Category: Name That Trauma!

Last week a coworker glanced over my shoulder and asked what in the hell I was looking at. I explained the awesomeness that is Kindertrauma and he seemed appropriately impressed. Then he hit me up with his own "Name That Trauma" that left me totally stumped. So, I'm turning it over to you boys and the faithful readers of Kindertrauma….

My co-worker is very guarded about his age, but I know he's older than I am (36). His memory involves a movie or show he saw on television as a child. It could have been in black and white or in color. All he recalls of the plot is that there were some scientists performing super secret experiments on chimpanzees somewhere in the Arctic (or some other cold as a witch's tit kind of place). And get this; the scientists are being murdered off one by one by someone or something.

It's the last scene that has haunted him for years. The lone surviving scientist gets locked out of the lab and is stranded outside is below freezing temperatures. He furiously bangs on the reinforced door begging to be let back in and who appears in the small window of the door? One of the chimps, looking all smart and malevolent! You see, it was the chimps committing the murders all along! Needless to say, my future coworker was freaked the hell out of his short pants…

He's scoured the Internet looking for any clue about what movie or anthology series this could have been and has come up empty handed for years. Anyone have a clue? I'm guessing it's pre-PLANET OF THE APES and probably from some show like THE OUTER LIMITS.

AUNT JOHN SEZ: Mr. Canacorn, as a member of the same age-bracket as your guarded co-worker, I would like to believe he is referring to the seldom-aired, season three B.J. & THE BEAR Halloween special. Readers of a certain age will recall that season three of the GREG EVIGAN-helmed, big-rig situation comedy marked the departure of pesky Sherriff Elroy P. Lobo (CLAUDE AKINS) and heralded the introduction of the "Seven Lady Truckers."

Led by the immensely talented JUDY LANDERS as the appropriately named "Stacks," (her character had an insatiable appetite for pancakes from what I can recall), the "Seven Lady Truckers" aroused great friction and drove a wedge between the titular B.J. McKay and his best friend Bear.

Feeling spurned and dejected, the usually easy-going Bear reached his boiling point on the Halloween special, when he methodically hunted, brutally tortured, and savagely killed the "Seven Lady Truckers." B.J. of course had no idea who was behind the murders until the final, gory decapitation death of LANDERS.

Advertisers were mortified by the monkey violence, and the episode only aired in Eastern Europe and parts of Southern New Jersey. In the U.K. it was released theatrically as B.J. AND THE BEAR: AN EXPERIMENT IN FEAR, and was considered a major bomb.

Of course none of this actually occurred in what polite society refers to as "reality," so I am going to ask our astute readers for help. Does anyone have any idea as to what killer monkey show Mr. Canacorn's co-worker is talking about? Leave your guesses in the comments, or e-mail 'em to us at kindertrauma@gmail.com.

BONUS: Click the Bear button below to hear one of the best theme songs in the history of modern television!

UPDATE: Reader Ivan just sent in the following tip:

A COLD NIGHT'S DEATH: An awesome movie–I caught this on the old NYC ABC late movie–at first I thought it was a (good) ripoff of CARPENTER's THE THING, but the TV Guide set me straight. And it IS good. I'll never forget that damn monkey staring through the door at poor ELI WALLACH…

UPDATE: Big ups to reader Ivan for nailing this one! Another Name That Trauma! solved.

I remember watching a movie with my mother when I was young – about 6 – 8.  The movie was about a small town, which had a chemical (maybe nuclear?) company that employed them all.  Of course this is mid -1980's and they were trying to make a statement so the place is run very shoddy and we have a meltdown or a leak and everyone has to run for cover.  The part that got me was the ending, the one worker had a family with a few kids and his kids were playing hide and seek when the melt down occurred.  His youngest daughter hid in the trashcan and the mother couldn't find her in time.  I remember the ending of the father coming home and going to the trash can because he knew that was were she always hid and pulling her out now dead!  That last scene has stayed with me all these years and haunted me.

