Today is the day I finally realized without a shadow of a doubt that I am trapped in the wrong dimension! I do not belong in this hell world where the pilot for THE ELVIRA SHOW went unaired. I belong in the alternate universe where THE ELVIRA SHOW ran for six seasons and now airs nightly repeats in syndication. Get me out of this damned dimension! I want to go home!
Category: Halloween
Halloween, it's Not Just for Halloween Anymore!
UNK SEZ: A couple years ago I listed ten of my favorite movies that took place on Halloween (HERE). There's probably not too many surprises on that list but hey, I had a relatively limited barrel of apples to bob from. This year I thought it might be better to pick out ten films that have NOTHING to do with Halloween but that still somehow carry something that feels like the Halloween spirit to me. These movies don't involve the holiday itself, but their tone or subject matter is simpatico and regardless of their aspirations or taste level, they all share a healthy respect for the eerie unknown.
BURN WITCH BURN (1962) Behind every great man is a great witch. Skeptic Norman Taylor learns the hard way which side his bread is buttered on when his life goes to pot after he forces his wife to can her craft. BURN (aka NIGHT OF THE EAGLE) earns extra charm points for allowing me to cram THE INNOCENTS into the conversation as its star PETER WYNGARDE appeared in that classic as the menacing Quint!
CURSE (NIGHT) OF THE DEMON (1957) (not to be confused with NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (1988) which does take place on Halloween) When will science ever learn to take its hat off when black magic is in the room? You'll find some kids cavorting in spooky masks in this non-Halloween tale and I swear the holiday itself makes a cameo in the form of a chillingly ominous windstorm. Non-believers beware!
THE EVIL (1978) What Halloween is complete without a visit to a haunted house and what better time period to dress the excursion in than the late seventies? Subtly is refreshingly kicked to the curb and any thoughts that you've seen all this before are swept away by a surreal eleventh hour house-call call by old scratch himself!
ONE DARK NIGHT (1982) Staying overnight in a haunted house is one thing but who would have the nerve to camp out in a psychically animated corpse occupied mausoleum? Possibly tame by today's standards, who can complain when the company you are keeping includes MEG TILLY (PSYCHO II) and more importantly the one and only E.G. DAILY? Keep an eye out for my favorite tunnel (Los Angeles'2nd Street), which has also appeared in BLADE RUNNER and THE TERMINATOR among others!
WITCHBOARD (1986) If you'd like to know what it's like to be the best Ouija board-centered horror move ever made, you'll have to ask this one! I don't know what's more awesome, the first glimpse of bearded, axe-wielding evil spirit Malfeitor or seeing music video vixen TAWNY KITAEN dressed in drag. Extra points for yanking a still feisty ROSE MARIE and quirky character actress KATHLEEN WILHOITE into the mix!!
GHOULIES (1985) Silly though it may be, there's something so weird going on in this movie that I have to give it a nod. I find the titular creatures more adorable than scary so I'm placing blame solely on "Greedigut," the lady little person with the ill-fitting demonic voice (the late great TAMARA DeTREAUX) for my inexplicable unease. Joining the kooky chaos is JENNIFER's LISA PELIKAN, KILLER PARTY's RALPH SEYMOUR, TWIN PEAKS' JACK NANCE and good lordy, MARISKA HARGITAY!
STIR OF ECHOES (1999) You'll find a career high performance from KEVIN BACON here and even more impressively, a truly unique and refreshingly un-flashy presentation of the supernatural. What sets this flick apart is its sense of loss, after the scares have dissipated, there's a rank tragic vibe that's a little bit harder to shake. Extra points added for recruiting both ILLEANA DOUGLAS and the unnerving nightmare LIDSVILLE to take part in this spooky RICHARD MATHESON-penned mystery.
THE GATE (1987) Aw, remember the giddy fun it was when your parents would take off and leave you alone in the house all night as a kid? Makes me want to pop corn and watch QUINCY M.E. This movie is tons of fun and the stop motion monsters are super cool yet how flipping scary is it when the folks return home but are not acting quite themselves? SPEILBERG would be proud (if he was drunk). Extra points rewarded for upgrading the usual dusty book with a heavy metal record played backwards!
