kindertrauma

Name That Trauma:: Ashley M. on an Animatronic Arcade Rat

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hey there, love your blog. I was hoping somebody could help me out. There was an arcade game that I remember from my childhood (early '90s) that terrified me. I don't remember the objective of the game or how it was played, but there was an animatronic, anthropomorphic rat that was the size of a small adult. It was in a glass box, and it may have been wearing a suit, but like a tattered hobo suit (it might have also been wearing no clothing and had really grody/tattered looking fur). Playing the game made it rattle around or animate somehow I think, but it may have just blinked and made a noise (I think it was a creepy, cackle laugh). Something about the rat was really crusty-looking, like it wasn't cute or friendly looking I think it was deliberately supposed to look sort of gross/scary.

The one I remember was located in a Chuck E. Cheese on Long Island (although I've had friends tell me they remember the game from similar establishments). It had nothing to do with any of the franchise characters, and the one by my house was (I believe) removed when they removed the ball pits and replaced them with the toddler area. It was by the ball-pit in the one close to my house, sort of toward the back of everything, and every now and then if I got disoriented in the ball pit I would find myself too close to it. I'm really hoping, with all the birthdays that have been held in those kind of places, that somebody would have a picture with that freaky rat in it/remember the name of the game.

Sunday Streaming:: Killer Legends (2014)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Let's take a field trip over to HULU where we can watch the 2014 documentary KILLER LEGENDS for the price of free! It's from the folks who brought you CROPSY yet I kinda like it better than CROPSY because it's stuffed with clips from so many of Kindertrauma's favorite films. KILLER LEGENDS explores the classic hook hand urban legend and its connection to THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN, the hysteria surrounding tampered Halloween candy, the classic "the call is coming from inside the house!" routine and Chicago's longtime issue with rampaging killer clowns. I probably would have preferred that the filmmakers stayed off camera, left some of their chatter on the cutting room floor and resisted the temptation to tell an old lady that her home was once the scene of a heinous murder, but why look a free flick in the mouth?

Name That Trauma:: TK on a Terrorizing Chimney Witch Story Record

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I love your site and I'm hoping you guys can help me track down a story/record I had when I was a kid. I had a bunch of 45 records growing up (in the late 70's early 80's) and on one of these records there was this cool story about a witch that came down the chimney of a house and terrorized some kids. Unfortunately, that's all I can remember about the story but I remember that scene scaring the hell out of me. I think the story of Peter and the Wolf was on the other side of this record. Any help you guys can give would be appreciated, keep up the great work.

UNK SEZ: Thanks TK! Hopefully one of our knowledgable readers will remember this one! In the meantime, you gave me the idea to listen to BORIS KARLOFF narrate PETER AND THE WOLF while we wait…

UNK ALSO SEZ: For some reason this NTT made me think of the old board game WHICH WITCH? Let's check out this TV commercial too…

Netflix Streaming:: Witching and Bitching and More

Posted on By unkle lancifer

WITCHING AND BITCHING (2013)

Once upon a time a decade ago, I was visiting my parents in Texas for Christmas. Whilst there, I rented a VHS tape (English dubbed!!) of ALEX DE LA IGLESIA's THE DAY OF THE BEAST at BLOCKBUSTER of all places. I wasn't expecting much but I wasn't about to pass up a movie set on Christmas Eve involving the birth of the antichrist. I was blown away by the film and happily stunned by IGLESIA's fearlessness. Over the years I've tried to keep up with his work as best I could and although he never knocked my socks off in quite the same way again, I could always rely on the director to be interesting. His latest flick is currently on Netflix under the title WITCHING AND BITCHING, which is a terrible name for a movie especially when all you'd have to do is translate the original Spanish title "Las brujas de Zugarramurdi" to end up with the superior calling card "THE WITCHES OF ZUGARRAMURDI." I realize that ZURGARRAMURDI is a mouthful but no pain no gain. Oh well, what's in a title anyway? The important thing is that WITCHING turned out to be my favorite movie of IGLESIA'S since DAY OF THE BEAST. This is the director I fell in love with. I appreciate that as an artist he got the itch to explore various genres and styles and but THIS is the movie I've been waiting for all these years.

