kindertrauma

Category: Tykes in Trouble

Trick 'R Treat

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Believe the hype, ignore the backlash, the long awaited TRICK ‘R TREAT is definitely more treat than trick. Not only standing tall as an unabashed love letter to everybody's favorite holiday, this movie succeeds as an ode to anthology films, horror comics and a twisted yet less cynical sensibility all but forgotten. If you're a fan of eighties horror and have been missing the goofy dark fun of films like FRIGHT NIGHT, NIGHT OF THE CREEPS or especially CREEPSHOW, I guarantee you are going to gobble this up. It's scary without being nauseating, funny without being brain dead and overall works like an injection of candy corn right into your veins. Sometime between now and the 31st of October do yourself a solid and rent or buy this film. If TRICK ‘R TREAT doesn't get you in the Halloween spirit then frankly, you are a lost cause and deserve whatever egging, T.P.ing or flaming crap filled paper bag you find on your doorstep.

I won't go into the whys and why nots of this films history. Most of you are probably aware that it missed a chance at a theatrical run and has wound up as a direct to DVD offering instead. Truth is, I'm not sure that modern audiences even deserve this kind of movie anyway. It's beautifully shot, having no interest in looking sewer doused, characters are not required to be humiliated before death and at no point did I feel like somebody was trying to sell me a cell phone, a pair of jeans or a can of soda. If you've been waiting for the scariest movie ever made, keep waiting, this is more about that crisp creepy breeze that blows into town in autumn and the anticipation and excitement that occurs when darkness falls. It's not a nail-biting ordeal; it's a joyful, yet sometimes potently subversive salute to the convivial side of the macabre.

Remarkably director/writer MICHAEL DOUGHERTY has captured the spirit of All Hallow's Eve like a bat in a fishing net, a feat made more impressive when you consider how many have failed at that task before him. Rather than compartmentalize his tales, he allows them to weave and interact and the result is rather innovative in the realm of anthology horror. This is obviously a work of love and it shows and although its final moments could have used a little extra punch, there are few things to complain about here. Maybe I'm suddenly old fashioned or maybe this film just falls right in line with my own tastes, but one thing is for sure, there's no doubt I'll to be watching TRICK ‘R TREAT every October (along with my other holiday standbys) till that old grim reaper comes and tears me away.

Stir of Echoes

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Underrated and unpretentious KEVIN BACON plays underrated and unpretentious working stiff Tom Witzkey in STIR OF ECHOES. Tom, an ordinary guy who resents his ordinariness inadvertently becomes extraordinary when he allows himself to be hypnotized by his sister-in-law Lisa (habitual scene stealer ILLEANA DOUGLAS). Quirky Lisa has a long history of clashing with Tom's grounded, prosaic view of the universe so after rummaging around in his head a bit she leaves a suggestion that he keep it all kinds of wide open in the future. Soon the once level headed and under stimulated Tom is exposing emotions previously kept under wraps and experiencing psychic phenomenon that he can't control or understand. See what happens when you let down your guard for one second Tom? The ghosts, they come a knocking!

STIR OF ECHOES is an unassuming, straight shooting supernatural thriller that got elbowed out of the limelight by flashy juggernaut THE SIXTH SENSE way back in the olden days of 1999. STIR covers similar ground as SENSE involving a crime that must be exposed in order for its victim to cross over to the other side and it even has a kid (Tom's son Jake ZACHARY DAVID COPE) who sees dead people. With its focus on character development and aversion to spectacle perhaps STIR, based on a novel by RICHARD MATHESON, would have been better suited for the small screen in the first place. Its strongest scenes rely on slightly tweaking everyday occurrences and its weakest involve needless C.G.I. and clumsily staged shock cuts.

On the other hand, STIR OF ECHOES the movie may suffer from the same complex as its main character; sometimes its commitment to efficiency blocks it from being truly spectacular. You can't help feeling obliged to give it props for its earnest, responsible approach, but one wonders (particularly during a simple scene involving a ghost high jacking an episode of LIDSVILLE on T.V.) just how much more trippy and mind screwy it could have been if it just loosened up its blue collar and went nuts.

