Category: Stream Warriors

Hi! This is "Darkko."

I searched your site and did not see anything for Quiet Cool. It's a fairly violent revenge-with-a-buddy type of deal. It's so bad it's actually entertaining. Basically, some psychotic pot farming guys think it's best they slaughter anyone who lays eyes on their precious marijuana. The main guy and his buddy exchange many long, questionable looks with each other! Hahaha…
It's available to watch on youtube…

UNK SEZ: Thanks a zillion Darrko! I was just wondering the other day why I keep the KT fires burning when I only get paid negative 10 cents an hour and after nearly seven years of diligent service I have yet to win a Pulitzer (I know!). But then I remembered it's because I love movies so much that it is not even remotely funny. Point is, I would have never seen this one without your kind help and that would have been a real shame and I'm so glad that KT provides me with a place to share titles with fine folks like yourself. QUIET COOL is so awesome that I do believe the ghost of PATRICK SWAYZE watched it with me.

Now, if any of you other peeps know of a good movie that's viewable online in full, please do feel free to write in to kindertrauma@gmail.com and if it's not too inappropriate we'll share your recommendation with the rest of the class on a future Sunday! How QUIET COOL is that?

Every couple months or so I check YouTube to see if anybody has uploaded PICTURE MOMMY DEAD (1966) which has eluded me for years. I once neglected to buy the VHS at a used store and clearly the film held a grudge and was playing hard to get. Happily my saint-like patience finally paid off and PICTURE MOMMY DEAD appeared before me and looking mighty good I might add! I'm glad I didn't pick up that ratty old tape that surely was wearing washed out colors and a shroud of static. This movie needs to be crunchy not fuzzy! I put my DONNA WILKES marathon on temporary hold and dived in at once. I wasn't even through the opening credits before I decided that PICTURE MOMMY DEAD is my new favorite thing that ever existed and I was bound to be obsessed for days before some other cinematic chippy came strutting around. Holy crap, it looks like a box of candy! I had that thing were I started fantasizing about eating the movie. This movie would taste delicious! It's all pastels and gold and ornate and fizzy and now I want to listen to that ABC album "The lexicon of Love." This movie was filmed in a real mansion and has ZSA ZSA GABOR in it for Pete's sake! Maybe this will be all too frilly for some horror fans but I think the relentless onslaught of prissiness creates a counter intuitive hellish atmosphere all its own. Diabetics beware.

PICTURE MOMMY DEAD is irresistible because it brings home the crazy and fries it up in a baroque, gold-plated pan. SUSAN GORDON (who's father is incidentally the director of this fine flick, BERT I. GORDON, who also blessed our world with the tonally opposite FOOD OF THE GODS) plays Jan Brady-level crazy Susan Shelly. Our Susan has just spent some time in a convent that doubles as an insane asylum because she witnessed her mother's tragic death by fire and was so traumatized that she blocked the whole thing out of her head! Am I salivating as I type this? She comes back home to her luxurious estate with her father (DON AMECHE!) and his new wife who is Susan's ex-governess; a sneaky moneygrubber named Francene (MARTHA HYER). Turns out, if Susan looses her marbles or should happen to die her inheritance will go to her father, who could really use it because Francene has expensive tastes and has already spent his share of the dough! All right. I'm not really into inheritance drama but I am really into accusing dolls that sing, "The worms crawl in and the worms crawl out", menacing stuffed animals, attacking falcons, paintings that bleed and or yell at you and giant-sized lurking groundskeepers with scars on their faces (Not necessarily in that order). Oh, and ZSA ZSA freakin' GABORas a flaming ghost!