UNK SEZ: Absinthe, this does sound traumatic! I did a bit of research into the nuclear disaster movies of the eighties and I could not find any mention of this girl in a trash can. If the movie you're thinking of is anything like THE DAY AFTER, THREADS or TESTAMENT, you can be sure that you were not the only person left highly disturbed. I have a feeling somebody knows this one so you know the drill kids, any ideas go into the comments section or if need be, email us directly at kindertrauma@gmail.com!

UPDATE: Solved… the source of this trauma is the 1986 made for T.V. movie ACCEPTABLE RISKS (see the comments for more information). Special thanks to reader Grokenstein for saving the day!

I have a trauma that no one has been able to help me identify.

My sister and I saw it on TV when we were 8-10 years old, so we assume it's a movie (or made-for-T.V. movie) from 1974-1976'ish.

I scared her with a line from this movie for years…"You killed me, April!"

The movie, if we remember correctly, involved a woman that a group of people are trying to drive insane.

The big scene was time and time again seeing her "dead" mother hanging on a crucifix yelling, "You killed me, April!"

It was very creepy and we'd LOVE to see it again!

Can you help?

UNK SEZ: Whatever this movie is I certainly want to see it! Anybody out there have any ideas? If so, leave your thoughts in the commments section or email us at kindertraum@gmail.com!

I grew up living on a cul-de-sac in a small southern town. My parents were very strict about knowing where I was at all times and this was before child abductions were all over the news. In the summer time, my mother didn't allow me to stay in the house during the day if the weather was pleasant. As soon as I was dressed and had breakfast I was pushed out the door and only allowed to come inside for lunch or bathroom breaks.

Well, I had away around that problem when I played with the girls next door. Their babysitter allowed them to play in her house when they wanted. If the day were particularly hot, we would retreat into the house to play. We mostly played with our Barbie's, but sometimes we would listen to story records.

There were two records in particular that we listened to in order to scare ourselves out of our wits. One was "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" read by BORIS KARLOFF and the other I can't identify (It was about a guy turning into a werewolf).

We would turn out the lights and close the curtains to make it as dark as possible. The younger of the two sisters was quite a whinier so we would do our best to freak her out, unfortunately, most of the time we ended up freaking ourselves out in the process.

I was fortunate enough to find "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" read by BORIS KARLOFF on-line recently. I can't find the other record though. All I remember about it is that some guy turns into a werewolf and they describe a bloody pentagram in the palm of his hand.

I would be eternally grateful if someone could identify this story record for me. I have faith that Unkle Lancifer, Aunt John, or the readers of Kindertrauma will be able to help solve this mystery.

UNK SEZ: Mickster, it's sort of a shot in the dark but I was able to track down these two werewolf records. Let me know if either looks familiar. I also found THIS WEBSITE which is devoted to "Power Records." The cool thing is that in the case of "The Curse of the Werewolf" you can not only read the comic found inside, but also listen to the record as well. I gave it a listen, but unfortunately there was no mention of that bloody pentagram on the palm that you vividly recall, so this is probably not the one you're looking for. (It's a fun listen just the same). Does anyone out there remember this record kinderpal Mickster is looking for? If so, drop us a line, either in the comment section or via email! Good luck Mickster!

STATUS: SOLVED! (yeah Mickster!!!) See comments section for more info.

When I was very young I saw something that was absolutely disturbing on my friend's television. From what I remember, it was a commercial for a movie or show about evil robots. I remember most of the shots being scary, but one shot in particular disturbed me. It was a shot of a black, classic looking robot with very square shoulders and a triangular head melting a man in front of his family. The robot had its hands on his shoulders and was pushing him into the ground. The man was down to his waist and the rest of him was a circular steaming puddle. He looked to be in agony.

UNK SEZ: Yikes, that sounds like another hard one. Does anybody out there know of what Jory speaks? If so, leave a comment or send an email. I've never heard of a robot that can turn a man into a steaming puddle. I thought robots only attacked old people to use their medicine for fuel. In fact, I don't even know why the scientists make them…

I only saw this once, and afterwards I wondered for years if I didn't simply imagine it. It was a t.v. show, the beginning depicting a small cabin set in a field or else beside a lake–this has been years so I don't recall exactly–and the view pans in through the window, to show a bed inside the room, moonlight spilling across the sleeping forms of two small children–twins, if memory serves. I can't recall why it was so eerie, but I think it was because the two were either very, very bloody, or very obviously dead. A creepy-sounding voice-over guy called the program 'Night Visions.'