I'll lighten my writing load by saying W&B is like FROM DUSK TO DAWN making a pit stop at THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW before crashing through THE WITCHES and then slamming into THE TEMPLE OF DOOM crossed with DRAGNET while texting PETER JACKSON's DEAD ALIVE (1993). I know I'm doing the film a disservice by listing random associations but I can't help how my brain works…or doesn't. Point is, this runaway train of a movie is darkly hilarious and giddily imaginative and takes great joy in lampooning grizzled gender conflicts and spanking sacred cows. The cast is a non-stop treasure trove of both legendary and burgeoning talent and it's always a red letter day for me when Spain's answer to BARBARA STEELE, MACARENA (DAGON, 6 FILMS TO KEEP YOU AWAKE's TO LET) GOMEZ graces the screen with her lovely presence. All in all, the infectious vibrant audacity that bubbles from this brew makes the mundane mainstream horror we're usually subjected to taste like gruel in comparison. Bold and drunk with rampancy, W&B is lovably nuts and more fun than a barrel of flying monkeys.

PATRICK: EVIL AWAKENS (2013)

When the remake of CARRIE appeared on Netflix the dumb side of my brain was like "Yay, I wanna see this!" and then the other slightly brighter side of my brain was like "Err, you already did. You rented it from Redbox and it stunk!" See, there's something worse than being a bad remake and that's being a movie so vapid and joyless it fails to even register. I view PATRICK: EVIL AWAKENS as the universe's attempt to apologize to me for allowing that pale counterfeit CARRIE to roam the land. Because telekinetic horror doesn't grow on trees, I'll gladly accept this offering. Director MARK HARTLEY's tribute might not be any great shakes but at least it exhibits a genuine affection for the source material instead of simply sighing and covering the bases like an exasperated drone. It's got a snazzy gothic look and it's smart enough to periodically step aside and simply allow PINO'S DINOGGIO's persuasive score to do the convincing.

I admit it gets rather silly, especially considering the short lived classy tone it musters out of the starting gate, but even at its most ridiculous (coma bound Patrick's telekinesis has a soft spot for blink and it's dated technology), it's genuinely affable in a desperate late ‘80s kind of way. And how am I supposed to resist the snide drollness of CHARLES DANCE as a sadist doctor? He's so good in this that he made me sad all over again that he was chomped on like a hot dog by a Xenomorph in ALIEN 3. And then there's my longtime frenemy RACHEL GRIFFITHS who I'm guessing has been patiently waiting her entire career to take on an icy Nurse Ratched role. Hey, this remake is actually superior to the original and that's more than enough to aspire to (and a feet the CARRIE retread didn't have the luxury to even fantasize about.) Yep, I'm all for PATRICK and I'm awarding extra points for shoving a lighthouse and an improbable twisty road on a cliff into the mix.

HERE COMES THE DEVIL (2012) & AT THE DEVIL'S DOOR (2014)

Don't make the mistake I did and watch these two flicks back to back or you'll end up with a dueling demon doppelganger double feature that feels like an extended miniseries. I'm going to have to give the edge to the earthier Spanish language stab HERE COMES THE DEVIL. It's about a family taking a car trip, loosing their kids and then sensing something's radically off with the tykes once they are recovered. It's got a strange, lasting vibe thanks to its appropriating of groovy psychedelic seventies zooms and flash edits which manage to camouflage its weaker moments or at least render them more forgivable. Plus it's like a fun size, Whopper Jr. version of PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK with less sun umbrellas and zero petticoats.

AT THE DEVIL'S DOOR is a bit of a disappointment. It's from NICHOLAS McCARTHY the writer/director of THE PACT, which I'm a big fan of but it suffers from lousy conclusion disease. It acts like your new best friend, sharing fine acting and a compelling, mysterious plot and then it kicks you the shins and makes off with your shoes. I'm still trying to rationalize its infuriating close, which should have been dialed up or dialed down or presented any which way than how it is. As it stands, it sort of retroactively makes everything that came before it suddenly feel like a meandering prologue. Maybe if I had watched it first I'd feel less had but I didn't, so here I am. I'll give McCARTHY a praise cookie for his talent with a tone of tangible dread but it's a stale cookie in honor of his use of red hoodie imagery.

