Author: unkle lancifer
Traumafessions :: Reader TickleMeCthulhu on Sssssss
Does anybody remember the 1973 movie, Sssssss in which a young DIRK BENEDICT undertakes a position as lab assistant and is slowly transformed into a cobra? I believe I first saw this film at a drive-in theater in New Jersey, though I remember also seeing it on T.V. I'm not sure. I would have been 3 in 1973, so I'm not sure if we saw it that early, but it's possible (maybe '74-'85).
Before seeing it again on DVD in the past couple of years, my memory of the film was sketchy, at best. I remember key scenes: the freak half-snake, half-man hybrid at the carnival; the snake eating the man after choosing to select a key to his locked room from a coral snake or a milk snake; DIRK BENEDICT peeling his shedding skin off in the bathroom; but mostly I remember "Snakeman." In fact, that's what I used to call the movie- I didn't know it was Sssssss until much later. My memory of the Snakeman was a phase in DIRK BENEDICT's transformation in which he turned pale and hairless, his folded arms fused to his body, and his mouth became wide and speechless (with the exception of pained "mmmmm-mmm!" sounds). He was locked in the lab by the professor character and his scenes involved him clumsily stumbling around the lab, bumping into things and going "mmmm-mmmm!" In actuality, this memory is actually a fusion of various scenes in the movie: the carnival freak; the discovery of the previous lab assistant; the final transformation; and the actual scene (shown below).
After seeing this, my nighttime fears became an obsession with Snakeman. Snakeman was under the bed, Snakeman was in the closet, Snakeman was looking in the window, my brothers' suggestions as to Snakeman's whereabouts and intentions didn't help.
Well, as I mentioned before, I watched it again on the no-frills DVD my brother lent me. It's a terribly insipid movie. The Snakeman scenes are only a few minutes of screen time and hardly the stuff of horror legend. I cannot overstate the inevitable let down you're setting yourself up for when re-viewing movies that effected you as a child. It's best just to let these things remain what they were to you. Most of my childhood terrors were comprised of the bits and pieces of horror films I had seen (until my parents told me to close my eyes or go upstairs to bed) and the creative continuations and reconstructions of those scenes. This was one movie where I fixated on one scene and just blew it out of horror proportion.
My Bloody Valentine 3-D
Last night your Unkle Lancifer was lucky enough to catch MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D. To tell you the truth, I cannot remember the last time I had so much fun seeing a movie in the theater. It is an absolutely straightforward funhouse ride with likable characters, a great use of location and a highly contagious mischievous spirit. We're talking simple, absolute fun. This movie actually has the rare wisdom to trust the validity of its predecessor and the slasher genre itself while adding its own clever spin. Frankly, I felt like a teenager again sitting in a room full of total strangers screaming, laughing and in this case, ducking from flying body parts. I think that if you go see this movie and you don't have a good time than you should just grab a shovel, walk into your backyard, dig a hole and then just lie down and call it a life. Not being able to find joy here means that there is something so broken and twisted in your soul that you are clearly beyond any type of repair and that you should really think seriously about taking your negative energy out of the universe. If you have any love for your eyeballs at all, you will go see this movie immediately and in 3-D. (No, I do not own stock in this fine film.)
P.S.: Did I mention it stars TOM ATKINS?
Official Traumatizer :: Mr. Roarke (In Memoriam Ricardo Montalban)
I used to think death meant that God just wasn't that into you, but I am now beginning to believe the un-killable rumor that it happens to everybody. Today Kindertrauma idol RICARDO MONTALBAN passed away at age 88. Mr. MONTALBAN had already established himself as a Hollywood Legend when he stepped into the signature white suite that belonged to FANTASY ISLAND's beloved and highly mysterious MR. ROARKE. I think I can speak for all of our readers (especially die-hard fans AMANDA BY NIGHT and THE MICKSTER) when I say that FANTASY ISLAND was a big influence and effected our generation's lives more than it is often given credit for, plus that show could be damn scary when it wanted to be!
Besides just being the coolest guy around, MONTABON was a forerunner in changing the image of Latinos in film and spent much of his life breaking down barriers when he was not schooling us all on the of the advantages of "soft, Corinthian leather." This man owned Saturday night from 1978 to 1984 and I, for one, thank God he was there.
P.S.: You can watch FANTASY ISLAND on Hulu for free HERE. (I highly recommend the ventriloquist dummy spit personality revenge episode with MAREN JENSEN entitled "Mary Ann and Miss Sophisticate").
