Heart Eyes

A part of me wishes that the entire planet blew up while I was watching HEART EYES to insure that I died happy and doing what I loved most. It’s no secret I love slasher movies and there’s a special fluffy space in my heart for a holiday slasher that I can count on to view annually. If said movie also sports likable characters, grisly kills, a morbid sense of humor and clear genuine respect for its early eighties predecessors then I’m in the cloud nine zone. Director Josh Rubin (WEREWOLVES WITHIN)’s HEART EYES gets exactly everything right in my book. It’s tons of fun, laugh out loud funny and delightfully vicious. It moves at a perpetual gallop, has a plethora of twists and turns and glides by dispensing impressive quantities of both mirth and mayhem. It also works very well as a frothy rom-com with both Olivia Holt (TOTALLY KILLER) and Mason Gooding (SCREAMS 5&6) delivering charming, pitch-perfect performances. I’m telling you, I actually missed this movie when it was over. I hated to say goodbye. Returning to the drudgery of reality was dreadful so I stopped at a bar on the way home just to ease my entertainment withdrawal.

An opening news footage montage (shades of MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D (2009) ) informs that the “Heart Eye Killer” (aka “HEK”) has been terrorizing cities (including Philly, yay) for the last couple years on Valentines Day. The masked murderer with literal heart eyes that glow has a penchant for singling out couples in love. Currently he seems to have settled on Seattle for his hunting grounds. Enter Ally (Holt, adorable) a recently dumped quip-ready misanthrope who works in advertising and is forced by her boss Crystal (scene stealing Michaela Watkins) to teem up with designer Jay Simmons (Gooding, also adorable) to brainstorm a more positive angle for selling their product. Ally and Jay butt heads as expected but when the grousing non-couple bump into Ally’s ex boyfriend, she kisses Jay passionately in order to save face. Unfortunately, this action is viewed by you guessed it, ol’ Heart Eyes and soon the bickering duo are number one in the maniac’s crosshairs. Things get further complicated when a couple of police officers named Hobbs and Shaw (Devon Sawa and Jordan Brewster, both outstanding and aging like fine wine) begin to suspect that Jay is actually the killer!

HEART EYES was written by Phillip Murphy with I’m thinking a strong assist from comedy-horror veterans Christopher Landon and Michael Kennedy (FREAKY, IT’S A WONDERFUL KNIFE, HAPPY DEATH DAY et al). Obviously, comedy is subjective so I can’t promise everyone will find this movie as hilarious as I did (I sometimes fear I’m living in INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS and I’m the last soul with a sense of humor) but it hit yours truly directly on the funny bone and made me laugh out loud frequently. And I have to say, the chemistry between the two leads is exceptional. Honestly, I barely noticed Gooding in the SCREAM flicks but he potently charms here and Holt is wonderfully wry and effervescent. Impressively, the rom-com undercurrent bubbles like champagne without flattening the savagery of the slasher elements in any way; it’s like they’re perfectly married. As far as I’m concerned, HEART EYES is a keeper across the board. It skillfully fulfills its duty as a body count flick with memorably sadistic kills while delivering some of the most engaging characters I’ve encountered in a while (Can’t add more on that front without spoiling). If you dig slashers, horror or just pure escapism I highly recommend you see this gem in theaters. It filled my heart fully and is there any better recommendation than the fact that this devout shut-in cheapskate plans to see it again tomorrow?