DOLLS (1987) Knowing that killer dolls inhabit this film should be enough for anybody. This creepy compact dark fantasy takes place on "The longest night ever" and when it's not fulfilling your requirements for biting bloodshed, it's making you chuckle like hell. The opening scene that involves a teddy bear's grizzly revenge is too good to be true and the moral warning that if you don't keep the kid inside you alive, you're likely to end up a puppeteer's plaything, is one we're always happy to back up here!
DEMONS (1985) O.K., now it's time to get a little rowdy. Who can say no to a free ticket to a horror movie? Not me. The premise, about a demon outbreak occurring during a movie show while the audience is trapped within the theater is wildly out there, so how come whenever I watch this flick I believe every thing it tells me as if it were the gospel? Ack! Maybe it's my claustrophobia and fear of crowds that takes over, but I can never help putting myself in the place of the characters and noting that I would be a shivering wreck hiding under a chair looking for a way to kill myself and praying for a helicopter to land on my head. DEMONS has no time to explain itself. You're already dead.
THE FOG (1980) While everybody and their brother was scrambling to duplicate HALLOWEEN's success by lifting the more obvious stalk and stab aspects of the film, its co-creators took the less crowded route and delved head first into the uncanny ambiguity that really made the flick tick. What they came up with is the ultimate ghost story that is THE FOG. It may take place in April, but this telling of a night when the supernatural world collides with ours is arguably just as appropriate for the holiday as its predecessor. Plus you get to see what really happened to Laurie Strode after the night he came home, she changed her name to Elizabeth and went hitchhiking!
Because I Could Not Stop for Death :: Emily Dickinson
Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.
We passed the school, where children strove
At recess, in the ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.
Or rather, he passed us;
The dews grew quivering and chill,
For only gossamer my gown,
My tippet only tulle.
We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.
Since then 'tis centuries, and yet each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.
Halloween (1978):: Death and the Maiden
The first time I saw Michael Myers's face (mask, really), I turned (sprinted, really) away. It was during a review for HALLOWEEN on SISKEL & EBERT and it was just a clip but I had to leave the room and shake his visage from my mind by jumping up and down. His image is now so familiar (especially this time of year) that it takes some effort for me to recall just how alien and menacing it was upon first view. I had no knowledge of whom or what he was within the story, no idea of how iconic his likeness would become and certainly no inkling of his countenance's debt to Captain Kirk. I saw a white face with hollow black eyes and it almost appeared as if it were floating in the darkest of space. He was a levitating skull and skulls don't have to speak to say loud and clear, "Poison, death, run." Some primal million years old memory stored in my DNA awoke and manipulated my legs as if they were connected to marionette strings. (My cat feels the same way about the vacuum cleaner). Some movies are bigger than movies; some movies unknowingly chant ancient spells. I never wanted to see that face again so I began to seek it out.
To best understand HALLOWEEN (both the film and the holiday) it helps to be a certain age, somewhere between bright summery childhood and cold mature winter, somewhere on the cusp of adulthood lazily observing the world transform with a crisp mix of excitement and apprehension. It helps to be a teenager in autumn. It helps to be knee-deep in change. Here comes Laurie Strode! She's carrying a wall of books in front of herself like a shield. She's different than her friends, more cautious, structured and on guard and those who reductively sum up her identity by her level of sexual experience, are evaluating a universe based on one dying star. Here we have one of horror's most beloved and identified with protagonists. She is a hero and earns the right to be called one. This status does not fall into her lap because she abstains from sex throughout the course of the film. HALLOWEEN is often cited for forging the spurious template that demands only virgins survive a slasher film and that all those who dabble in sex and drugs must die, a condescension that ignores not only Laurie's internal journey but also the fact that she gets stoned before showing up at her babysitting gig.
