and an unedited version complete with bloody graphic scenes that were previously edited out. My first encounter with VALENTINE was in the pages of FAMOUS MONSTERS magazine around the time of its initial release. The impressive stills I first viewed had me jumping at the bit as I waited in anticipation for its release. Not being of age to see R-rated movies in the theater quite yet, I was doomed to wait for its VHS release to finally catch up with it. As impressed with the movie as I was at the time, I do remember being equally disappointed that several scenes that I had spied in FAMOUS MONSTERS were nowhere to be found. It turned out that the original cut of the film had received an X-rating due to a strong anti-violence backlash that was sweeping through the M.P.A.A. at the time. For years (nearly three decades) I had dreamt of getting to see this underrated gem in its full gory glory and yesterday those dreams came true.

As far as I'm concerned, this is the horror DVD release of the year bar none. I might be an obsessive fanatic but I know what I like. In some ways MY BLOODY VALENTINE perfectly epitomizes the slasher trends popular at the time, but no matter how faithfully it might follow the trail of those then current trends it has a spirit and an atmosphere unquestionably its own. Taking on romantic situations where nobody wins and focusing on dead end jobs in a town whose best days are in the rearview mirror, M.B.V., when compared to many of its peers, comes off as sullenly thoughtful. There are some glimpses of levity but the constant cold, gray sky most definitely has the final word. Harry Warden, the legendary killer who haunts the town of Valentine's Bluff might be a maniac, but he's a rather tragic figure too. In a way I think Harry has a right to be disgruntled considering all that he has endured due to his crappy job. Maybe he's correct in pointing out to the rest of the going nowhere locals that they have absolutely no reason to be throwing parties. (Of course one should find more productive ways of expressing oneself than with a pickaxe.)

The vicious mayhem revealed in the extended cut is pretty damn amazing. Not only is it a lot of fun for fans of gore, but the added bits help the movie move forward in a way that makes more sense. Some of the scenes were rendered so choppy in the theatrical release that it obscured important elements and, thankfully, that is no longer an issue. A couple of these kills, merely serviceable before, I would now count among the best in slasher history. The film quality of some of the reinserted scenes is less than pristine, but frankly, to me, that is like complaining about ED McMAHON's penmanship on a Publisher's Clearing House check.

There is no question in my mind that if this version were the one to have been released in 1981, MY BLOODY VALENTINE would be called simply a classic rather than a "cult" classic by now. I plan to be first in line to see the 3-D remake on opening day. Honestly I would be there anyway, but at this point I'd also just like to thank LIONSGATE with my hardly earned cash for making this special edition DVD possible. Rather than simply robbing this classic of its title and dumping a mall turd into theaters, they went that extra mile and did genre fan's a real solid. No matter the quality of Harry's new incarnation I gotta give thanks to LIONSGATE for having such heart. I don't care how many times you have seen this movie before, if you have not seen the special edition get thee to Amazon at once. Until you have witnessed the infamous shower head scene in all its brutality, you have not yet met the real Harry Warden.

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Official Traumatizer :: Freddy Krueger

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I'm sure I do not have to bend over backwards to convince any of you of Freddy Krueger's rightful place within the ranks of Kindertrauma's official TRAUMATIZERS. As portrayed by ROBERT ENGLUND, Freddy is one of the world's most recognizable horror icons and over the last couple decades, has slashed himself a permanent position in to the public's consciousness. His persona, a trickster ghoul who haunts dreams, perfectly captures the fears of every child who ever suffered a sleepless night. It almost seems as if he always existed in some form or another and was just waiting for NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET creator WES CRAVEN to give him a name. (CRAVEN admits his own childhood fears were the seeds that developed into KRUEGER).

Out of all the genre's recognizable monsters, killers and demons, Freddy meshes seamlessly with childhood fears in a way that cannot be ignored. In fact, his origin story includes a history of terrorizing and murdering children specifically. Over exposure and his penchant for campy zingers in the franchise's sequels may have weakened his sting, but lest we forget at the heart of Krueger is the spirit of true Kindertrauma.

