kindertrauma

Category: Traumafessions

Kinder-Editorial :: Kinderpal Erczilla on the Death of Blockbuster Video & the Awesomeness of Evil Dead 2

Posted on By aunt john

I come to both bury Blockbuster Video and faintly praise it. With Blockbuster Video filing for bankruptcy protection, it signals the final nail in the coffin of brick and mortar video stores. Blockbuster itself signaled the end of the greatest video stores of all, the mom and pop owned video store.

My appreciation of all things horror was heavily influenced by the gamble that was picking out a video off of the shelves of the local video store. The proprietors hardly had a clue of the deviance and insanity contained inside some of their tapes. Often the artwork would creatively disguise the crapfest one was about to rent, as in the case of RETURN TO HORROR HIGH or BLACK ROSES. The best moments were when one was able to mine through the stacks of slasher movies and ALIEN rip offs and discover a movie that would rock your socks off.

My older sister and I had such a moment when we picked up EVIL DEAD 2 off of the shelf of our local video store. The store was actually a gutted, double-wide trailer that reeked of mold and old newspapers and the poorly made shelves lined the wood paneled walls. There was a rickety old fashioned bar door that separated the normal videos from the porn tapes. The horror and science fiction tapes were of course very close to that rickety bar door. The store was the perfect mixture of sleaze and low rent cheesiness.

The video box cover with a smooth skull with intact eyes and the three star review from non other than ROGER EBERT were all it took to convince me. The experience was like no other and it shaped my taste in movies from then on. It was one of the only movies that I can recall rewinding and watching from the beginning just as soon as the credits started rolling.

When I heard that Blockbuster was going to open up a store in my small northern New Mexico town, I could hardly wait for it. The reality was rather disappointing. The small horror section was filled with popular mainstream titles and edited versions of movies that I had already seen. The mom and pop stores started to close one by one and took all the magic and mystery with them.

Netflix and streaming video is king now and I certainly appreciate them, but lost is the tactile experience of picking up the video box and being scared and titillated at the same time. If you don't like a movie now, you can just click on a new title to stream or mail back your DVD and get a new one in about a day. If you made a bad choice with a video rental you had it for two days and had to beg your parents to let you go back and get a new one before the weekend was over! No one will be traumatized by having to keep TROLL and GHOULIES for an entire weekend anymore.

Traumafessions :: Readers Grayson K. & Justin L. on Hasbro's Monster Face

Posted on By aunt john

KINDERTRAUMA!

I'm actually kind of surprised that this isn't on your site already. One of my earliest memories (I think I was four) was being at my parents friend's house who ran a daycare. For some reason I had to sleep in her older son's room by myself. I'll never forget being alone in that dark room and suddenly seeing a horrible, deformed life sized head looking right at me! The head was none other than Hasbro's Monster Face. It was a kind of a Mr. Potato Head for older children and came with a bunch of different accessories to customize it's heinousness.

This memory has slid through my brain off and on throughout my life, but it wasn't until about a month ago that I tracked down what this horrible head in my memory was I wasn't sure if I had even made up this memory until a few hours of internet searches revealed that this THING does exist… and it's name is MONSTER FACE!

— Grayson K.

When I was a kid, like all young boys, I loved disgusting and scary things. Hasbro knows its demographic and in 1992 released Monster Face. It was a mad scientist take on Mr. Potato Head. You could add body parts, bugs, etc. But one of the things I remember most was the container of snot that came with it. There was a spot on the back of the head to pour in the snot and it would ooze out of the nose.

This is one of the most haunting memories from my childhood. At night, seeing the face partially illuminated scared me to no end. I believed that the face would come to life in the middle of the night. I eventually became so frightened that I had to cover the face before I went to bed.

I remembered this terrifying toy after reading other similar stories on your blog. I googled for a while before finally coming across its name and soon found other recollections similar to my own. It's good to know that I'm not alone in being tortured by this thing.

Justin L.

Trauma-List :: Reader Carol McM's Creepy Lady Faces!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

O.K. – it has taken me way too long to finish this up – but finally here it is! I got the idea of compiling creepy lady faces from way back when that whole TOP TEN WILLY MOMENTS thing was going on and some of these are on the list on my blog (UNK NOTE:: Go to that swell spot HERE!) but not all of them. They probably should have been though cause I can't think of much more that kept me in a constant state of freaked-out when I was a kid than these ladies faces visiting me in the night.

