kindertrauma

Category: Traumafessions

Traumafessions :: Reader EA on Wegman's Sesame Street Spots

Posted on By aunt john

Hey, guys!

Me again…I recently had a child (that is not the trauma) and so my morning routine now involves a lot more SESAME STREET than usual. The "new" shows are usually about 30% new, 70% recycled old segments and bits. Now, I watched SESAME STREET as a child, but somehow I must have blocked out the horror that now greets me and my son almost every morning.

WILLIAM WEGMAN'S F-ING DOGS!

I mean, Wegman's still photos are creepy enough, but whoever decided that these freakish human bodies with dog heads needed to A) move and B) speak to each other in the most droning, monotone, serial-killer-on-Laudium voices should be consigned to some level of T.V. hell. Seriously…

I'm shocked that kids aren't left with a crippling fear of dogs after these things air. Did DAVID LYNCH have an early career in children's programming I don't know about?

Yours in trauma,

EA

Traumafessions :: Reader Rob on Read All About It & Unico

Posted on By aunt john

Dear KinderTrauma,

Your site has allowed me to put to rest the last of my kindertrauma. Discovering your April 30, 2009 post on CAPTAIN KANGAROO's sketch "Amazing Amy…" I had all but convinced myself that I had made it all up.

Other notable kindertrauma that haunted me until the advent of YouTube:

READ ALL ABOUT IT: This Canadian kids program taught me that if I don't learn to read I would be trapped in a deadly maze in another dimension.

And…

UNICO: A popular anime from the '80s staring a tiny unicorn fighting against an abused kids toy gone crazy.

Thanks for the great website!


Rob

Traumafessions :: Reader Cynthia T. on the Ghost of Christmas Present

Posted on By aunt john

My biggest childhood trauma comes from the time of year that should have been nothing but merriment and fun – Christmas. Every year my brother would make me watch A CHRISTMAS CAROL with him – the one with ALBERT FINNEY. And it wasn't the awful songs or Jacob Marley in his chains, nor was it the ghost of Christmas Future – showing Ebenezer the truth of his mortality …

It was the Ghost of Christmas Present that terrified me. Even before Scrooge sees him, something about his gleeful laugh behind the closed door gave me chills. Then when the door opens and you see this enormous man in green velvet robes and fur, surrounded by candles and opulence … and a bare chest (??)… with his booming voice … he had me diving under the covers every year! It still gives me goose bumps!!

— Cynthia

Traumafessions :: Mike of What I Watched Last Night on The Child Molester

Posted on By unkle lancifer

What I was about to experience was so frightening that it would seem like a punishment. Mom was concerned about what we were both about to go through and it showed on her face. We were there to see a movie about two little girls who took candy from a stranger and got into his car. The ending was the most horrifying thing I had ever seen; the girls' bodies lay, sprawled on the ground, looking like lumps of bloody meat wrapped in children's clothing. The tiny actors were dressed like real murder victims, whose bloody crime scene photographs were used. The bloodied childrens' corpses drove home the point that THIS WAS NOT JUST A MOVIE, it was real.

I was never sure if this actually happened or was one of the frightening dreams I was prone to until I found it by accident on the Internet. My recollections were correct, even down to the clothes the children wore. The movie was called THE CHILD MOLESTER, a public service announcement made by the Highway Safety Foundation in 1964 and shown in elementary schools around America for several years to educate parents and children about the dangers of talking to strangers.

NOTE: For the expanded version of Mike's traumafession check out his blog WHAT I WATCHED LAST NIGHT!

UNK SEZ: Mike, thanks for your traumafession and for informing us about this scary public service movie. I made the colossal mistake of watching it HERE and it's one of the creepiest things I have ever seen. I can't believe they showed this movie to kids!

I can understand them showing it to parents as a way to ensure they talk to their children about these matters, but showing that movie to kids is insane! The images at the end are completely indefensible. From what I read, you are part of a small unfortunate club as the film was pulled from circulation by the HIGHWAY SAFETY FOUNDATION shortly (and rightfully) after its release.

Now, thanks to you, I must now watch an episode of THE GILMORE GIRLS to counter the effects of what I have witnessed.