I hate to use the word "camp" because it sounds dismissive and yet it's kind of unavoidable here. This is 1966 though and we should remember that folks acted like hysterical lunatics in most movies back then not just in low-budget horror flicks. Obviously everything was done here sincerely and not as a joke but it is funny– especially if you imagine the characters have no idea how insane they sound and are actually trapped in a surreally overstated melodramatic dimension they can't escape. And I love the heavy-handed mommy and daddy issues; it's rather like a powder puff version of HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME without all the awesome kills. In any case, the scene were the dolls begin to harass crazy Susan is now one of my favorite scenes in all of moviedom. I'm not kidding! It's like three minutes of pure grade-A Kindertrauma. I almost overdosed! And as a matter of fact, this movie gave me crazy dreams. Any movie that can grant me trippy dreams can picture itself a pal of mine for life.

I'm guilty of not properly appreciating SHOCK TREATMENT until now. I own it on VHS only because it is one of those KEY videos with the rainbow stripes on the side and I love those because you can line them up and they look so pretty and can you believe I'm not forced to take medication? I have not given this one much of a thought since I saw it as a teen and I think I thought it was just weird back then. I also seem to recall a brief time period where my younger brother was very into the soundtrack and played it everyday and so, by no fault of my own, I partially know all of the songs because they poured through my wall.

Anyway, I decided to watch SHOCK TREATMENT the other night because the tape was in my face and I've decided I like it better than THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW which I'm guilty of not liking quite as much as I'm clearly supposed to. My preference is easily explained by the presence of JESSICA HARPER. Is anyone more beautiful than Jessica Harper? Beauty gets a bad rap these days because magazines are psychotic but I don't think there is anything wrong in noting when someone is visually appealing. It's kinda what art is all about. Well, some art. Also my ears are fond of HARPER's deep voice and now I want to watch PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE right this second.

I'm pretending that SHOCK TREATMENT is a sequel to equally colorful SUSPIRIA rather than a sequel to ROCKY HORROR. I have decided that at the end of SUSPIRIA, Suzy Bannion has lost her mind and so she hallucinates that her name is Janet and she's in a new wave musical. It could happen. Plus that makes more sense than MOTHER OF TEARS. You need a little SHOCK TREATMENT below.

I think we should all break out of prison today and watch the Canadian dance epic HEAVENLY BODIES (1984). The powers that be won't let me embed it so you'll have to view it HERE.

Don't worry you're not cheating on horror movies too much because HEAVENLY BODIES stars MY BLOODY VALENTINE's CYNTHIA DALE and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME's RICHARD REBIERE. In fact, it was even directed by the guy who played Virginia "Ginnny" Wainwright's dad (LAWRENCE DANE)! After your life has been transformed by HEAVENLY BODIES make sure you "like" its sparkly Facebook page HERE!

Here is the only sporting event anyone should ever give a hoot about (besides BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS and THE LAFF-A-LYMPICS)… It's GRADUATION DAY vs. FATAL GAMES and YOU are the judge! Are you team SALLY KIRKLAND or team CHRISTOPHER GEORGE? Which film has the more grating and therefore superior soundtrack? Who will survive and what will be left of your brain cells? Watch them both today, back to back and YOU will be the ultimate winner!

Look at this nice thing I found for you dear people. It's THE NIGHT FLIER, which is based on a STEPHEN KING story and it's looking pretty sharp! This is seriously one of the better adaptions of KING's work, so it's really a shame that it has become so hard to come by lately. Maybe you can help change that by signing the petition HERE to have it released on Blu-ray! It is truly is a outstanding flick. It's almost like a lost X-FILES episode and not only is it suspenseful and funny, but I think it hits a pretty horrific and disturbing note as well! It is sure to leave you with three giant questions: Why doesn't MARK PAVIA direct more?, Why don't we have more movies with JULIE ENTWISLE in them? and Why don't people throw awards at MIGUEL FERRER every time he leaves his home? Be kind to yourself today by watching THE NIGHT FLIER below….

Also: Check out this oldy moldy list of SEVEN UNSUNG VAMPIRE FLICKS!

What an excellent day for an exorcism! Who in the name of God could be compelled to miss a TV movie that stars DEAD AND BURIED's JAMES FARENTINO, JAWS 2's ANN DUSENBERRY, CHILD'S PLAY's DINAH MADOFF, HALLOWEEN's P.J. SOLES and HARRISON FORD of the smash hit REGARDING HENRY? Full review HEREabouts.