This is the type of guy that as a kid you whisper about in hushed tones before bedtime and imagine is lurking within the shadows of your closet. As much as the series showcased the slasher deaths of teenagers by Freddy's signature bladed glove, lost children, his original victims, would often appear singing jump rope warnings of his impending arrival. Regardless of his victims various ages throughout the series he invariably stood as a blunt dividing line between parent and child who sadistically relished pointing out the lie of presumed safety in the suburban American dream. Although his identity as child killer softened through the course of the series, his every cinematic incarnation included at least one visual reference to lost or snuffed out innocence and childhood vulnerability.

Because he is such an obvious choice we seem to have neglected to tip our fedoras properly to Freddy thus far, but Mr. Krueger's status as an official TRAUMATIZER cannot be avoided any longer.

Below are some Kindertrauma spirited screenshots from all eight films in which FREDDY KRUEGER appeared. Can you identify from which film each has been taken?

Traumafessions :: Reader Elizabeth G. on The Cat From Hell

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I remember when I was little in the early 90's my dad and older siblings were watching something on T.V., I believe it was called THE CAT FROM HELL. The only thing about it I remember is at the end the cat kills this person by crawling in their mouth and down their throat. I think it eats the person's heart, but that might have just been what I was told. I can remember you could see the cat moving around inside the person and it really freaked me out.

UNK SEZ: Thanks Elizabeth! THE CAT FROM HELL is actually the second story in the anthology horror movie TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE. That film began life as CREEPSHOW 3 but its title was changed by producers to take advantage of the notoriety of the television series TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE. That particular segment was directed by genre legend GEORGE ROMERO and adapted from a short story by none other then the master himself STEPHEN KING!

NOTE: This bottom image was borrowed from DEADLANTERN.COM, they have a great list over there called KITTIES OF HORROR check it out HERE.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Gary on a Ghostly Girl Roadblock

Posted on By unkle lancifer

First of all, I love your blog!

OK, now please see if you can help me get closure on something that freaked the crap outta me as a kid.

I was about 7 or 8, which would mean this horrifying incident took place around 1973 or so. I saw a movie or T.V. show that had a scene in which a man visits a cemetery. We see the man approach a grave and put flowers on it. I think he says a short prayer. You get the idea. Somehow it is relayed to the viewer that he is visiting the grave of his young daughter. I'm pretty sure her name was Mary. Or maybe not. OK, so far I can handle that without freaking out. Next scene…

The man is driving home from the cemetery on a lonely country road. It is now dark. Suddenly he hears a creepy little girl voice. The following exchange takes place:

Creepy Little Girl Voice: Daaaaddddddyyyyyy….oh Daaaaaddddddddyyyyyyyy.
Man: Mary? Is that you?
Creepy Little Girl Voice: Yes, daddy, it's me.
Man: Where are you Mary? I can't see you.
Creepy Little Girl Voice: I'm right in front of you, daddy – look!

The man looks ahead on the road and his headlights catch a glowing, transparent little girl ghost right in front of his car on the road! He swerves and runs off the road. I pee my pants and turn the T.V. off.

I'm not ashamed to admit it – I screamed and cried like a little girl. Even today, this freaks me out just thinking about the incident. I slept in my parents' bed that night (I was way too old to sleep with them, but they finally gave in after listening to my shrieks of terror). To this day, nothing has ever messed me up as bad as this.

I'm not sure if it was a movie or T.V. show. I'm a little fuzzy on the girl's name. Some of the details have faded over time, but the heart of this terror will be forever scorched into my brain. I've tried everything I know to ID this. You're my final hope. Thanks!

UNK SEZ: Well Gary, that certainly sounds like a memorable scene and one that would be hard to shake for anyone of any age. I personally don't recall that one so let's send it out to our readers. Does this creepy ghost girl appearing in the road ring any bells for any of you guys? Leave a comment or send us an email if it does!