Traumafessions :: Peter of The Flicks That Church Forgot on The Mad Death

Posted on By aunt john

Hi,

Thank you for your fantastic website. I love it, and it reassures me that I'm not the only one who loves spooky stuff from my childhood!

I have a Traumafession of my own. Not sure if anyone will remember this, and I haven't seen it since it was broadcast in 1983 (I was nine at the time), but this was a BBC Scotland mini series called THE MAD DEATH. It was about a rabies outbreak in the U.K. which was in the news at the time. I remember a guy catching the disease from a fox and becoming hydrophobic. He kept staring at a decanter of water in someone's house and was just terrified of it.

I remember being really scared at the idea that something so mundane could become a source of such horror. Also, the opening titles (I wish they were on YouTube!) have stuck in my memory, even after 27 years. It was a fox's head on a black background, but the face was sort of swirling and pulsating. I'd love to see it again, to check if it is as scary as I remember it.

Another thing I thought I might mention is that I just produced an episode of my podcast on the 1973 T.V. movie DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK. I know that's the sort of thing that traumatized many kids! I'm an ordained Baptist Minister from the U.K. who presents a podcast on horror. A little odd I know, but I basically review a horror film, and then offer a sort of spiritual reflection on it.

Anyhoo, I thought I'd mention it in case you thought it might be of interest to your readers. (The religious commentary bit is in a separate episode to the film review so people can just skip that stuff if they're not interested).

You can find it at www.theflicksthatchurchforgot.com

Thanks again for a great site,

Peter

UNK SEZ:: Thanks for the traumafession Peter and thanks for introducing me to THE FLICKS THAT CHURCH FORGOT! I spent the better part of last weekend listening to your podcasts and I was thoroughly impressed! They're informative, funny and brimming with fresh insights on films that I thought I had heard every possible take on!

I admit it, when you said you were an ordained minister I prepared myself for something dry and preachy and I couldn't have been more wrong. You do an incredible job capturing just what makes movies like CARRIE, THE HOWLING and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME so special and your two-parter on HOUSE OF THE DEVIL was spot-on brilliant! I found the three part series reconciling Christianity and Halloween not only fascinating but imbued with the type of rational, common sense that the world could use plenty more of.

Horror fans, listen to your Unkle Lancifer: No matter your religious views, if you're looking for an original perspective on the horror genre look no further than THE FLICKS THAT CHURCH FORGOT!

Traumafessions :: Reader bdwilcox on Magic: The Gathering Commercial

Posted on By aunt john

I remember catching a glimpse of this Magic: The Gathering commercial on T.V. and being utterly petrified of that savage rabbit. I can't believe they allowed such imagery on T.V. during regular hours.

I looked over at my parents and they didn't seem phased by it in the least, so I felt totally alone in my terror. I think this came on about the same time that TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE was on cable.

So, between this commercial and that scene in TZ:TM where the demonic rabbit pops out of the magician's hat, I'm totally scarred in the lepus department.

—bdwilcox

Traumafessions :: Spooky Sean on The Christmas Toy

Posted on By aunt john

When I was about six years old, one of my favorite movies was a little film called THE CHRISTMAS TOY. Only, it also happened to scare the utter shit out of me, with its concept. For, you see, when the Jones' leave the room, their toys come to fucking life.

The film opens with Kermit the Frog dressed as Santa Claus falling down the chimney, and into the Jones' home. He explains how, in essence, whenever any of the human beings leave the room, the plastic and stuffed play things come to life. Apparently, they also like to sing, for as soon as Kermit peaces out, we get a musical number.

I had a very over active imagination as a child, and the premise of the film more then anything fucked with my head. So, wait, when I leave the room, my Ninja Turtles and my Fraggle Rocks will come to life?! And when I come back inside, they will go back to playing dead? What the hell, am I not cool enough for them to just talk and sing to me! Or, are they planning some kind of terrible plot against me, and they can't talk about it in front of me! According to the plot if the toys are seen moving by humans, they become frozen. I'll tell you, if I saw a stuffed animal come to life, I'd be frozen too; frozen in fear for my sanity.