As an adult I have added a few more ladies to the list…and they tend to sneak up on me in the middle of nights when I am feeling rather weak and feeble – such as Unk's addition to his top 10 willy inducing moments list of the lady in SATAN'S TRIANGLE, and the originator of the willy list idea, ANDRE of THE HORROR DIGEST's addition of the old witch lady from BLACK SABBATH. Also, I was a little disappointed that there weren't more faces to add. I really thought there would be like 10, at least. These are in no particular order of how much they scared me. Actually they aren't in any order at all – I just don't feel like moving them around. And I'm not really going into major details with some of these. You will understand what I'm saying if either you've seen them, or you are planning on seeing them, or you know exactly what I'm thinking, or all three.

THE OMEN – Mrs. Baylock

I've noticed that most people, when referring to creepy goings on in THE OMEN, usually point to the nanny who hangs herself out the window during the birthday party. While that is kinda creepy, to me that is nothing compared to Mrs. Baylock sneaking up on the mom while she is trying to put on her shirt in the hospital. Her face is so menacing and she keeps coming closer and closer to the camera, and all the while LEE REMICK is struggling is a position that would make anyone feel vulnerable.

BURNT OFFERINGS – Marian Rolf as Mrs. Allardyce

I think this is quite possibly one of the most mentioned '70s horror scary lady faces. At least it is in my head. I think the photo speaks for itself.


Honorable mention: BETTE DAVIS' face while she is writhing in pain from a broken back.

ENCOUNTER WITH THE UNKNOWN – Mrs. Davis (or the lady in the cemetery)

This movie is a horror trilogy that scared the pants off me as a young child, and this lady was the main reason. Her face haunted me for years and whenever I couldn't make out my sister's face in the dark it would morph into this face. I was on a desperate horror trilogy search for most of my 20s and when I finally found it, on TV late at night, I was thrilled but it had lost 90% of its impact. O.K. more like 99% of its impact. The movie is nice for nostalgic reasons, or if you like '70s horror just for the feel – but it's not very scary.

EAST OF EDEN – Kate Ames

This was a made-for-T.V. mini-series that came out in 1981 that was very popular with the folks (mostly ladies and young girls) who liked their epic romances. I watched it with my mom and sister and i liked it's soft focus, flowery, olden days style, but it really picked up in the second half when the lovely young Cathy turned into incredibly creepy prostitute, then brothel owner Kate Ames. I won't go into the story too much cause it's all long and complex and none of it has a point here. Basically every time we see Kate she is in all black with a big hat and veil and when she speaks she is very bitter and scary and at the very end she is suffering from rheumatoid arthritis, and some sort of crazy lady disease – maybe syphilis, since she's a prostitute. We see her in a small room with one dim lamp and she looks like a freak!

When I was trying to find images online from what I remembered of the end of this series there was absolutely no image anywhere even remotely resembling Kate in this state of madness and all in black. All the photos online are of Cathy with long lush hair and white frilly dresses and soft focus lenses. So I got the movie from Netflix and took some screen shots and watched this last part and was surprised by how creepy it still was to me. At this point she is clearly out of her mind and is saying something like "What they don't know is… I can make myself so small…that they can't even see me." She says something to that effect in a creepy whisper over and over again and the camera simultaneously pulls back up to the ceiling so that she becomes smaller and smaller in the shot. Plus she's smiling.

THIS HOUSE POSSESSED – Rag Lady

There are more reason's to watch this movie than PARKER STEVENSON. In fact the whole movie is really great and he is just the icing on the cake. I saw this movie many many times in my youth and the character of the rag lady (and she is credited on IMDb) was the part that creeped me out the most. Just her face here with the sad, scared eyes and the general old lady creepiness is creepy, but there is a part that scared me so much I couldn't watch it for years.

In this scene the rag lady gets swept into a boiling swimming pool and her face in the water was just too much for me to take – as a youngster, that is. As an adult I'm all "What ev' THIS HOUSE POSSESSED, you don't scare me anymore." In fact now this movie makes me feel all cozy inside.