THE TAKING OF DEBORAH LOGAN (2014)

This phony documentary's smudging of the line between dementia and demon-entia works so well you'll wonder why nobody has ever exploited the similarities before. Honestly, this one almost lost me early on with a questionable scene depicting progressively creepy DEBORAH materializing BEWITCHED-style on a counter top. Almost anything I can think of would be more effective. Personally, I'd be more taken aback if she was secretly taped eating out of the trash, at least that wouldn't defy the laws of time and space. Maybe I just perceived the scene incorrectly? In any case, it was almost enough of a misstep for me to throw in the towel but I'm glad I didn't because I would have missed, what eventually becomes, a memorable descent into darkness and proof that there may be some unturned rocks on the found footage trail after all. Ultimately what makes this modest foray work and raises it above the typical trek are its two impressive central performances. Both JILL LARSON as Deborah and ANNE RAMSAY as her concerned daughter are sensational separately and even more so when they're playing off each other. Their believable relationship and convincing familiarity adds an extra level of authenticity that allows the scares to hit closer to home.

ODD THOMAS (2013)

I love this ODD THOMAS movie. It is based on a novel by DEAN KOOTZ (which kicked off a popular series) and it's about a young man (ANTON YELCHIN) who can see the dead and is committed to helping them out when he can. There's a nifty nostalgic ‘80s-era small town, almost Dante-esque (meaning GREMLINS rather than THE DIVINE COMEDY) atmosphere and the characters are immensely likable and it's even sweetly romantic and surprisingly moving when it's not shoving CGI ghouls down your throat. I'd say it's probably director STEPHEN (DEEP RISING, THE MUMMY) SOMMERS best work so it's a real shame it didn't get the proper attention and the clout to warrant its deserved sequels. Just talking about it makes me want to watch it again and I won't be surprised if it quickly gathers a devoted cult following. If nothing else it stands as a nail in the coffin to the idea that a limited theatrical release signifies a lesser film.

NIGHT OF THE DEMONS 2 (1994)

PART 3 is mostly useless and the 2009 remake is a soul-killing travesty but those harsh facts fail to dilute my enduring affection for the original NIGHT OF THE DEMONS or its plucky 1994 sequel. If you haven't seen this one in a while, Netflix is a great place to get reacquainted with it as it looks all sharp, sparkly and colorful in HD. NOTD2 introduces us to Melissa, the younger sister of the first film's evil Angela who attends a religious school with a bunch of aggressive classmates who insist on calling her "Mouse." As part of an ill-advised Halloween prank, Mouse's adversaries trick her into visiting Hull House, the location of the original demonic massacre, and naturally all hell breaks loose anew.

The jewels in this flicks crown are the great JENNIFER RHODES, as a nun presented as an uptight shrew who later reveals herself to be a kick-ass ally, TV mainstay ROD McCAREY as a doubtful priest, a cameo by THE WALTON's RACHEL LONGAKER as an unlucky, door-to-door Bible thumper and I'm just going to admit it, CHRISTINE TAYLOR as a jerky blonde. Seriously, between this, THE CRAFT and CAMPFIRE TALES, I think TAYLOR is an undervalued ‘90s horror presence (she did strike near Chris Hargensen levels of bitchery in THE CRAFT after all). And please note how one character snarkily and prophetically refers to TAYLOR's character as "Marcia" a year before she played her in THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE.

All in all, I can't resist the surreal, female Freddy vibe going on throughout NOTD2 and even though it trades some scares for more outrageous winking humor (just as Freddy did), it's perhaps only one BAUHAUS song shy of being as stupendous as its predecessor.

STITCHES (2012)

Who dares to endure a killer clown movie? It almost has to be bad, right? Everybody and their brother feels they can pull off such a thing and they're always wrong. Evil clowns make swell DVD covers but the films within are usually uninspired dreck and no laughing matter. But wait! I loved STITCHES! STITCHES is the exception to the rule! It's genuinely funny, admirably dark, has memorable characters, freaks you out if you want it to and most importantly, showcases some delightfully squishy kills. Why, I may have even winced at one point and it made me miss the days when I winced more often. Oh, and it's nice to see a movie about teenagers with actual teenagers in it even if sometimes I had to prick up my ears on account of the Irish accents. This movie is just all kinds of fun and belongs on the shelf next to not to be taken too seriously films like RUMPELSTILSKIN, ICE CREAM MAN and JACK FROST. Ouch, that sounded like an insult, I just meant that STITCHES is an exceptional horror party movie best watched with friends be they real or imaginary.