One of STIR's undeniable feats is creating a neighborhood setting that actually comes across as real and inhabiting it with the type of humans that you might come across on any given day. I'm not sure throwing a pair of horned rim glasses on a lovely starlet (JENNIFER MORRISON) convinces me that she is a mentally challenged loner, but the intention is appreciated and that particular misstep happens late in the game. There are a few pointless pit stops and our ghost's methods of getting her message across seem needlessly roundabout but the story is never less than intriguing and even if you see its final revelation coming from a mile away, you'll want to stick around to watch how it effects the likable characters.

NOTE: Speaking of letting your freak flag fly, the potential expressive power of art and the film career of ILLEANA DOUGLAS, let's take a moment to watch the short film MIRROR, FATHER, MIRROR by artist Roberta Allsworth. Not only does it reveal what it's like to inhabit its creator's specific skin, it's got kindertrauma written all over it!

May

Posted on By unkle lancifer

May's got some serious social problems; her desire to connect with others is at such a fever pitch that her needy frequency just ends up scaring folks away. What is it that could make a creative, smart, adorably attractive young lady like May a jittery, mumbling, palm-raping, cat assassinating, Shleprockian outsider with a romantic track record to rival Pepe Lepew? Why, it's just gots to be kindertrauma! You heard that right, kindertrauma; the flavor you savor for life!

At the beginning of LUCKY MCGEE's ode to Frankenstein, laundromats and hobo patches, we learn that as a child, titular character May (a stitching her way into legendary status ANGELA BETTIS) didn't quite fit in with her peers. Before you say "Take a number, sister," let me inform you that poor little mini-May (CHANDLER RILEY HECHT) had to wear a pirate patch on account of her eye being lazier than a Sunday morning hammock ride. Worse yet, her mom was one of those type "A" personalities — care to guess what "A" stands for? — always singing the praises of "perfection," a word that should never be used unless you are talking about a pop-up puzzle game from Milton Bradley.

Mom tells little May "If you can't find a friend, make one," and presents her with a handmade doll on her birthday. This gesture might have been sweet if mom didn't also inform May that the doll must never be touched and must be kept in a glass box forever. Although Suzy the doll does make a grand pal for the most part, May's lifelong frustration with never being able to touch or feel her friend echoes her social discomfort and has a ripple effect that eventually results in a lot of BREEDERS music being played and ANNA FARRIS getting her throat slashed by duel scalpels.

As is often the fates' hilarious sense of humor, the time period before adult May's spiral into the abyss of howling madness and multiple homicides is that of rejuvenation and hope. After May has her eye fixed it seems all her childhood traumas are fixed too. She now has a new lease on life and is excited to share herself with others in a way previously thought impossible. Adam (SIX FEET UNDER's JEREMY SISTO) appears to be the perfect dream date, what with all his curly dark locks and admiration for ARGENTO. As it turns out though, Adam only likes to make movies about people biting each other, he doesn't like to be bitten so much himself, and when May tries to connect with him on what she perceives as his own level, she ends up with egg (and blood) on her face.

Don't fret May! There are other guys out there and besides who cares about dudes when Polly (ANNA FARRIS) is barking up your tree? Polly ain't a poseur, she won't sweat a bite or two, but look out May, she's not a one woman lady either! Broken hearted and scorned from every angle, May makes the only choice anyone ever can in such a situation and decides to chop off the good parts of those that torment her, scrap the crappy parts, sew all that junk together and make a decent person who can give a gal a break; but not before causing a bit of kindertrauma herself…

Sufferers of childhood trauma here's a cure for what ails ya… cause some trauma your own darn self! Sometime before our May has her, "Ah-hah, I'll just kill everybody!" moment (something that would never be approved of by OPRAH) she passes the kindertrauma baton on to a bunch of unsuspecting tykes. Having spied some blind children in her favorite park and feeling an affinity with their reliance on the act of touching in order to see, May volunteers at their school, and decides to introduce them to her BFF Suzy the doll. Only problem is, Suzy is behind glass so the kids can't check her out at all, attempts to do so result in her case smashing on the floor and the children groping around in broken glass with bleeding fingers in an attempt to "see" her. (I gotta hand it to Suzy; for a doll that is not possessed, doesn't carry a weapon and never becomes animated in anyway, she sure causes a ruckus!) Luckily, MAY has a happy ending where death and insanity grab the reigns of reality and yell "Giddy-up!" Poor May's ordeal might be over, but just think of the stories those blind kids will be able to tell!