Let's go ahead and jump right past the first SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE movie. It's a serviceable enough HALLOWEEN clone but we've got bigger, funnier, fish to fry. SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE 2 (1990) and its quasi-sequel from the same year (if not the same week) HARD TO DIE (1990) were both directed by frequent ROGER CORMAN crony JIM WYNORSKI (88's NOT OF THIS EARTH). I recommend you watch them back to back for optimum results.

SHM2 concerns five young ladies who buy a house to use for their sorority. They get the place super cheap on account of all of the grisly murders that took place there. Soon they meet a creepy neighbor named Orville Ketchum who kindly relays the history of the house by inexplicably talking over flashback scenes from SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE rather than the previous SORORITY movie. Stock footage of lightening informs us that a storm is brewing and so naturally the girls change into nighties and grab a Ouija board. Hilarious hijinks and horrible hook murders ensue. It's often said that a cult movie mustn't be in on the joke to be any good and here's proof that theory is full of hot air.

Now it's time for HARD TO DIE (or SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE 3). Most of the young ladies have returned to play different characters and the location has been moved to a towering skyscraper. Now watch as nearly the exact same events occur in a similarly structured script. Orville Ketchum is now the creepy janitor and he's quick to explain the occurrences of the last film by again speaking over the exact same SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE scenes rather than SORORITY 2. Stock footage of lightening is shown (this time with a building in front of it) and as if trapped in some kind of surreal eternal loop the girls loose their clothes and begin fooling around with a damned puzzle box a'la HELLRAISER having upgraded from the Ouija Board. Again, as the characters one by one meet their doom, two useless detectives loiter about the film's border only to arrive on the scene barely in time for the closing credits and the too late realization that Orville Ketchum is one very misunderstood man.

All signs point to these distorted mirror movie siblings being campy trash, and they are…and they're also lazily brilliant and somehow Dada-esque. Balancing on a tightrope between parody and pastiche, they off handedly both celebrate and mock the redundancy of sequels and the trippy deja vu nature of oft-repeated genre clichés. Or maybe I just have a questionable sense of humor.

Hi there!

Thank you so much for Kindertrauma.com! I am a huge fan. I came across it randomly on my cell phone one day and proceeded to read it on that little screen for hours. My eyes were killing me but it was so fun!

I would like to recommend a Netflix streaming movie that is truly terrifying. Red, White & Blue is a psychological horror movie that filled me with a dread that stuck with me for days. The acting was also amazing, especially by Noah Taylor. I hope you like it!

Take care!

Annie

UNK SEZ: Dear Annie, thank you so much for your recommendation. I watched RED, WHITE & BLUE (2010) last night and I'd like you to pay for my therapy bills. Seriously, you were not kidding, that movie really is a harrowing ride into the pit. While watching it, I was often thinking I was a hair away from turning it off but there was no way I could. Without giving anything away to those who haven't seen it, I was really impressed by the fact that no character was presented in easy to digest black and white terms as would be the usual case in a film concerning (at least partially) revenge. It was really the sad desperation and not the violence that burrowed so deep under my skin.

Immediately after my viewing I had to look the director up on IMDb. Holy Crap, writer/director SIMON RUMLEY is the same scamp who made another Netflix streaming nightmare of mine called THE LIVING AND THE DEAD (2006)! He must be a mad man or a genius of some sort. That movie also aged me a couple years with its merciless take on both mental and physical illness. I wrote half a review for that one a couple years ago but just stopped and walked away because it was too distressing to continue thinking about and I didn't want to make myself a magnet for wicked spirits and bummer vibes.

Again, Annie, thanks for pushing me to watch this difficult movie and thank you SIMON RUMLEY for pushing me past my safety zone not once but twice. I will never watch either RED WHITE & BLUE or THE LIVING AND THE DEAD again as long as I live but I'm looking forward to seeing what you do next.