HAUNTER (2013)

This one was pretty good. I'd prefer a more traditional ghost story, one less gimmicky and repetitive but it's entertaining enough. I think it would make a fine companion movie to DONNIE DARKO but maybe I'm just saying that because it takes place in the eighties. Yes, it features a Rubik's Cube because back then Rubik's Cubes were as ubiquitous as cell phones are today. You tripped over them wherever you went, people had drawers full of them and if a day went by in which you didn't hold one in your hand, you felt so very empty and alone. Hey, HAUNTER's got STEPHEN McHATTIE in it and I like that even though that makes me worry that LANCE HENRICKSON has one less job. All right, I'm probably a little too old for this movie. It does a really good job of capturing the chasm that grows between parents and teens and I think I would have appreciated that much better if I was younger. Aunt John dug this movie more than me, which is a rarity. Not because he's younger but because he liked that the movie is trapped in a world where SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES still reign supreme. If you like ghosts or the eighties, you should give this flick a shot- just be warned that it tries a little too hard to be puzzling.

LIZZIE BORDON TOOK AN AXE (2014)

Speaking of McHATTIE, Lifetime network's LIZZIE BORDEN TOOK AN AXE is available to stream on Netflix currently as well. If you're a stickler for historical accuracy it will undoubtedly make your brain explode but McHATTIE, CLEA DUVALL and especially CHRISTINA RICCI are immensely watchable and I was entranced by the gritty/glossy crime scene as fashion spread visuals. Lots of folks made a stink about the use of modern music in the soundtrack but it didn't bug me at all. I mean, the music in a movie is not meant to be taken as actually happening in the movie is it? I've always regarded it as an emotion enhancing overlay of sorts and so I don't get why it should be locked into the time period of the events depicted. Then again, I may be blinded by my RICCI-bias, it knows no bounds.

DON'T BLINK (2014)

Shame on my lowbrow tastes! I know full well on Netflix there are a variety of thoughtful, independent well-received horror flicks by budding auteurs concerning paranoid body dysmorphia, gender subjugation and the overall dehumanizing effects of modern technology and yet I bypass them all in favor of a tale detailing the trials and tribulations of a road trip gone sour starring BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN and MENA SUVARI. If you're not in the mood for MENA, worry not as it isn't long before she literally disappears! In fact, everybody in this movie vanishes one by one as in "poof!" one minute they're there, the next they're not! Is this a terrible idea for a movie or a modern twist on WHERE HAVE ALL THE PEOPLE GONE? I don't know. Half of me thinks this approach has a clever, existential TWLIGHT ZONE effect and the other half of me is suspicious that the makers of the movie needed to save money on special effects in order to afford the swank upscale lodge featured in the film that the cast and crew presumably got to stay in. This joint is so fancy it has a tree growing out of the living room! Anyway, I didn't hate this movie even though it was practically begging me to and at least it features a fine, unhinged performance by ZACK (SCUT FARKUS!) WARD.

Truth is, the standard "young folks gather in an isolated place to be killed" flick is far less likely to trigger my disgruntled curmudgeon response than an undeservingly glorified movie might. Plus courting films with a slim chance of succeeding is a valuable part of the Netflix experience for me. It reminds me of the good old days when choices were so scarce you HAD to bump into a turkey now and then and there was no way anyone could warn you. Netflix is still going to hell for stomping out video stores but I gotta slap it five for making flicks you wouldn't want to be caught renting discreetly available at no extra cost. Not that in any way excuses the savage extraction of fourteen seasons of LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT under the cowardly cover of night in the early hours of January first 2015, an event that will henceforth be referred to by me as the MELONI-ocalypse.

Name That Trauma:: Chris on Kids, Matches and Fire Safety

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Every time I've tried to search Youtube for this, I've come up with either the famous PIF where a camera is slowly gliding through a burnt-out house with dubbed on shrieks, or the other one where a kid ends up burning down his home because he was too careless lighting the fire in the living room and was more interested in reading the Dandy or whatever. This isn't either of those. Instead, this is something that I saw once, and only once, during the always-unsaleable ad-break time of around about 5:45 am during an edition of the ITN Early Morning News in 1996.