Mommy

Posted on By aunt john

mommy

If W.C. FIELDS was known for his reluctance to working with kids and animals, then there should be a list of actors that both child and four-legged performers should avoid at all costs. Based solely on her less than subtle performance in MOMMY, and I do mean that in the nicest was possible, PATTY McCORMACK tops my short list of actors children should not work with. On paper, MOMMY loosely reads like an imaginary sequel to McCORMACK's most infamous work THE BAD SEED. Imagine if little Rhoda Penmark grew up, spawned a tow-headed daughter, became an alpha-Mom, and left a body count in her wake when said daughter Jessica Ann (the completely overwhelmed and out of her league RACHEL LEMIEUX) is overlooked for student of the year. In actuality though, MOMMY has too much working against it to rightfully be considered the heir apparent to the BAD SEED.
mommy

For starters, you know something is terribly wrong with a movie when you can barely hear the lead child actress mumble over the score. The omnipresent music in MOMMY takes on a life of its own and drowns out just about everyone except for McCORMACK who belts out every line like she is performing for the back row in a theatre production. I know the budget on this one was paltry, but surely there was a boom mike on set. Dial it down a notch PATTY! Taking the opposite approach is JASON MILLER (THE EXORCIST's Father Karras) as the chain-smoking Lieutenant March hot on the heels of our murderous matriarch. Self-aware enough to realize that this vehicle is beneath his esteemed horror pedigree, his boredom is palpable.
mommy

Had MOMMY played it for laughs, like JOHN WATERS' SERIAL MOM, it could be a contender as a camp classic. It features cameos by MAJEL BARRETT, the "First Lady" of STAR TREK and crime writer MICKEY SPILLANE, as well as undisputed B-Queen BRINKE STEVENS as the oddly eye-browed Aunt Beth. Not even this troika, bolstered by MILLER, can wrestle MOMMY away from McCORMACK. It's ultimately her showcase, albeit a sorely disappointing one. Both she and the legacy of Rhoda Penmark both deserve much better.

The Brood

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Oh THE BROOD, how I love thee. Is there any better horror film for Mother's Day than THE BROOD? Is there any better horror film for any day than THE BROOD? From Kindertrauma's inception, we've always felt a keen bond with this CRONENBERG masterpiece. Here is a film that deals with two of our favorite pet themes, "Tykes in Trouble" and "Kids Who Kill" (albeit mutant kids) and although we've mentioned it in numerous posts, we've yet to really stop and give it the proper attention it deserves. Why? Because I have been way too scared to. THE BROOD, like much of CRONENBERG's work, is just so damn interesting on so many levels that it has always attracted absolutely fascinating discussions from minds much sharper than my own. How could little old me objectively examine something so grand when my gut instinct is to just bow down and kiss its feet? I guess I'm just going to have to man up because we need a proper THE BROOD post up in here and it's not going to write itself. So here goes kids, I'm throwing my propeller beanie into the ring…

ART HINDLE plays Frank Carveth a guy with many an issue, the least of which is the fact that he seems to own only one pair of corduroys. Frank discovers wounds on his young daughter Candace's back and suspects that they came courtesy of his strange, estranged and partially deranged ginger-ex Nola (perfectly cast hand grenade in a housecoat SAMANTHA EGGAR.) At the time Nola is undergoing unconventional therapy in a safe trap house called the Somafree Clinic, and any question as to whether this treatment will be beneficial is answered by the fact that Nola's Doctor, Hal Raglan, is portrayed by a tightly coiled ham sandwich named OLIVER REED. We follow Frank as he learns that there is a hideous side effect to Raglan's cutting edge work. Raglan's patients' pain, once drudged to the surface, manifest into physical form. In Nola's case, troll like beast children are spawned and are set out into the world to express her rage mostly by smashing people on her shit-list in the face with blunt objects.