I'm sorry, I love the toys and inanimate objects come to life films, but can you see how they might be disturbing to a small child who hasn't yet solidified his sense of reality? Re-watching it, of course it just seems silly, but yes, I was also still a little freaked out. Fuck, there is a scene where one of the main toys, Rugby the Tiger, is spying on the adults from inside the closet! Tell me that Tiger doesn't seem a little whacked out.

Sincerely,

Spooky Sean

UNK SEZ:: Thanks Spooky Sean! Kids, make sure you go and check out Sean's fortress of awesome-tude SPOOKY SEAN'S SINFUL BLOGGERY!

Traumafessions :: Reader Jen on the Eyes of Winnie the Pooh & Patrick Stewart

Posted on By aunt john

Let me preface this by saying that I was probably the most easily frightened little girl on the face of the Earth.

It sounds so stupid now, but back when I was four and still in love with the NEW ADVENTURES OF WINNIE THE POOH, the song about Heffalumps and Woozles scared me shitless. I'm not sure if it was the bad-LSD-trip imagery, the unsettling music, or merely the idea that such creatures could exist in a realm as happy and friendly as Pooh's, but either way, I HATED that song and would cry and hide and beg my mother to fast-forward that section of the tape. Twenty years later, I still can't watch the whole thing.

I dug up an example on YouTube to share the pain:

Another thing that really bent me was one particular scene in an episode of STAR TREK–the series that had PATRICK STEWART in it. He'd been taken captive by some kind of enemies and they were going to turn him into some kind of cyborg thing. To do so it was apparently needful to drill through his eye. The spinning drill bit stopped just short of plunging into/piercing his cornea, before the scene cut away, but that image horrified me on some subconscious level. I to this day have an intense phobia of anything being near my eyes. ANYTHING, even soft things make me squirm, and metallic/sharp objects are right out.

Adding on to the eye thing, there's another Pooh episode that involved Rabbit being lost in some foggy forest, tormented by shadows and the croaking of frogs and crickets. It's implied that this is wearing on his sanity, as at one point his pupils spin and he screams and goes running blindly. Those fucking spinning eyes, combined with the raw terror in that scream, it frightened me to tears. I still haven't the nerve to look it up on YouTube and finally face it. Just remembering it makes me cold.

Also as another poster mentioned, that goddamned Judge from WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT. I was SO not expecting the freaky face, the screams or the melting. Nightmare city.

Anyhow, I love the site and keep up the great work!

— Jen

Traumafessions :: Reader bdwilcox on Ring of Bright Water

Posted on By aunt john

When the guy kills the poor little otter with a shovel in RING OF BRIGHT WATER. I was about 3 when I saw this and never got over it. I suppressed the memory and one day picked the movie up from RedBox not knowing the emotional hand grenade I was holding. As the movie unfolded, something was gnawing at the back of my mind and a dreadful familiarity started to settle in. The deja vu was tangible and I knew I had been there before but couldn't, for the life of me, remember when. It was like being in a cemetery where you suddenly recognize all the tombstones but can't find the exit. As soon as I saw the guy raise the shovel my heart dropped and decades of suppressed horror screamed out from that dark corner of my mind where murky childhood memories lurk. Even thinking about it now I'm traumatized, sad and, most of all, angry that they would put something like that in a children's movie. It's like putting a razor in a cupcake.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! -sniff- -sniff- -snorfle-

—bdwilcox

Traumafessions :: Reader Joey B. on Spitting Image

Posted on By aunt john

I searched for SPITTING IMAGE on your site and was surprised that you have never posted about this British Television Series featuring hideous puppet caricatures of celebrities and political figures. I was exposed to the show in 1986 when they ran a special in the US. I was only in kindergarten at the time, and I remember being so frightened by the characters that I begged my mom to change the channel.

She was enjoying the humor and of course didn't find the characters as frightening as I did, and told me I had to change the channel myself if I wanted to watch something else. Our T.V. had no remote which meant I would have to approach the television set and get closer to these demonic beings so, seized with fright, I had to sit through the entire show. After that, I was afraid these hideous creatures would pop up from the crack between my bed and the wall so I began sleeping with the sheet over my head.

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