UPDATE: Name That Trauma solved! It's called DAUGHTER OF THE MIND, please check out the comments for more details. Special thanks to commenters algee for solving it, and PhantomWerewolf for finding the clip.

Kinder-Art :: M. Mararian's Inky Dreadfuls

Posted on By unkle lancifer

"March of the Cuckoos"

"Little Consumer"

"Danielle's Lament"

"Arctophobia (Fear of Bears)"

"Pupaphobia (Fear of Puppets)"

"Carnophobia (Fear of Meat)"

UNK SEZ: Hey, Check out M. MARARIAN'S INKY DREADFULS! The top three represent his current show at the McCaig Welles gallery in Brooklyn New York (learn more about that HERE) and the bottom three are part of a series he did last summer on phobias. Are they not awesome AND so very Kindertraumatic? For more of M. MARIAN'S INKY DREADFULS simply hop on over to his fantastic and expansive WEBSITE!

The Boogey Man (1980)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

One of the very first horror movies that I ever caught on VHS was 1980's THE BOOGEY MAN directed by ULLI LOMMEL. It's box art and title had me assuming I would be viewing something along the same lines as HALLOWEEN. Boy, was I in for a surprise. Sure the opening scenes visually crib from JOHN CARPENTER's classic and the title is an obvious cash-in, but that's where the similarities end. If you're looking for subtle nuance or even a vague feigning of good taste just let THE BOOGEY MAN, as Dionne Warwick sang, "Walk on by." This movie though, as rough around the edges, derivative and generic as it sometimes is, just can't help being strangely disturbing in it's own way. The opening kill alone should be in the kindertrauma hall of fame.

Let's face it, HALLOWEEN's Judith Myers had a pretty good life up until her brother snuffed it out. Not so with THE BOOGEY MAN's young brother and sister team Lacey and Willy (NATASHA SCHIANO and JAY WRIGHT) who, when we open the picture, live in the kind of f-ed up environment that wouldn't befall Judith Myers until ROB ZOMBIE got a hold of her years later. When we first meet these wide-eyed siblings they are spying on their drunken wreck of a mother as she seduces a butch bruiser in the family living room. We never see the guy's face clearly because soon mom's kinky pantyhose fetish comes to light and he is wearing said hose on his face.

I'm not sure why but this pantyhose disguise routine was popular on crime shows back in the day and I don't mind telling you that it always creeped the hell out of me. I mean, props to mom for getting her groove on but this ain't the type you want hanging around your kids! That obvious fact is made even clearer when the kids are caught spying and, under the approving eye of drunk mommy, the little boy is tied up and gagged to a bed and then slapped for good measure. Luckily sis in her candy cane stripped pajamas knows exactly where the family keeps the butcher knife so she cuts loose her bro. Once free lil' Willy, as boys will often do, decides it's high time to stab pantyhose face in the spine as he bumps ugglies with trashy ma in that oddest of make-out joints the bedroom.

What else do you need to know about this movie? 20 years later the kids are grown (and f-d) up and played by real life brother sister team SUZANNA and NICHOLAS LOVE (Suzanne was LUMMEL's BARBEAU at the time.) They are desperately trying to get over their serious DR. PHIL baggage but Willy is so damn shell shocked he's gone mute. Sis Lacey makes the brilliant decision to revisit her past in order to heal (don't try this at home folks!) but ends up freeing the dead dude from a mirror he's been hanging out in so that he can brutally demolish everybody she comes into contact with.