The PIF began with two kids playing with matches in a blacked-out room – I think they were meant to be sister and brother. The older girl inevitably dropped one and a conflagration started. Which was nasty enough, but then the soundtrack went insane, ultra-heavy delay being applied to the girl screaming "MUM, MUM, MUM, MUM, MUM -" and then there was a massive film splice and the sound cut out and the action froze, the girl's face remaining on screen mid-scream.

No word of a lie, my blood genuinely ran cold. I was rooted to the spot with fear. I have never been so glad as I was when it was faded out and part 2 of the bulletin began. The fact that there seems to be absolutely no mention of this PIF anywhere on the net, and all my searches for "PIF matches kids fire" or variations thereof all come up with the other two PIFs I mentioned earlier, makes me wonder if it was actually some terrifying broadcast from another dimension that only I could see.

-Chris

UNK SEZ: Chris, I think I may have found it! I just googled "playing with matches PSA" looking for an image to illustrate your NTT and it popped up! Can this really be it? It seems so much like what you described….

Traumafession From Dr. Future:: Chick Tracts and Christian Scare Literature

Posted on By unkle lancifer

As a fairly long-time devotee of Kindertrauma, I have tried to contribute my few submissions to the Kindertrauma "family" (which is much like the "Manson Family") in the fields of "oddball" topics that have child-traumatizing elements, such as "Sesame Street" film segments or apocalyptic nuclear war themes. To continue that direction, I would like to address a field that, for people like me raised in evangelical Christian homes in the mid to late 1900s, caused potential traumas that are far greater than the scary movies and stories of monsters and ghosts – the threat of demons grabbing one and dragging them off to Hell, and the prophesied imminent End of the World.

As an older adult who still espouses Christian beliefs, and has even contributed to the field by writing on serious research topics in the field of prophecy in the Bible which still holds my respect, I have to clarify that my work has been of an intended non-exploitational nature (if that is possible) and targeted for a mature Christian adult audience. However, even in the pre-Internet and cable television days of the early 70s, it was very possible for a new generation of "Christian scare" literature and films, bolstered by a revival of Last Days apocalypticism and phenomena such as the Thief in the Night "last days" films (which everyone should watch on Youtube if not having been seen them in their churches previously), to randomly fall into the hands of easily-scared or otherwise fascinated children, such as yours truly.

On my "watch" as an impressionable child of the early 70s, the "grand daddy" (and reigning champion) of all "Godsploitation", "Christian scare" literature was the "Chick tracts" produced by the enigmatic and reclusive Jack Chick. His small rectangular tracts were ubiquitous in the 1970s public realm – Chick Publications reportedly claims to have sold 750 million tracts since 1960, and having been translated into over 100 languages – what other type of propaganda literature (good or bad) can make such a claim in terms of its impact on society and its worldview, even if communicated in the shadows, and its message preserved in unspoken form in the back recesses of the readers' minds?

In 2003 Los Angeles Magazine did an extended expose on Chick and his impact (HERE). It notes that, "In the pocket-sized tracts, people are stabbed, burned alive, and eaten by snakes. There is cannibalism and human sacrifice. The apocalyptic works are equal parts hate literature and fire-and-brimstone sermonizing, with a tough-guy Christ – ‘Jesus is not a weak fairy', he writes – as protagonist". They note that "Chick is the world's most published living author", with his works "handed out on subways and campuses or left behind in diners and bus stations", and his tracts having been displayed at the Smithsonian. The screenplay writer of the film Ghost World was noted as saying of Chick's work, "I had never been so terrified by a comic book". They note that his work, targeting the Satanic work of Catholics, gays and a long list of culprits (including those who use any Bible but the King James), was banned by many Christian bookstores, denounced by Christianity Today, and led Chick to quit the Christian Booksellers Association, thereby cementing his reputation as the king of "Christian outsider literature" (my term). His few favorable subjects include Israel and Tony Alamo, a Los Angeles-based cult leader.

I must have come across my first Chick tract as a six or seven year old at a restaurant or public bathroom – where most Chick tracts are discovered. Inside I found the most grotesque and stupifyingly horrifying images that have seared into my mind and nightmares, as they have with millions of others for decades. Like many such younger readers, I am sure, my mother told me to discard it because it was "not good" – which of course led me to crave the perusal of its contents as taboo, "forbidden fruit" of dangerous knowledge and ideas. They permanently form the enduring, defining images of demons and Hell in all of us who have been touched at a tender age by them.