I didn't see much of it, just that bit and a snippet later on–a man dressed in a white T-shirt, very sweaty, was frantically trying to escape from some kind of building, apparently finding doors locking in front of him at every turn. I remember this one by the music: That song about how 'Everything's great when you're down-town' by Dolly Parton was playing in the background, and I recall thinking how clearly, everything was not great for him in this case.

Am I just going nuts or was this an actual program?

UNK SEZ: Emma your memory serves you well, NIGHT VISIONS was a TWILIGHT ZONE– type anthology show that ran for one season in 2001. Directors that lent their talent to the program included JOE DANTE (THE HOWLING) TOBE HOOPER (POLTERGEIST) and KEITH GORDON ( Arnie in CHRISTINE and director of THE CHOCOLATE WAR). Actors BILL PULLMAN, BRIAN DENNEHY and JOBETH WILLIAMS also gave the director's chair a try for this short lived series hosted by HENRY ROLLINS. If you don't mind being bombarded by commercials you can watch episodes HERE. (Forgive me, I intended to track down the specific one you mentioned, but I couldn't take the SUPER LOUD annoying ads that popped up every two minutes. Are they kidding with that crap? Christ on a cracker, Honey Bunches Of Oates, relax, I GET IT!!!! Your product is soooo down to earth and the employees that work in your factory are total ga-ga moonies who are thrilled to be there everyday. Now do you mind stepping back out of my face for a hot second? You have milk-breath.)

There's a movie and it takes place in a house and there is a guy (a zombie or a ghost?) using his head as a basketball.

My stepbrother was recently trying to recall said movie that he'd seen as a child and asked me, seeing as how I'm the family's resident horror nerd, if I knew. I also vaguely remember this movie, but was ashamed to admit I couldn't recall anything else about it either.

Do you have any idea?

UNK SEZ: I have a feeling I should know this one but I'm drawing a blank. All I can see in my mind's eye is the bouncing head in ROMAN POLANSKI's THE TENANT but that noggin is self propelled! I'm sure one of our readers knows this so let's let them have at it via email (kindertrauma@gmail.com) or the comments section….

Today a young child at the camp I work at jumped into a conversation I was having with a fellow counselor. Me and the other counselor were talking about horror movies, and the girl asked if I'd seen one with a nun.

She wanted to know the title, and said she'd seen her sister watching it. She kept saying about how the nun(s?) were drowning a little girl(s?) in a bathtub. I couldn't get much more out of her, but now I'm interested in seeing it. Does anybody know the title of this film?

UNK SEZ: I'm pretty confident that the movie that kid was talking about was 2005's LA MONJA a.k.a THE NUN. In that film, an abusive nun tries to purify a pregnant girl by almost drowning her in a tub, but ends up drowned herself by the girl's group of friends. Eighteen years pass and wouldn't you know it, the nun returns for revenge upon those responsible. This English language Spanish production I admit, sounds like it can't miss (none other than REC's JUAME BALAGUERO has a story credit), but I wouldn't set my expectations too high. Although handsomely filmed, this is pretty routine stuff plagued with sub-par CGI. Despite its shortcomings, if it's causing scuttlebutt at a summer camp it shouldn't be taken too lightly. From what you say, it sounds like it might be Kindertrauma material for the next generation!

Here's one I have had lurking in the recesses of my mind, always creeping me out. NO ONE, not even my movie-loving, quote-spouting brother has been able to place this flick.

I remember going to the drive-in as a kid (we went in the summer on weekends). This would have been in the 2nd half of the 70s or very early 80s. The movie bit that is stuck in my head involves some guy, a hermit or something, who lives alone in some far-off place, like an abandoned castle or something. Some young guy goes to see him or stumbles upon him, and they old guy there has dozens and dozens, if not hundreds of cats living in and around his old place.