Honorable mention: When the blonde lady slides down the glass shower door all covered in blood – with her mouth open and screaming and all.

SYBIL – Hattie Dorsett (the mom)

She is just plain scary. I just recently saw an episode of MISSION IMPOSSIBLE that she is in – from the first season in 1966 – and she looks almost exactly the same – with the same hair do.

DARKROOM – The Witch

This is from the DARKROOM TV series from 1981 that I watched every week. Unfortunately, it didn't last very long, and I really don't remember anything of the other stories but this one that scared the CRAP out of me. The title of the story is "Catnip" and the whole synopsis is on the site THE HAUNTED CLOSET, so I won't write it out here – but the ultra scary moment is when this kid looks under his bed, thinking he is going to see a cat that jumped in his window, and he sees this creepy-ass witch's face hissing at him. I'm telling you it added a whole new level of fear to the what's going on under the bed thing. I mean now I couldn't even check under the bed cause seeing this face under there would be worse than just laying in bed sweating and wringing my hands. Then, at the end of the episode the kids mother is calling him and he doesn't answer and his mother says "What's the matter…cat got your tongue?" I don't think you see the kid anymore – and all I could imagine was that scary witch gnawing on his tongue. Creepy.

Oh and thanks so much to THE HAUNTED CLOSET for the screen shot – I never thought I'd see this creepy old lady again!

UNK SEZ:: Thanks for the great list Carol! I'm happy to tell you that I found that THE DARKROOM episode "Catnip" on YouTube!

Traumafessions :: Rev. Wayne Austin Goodchild of They Call Me Potato on Reeves and Mortimer's 'Masterchef'

Posted on By aunt john

Hello Kindertrauma!

Whilst balancing cutlery on my fingers the other day I was reminded of something that deeply disturbed me, although it's supposed to be weird so I'm not sure if it classes as a boney fidey trauma. And despite being 15 at the time, and already lapping up hideously gory films and whatnot, it still managed to freak me out. What is this devilry of which I speak? Why, only VIC REEVES' interpretation of the mangled-accent MASTERCHEF host LOYD GROSSMAN!

I'm not sure how popular/known REEVES AND MORTIMER are on that side of the pond, so a quick spiel about them: they rose to prominence in the mid-‘90s with a variety of surreal comedy shows, the most famous being THE SMELL OF REEVES AND MORTIMER, where they occasionally worked alongside other comedians like MATT LUCAS (LITTLE BRITAIN) and CHARLIE HIGSON (THE FAST SHOW). They were known for being, quite simply, very very strange. Here's a YouTube clip of the inexplicable MASTERCHEF sketch that gave me the willies (and still does, a little bit). May it haunt your collective dreams from now on!

Regards,

Rev. Wayne Austin Goodchild

Traumafessions :: Reader Zoë M. on Superman Short "Terror on the Midway"

Posted on By aunt john

Hey Kindertrauma! First of all, I want to thank you for solving my "Name That Trauma" a while back. (The answer was THE BONEYARD and involved a giant PHYLLIS DILLER monster) Well, now I've got an odd little traumafession for you in the form of one of the Paramount/Fleischer Superman shorts.

When I was a kid, my dad made sure to raise me on a diet of oddities and rarities; what this meant was that he made sure I was growing up with the same things he did. While I'm thankful for all the twisted things he put on play, I cannot deny that I've had a great deal of kindertraumas because of it (and I think I will relay more of these at a later date. In fact, it's a promise.)

I've seen most of the Paramount/Fleischer shorts, definitely all of the ones produced by the Fleischer Bros. (they made the first nine out of seventeen that Paramount produced), but I think this one stands out for me in particular because my dad made a VHS of this short followed by MIGHTY JOE YOUNG (1949), so when I would reach for that tape I'd get a double dose of big gorillas.

Biased reasoning aside, there are a few reasons this film may be the most gut wrenching for me to watch.

