kindertrauma

Author: unkle lancifer

The Willies

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 


Here's a strange little horror anthology geared toward the Nickelodeon set. It's wraparound tale involves three kids in a backyard tent (one of whom is SEAN ASTIN) swapping scary stories and trying to gross each other out with adolescent humor. The structure is an oddity as we begin with various blink and you'll miss them vignettes about well known urban legends, like the dog in the microwave, then move on to two excessively long tales that fill out the bulk of the film. The first concerns a tormented boy who finds a monster in the boy's lavatory at school. Although it's played as broadly as possible, it's easy to imagine a child thinking twice about using a bathroom stall after viewing. It's given some buoyancy thanks to stand out performances from greats JAMES KAREN & CLU GULAGER (RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD) and KATHLEEN FREEMAN(GREMLINS 2 THE NEW BATCH). The second and most memorable tale introduces us to the most unlikable protagonist this side of 1981'S THE PIT. Gordy Belcher is an overweight social pariah who spends his days creating tiny dioramas of dead flies. He's impossible to sympathize with, but bizarrely fascinating anyway. He has a constantly constipated expression unless he's witnessing somebody in anguish, in which case he howls with delight. His private war with a crypt keeper like farmer ends when the farmer offers him an olive branch in the form of magic manure that escalates growth in plant-life. Gordy's tiny insect obsessions dine on the doo and greet him at the foot of his bed in new gargantuan form ready to extract long overdue revenge.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S)

  • The appearances of Seaver siblings TRACEY GOLD, JEREMY MILLER and yes, a sense of humor intact KIRK CAMERON!
  • TWIN PEAKS alum DANA ASHBROOK and KIMMY ROBERTSON also appear!
  • The Janitor putting on his mask
  • Gordy laughs at a near fatal car crash
  • The fly on a crucifix in the tiny church
  • Girl munching into Gordy's homemade fly cookie
  • Gordy's new appendages

Dreamscape

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

A young Dennis Quiad stars in this genre hodge-podge as down on his luck psychic saxophonist Alex Gardner. His once mentor Paul Novotny (MAX VON SYDOW) along with love interest KATE CAPSHAW convince him to work on an experiment that will allow him to enter other people's dreams and cure them of unwanted nightmares. High on the "to do" list is a young boy (TINA YOTHER's brother COREY) whose dreams were terrifying enough to kill the last psychic who ventured into his noggin, followed by the president of the United States whose dreams of nuclear Armageddon are feared to be prophetic. The flies in this ointment are the reliably sinister CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER and a creepy competive fellow psychic named Tommy Ray (played with zeal by DAVID PATRICK KELLY who is famously responsible for that sing-song chant from THE WARRIORS). In a film whose major concern is nuclear annihilation, it's amusing to note that the biggest scares come from a somewhat silly imaginary being known as the Snakeman. Through a dream realm that is equal parts Dr. Suess and Dr. Caligari, Quiad does battle with the sometimes stop-motion animated creature and is visibly unnerved by the experience. This fact is not lost on enemy Tommy Ray who uses this fear to his advantage in the future. DREAMSCAPE certainly has enough plates in the air so it's all the more impressive when they all land together beautifully in the crashing finale, a buffet of radio active mutants, glowing eyed dogs, neon numchucks and the return of Snakeman!

INDELIBLE SCENE(S): 

  • Opening dream with the President's wife trying in vain to outrun a mushroom cloud
  • The Woody Allen-like, circus music infueled infidelity dream
  • "That's my dad, he won't help."
  • The twisty non-stop staircase
  • George Wendt as a novelist
  • The post apocalyptic train ride

    •  

Kinderguest Richard of DoomedMoviethon.com

Posted on By unkle lancifer

My first R-Rated film was a little police procedural Slasher hybrid called 10 TO MIDNIGHT starring CHARLES BROSON. I believe I was only 7 years old when the film premiered on HBO. My parents and some assorted aunts and uncles were gathered around the TV watching this trashy flick and nobody seemed to notice that I was even there. The plot, as interpreted by my 7 year old mind, goes like this: A serial killer gets naked and then kills naked women; it is up to a detective (Bronson) to kill the serial killer.