Kinder-News:: Harry Warden's Return
Yesterday saw the release of a special edition DVD of the 1981 slasher favorite MY BLOODY VALENTINE. Included on the disc are two versions of the film, the theatrical release you know and love and an unedited version complete with bloody graphic scenes that were previously edited out. My first encounter with VALENTINE was in the pages of FAMOUS MONSTERS magazine around the time of its initial release. The impressive stills I first viewed had me jumping at the bit as I waited in anticipation for its release. Not being of age to see R-rated movies in the theater quite yet, I was doomed to wait for its VHS release to finally catch up with it. As impressed with the movie as I was at the time, I do remember being equally disappointed that several scenes that I had spied in FAMOUS MONSTERS were nowhere to be found. It turned out that the original cut of the film had received an X-rating due to a strong anti-violence backlash that was sweeping through the M.P.A.A. at the time. For years (nearly three decades) I had dreamt of getting to see this underrated gem in its full gory glory and yesterday those dreams came true.
As far as I'm concerned, this is the horror DVD release of the year bar none. I might be an obsessive fanatic but I know what I like. In some ways MY BLOODY VALENTINE perfectly epitomizes the slasher trends popular at the time, but no matter how faithfully it might follow the trail of those then current trends it has a spirit and an atmosphere unquestionably its own. Taking on romantic situations where nobody wins and focusing on dead end jobs in a town whose best days are in the rearview mirror, M.B.V., when compared to many of its peers, comes off as sullenly thoughtful. There are some glimpses of levity but the constant cold, gray sky most definitely has the final word. Harry Warden, the legendary killer who haunts the town of Valentine's Bluff might be a maniac, but he's a rather tragic figure too. In a way I think Harry has a right to be disgruntled considering all that he has endured due to his crappy job. Maybe he's correct in pointing out to the rest of the going nowhere locals that they have absolutely no reason to be throwing parties. (Of course one should find more productive ways of expressing oneself than with a pickaxe.)
The vicious mayhem revealed in the extended cut is pretty damn amazing. Not only is it a lot of fun for fans of gore, but the added bits help the movie move forward in a way that makes more sense. Some of the scenes were rendered so choppy in the theatrical release that it obscured important elements and, thankfully, that is no longer an issue. A couple of these kills, merely serviceable before, I would now count among the best in slasher history. The film quality of some of the reinserted scenes is less than pristine, but frankly, to me, that is like complaining about ED McMAHON's penmanship on a Publisher's Clearing House check.
There is no question in my mind that if this version were the one to have been released in 1981, MY BLOODY VALENTINE would be called simply a classic rather than a "cult" classic by now. I plan to be first in line to see the 3-D remake on opening day. Honestly I would be there anyway, but at this point I'd also just like to thank LIONSGATE with my hardly earned cash for making this special edition DVD possible. Rather than simply robbing this classic of its title and dumping a mall turd into theaters, they went that extra mile and did genre fan's a real solid. No matter the quality of Harry's new incarnation I gotta give thanks to LIONSGATE for having such heart. I don't care how many times you have seen this movie before, if you have not seen the special edition get thee to Amazon at once. Until you have witnessed the infamous shower head scene in all its brutality, you have not yet met the real Harry Warden.
Official Traumatizer :: Freddy Krueger
I'm sure I do not have to bend over backwards to convince any of you of Freddy Krueger's rightful place within the ranks of Kindertrauma's official TRAUMATIZERS. As portrayed by ROBERT ENGLUND, Freddy is one of the world's most recognizable horror icons and over the last couple decades, has slashed himself a permanent position in to the public's consciousness. His persona, a trickster ghoul who haunts dreams, perfectly captures the fears of every child who ever suffered a sleepless night. It almost seems as if he always existed in some form or another and was just waiting for NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET creator WES CRAVEN to give him a name. (CRAVEN admits his own childhood fears were the seeds that developed into KRUEGER).
Out of all the genre's recognizable monsters, killers and demons, Freddy meshes seamlessly with childhood fears in a way that cannot be ignored. In fact, his origin story includes a history of terrorizing and murdering children specifically. Over exposure and his penchant for campy zingers in the franchise's sequels may have weakened his sting, but lest we forget at the heart of Krueger is the spirit of true Kindertrauma.