Gigantic, which seems to be the name of the menacing gorilla, is SCARY, plain and simple. When he first busts onto the scene, everything and everyone stops dead in their tracks before scrambling like ants after he roars. His strength is also more than the average gorilla, easily defeating the 6 (or more) men that try to restrain him, followed by him throwing his cage cart at them. In fact, it seems like the only one who can subdue this creature is Superman… which is a little odd since based on all this, how in the heck did they get him into a cage in the first place? The only thing that was restraining him was a lock that a much smaller, cuter monkey released. Did I say cute? I meant stupid. Stupid, stupid monkey for releasing the world's scariest cartoon gorilla.

If the visage of Gigantic doesn't freak me out nearly enough, his theme song does me in. Although there's a shocking cue when he shows his face, the shot where he's starting to stalk Lois Lane is where his unnerving theme plays. It almost conjures up images of the dinosaurs trapped in tar towards the end of "The Rite of Spring" segment from FANTASIA, albeit a somewhat cheaper and grandiose piece of music by comparison. It is a grueling, haunting piece of music that frankly sends chills up my spine to this day. What a great theme for a terrible Gorilla!

Lastly, the chaos; Oh my god, THE CHAOS. The minute Gigantic comes out, there is no such thing as the word "calm" in that tent. Besides Gigantic, elephants, lions, and a rogue panther all smash and attack those in their way. Superman even gets attacked not a split second after changing into his costume by that rogue panther. HOLY CRAP! The escalation of terror is astounding and I absolutely love it. What, a gigantic gorilla with the face of Satan wasn't enough? Okay, have a team of scared elephants. What, still not satisfied? How about the gorilla corners Lois, stalks her, AND THE TENT STARTS TO BURN DOWN.

Of course, Lois and Superman survive to have the usual exchange of, "And I live to see another day", "Yes, thanks to Superman."

GOD CLARK, way to rub it in. But in all seriousness, I love love LOVE this short. Well, then again I love the Fleischer Superman shorts, but this one sticks out to me for that Gigantic gorilla action with his scary ass song.

Thanks and best,

Zoë M.

Traumafessions :: Reader Heystu3 on the Tristar Pictures Unicorn (?)

Posted on By aunt john

My personal trauma, I've always felt, is pretty random and a little embarrassing…the Tristar Unicorn. At a young age, girls are encouraged to embrace the majestic image of the unicorn. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against unicorns, I had the Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper to prove it, but this one in particular never sat well with me.

I think what bothered me the most was the crescendo of music. It starts off nice and soft, and before you know it, you've got a mythical beast galloping toward you with the horn section blaring! This opening sequence bothered me so much that when my family went to see HOOK in theaters, I had to sit in the lobby with my mom until the the unicorn had run its course.

With such absurd fear, of course the inevitable ridicule ensued. My two older sisters would taunt me by humming the Tristar theme. All in all, let's just say I wouldn't be fazed if this horse went down NEVER ENDING STORY, Swamp of Sadness-style…perhaps then I could have watched a movie without an initial panic attack!

UNK SEZ: Wait a minute Heystu3! You have been running in fear of that unicorn for so long and you never stopped and looked behind you to see that it is only a friendly Pegasus! Unlike the monstrous and evil Unicorn, the winged Pegasus loves all humans and would never cause them harm!

Thanks for the trauma Heystu3 and thanks to ULTRA GROSS for the yummy unicorn meat!

Traumafessions :: Reader Smidget on The Stepford Wives

Posted on By aunt john

O.K. …when I was a kid I was terrified of THE STEPFORD WIVES movie. I think it really had to do with the fact that I was routing for her to make it through, and when I found out she didn't I was like….UGH….but the scariest part for me was the all-black eyes!


AAAAAAAAAAAH!

I love this movie now, it's a '70s classic that SPEAKS VOLUMES about the '70s and the E.R.A. Love it. Hated the remake. However, the original is pretty darn scary and creepy.

Traumafessions :: Reader Mike on Sesame Street's Nosy Shapeshifter

Posted on By aunt john

As someone who was scared of EVERYTHING as a kid and is trying to pick up the pieces of his broken psyche as an adult, your site makes me feel not so alone. Serious time-suck, but oh so worth it.