It might all sound a tad silly, but in CRONENBERG's hands (or should I say through his mind?) it ends up saying more about the human condition (and family dysfunction in particular) than all the hand wringing dramas you can think of combined. Inspired by CRONENBERG's own strenuous divorce, there is real venomous acrimony here. Some (including the director himself) claim THE BROOD is his answer to KRAMER VS. KRAMER, and if it is, than his "answer" is a smack of a wooden meat mallet to each Kramer's skull with perhaps an extra little whack for the Mrs. As worthy as THE BROOD's concepts about how the mind affects the body are, the larger truth unearthed involves how abuse lingers from generation to generation in a family like an unshakable hereditary disease. Now that I think about it, maybe both ideas are as compatible as broken vases and black eyes.

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum. While doing a little background reading on THE BROOD (yes, I was wearing bifocals) I came across, I'm sure a very well meaning person, who was outraged by a particular scene in the film. In the scene (which was built to disturb and therefore must be considered successful) a woman is savagely (and some say hilariously) bludgeoned to death in front of a group of young school children. The disgruntled viewer was upset that such a scene would ever be filmed with children present. I personally assume that precautions were taken like, I don't know, telling the kids that they were filming a movie or perhaps editing things in such a way, but something about this person's indignant tone stuck in my craw. It seems to me that a lot of adults spend a lot of time worrying about what children witness on television or in movies (as well they should), but not so much time worrying about what behavior they witness in their own homes. This might sound off topic, but I think that it is partially what THE BROOD is about, the lingering effects of witnessing domestic abuse (physical, verbal and psychological) and the curse of absorbing your elders' insecurities and prejudices (not to mention, rage). Violence on the T.V. is scary (check out this site called kindertrauma…) but sometimes mom and dad and grandma and grandpa leave real lasting wounds that you can't simply turn off with the flick of a switch.

Was that a soapbox I just stepped off of? I apologize, but as I said I cannot even pretend to critique THE BROOD; the movie is just too damn awesome and over my head. In order to leave on a positive note though, I will add this, the score, (the first of many done for CRONENBERG by HOWARD SHORE) is so incredibly perfect that it makes you want to slap someone.

Baby Blues

Posted on By unkle lancifer

2008's BABY BLUES (be careful there are two films from ‘08 which bear this title!) is a snarling little wombat of a movie and, like a misanthropic reality show contestant, it's not here to make friends. A minimum of blood is actually spilt on screen, but its subject matter crosses a line that is sure to leave thin-skinned viewers clutching their pearls and mentally designing picket signs. Helen Lovejoy, ya better sit down, this movie is about a mommy who kills her very own children! Now, it's a well known fact that the fairer sex is completely incapable of such atrocities in real life and that the history of the world has absolutely zero examples of a mother injuring her own children, but here it is anyway…they've gone and made a female version of THE SHINING!

This is a difficult little movie folks, and that's why I like it. It's not easy watching a mother decide that in order to properly clean house some moppet heads have to roll, but horror never signed up to be easy. In fact, horror pretty much yearns to make you feel a bit uncomfortable and my advice is to let it. I'm saying this because some viewers really are taking offense to this movie, which, in a way, I think is a good thing. Can someone please explain to me why Jack Torrance can run about swinging an axe at his family and wind up with his grinning mug on a Spencer's Gifts refrigerator magnet, but as soon as a Mom decides to grab a meat cleaver and follow suit people get all fidgety? Sounds like some ol' fashioned sexism to me! C'mon, there are not enough female horror icons as it is out there. I think it's time we got behind our trauma-mommas and support their right to go nut-zo! Sure this mom actually snuffs an infant (off camera by the way) and I know nobody likes that idea much but omelets or eggs people? Do you want your delicious scary omelets or do you want to keep your boring eggs?

As illustrated by our list of the 10 MOST HORRIFYING MOVIE MOMS, there is a rich history of killer moms in horror cinema, so what is so especially unnerving about this one? (I mean besides the whole infanticide bit.) My guess is that part of the unease comes from the fact that BABY BLUES catches the viewer off guard by showing a pretty accurate and sympathetic view of mental illness in the beginning (I was reminded of the brilliant CLEAN, SHAVEN) and then it abruptly morphs into full on genuine stalk and slash by the end (Mom really does give Michael Myers a run for his money.) It's a sharp turn to ask of an audience within such a short time. This clash of tones becomes shriller still when the poor soul we watched fighting off crying jags and audio hallucinations earlier in the film begins spouting out one too many clever zingers ala "Here's Johnny!" It's sort of like watching the LIFETIME Channel with one eye and FEARNET with the other, but gee; didn't I just describe the greatest thing ever? I'll admit that the logic defying closing scene is nearly impossible to swallow, but I chomped my nails like a cob of corn throughout the film and that's more than enough for me.