Of more pertinence than Laurie's presumed "purity" is the way in which she interacts with others and the things that she says about herself. We get the gist that she is considered a "good girl" but it appears she achieves that recognition by fulfilling the wants of others while her own desires are shelved. When she bumps into young Tommy Doyle her reply to his every request is a quick, "Sure, sure, sure" but she has no real answers when he bombards her with, "Why, why, why?" She runs errands for her father; she picks up the slack for her friends, and when she jokes about being a "girl scout" it may have less to do with her moral standing than it does the accommodating, nearly subservient position she holds. More pressing than her love life is Laurie's subtle struggle with her own acquiescence. HALLOWEEN is a classic that is highly regarded by people of various ages but it's notable how the film tends to strike a firmer, more formative and enthusiastic impact with audiences members roughly Laurie's age, young adults naturally beginning to wonder if they are mapping out their futures for themselves or based on the expectations of those (parents, friends) around them.
What is the cost of subverting yourself in order to facilitate everybody else's goals and agendas? Laurie sees, intuits death. While giving a prompted answer regarding fate in class, death appears; while being goaded and chided by her pals on the sidewalk, death appears; while staring out the window at the drooping result of domestic chores, a full clothesline, there stands death again. The paychecks for not rocking the boat become fewer as the taxes for bottling her true self pile up. Laurie admits she's interested in a guy named Ben Tramer but as soon as proactive pal Annie clears the path towards him, she recoils and coyly cowards. C'mon Laurie! Really? You know what? If you keep neutralizing and diluting yourself, the invisibility you are conjuring is going to manifest. Do you know what that will be like? It will be like running down the street as shades are drawn and porch lights extinguish screaming "Can't you hear me?!!!"
HALLOWEEN is frequently made to fess up its debt to BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974) but the blank-faced yet somehow accusatory dark figure, the central challenge haunting its heroine to fully take form and the overall poetic, uncanny atmosphere favor even more so CARNIVAL OF SOULS (1962). Feel free to toast the late BOB CLARK for the P.O.V. shots and the holiday setting but when it comes to the death-and-the-maiden motif, we're dealing with a theme so firmly rooted that you wouldn't be off base high-fiving EDVARD MUNCH and EMILY DICKINSON either.
Laurie is locked in place but her tango with mortality will bestow traction, this dance with death is not new. It's Halloween night and we're celebrating the end of summer (Halloween is linked to the Celtic "Samhain" which is derived from "Sumuin" which literally means "Summer's end"). It's a night when it's said that the supernatural world and our world overlap and ghosts from the past return (home). It's a night that honors the dead but more importantly here, in turn, celebrates the bounty that is change and renewal.
"Why won't anybody help me?!" Poor Laurie, always happy to lend a hand but when she needs one herself she's own her own. She's found her voice but nobody is listening. There is a panicky "Boy Who Cried Wolf" element afoot as Laurie discovers how easily she is overlooked and forgotten. She reenters (thanks to a half asleep Tommy) the Doyle house and things markedly change. It's unfair to say Laurie transforms, rather, she finally allows herself access to what was available to her all along. She stands her ground. We're about to find out her commitment and responsibility towards others is a vulnerability easily flipped on its head to become a source of power. With two children counting on her, Laurie drops the wavering and amasses control. It's a struggle, as well it should be, but this "day of reckoning" has been brewing for some time. For the audience, the battle is as cathartic as it is suspenseful. We're watching someone not assessed too grandly by her peers carve some turf in the world and refuse to roll over. We're witnessing a rite of passage. Laurie is accepting the challenge to move ahead toward autonomous adulthood. Who would understand that something so benign and mundane seeming as a knitting needle could be a devastating game-changer? Laurie.
Sheriff Leigh Brackett: A man wouldn't do that.
Dr. Sam Loomis: This isn't a man.
Is there really such a mystery to the "The Shape"? The very first thing we learn in HALLOWEEN is who he is. He's that mouth-breathing scamp who severed his sister from her rightful adulthood in the very first scene of the film. He's frozen in time. He has no voice. You can paint him in as many dark shadows as you want but he's still the poster child for arrested development. (He even hangs out in the wreckage of his boyhood home.) I'm not saying he's not scary (nothing is scarier than a dullard with a sharp knife and nothing to lose), I'm just saying we tend to deny that we've all seen behind this mask. Haddonfield residents may have molded him into "The Boogey Man" but even as such, he's chained to the fears of childhood and that is where he belongs. He is something to be outgrown ("Well, kiddo, I thought you outgrew superstition"). Laurie is purposely moving away from Michael a.k.a. "The Shape" (a voiceless shadow linked to the past) and toward Loomis (an outspoken eccentric who follows his own compass forward). Although the Myers monster was consciously conceived to be a "blank slate" that audiences could project an infinite amount of fears upon, for Laurie, being a "blank slate" could be, in and of itself, the ultimate fear and the ultimate death. The creature she is battling is the void she might become.