This is the type of guy that as a kid you whisper about in hushed tones before bedtime and imagine is lurking within the shadows of your closet. As much as the series showcased the slasher deaths of teenagers by Freddy's signature bladed glove, lost children, his original victims, would often appear singing jump rope warnings of his impending arrival. Regardless of his victims various ages throughout the series he invariably stood as a blunt dividing line between parent and child who sadistically relished pointing out the lie of presumed safety in the suburban American dream. Although his identity as child killer softened through the course of the series, his every cinematic incarnation included at least one visual reference to lost or snuffed out innocence and childhood vulnerability.
Because he is such an obvious choice we seem to have neglected to tip our fedoras properly to Freddy thus far, but Mr. Krueger's status as an official TRAUMATIZER cannot be avoided any longer.
Below are some Kindertrauma spirited screenshots from all eight films in which FREDDY KRUEGER appeared. Can you identify from which film each has been taken?
Traumafessions :: Reader Elizabeth G. on The Cat From Hell
I remember when I was little in the early 90's my dad and older siblings were watching something on T.V., I believe it was called THE CAT FROM HELL. The only thing about it I remember is at the end the cat kills this person by crawling in their mouth and down their throat. I think it eats the person's heart, but that might have just been what I was told. I can remember you could see the cat moving around inside the person and it really freaked me out.
UNK SEZ: Thanks Elizabeth! THE CAT FROM HELL is actually the second story in the anthology horror movie TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE. That film began life as CREEPSHOW 3 but its title was changed by producers to take advantage of the notoriety of the television series TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE. That particular segment was directed by genre legend GEORGE ROMERO and adapted from a short story by none other then the master himself STEPHEN KING!
NOTE: This bottom image was borrowed from DEADLANTERN.COM, they have a great list over there called KITTIES OF HORROR check it out HERE.
Name That Trauma :: Reader Gary on a Ghostly Girl Roadblock
First of all, I love your blog!
OK, now please see if you can help me get closure on something that freaked the crap outta me as a kid.
I was about 7 or 8, which would mean this horrifying incident took place around 1973 or so. I saw a movie or T.V. show that had a scene in which a man visits a cemetery. We see the man approach a grave and put flowers on it. I think he says a short prayer. You get the idea. Somehow it is relayed to the viewer that he is visiting the grave of his young daughter. I'm pretty sure her name was Mary. Or maybe not. OK, so far I can handle that without freaking out. Next scene…
The man is driving home from the cemetery on a lonely country road. It is now dark. Suddenly he hears a creepy little girl voice. The following exchange takes place:
Creepy Little Girl Voice: Daaaaddddddyyyyyy….oh Daaaaaddddddddyyyyyyyy.
Man: Mary? Is that you?
Creepy Little Girl Voice: Yes, daddy, it's me.
Man: Where are you Mary? I can't see you.
Creepy Little Girl Voice: I'm right in front of you, daddy – look!
The man looks ahead on the road and his headlights catch a glowing, transparent little girl ghost right in front of his car on the road! He swerves and runs off the road. I pee my pants and turn the T.V. off.
I'm not ashamed to admit it – I screamed and cried like a little girl. Even today, this freaks me out just thinking about the incident. I slept in my parents' bed that night (I was way too old to sleep with them, but they finally gave in after listening to my shrieks of terror). To this day, nothing has ever messed me up as bad as this.
I'm not sure if it was a movie or T.V. show. I'm a little fuzzy on the girl's name. Some of the details have faded over time, but the heart of this terror will be forever scorched into my brain. I've tried everything I know to ID this. You're my final hope. Thanks!
UNK SEZ: Well Gary, that certainly sounds like a memorable scene and one that would be hard to shake for anyone of any age. I personally don't recall that one so let's send it out to our readers. Does this creepy ghost girl appearing in the road ring any bells for any of you guys? Leave a comment or send us an email if it does!
UPDATE: Name That Trauma solved! It's called DAUGHTER OF THE MIND, please check out the comments for more details. Special thanks to commenters algee for solving it, and PhantomWerewolf for finding the clip.
Kinder-Art :: M. Mararian's Inky Dreadfuls
UNK SEZ: Hey, Check out M. MARARIAN'S INKY DREADFULS! The top three represent his current show at the McCaig Welles gallery in Brooklyn New York (learn more about that HERE) and the bottom three are part of a series he did last summer on phobias. Are they not awesome AND so very Kindertraumatic? For more of M. MARIAN'S INKY DREADFULS simply hop on over to his fantastic and expansive WEBSITE!
Traum-mercial Break :: Creepy Condom Ads
These LEGENDS CONDOM adverts are both hilarious and slightly disturbing. They appear to be singing the same warning as the ever popular ZAZOO condom commercial below…