Directors LARS E. JACOBSON and AMARDEEP KALEKA do a great job spotlighting images of warm domestic paraphernalia and creating ominous environments out of the typically mundane. There are some great performances here too from actors you'll no doubt see much more of in the future. COLLEEN PORCH as "Mom" fearlessly goes from alpha to omega and brings to mind ANGELINA JOLIE when she still had some moxie and lived on Earth (oh, the halcyon days of GIA). RIDGE CANIPE as the final kid never seems less than real and that too can be said of the young actors who play his siblings. JOEL BRYANT as "Dad," besides providing a much-needed dose of gravitizing stability, has now earned the title of permanent Kindertrauma pin-up (I had to explain to Aunt John that the title BABY BLUES was a reference to postpartum depression and not JOEL's peepers.) This movie is certainly not for everybody, but if you dig real horror and are not afraid of a little squirming you should check it out. Heck, I'll go one further and call it the perfect Mother's Day gift!

Daughter of the Mind

Posted on By unkle lancifer

It was not too long ago that we received a "Name That Trauma!" about a movie in which a man driving his car has a run in with the ghost of his dead daughter. The movie turned out to be DAUGHTER OF THE MIND a television film that stars RAY MILLAND. (Is MILLAND an O.K. actor to be completely infatuated with? I hope so, because I am.) Finding out that the film also starred the ever fascinating GENE TIERNEY, of the too cool to comprehend LEAVE HER TO HEAVEN, and, not to mention Official Traumatot and seventies staple, PAMELYN FERDIN sealed the deal. I had to experience this thing and I had to do it soon.

I jumped through hoops, I mowed lawns, I did unmentionable things in convertibles that ended with me quoting THERESA RUSSELL ("See ya in church!"), and eventually I got my tiny spider claws on a copy. Was it worth it? Yea, DAUGHTER OF THE MIND is pretty darn sweet and although dated a bit, worth the rigmarole.

RAY MILLAND who has starred in three of the greatest things of all time, namely, THE LOST WEEKEND, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and THE ATTIC plays Professor Samuel Constable, a guy who is troubled by recurrent visions of his deceased kid who likes to vaporize after making super heavy statements like, "I hate being dead." His wife Lenore (TIERNEY) thinks he's gone loco but parapsychologist Alex Lauder (DON MURRAY) gets a gander of the ghost girl and thinks he might be on to something.

Lauder is an appealing character, equal parts Mulder and Scully, not minding whether the chips land on science or spiritualism as long as he finds the truth. The script based on a novel by PAUL GALLICO (THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE) keeps the audience guessing along side Lauder and that is exactly what keeps things interesting. Add DAUGHTER to the long list of television movies that I would have loved to have seen go to series. Its 1969 air date suggests it could have been a real ground breaker.

Unfortunately the ultimate truths exposed are not quite satisfactory or even believable, but at that point you may have had such a good ride that you won't care. (Why dis the whole meal just because the dessert blew?) It makes sense to me that many of those who saw this flick in their youth have zero recollection of the whole "world peace hangs in the balance" espionage sub-plot that makes off with the movie like a thief in the night. The supposed supernatural elements, the seances, the visions of that little girl lost in an unexplainable other world are truly haunting and linger long after the scientific explanations fade away.

A particularly effective bit has the apparition seemingly dipping her hand into hot wax and leaving a replica of it in a bowl of water complete with fingerprints. Sure, there is ultimately a valid explanation, but seeing that floating hand in the bowl is eerie as hell nonetheless. Now that I think of it, my guess is that many young viewers much like our trauma-confessor Gary, not so much forgot about this movie's ultimate rationales but more likely turned the television set off and made a mad dash for bed before they could ever be revealed.