While they may seem a little more quaint in today's "Saw", "Hostel" era of "no limit" depravity, they still pack a mighty wallop – magnified a hundred fold for sheltered youth. While the Chick Publications website features their scores of famous tracts, with online illustrations of their pages, I would like to mention four Chick tracts that I have not forgotten, almost forty five years later – indelible images not privy then to the notes-sharing and discourse now possible with the Internet, and rather kept in the isolated thoughts of those damned to find such a tract on their own in the mysterious pre-Internet world of discovery.

The first, The Beast, (HERE), clearly warns the reader of its contents with a cover picture of a father, mother and child – marked on their foreheads with the dreaded "666", and thus damned for eternity. The contents reveal widespread death from the Flood, gay encounters in "today's world" (with one perpetrator's phrase of "You know you're the only man for me" remembered by a senior friend of mine fifty years later), Lucifer worship, the Antichrist embraced at the Vatican, guillotining, black eyed and fanged demons, werewolves, a Goat of Mendes, and the Lake of Fire – all in one tract!

The next, the cleverly quaint Somebody Goofed (HERE), reveals an adult mentor of a child sneering at others who appeal to the child to follow Christ (and avoid "overdosing on speed") or be "eternally lost", leading to the eventual car wreck and descent to Hell, where the "mentor" reveals himself to be in fact a ugly, masked demon who intended to drag the child to hell.

The tract The Last Generation (HERE) has a cover with a costumed super-villain offering a syringe of drugs to youth, features death camps for Christians, a Damien-like child informant of his parents because they are "straight" and who sacrifices cats and dogs on Halloween, reincarnation and the Mother Goddess, all taught to children in public schools, concluding by noting that "Little Bobby died in his sins, because he never prayed a prayer".

The legendary This Was Your Life (HERE) shows a man who dies, and is forced to watch all the creepy and lecherous thoughts he ever had, until he is thrown into the Lake of Fire.

The purpose of my post is not to mock or belittle the message (and warnings) of Christianity, but rather to spotlight an iconic, social impacting role of a "king traumatizer" and controversial but undeniably influential individual from the magical days of the youth of my generation and evangelical circles, and the amazingly "traumatic" influences of religious extremist expression (even when communicating spiritual truth) in the "good old days", which really weren't so "innocent" in comparison to the "Dungeons and Dragons" and demon-filled video game culture of today.

If you like exploring such topics, please trot over and check out the hundreds of free archived radio shows I hosted over on my website FUTURE QUAKE.

Traumafession:: Hilary F. on Problem Child and Problem Child 2

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I was an introverted only child with an admittedly unhealthy love for my own possessions (thanks Brave Little Toaster). Edward Scissorhands, Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and Gremlins 1 & 2 were definitely some of the few somewhat-traumatizing movies I experienced during my childhood, but at least I knew that they lived in a world of make-believe, or they were puppets. The kid from the Problem Child movies, however, lived in my world–the real world–and while there might not be so many kids with the brains for the sheer amount of hate-filled evil he wrought, there were definitely a few in my classroom with the personality for it.

I remember watching Problem Child 1 at a sleepover when I was 7. The scene where he decides to trash his bedroom is what really horrified me, setting it on fire, just because he didn't like clowns. Those were TOYS. That was his HOME. To me toys had inherent personalities–and as we all know just as adults from watching Toy Story: when toys with personalities are about to get melted down–even that jaded, stone-hearted bear–it's SAD and AWFUL. Oh yeah and then there was the animal abuse of that poor cat he feeds soap to. At that young age, I still lived in dread that my parents hadn't finished making babies and I might get some little demon brother or sister like the Problem Child. It was a fear I lived with nightly for years. And I blame the Problem Child for my unwillingness to have kids of my own now. Now how many supposedly awful and evil movie villains actually have that kind of effect on an adult's big life milestones?

Then in Problem Child 2 (another movie forced onto me at a sleepover), he sets a sprinkler off in the whiny little girl's room, soaking her stuffed animals, confirming my fear that not only would he trash his own sanctuary, he'd trash someone else's.

Name That Trauma:: Randall on a Haunted Reality Show

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hello, my name is Randall.

I was hoping you could identify a massive childhood trauma for me. It was a reality TV show (supposedly anyway) that ran in the UK although I'm not sure of its origin, might have been American. A team of contestants were brought together for a series, and then one by one they were eliminated, though I'm not entirely sure how. It centered on visiting 'haunted' locations, and each night a new contestant would have to visit a creepy location.