So yeah, I see a coming-of-age film lurking in the shadows of HALLOWEEN. Instead of "The Shape" conservatively punishing the characters for premarital sex and alcohol consumption, I see him raging against the common rites of passage that lead toward adulthood that he has denied himself. Laurie does not live due to the magical power of prudence, on the contrary; she survives because she loosens the grip on her own reigns. I've heard it said that HALLOWEEN is a throwback because Laurie must wait for Loomis to save her, a comment that makes me want to partake in a killing spree of my own. It's an insult to Laurie's cavalry, the universality of the tale and the fact that this movie, by my estimation is the greatest cinematic collaboration between a man and a woman…ever. We're talking JOHN CARPENTER and DEBRA HILL (CARPENTER readily identifies the film as "a 50/50 collaboration".) If you understand HILL provided Laurie's essence and CARPENTER Loomis', it's only fitting that in the end, they team up not to destroy, (You can't kill the boogeyman!) but to push the destructive darkness back into the night. Loomis has been struggling to be taken seriously too why should Strode have all the (redemptive) fun?
HALLOWEEN hardly needs any endorsement by me. Its artistry is well observed and the long-standing devotion its characters have garnered in fans says everything you need to know. Still, as the years pass, I have become more in tune with just how succinctly the movie captures the spirit of the holiday itself (regardless of the conspiratorial green trees that wave from the horizon). Maybe phantoms don't actually cross over into our world on All Hallows' Eve, but I for one can always count on being visited by the ghost of my youth. Halloween and autumn stand responsible for many a child's earliest awareness of the fleeting stages of life and who didn't feel the wasp sting the first time they heard, "You're getting too big for trick ‘r treating!"? (Oh, if only I knew then that adulthood would also mean no one ever telling you again what costume to wear, how late to stay up watching horror movies, what candy to throw away or what demons to dread.) Getting older may include leaving certain things behind but I'll never let go of Laurie, Loomis and Tommy all trying to make their fears heard, Bob and Lynda both trying to get laid, sarcastic Annie trying to get that butter stain out of her shirt, and her poor good natured pop just trying to keep things in order. And I'll never lose sight of "The Shape." He's not as enigmatic as he once was but maybe that's because he's moving closer. That empty, vacant face still scares me, and everyone, no matter their age, is entitled to one good scare.
Kindertrauma Jukebox :: The King Sisters "It's Halloween"
UNK SEZ: Eegad, we almost went through the entire Halloween season with out playing Aunt John's Jukebox! That's not right! It's a Kindertrauma tradition! Luckily Aunt John dug up the clip above just in time for All Hollow's Eve! We hope that all of our readers have a spectacular Halloween this year! Thanks for all the support and remember to eat things your dentist would not approve of and to cause random acts of mischief whenever possible! Stay safe!
Twelve Horror Houses You Should Avoid When Trick-or-Treating.
It's time to go trick-or-treating again but why waste your time on houses that don't deliver? Here are twelve horror homes that we recommend avoiding!
12. HOUSE OF WAX
This place? The only "candy" they hand out are those wax soda bottles with colored juice inside. Unless you are a fan of those things, don't bother.
11. CREEPSHOW Billy's House
Don't be fooled by the pumpkin in the window! Billy's dad is cranky and not such a fan of horror in general.
10. HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES
Props go to the Firefly family for their year round commitment to Halloween decorations but unless you have time to sit through an amateur variety show, it's not worth the trouble.
9. HELL NIGHT (Garth Manor)
One two many Gorks. 'Nuff said.