Phantasm

Posted on By unkle lancifer

How is it that as long as Kindertrauma has been in operation nobody has written a traumafession about DON COSCARELLI's 1979 horror opus PHANTASM? That flick made my hair stand on end as a kid! When I first saw it on VHS I was probably about the same age as its lead character Michael (A. MICHAEL BALDWIN). My identification with him was further cemented by the fact that I had a similar bizarre hair cut and a comparable inclination toward striped tube socks. Watching the film recently I am still in awe of it. So many other films have borrowed freely from PHANTASM that I have to remind myself just how groundbreaking it was at the time. Infusing sci-fi elements, dark fantasy and surrealistic dream logic into horror was not exactly the order of the day back in 1979, but COSCARELLI did so with gusto and he created a universe all his own that never existed before.

How about that "Tall Man" (ANGUS SCRIMM)?, How scary was that guy? Evilly looming above folks while they are trying to snooze, masquerading as the lady in lavender, yelling his signature "Boy!" (I know I just described Aunt John, but the tall man is even scarier), the tall man is really a stand in for death itself as PHANTASM, which truly lives up to its name, comes off as a feverish hallucination of a kid who is battling to accept the recent deaths in his family. Where do our dead loved ones go anyway? As it turns out in PHANTASM, they are shrunken down, forced to wear Jawa costumes and kept as slaves…comforting, huh? And how about that silver Cuisinart flying ball? Will somebody please get on making a parody youtube clip of BILLY MAYS trying to sell such a thing to the masses? (I'd do it myself, but I'm super swamped at the moment). This is a one of the kind movie that is just about as creatively inventive as it could be and please don't get me started on the soundtrack. The DVD is a must own for that reason alone.

I'm not sure how PHANTASM would hold up for first time viewers today. I'm sure the Muppet bug attack must look pretty lame by modern standards but I continue to be smitten. This is a movie that connects me to my youth almost instantly and I'll always love it for that. It's also a film that is noticeably guy-centric. Michael's character is preoccupied with the thought of being abandoned by his older brother and the film's idea of a peaceful existence is just hanging out drinking beer and playing guitar. Funeral home rifle attacks are planned before a roaring fire place and it's all sort of IRON JOHN by way of LOVECRAFT. There is almost a tree fort atmosphere here and the guys, rather than posturing and being competitive, have each other's backs. The female characters may be slight and on the sidelines (the mysteriousness of some rings true with an adolescent boy's perception), but it is also kind of refreshing that PHANTASM, for the most part, does not rely on their peril for scares.

Michael with his constant spying on his older sibling Jody (BILL THORNBURRY) and his need to be included in the investigation of the Morningside Mortuary perfectly captures that bubble in time when you could not wait to grow up and be included among the big kids. I think older brother Jody still reeks of coolness today and just think, his best bud and musical collaborator Reggie (REGGIE BANNISTER ) even drove an ice cream truck! Where were these guys when I was growing up? It's funny though; this movie that used to make me long for adulthood along with Michael now has the exact opposite effect on me. How cool would it be to ride a motorcycle through a graveyard right about now? Where are my binoculars? Point me toward a basement window to smash! Even if you don't find PHANTASM particularly scary anymore there is no denying that it is a fun comic book ride all the way. As for myself, I still get a bit of a chill when the Tall Man appears. No matter how old I get, that guy will always dwarf the tube sock wearing likes of me.

The Fly 2

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I had such a splendorific time re-watching DAVID CRONENBERG's THE FLY that I thought it appropriate that I should give its 1989 sequel THE FLY 2 a spin. I remember seeing it when it initially came out and although I wasn't a giant fan at the time, I recalled that the special effects were pretty darn cool. Since super crappy THE EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC was able to somehow win my heart when I gave it a second look-see, who was to say the same would not occur again? Well, THE FLY 2 was to say that it would not occur again because, to me, it really does kinda stink some.

The tag line reads "Like Father, Like Son" but that's just all so much wishful thinking on the part of THE FLY 2. Unlike THE EXORCIST II which at least lubricates its lameness with intoxicating looneyness, this sequel is mostly pure drudgery through and through. It's actually just depressing and not the good kind of depressing either. I mean there is the romantic, honey-flavored, sigh on your bed and listen to THE CURE type of depressing and then there is the mildew smelling stare at a blank wall and have your soul raped by THE ALAN PARSONS PROJECT type found here. From its opening shot, which resembles bad television more than a feature film, to its mucky torturous porridge slurping final shot, this film just won't let up with its blotchy blandness. Sadly the special effects that I remembered fondly didn't even have the decency to hold up (some are still pretty cool though, see above).