That's it. That is the nugget that has haunted my mind all these years. What was the freaky cat-loving dude DOING all alone out there? Why was the kid going to see him?

Help me!

Aunt John SEZ: Wings, what you have described sounds like a scene out of my day-to-day life with unrepentant cat fancier Unkle Lancifer and the fur ball covered floors of Kindertrauma Castle. Have you been peeking through our windows? That said, I am interested in knowing what this movie is… any guesses, dear readers?

UNK SEZ: Hold up there, not so fast A.J.. This sounds very much like a film that our beloved Tenebrous Kate reviewed a little while back called NIGHT OF A THOUSAND CATS! Wings do us a favor and check out Kate's awesome review HERE and let us know if that is not the elusive film you're hunting down. It sounds like a match to me! If it IS the correct film, than it just goes to prove my pet theory that everything a horror fan could possibly be searching for can usually be found at LOVE TRAIN FOR THE TENEBROUS EMPIRE!

Aunt John SEZ: NIGHT OF A THOUSAND CATS? Wait a minute, didn't I just see clip of that movie over at CARRIE WHITE BURNS IN HELL? Better check that out too!

STATUS: SOLVED! NIGHT OF A THOUSAND CATS (see comments)

I'm looking for a short film that I saw as a teen that was based on the famous urban legend "The Hairy-Handed Hitchhiker." A woman picks up an seemingly innocent old lady hitchhiker late at night. She is soon unnerved by the old lady's odd behavior and then the sight of her hairy arms. She tricks the old lady into getting out of the car and then takes off, leaving the old lady behind. She realizes the old lady has left her large purse in the passenger seat. She looks inside and discovers a large, bloody axe or machete.

The short film I saw pretty much follows this to a T. It changes up the ending a bit by having the woman driver call her boyfriend after ditching the old lady hitchhiker, feeling guilty and foolish for having tricked her and leaving her stranded in the middle of nowhere. The boyfriend agrees to get in his car and find her. The woman driver goes into the local sheriff station to report the poor abandoned little old lady so any patrol men might find her and drive her to safety. She hands the sheriff the purse that she left behind. The sheriff opens the purse to search for ID. Out comes the machete. The young woman's eyes widen.

The film cuts back to the boyfriend in his car pulling up to the old lady at an intersection. He opens the passenger side door and the old lady gets in, clutching another purse in her hairy hands. The light changes from red to green. The car doesn't move. The little old lady gets out of the car and shuffles off. The light changes from green to yellow to red. The car is still.

I've found plenty of info about this urban legend on-line, but NOTHING about this very cool short film made from the mid-to-late 80's. It was around ten minutes long. Does anyone know what it was titled and where I might find it to see again?

UNK SEZ: RSG, I would absolutely love to see this but like you, I had no luck in finding it on the interwebs. Coincidentally I am very familiar with this tale because as a young teen, my older brother actually had the gall to tell me it happened to HIM! His tale occurred at our local mall, King of Prussia plaza, THE greatest (and apparently most dangerous) mall in the world. In his big fat stinking lie, the old lady pretended to have misplaced her car and asked my brother with a recently acquired driver's license if he would drive her about the parking lot and aid in her search. Once in the car, my brother noticed that the old lady had very hairy legs and asked her to get out. As she was departing the vehicle (luckily this was the type of psycho who takes orders from 16-year olds) a hatchet that she/he was concealing by clutching it between the legs (!) fell out of her/his dress and onto the parking lot floor…I of course thought this was the most incredible event that had ever taken place and sadly fell for this tranny fish-tale, hook line and sinker. (In my own defense, I never fell for his story about being asked backstage and wooed by JANET JACKSON!) If anyone out there reading this knows either the name of the short film that our beloved RATSAWGOD is speaking of, or even why in the name of God my brother is such a big fat stinking liar please contact either Aunt John or myself via comment or email (kindertrauma@gmail.com).

UPDATE!! Mystery trauma solved! (see comments) Thanks to Seethingblue!