My most distinct memory of the film is when the killer goes after a black girl. This gorgeous and quite voluptuous young woman is taking a very steamy shower when the killer strikes. The image of a nude
man stabbing the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen (up to that point) has stayed with me for over two decades.

While this shower-scene-gone-terribly-wrong is taking place, my aunt looks at me with a bewildered look on her face, as though she just noticed I'm even in the room. She then looks to my mother and she says, "Should Ricky be watching this?"

My mom, without missing a beat, says, "Oh, he won't remember this!"

I have yet to revisit 10 TO MIDNIGHT since that fateful night, despite the fact that it has finally appeared on DVD. This memory is too special (for good and for bad reasons) for me and I'm worried that seeing the film again will spoil it for me. Was my obsession with horror films (especially Slashers) hatched right there and then? Probably. One thing's for sure, my mother's theory on the absorbency of the adolescent mind could probably have used a little work.

Hey kids, go crash the non-stop viewing party at Richard's great site Doomed Moviethon.

Night Terror

Posted on By unkle lancifer


Harried homemaker Carol Turner (VALERIE HARPER) has much on her plate, her family is in the middle of a move and she just can't seem to get it together. Forgetful and frazzled, she relies on her husband's near constant guidance. Due to uncontrollable events Carol is about to get a crash course in self preservation. Learning her youngest child has fallen ill, she set's off on an impromptu road trip to Phoenix. This is a ballsy move for old Sal, who was previously peevish about driving on the interstate. Her initial experiences while driving on her own two feet are uniformly dismal. Young hippy haired kids mock her and fellow female drivers disown her. When she finds she's run out of gas her instinct to ask for help from others gets her into deep shit, as she witnesses the murder of a cop and is tagged by his executioner as a target that must be snuffed. A car chase follows that can easily be read as the female version of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S DUEL. What's different here is the depiction of the threatening driver RICHARD ROMANUS, whose scarred neck and dog tags imply a war vet. This guy is actually scary and it's not because he speaks through one of those robot electro-larynx doohickies. It's because when the soap dispenser fails in a public restroom, he rips it off the wall, plus he's also mean to waitresses. The two-steps forward one-step back pacing is either suspenseful or frustrating depending on your tastes. The dated ending which has her unaware husband making light of Sal's usual helplessness is hysterical. She stops just short of winking at the audience.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S)

  • Quinn Cummings alert!
  • Val's "second honeymoon" attire
  • Scary bad guy's rabbit howls
  • The Hamptons boozer that Val inadvertently kills
  • Privileged Val thinks she can buy anyone with a twenty

Special thanks to Richard at Doomed Moviethon!

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Kinderpal Ricky on Friday the 13th

Posted on By unkle lancifer

The most scared I can remember being after watching a horror movie was when I watched FRIDAY THE 13th with my little brother at my cousin's house. The whole movie was mortifying but the scene that really got me is when KEVIN BACON gets killed. There he was just chillin' in bed, reflecting after sex when a spear comes up through his neck from under the bed! I not only had trouble sleeping afterward, but trouble even lying down in bed. Me and my brother shared bunk-beds at the time and I remember having to check under the bed before I could get under the covers. I'm not really the biggest FRIDAY THE 13th fan today, but this does explain the soft spot I continue to have for fellow Philadelphian KEVIN BACON!

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Reader Paul on "Raiders"

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I came out of the womb loving horror movies. As a kid I was obsessed with FRANKENSTEIN,THE WOLF MAN and all the Universal monsters. I used to build Aurora models with my dad and was an avid reader of FAMOUS MONSTERS. My parents had every reason to believe I could handle the action adventure movie RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. For the most part they were right, I loved the snakes, the rotting skeletons, everything until the finale. When the ark was finally opened and the everyone's faces began melting and exploding, I realized I was in way over my head. I covered my eyes but the damage was done. Not only was I terrified but I actually felt like my own head had exploded. That night I couldn't sleep and I ended up melting the face of one of my Frankenstein models with a bic lighter just see what it would look like.