The movie begins with a dark haired lady that is supposed to be GEENA DAVIS's character Veronica giving birth and promptly dropping dead. This is all taken in by lone returner JOHN GETZ, the bad guy boss from the first movie, who, for his sake, I hope was wearing a fake beard. It turns out the Brundle baby Seth is not a giant maggot (which I think Veronica would have been pretty happy about if she wasn't pushing up daisies with Newt from ALIEN 3 and Alice from FRIDAY THE 13THE PART II), but he does have some accelerated age thing going on, and is kinda turning into a giant fly regardless of not being born a maggot and, worse of all, has to live his short bleak life uncannily resembling Rocky Dennis.

Sadly all the action takes place in these colorless fake looking science labs where you don't ever get a glimpse of the sun, but you do have to bump into DAPHNE ZUNIGA from time to time. There are plenty of mean scientists and security guards all over the place that act in such a way as to secure their own doom when Seth gets his insect on near the end of the picture and seeks revenge for his under a microscope upbringing and being secretly videotaped bumping uglies with ZUNIGA. There is nothing resembling a pace or even a pulse here, and you just sort of wait and wait for special effects artist turned director CHRIS WALAS to get to the underwhelming finale.

I can't really blame the producers for trying to snare a younger audience back in 1989 as Freddy Krueger was currently raking in major coinage, but the degree of dumbing down that takes place in THE FLY 2 is kinda infuriating. Some effort was made to do something a bit different than you might expect, but it's certainly not enough to make up for all the clunky foot dragging and the morose tone. I realize that the first FLY was not exactly the feel good movie of the century, but at least you were left with the feeling of joy that accompanies witnessing a job well done. I know that it would be madness to expect this sequel in particular to be on par with the original but, even giving it the most leeway I know how, it still leaves me with some sort of grubby feeling I can't explain…

…or maybe I can. Look, I know this is a horror film and in horror films bad, bad stuff is bound to occur but what befalls little Seth's only pal, a cute golden retriever, who ends up looking like one of my cat's fur balls spliced with a Vienna sausage, as they say, shouldn't happen to a dog. As much as I hate to admit it, I have to give the Devil his due here and admit that the whole howling mutant dog routine is pretty effective and certainly the stuff of Kindertraumas. To be honest, it may be the reason I find this movie so laborious to endure. Couldn't they have used ZUNIGA as a test subject instead?

Coraline

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hello, I wish to tell you about 2009's childhood horror: CORALINE. This movie is messed up! It looks cute, it's in stopmotion for crying out loud! BUT…it's one scary movie! It had scenes in it where two ladies are twisted together and where a man becomes a melty monster! And guess what? It's in 3-D too! In one scene, it is shown that Ms. Forcible and Ms. Spink STUFF thier Scottie dogs when they die. and that's not even the part where the other mother turns into a spider witch. Finally…the hand. it gets cut off and still follows Coraline around! PLEASE PUT THIS ON YOUR SITE!

— Squirt00

UNK SEZ: Thanks Squirt00 for giving us the heads up on the sure to be future traumatizer CORALINE! We've heard from several sources (including our pal Rat Saw God) that this flick is primo Kindertrauma material. I did get a chance to see it recently (in 3-D no less!) and although I'm a little late on commenting about it, I agree with you entirely. I'm sure CORALINE will give kids plenty of stuff to worry about before they go to bed for many years to come!

CORALINE was, of course, directed by HENRY SELICK who was also responsible for the creeped out classics THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS and JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH. It's based on a book by NEIL GAIMAN that tells the tale of a young girl who finds a secret passageway to an alternative universe. At first things seem pretty perfect in the mirror world until she discovers the price of perfection involves sewing buttons on to her peepers! It's all very spooky and weird in the best way possible and, as per usual with SENNICK's work with stop motion animation, the artistry on display is without question. CORALINE's evil alternative "Other Mom" (voiced by TERI HATCHER) is a truly kindertraumatizing sight to behold once she shows her true colors.

My personal favorite aspect of CORALINE though is the fact that super cool JOHN CARPENTER alum KEITH DAVID (Childs from THE THING, Frank from THEY LIVE) lends his voice to an all knowing slinky black cat. If that fact doesn't get folks renting this baby as soon as it hits DVD than I don't know what will!