8. TRICK 'R TREAT (Steven's house)
I should probably warn you about Principal Wilkins' house because he and his son Billy are liable to carve your decapitated head like a pumpkin but instead, I say stay away from Mr. Kreeg's place because he thinks generic peppermints are passable as treats!
7. THE HAUNTING (Hill House)
This place is far off the beaten track and once there nobody will be around if you need help. No one lives any nearer than town. No one will come any nearer than that. In the night. In the dark.
6. HALLOWEEN (The Myers house)
The place has been abandoned for years and not only will you not get any candy, you may bit hit by a stray rock thrown by an angry mob of Haddonfield locals!
5. FRIDAY THE 13th part 2 (Jason's shack)
Yes, hillbilly Jason has THE BEST Halloween centerpiece for his table in the form of the rotting decapitated head of his mother but other than that the place is still a shack and the candy he hands out is super low end (Mary Janes)!
4. PSYCHO 2 (The Bates house)
Speaking of dead mothers, you might as well skip Norman's house when trick or treating too. Not only are the front stairs a bitch to climb, but who in their right mind hands out toasted cheese sandwiches for treats?
3. POLTERGEIST (The Freeling house)
This house folded up into itself and then disappeared into another dimension and with no front door to knock on, it's really a waste of valuable trick or treating time.
2. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
This place offers the opposite of candy because the opposite of candy is being shoved on a meat hook. Am I wrong?
1. CARRIE (The White House)
Talk about evil! Rather than candy, Margaret White hands out Chick tracts!
BONUS TIP: If you find you've eaten too much Halloween candy this year just stop by THE CHANGELING (1980) house on November first! Nothing burns calories faster than running away from a ghost powered wheelchair!
Hallowen II (1981)
The black curtain opens up on an autumn breeze knocking DEAN CUNDEY's camera out of a tree. "The Chordettes" facetiously beg Mr. Sandman to deliver Ben Tramer but that high school dream is doomed to be crushed between a parked van and a speeding police car, only his perfect teeth survive the explosion. We have been promised "More of the Night He Came Home" and "The Nightmare Isn't Over!" but this direct continuation begins by putting its workman boots on the wrong feet. Shot seven (?) times, "The Shape" falls into the Doyle front yard rather than the back. It takes three years for a town to change in one moment. This is bizarre-o Haddonfield where razors hide in apples and your sister wears a wig. Everything is familiar but not exactly right.
We may have strayed off the path but who doesn't want to be here? Long monolithic shadows lay all over the place, crappy paper decorations abound and suburban backstreets transform into mazes lit only by the occasional orange glow of an expertly carved jack-o-lantern. Costumed tykes gallop the streets at whatever odd hour it may be and every radio and TV set is tuned to a horror station. Is there an impromptu carnival forming or is that an angry mob? There's no need for murderer at large Michael Myers to loom in the background. Inspired by the evening's showing of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, he walks deliberately center stage, a floating white death skull with albatross commitment. Slippery blood is about to poor. It's later than we think.
Oh Haddonfield, earlier this evening, three years ago, you where the epitome of good wholesome small town values, my how you have fallen. Sheriff Hackett, your daughter is dead and you are the last to know. You'll be no help tonight. Just go home. Mr. and Mrs. Strode, I once had faith in you. Why can you not be reached by phone? You must have heard what's going on; don't you wonder where Laurie is? "I told you I'm not your mother!" Why the harsh angry tone? What's the point of having a secret adoption when you're going to drag your young daughter to the sanitarium to visit her unknown sibling anyway? Are these literal flashbacks or symbolic dreams? Oh Haddonfield, why have you washed your hands of your children? Why do you trust your infants to be watched by nurses who exit their posts in order to have sex in therapeutic hot tubs with undesirable pot smoking ambulance drivers? The Doctor is in…toxicated! Get it together town!