Twilight Zone :: Season Five "LIVING DOLL"

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

On November 1st, 1963, long before Chucky picked up his first blade, a little black and white doll sent shivers down spines across the nation. Her name was Talking Tina and modern killer dolls owe a debt to this trail blazer. She was loosely based on the then popular CHATTY CATHY doll, in fact, her voice was done by the same vocal talent, the legendary JUNE FORAY (Nagaina!). Deceptively pristine Tina comes to live in the home of little Christie Streator, but finds some of the occupants there less than savory. TELLY SAVALAS is Christie's stepfather and he is an ogre-like tyrant with more issues than FANGORIA. The paranoid pop views the doll's presence in his home as a passive aggressive knife twist reminder from his wife concerning his sterility. Tina has little patience for Telly's psychological problems and volleys each aggressive move he makes toward her back two-fold. In a voice only he can hear, Tina reports her disdain like a diabolical mood ring with curls. Feelings escalate and "I don't think I like you," becomes "I'm going to kill you." Telly tries in vain to destroy the toy terror, but all attempts only produce giggling and further threats. Who's the victor in this battle for supreme control over the household? Let's just say it's Tina who has the last word. 

INDELIBLE SCENE(S)

  • Tina winks at the dinner table
  • Tina is an early player in the "phone threat" school of stalking
  • Telly beats SAW to the "torture porn" arena, turning the family garage into a HOSTEL-like S&M chamber
  • Tina's final advice to mom at the foot of the stairs

Cujo

Posted on By unkle lancifer


The old gray mare just ain't what she used to be and the St. Bernard ain't feeling too hot either. Previously precious pooch Cujo got his schnozola chomped by a perturbed bat, and now he's riding the rabies train! Consequently, E.T's mom DEE WALLACE and her little son DANNY PINTAURO are beginning to look like two oversize chew toys to the killer canine. What did they do to deserve the mongrel's wrath? Well, she's having an adulteress affair (Don't worry it's with her real life love CHRISTOPHER STONE) and he's well, he'll grow up to be Jonathan Bower on WHO'S THE BOSS? That could get anybody's dander up! Don't expect high adventure; most of the action takes place in a stalled Pinto. Director LEWIS TEAGUE (ALLIGATOR) is more interested in claustrophobic tension and he brings it by the bucketful. Both leads are put through the ringer, and both deliver spotless performances. We're all quite aware of the awesomeness that is Dee Wallace, so it's Pintauro who surprises. His near constant whines and whimpers may be annoying (especially when a ringing telephone is added to the mix) but I can't think of a more authentic portrayal of anguish by a child so young. (Dude was six!)

INDELIBLE SCENE(S)

  • Don't blame Cujo, it's all the bat's fault!
  • Child star BILLY JACOBY (SUPERSTITION, BLOODY BIRTHDAY) confronts Cujo in the fog
  • "Nothing wrong here!" commercial for cereal that makes you pee red
  • In the best scene in any movie ever, mom of the century Dee finally looses her shit and screams "Alright I'll get your daddy!" with all the red-faced rage of a woman who is beyond exhaustion. Get this woman on THE ACTOR'S STUDIO! Dee hit the zone!
  • Heads up Cujo, Dee found a Louisville slugger!

What's The Diff?

Posted on By unkle lancifer

THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER (1982) was not a scary movie. It was a swash-buckley, over the top action-adventure covered in a big orange mound of Velveeta. All the gals wore ridiculous wigs and were often topless, and all the dudes wore loincloths and were often flogged. Something for everybody! Especially if you are partial to hearts being pulled from chests, heads being sliced in two, and people ripping their own skin off! The opening scene was a standout and it actually did creep out many a critter. Porridge mugged RICHARD LYNCH resurrected a lizard-faced RICHARD MOLL from the bowels of hell with the help of a soon to be deceased witch. The vessel that the creature arises from is covered with stone faces that come to squirmy life with the aid of yummy plastic fantastic eighties style special effects. Both these shots are from said scene but the second one has NINE distinct differences. Can you find them all before the world explodes?…GO!


WHAT'S THE DIFF?

ANSWERS HERE