I didn't like to be scared as a kid. I hated roller-coasters and as for scary movies, their trailers (the usual suspects: BEYOND THE DOOR, MAGIC, PROPHECY) were traumatic enough. Naturally, not being exposed to the hard stuff let scares sneak in via seemingly innocuous carriers. Like SESAME STREET.

What is it about SESAME STREET? Parents of kids of my age used it as the ultimate babysitter and yet, there seem to be an endless store of stories of kids who were terrified by something they saw on this "explicitly for kids" show. For me, it happened one day when I was watching the T.V. alone (thankfully; if my older sister ever found out I would have been doubly traumatized, triply so if she told my cousins who LOVED to torment me with dumb stuff I was afraid of). All of a sudden this weird animated filler comes on. A woman's head appears in profile. Her nose starts changing shape. This is accompanied by a LOUD and SHRILL squeaking sound every time her nose changes shape. I think that was it, as I bolted from the living room and cowered in my bedroom, my undeveloped brain unable to process what I had just seen.

I got kind of reactionary regarding SESAME STREET after that. I remember after that seeing my sister watching it and dismissing it as "for babies!" I think she knew something on the show had scared me, though.

For the longest time, I thought this was some weird hallucination until I posted about it on an Internet messageboard. A woman who had also been frightened by the clip confirmed seeing it as a kid, and again on Youtube. She said it was taken down and was glad because she still found it disturbing. I, however, am disappointed that I didn't get the chance to see this again, having faced so many other childhood fears. It does leave me wondering why they dropped this random bit of randomness into a nominally educational show. What was it supposed to teach kids?

As for me nowadays, I realize most of the scary movies from when I was a kid…really aren't all that scary. I still hate roller-coasters, though.

—Mike

UNK SEZ:: Thanks Mike! I wish I could find the clip you speak of but I guess your friend was right when they said it was taken down! I did find the animated SESAME STREET clip below though, I hope it will do for now. Let us know if that shapeshifting nose clip ever appears again!

Traumafessions :: Reader DK on William Peter Blatty's 'The Exorcist'

Posted on By aunt john

Hi, I really enjoy your site, so I figured I should contribute…

One of many things that scared me as a kid was one of the early covers for THE EXORCIST novel by WILLIAM PETER BLATTY.

I was a friend's house and spotted it on a shelf and found the image of the girl so scary it gave me nightmares for days. Yet every time I would go to his place I would find some excuse to have a peek, compelled to face my fear.

Compelled or not, I did not want to be left alone in that room with the book, no matter how many lights were on.

Even now, I find that image more frightening than LINDA BLAIR in the DICK SMITH makeup (with no disrespect intended).

Best,

DK

P.S.: I have another story to tell about a show that scared me as a kid, but I'll save that story for next time.

UNK SEZ:: Thanks DK, I've always been fascinated by that book cover too. Have you ever heard THIS HERE tidbit before?

Traumafessions :: Reader Steve B. on The Incredible Hulk

Posted on By aunt john

Hey guys,

I recently discovered your site a few days ago and have been scrolling through it ever since. I think I'm going to have to watch some of your favourite movies, as my enjoyment of horror films (even the so-bad-they're-good ones) is slowly being reawakened.

After doing a quick search, it seems one of my many childhood traumas has not been posted yet, so here goes. It involves that ‘80s T.V. series THE INCREDIBLE HULK.

Now, I was never terrified by the Hulk. Even though I was only 5 or 6 when it was on, and even though he was big and green and monstrous, I knew he was the good guy, and never meant anyone any real harm. And I adored him. No, it wasn't him that traumatized me.

It was that other guy, the Evil Hulk.

He was much scrawnier in comparison, but those dilated white eyes, those bushy black eyebrows, that snarl, the hair that looked like he just licked his finger and stuck it into an electrical socket. He was a horrific version of the hero I knew and loved.

I never wanted to have to watch the two-part episode that the Evil Hulk was featured in, any time it came on. But I knew I had to, because I hated him so much, and I knew that I had to endure the terror if I was to ever see the Good Hulk kick that evil mofo's ass. So imagine my disappointment after finding a clip of the final scene, and watching it for the first time in about thirty years after forgetting how it ended. I won't spoil it, but let's just say the Hulk's "victory" is rather, well, anticlimactic:

Regards,

Steve