They all were together in a house and I remember the location of the next haunt was revealed by someone posting Polaroids and scrawled creepy messages on a large glass window at night. One location that really stuck with me was a supposed underground missile silo or bunker or something. The contestant was walking down a hall and out of nowhere a dummy on a rolling chair came hurtling towards him! Obviously these locations had all been made creepy with set design and everything.

It sounds like it would be easy to find but I have had zero luck on it. Most think it is the MTV series 'FEAR,' but I am pretty sure it is not. This was much creepier and disturbing and I'm fairly sure it was British, looking back on it. Similar concept to FEAR, but it was not FEAR.

Thanks if your readers could help me on this guys!

UNK SEZ: Randall, you may be thinking of SCARIEST PLACES ON EARTH which aired around the same time as FEAR premiering in 2000. The show was hosted by the legendary LINDA BLAIR, narrated by the lovely ZELDA RUBINSTEIN and the onsite correspondent was a UK DJ named ALAN ROBINSON which might explain your memory of it being a British production. You can find a list of episodes HERE and it looks like most, if not all, are on YouTube! This is my best guess but if readers have any other suggestions, please share!

Ghost Stories for Christmas!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I'll be watching both Black Christmases this holiday season along with assorted Silent Nights but I decided to take a break as far as posting about them. I feel that anyone who has done a "Help Mrs. Mac Find Her Hidden Hooch" puzzle has done their due. After seven years the idea of writing about the usual horror Christmas flicks made me want to hang myself like a stocking and that's not very Christmas-y at all (unless you consider the statistics.) Unfortunately my new standpoint left me with nothing to talk about, until I fatefully heard, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year " on the radio and the lyric "There will be scary ghost stories…" jumped out and reminded me that once upon a time, ghost stories were a big part of Christmas Eve.

This Ghost Story Christmas tradition still maintains a somewhat substantial hold in England but here in the States, we foolishly dropped it save for Dicken's ubiquitous "A Christmas Carol." That means that we collectively did the dumbest thing ever and jettisoned the one thing that could potentially make Christmas as cool as Halloween. Whose idea was this? I wasn't consulted! I blame misguided, overly puritanical religious people because…because I blame them for everything (on account of the history of everything.) In any case, the idea that I could watch any ghost story I liked and still sorta be operating in the Christmas spirit really opened things up for me and added a slew of fresh flicks to my creepy Christmas cache!

As it turns out, if you look far back enough into history, Halloween and Christmas Eve are not that different at all; on both nights it was once believed that the wall between the living and the dead worlds become thin and easier to trespass through. Ghosts are scary, sure, but they also make us feel better because they imply a second act and what better gift to give the dead than the chance to moan and complain a little longer? So here are some ghost movies I suggest checking out this Christmas Eve. Some are more holiday-friendly than others but all suggest that perhaps death is not the final curtain call, an idea that surely lil' baby Jesus can get behind!

WHISTLE AND I'LL COME TO YOU (1968)

Let's get this 40-minute television production out of the way first. It's the most traditional on my list as its based on a short story by M.R. JAMES and went on to inspire yearly BBC Christmas-timed adaptations of his work. It concerns a fussy professor who comes across a whistle in a graveyard, makes the grave mistake of playing it and then finds himself accosted by the supernatural forces he unwittingly beckoned. This is horror of the quiet and infesting variety and captures beautifully the type of dread that visits in the wee hours of the night.

THE CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE (1944)

Is Amy's new pal a ghost or a figment of her overactive imagination? Parents traditionally look down on imaginary friends but Amy's pop Oliver (KENT SMITH) has an extra reason to be perturbed on account of his daughter's invisible BFF sounds an awful lot like his deceased ex-wife who caused mucho drama with her habit of turning into a ferocious animal whenever she was feeling frisky. I'm not sure any film has ever captured both the wonder and terror of childhood in such a glorious way and it's no slouch in depicting the magical quality of Christmas either.