At the end of the day (or night), HALLOWEEN II is too stuffed with jolly holiday paraphernalia not to sink into and enjoy, though critics who take it to task for its shallow shuffle have a point. Yep, more bloodshed abounds than in the prudent original but its reputation for gore mongering is relative and exaggerated. The film's strong suite is its Achilles' heel and that would be its Tiger-Beat infatuation with killer Michael. Myers will never cut quite such an impressive form as he does here, but there's no room in the spotlight for anyone else. The cards are stacked in his favor to such a degree that every other character seems chained to an invisible radiator. The cops are not allowed to act as cops would, the hospital staff is not allowed to function as humans might and heroine Laurie Strode is drugged and denied not only her right to fight but also her personality as well; her soul replaced by random snapshot images of her connection to her attacker, her voice crushed down to a whine. We should give her a break though, she must be exhausted.
Maybe it's best that Laurie sat this one out. HALLOWEEN II may not be the clean pure classic that the original is but as resume material for Michael's future work as a horror icon, it's certainly persuasive. Parts of it feel no deeper than an adolescent power fantasy, an oversized action figure crashing through shoeboxes to crush smaller dolls but where it may fail on a storytelling front, it still captures the rowdy spirit of the night securely.
Once upon a time I thought that the original HALLOWEENs 1& II were intertwined, two perfect bookends thicker than thieves. Now each year the two movies siblings grow further apart. The elder child (I) is still my pride and joy while the younger (2) is a delinquent I'm prone to make excuses for. One is thoughtful and sharp and the other is willfully crass but direct. For me it's easy to pick a favorite but so what? Who needs a world of perfect movies? The important thing is both share the same esteem for the 31st of October and Halloween is just as much a time for callow tricks as it is for tasty treats.
Book Report :: Don't Make Me Go Back, Mommy!
One of the more fascinating websites you'll ever encounter is AWFUL LIBRARY BOOKS, a joint hosted by librarians and dedicated to the discussion of which books are ready for that big library in the sky. I've now rummaged through the entire place and I'm sure to return again. If you are prone to nostalgia like I am, you'll probably feel the same way. I can't decide if it is beneficial or detrimental that our disposable culture tends to quickly cover over embarrassing mistakes with fresh new ones, but it's nice to know that the local library erases the chalk board at a less frequent rate and we can still discover nearly forgotten trash treasures there (at least before they get weeded!) Personally, I think THE MORK AND MINDY STORY will always be relevant but time marches forward and I suppose each generation gets the MORK AND MINDY they deserve.
During my mostly pleasant and often humorous perusal of AWFUL, I came across one book that takes the cake in the Kindertraumatic nightmare department and so I had to share it with all of you. The book is entitled DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK, MOMMY: A CHILD'S BOOK OF SATANIC RITUAL ABUSE and holy cow what were the people responsible for this thing thinking? I won't even get into the issue of whether Satanic cults like the one described are real (on the documented abuse front, Satanists are certainly lagging behind the Catholic church) because even if they did exist, how would this book ever help rather than terrify an abused child further? Even in the warped reality described, if you suspect your kid has been involved in something so heinous you may want to take more productive actions then reading them a bed time story about the horrors they have experienced. Even giving it the benefit of the doubt, the chance that this book helped more kids than it needlessly freaked out is roughly nil.
I guess I have to understand that this was published in 1990, landing on Earth smack in the middle of the Satanic Panic craze that was sweeping the nation like a precursor to the Macarena. Secret Satanic cults hiding in the woodwork have become less popular in the media these days but it looks like child abuse in all its multitude of forms is chugging along as always. I guess that is to be expected when time and resources are wasted chasing phantoms rather than dealing with harsh reality. I know I needn't give something so out to lunch the time of day, but this book even has the nerve to try and drag Halloween into the scapegoat pyre! Not cool.
We joke around a lot about the stuff that unintentionally made it harder for us to sleep as kids around here. In most cases it involves misinterpreting innocent things or maybe overestimating our own bravery when it came to absorbing scary stuff at a young age. I've always contended that there is a healthy side to such fears, that they are an important part of learning to process and overcome intimidating obstacles. This book, on the other hand, is another thing altogether. This is fucked up. Not only is it irresponsible and poorly done, it strikes me as the type of thing that causes the type of anguish it's pretending to salve. I have to give it some credit though, when designated "do-gooders" on a mission add to the Kindertrauma archives, they sure do leave everybody else (even those purposely working in the field of horror) in the dust.