THE BOOGEY MAN is a cheap, synth scored, runaway train but there are so many ideas (both original AND stolen) bouncing around that you kind of just have to sit back in awe. There are plenty of amazing deaths (the kissing double murder by a knife through two open mouths is inspired) but if gore ain't your bag you'll be happy to know that people are routinely speaking in demonic voices, shooting light beams out of their eyeballs and hovering above the ground too. I'm telling you, this supernatural slash-a-thon knows no bounds! In fact, the creepy windows from THE AMITYVILLE HORROR even stop by for a spell (pretty amazing when you consider those windows totally snubbed THE AMITYVILLE CURSE!) THE BOOGEY MAN is strewn with some choppy editing and technical problems galore but its willingness to be as deranged as it wants to be (scary pantyhose face included) leaves a lasting impression.

P.S. O.K I admit it, I did rewind over and over again the part where the brat gets a window (the non-AMITYVILLE type) smashed down on his head. Does that make me a bad person? Aw, who asked ya!

Name That Trauma :: Reader Charles W. on Gun-Toting Little Girls

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hey here's a movie that disturbed me as a child and I have not been able to figure out what movie it was. Not even Joe Bob Briggs could figure this one out, people working in underground movie shops just shrug. The movie was made in the ‘80s and it's about two girls around the age of 8 who live on a beach. One is brunette and the other is blond, I think their mom is single and she hooks up with some guy who is their next-door neighbor. The guy gives the blond girl a camera for her birthday and the two girls go around taking pictures of everything. They sneak in on their neighbor having an affair with another woman and conspire to black mail him writing him threatening letters with photographic evidence. The adults freak out and everything, lots of drama.

But the part that freaked me out was the ending, the blond girl gets a hold of a revolver and shoots the guy to death at the end on the beach! Like I'm talking big bloody squibs, and the really awful part is the girl turns the gun on her brunette haired friend, the movie ends with a crying small girl running into the water with blood squibs bursting on her back! I use to watch every horror movie imaginable when I was young and was never bothered by any of them but this movie always filled me with a feeling of dread. It never occurred to me that kids could die violently before I saw that and I remember being seriously disturbed after the first viewing.

I saw this movie like more than once when I was a child because my sister kept renting it but she can't even remember the title now. This was back in 1988 when I last saw it and I was in kindergarten. I think I eventually end up asking anyone I talk movies with about this movie, no one has seen it, plot summary search on IMDB brings up nothing. Really hard to find any info on it. I think it might have had the word SWEET or BABY or DARLING in the title.

UNK SEZ: Dear Charles, you made my day because I know exactly the movie you are talking about is! It's from 1989, stars JOHN HURT and is entitled LITTLE SWEETHEART. In fact, that movie is actually based on a novel by ARTHUR WISE called NAUGHTY GIRLS which I read In my youth. Strangely enough, that book had such an impact on me that not only did we post the cover in the early days of Kindertrauma HERE but we also use a bastardized verson of its artwork as the kindertrauma Myspace avatar! I've never actually seen the film as I did not even know of its existence until recently but, considering the impression it left upon you, I'll be tracking it down soon! You can check out the trailer HERE.

Traumafessions :: Reader Randy M. on Gilligan's Island

Posted on By unkle lancifer

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND was one of my favourite T.V. shows as a youth. However, there were some absolutely horrifying aspects to it:

  • The giant spider Gilligan faced down
  • Gilligan's many "dream sequences," especially the ones with him as a vampire and Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde (I couldn't watch those!)
  • All the references to HEADHUNTERS

Actually, death figured prominently in much of this "family comedy." Bites by supposedly fatal bugs, Gilligan being fake-burnt atop a funeral pyre, quicksand…

At least there was Mary Ann in the halter-top and denim paint pants to look at!

UNK SEZ: Randy, I too loved GILLIGAN'S ISLAND as a kid! I will never forget that giant spider episode as long as I live. (You can read a little more about that spider HERE). Do you remember the one where they actually got off the island for a spell only to wind up in a castle with a mad scientist who switched their brains around? That's the one that freaked me out. The scientist's giant lab assistant Igor even ends up with Ginger's personality! Thank god Ginger was returned to her usual beautiful self. I can't imagine her in Igor form fitting into her "Honey Bees" wardrobe!