THE UNINVITED (1944)

I should be embarrassed to say that the first time I watched THE UNINVITED I didn't care for it that much. I think it was because someone suggested it to me based on my affection for THE HAUNTING (1963) and I originally watched it through a filter of expectation that it would strike me in the same way and of course it didn't (and why should it?) Thankfully I bumped into it again on a classic movie channel a couple decades later and was able to take in its striking form outside of the pointless dysfunctional shadow of comparison and no bones about it, I loved it. I think what first threw me about the movie was its permeating sense of humor. How could I get scared when everybody kept speaking in quips all the time? The thing that my little head didn't get was that joviality in the face of life's darker elements was what this flick was all about. In fact, when the negative force that threatens to drag everybody down is vanquished in the end, our hero (charm machine RAY MILLAND) basically blasts it off by laughing in its face (before chucking a candelabra at its wispy, wet-blanket head.) If you can get the CRITERION COLLECTION version then do so. It features an informative and surprisingly moving video essay by filmmaker MICHAEL ALMERWYDA (NADJA, THE ETERNAL).

DEAD OF NIGHT (1945)

This classic anthology is all about the sharing of ghost stories and I know I'm not the only one who it still has the power to disturb. Incredibly the film's hide and seek Christmas party segment was left out of its initial American release and I have to wonder what kind of dummy would allow that. Personally I believe the tale's closing line "I'm not scared, I'm not scared…oh hold me tight!" is the unheralded inspiration for SAVED BY THE BELL"s classic Jessie Spano caffeine meltdown exclamation "I'm so excited, I'm so excited…I'm so scared!" I could be wrong.

THE HEARSE (1981)

THE HEARSE and I have a long, acrimonious history full of mistrust and unfulfilled longing yet I can't deny there's a secret fondness that keeps me returning to this ghost flick even though I know I'll only feel disappointed again. I shall forever admonish THE HEARSE for dropping the ball at the worst time possible and for pushing the limits of lameness repeatedly and yet I'll watch it again in a heartbeat because it's for the most part, creepy–cozy. I'm sure nostalgia plays a big part in the relationship but I guess the larger truth is that the type of glee some folks feel when they see a car chase or a fiery explosion I can only feel when I see TRISH VAN DEVERE alone in bed in an old house reading.

A PLACE OF ONE'S OWN (1945)

An elderly couple moves into a mansion with a dark history and soon find that their skepticism of the supernatural is challenged on a daily basis. They invite a young woman to stay with them who confirms their concerns by becoming possessed. I'll understand if some horror fans find this one a little too restrained and polite for their tastes but the acting (particularly by JAMES MASON who was only in his thirties at the time) and the story consistently intrigues and it sports a cool twist. This one I stumbled across on Netflix and I'm still stunned I hadn't heard of it earlier.

HAUNTED (1995) & THE SKEPTIC (2009) & THE ECLIPSE (2009)

Skeptics really need to learn not to be so skeptical because clearly skepticism is like a magnet for ghosts and only gets them riled up! AIDAN QUINN in HAUNTED which is based on a book by JAMES HERBERT and TIM DALY in THE SKEPTIC, which I reviewed back HERE, both learn this obvious fact the hard way. Speaking of AIDAN QUINN, remember how he was in that other ghost flick we once talked about called THE ECLIPSE? Yikes, that movie had one of the scariest moments EVER.

GHOST SORY (1981)

Just as I had recently panicked that I might someday run out of Christmas holiday horror movies, this past Halloween I was worried that I might run out of beautiful black and white horror goodies. Then I remembered a post over at our pal Christine's pad FASCINATION WITH FEAR that suggested many a horror flick could loose their color and be all the better for it. So I adjusted my TV to black and white and I watched GHOST STORY and it was all kinds of awesome. With its classic Hollywood cast, snow-filled settings and gorgeous ALBERT WHITLOCK matte paintings, GHOST STORY wore its new colorless suit like it was born in it. The spirit we're looking for is all here, there's scotch, fireplaces and ghostly tales to be told and if a rotted corpse shows up instead of Santa, well that's fine too. Director JOHN IRVIN's earlier effort 1974's HAUNTED: THE FERRYMAN is another chiller worth seeking out.

So why not celebrate the Christmas ghost story tradition by watching one of these fine titles today or if you really want to go old school, you could make up your own ghost story and tell it to your perplexed pals as they look at their phones! You can even just jump on over to YouTube and make some unknown stranger read to you and you don't even have to pay them for their time! Here's some tireless lady reading HENRY JAMES' THE TURN OF THE SCREW in one sitting! Note how this famous story of a nameless governess begins as a tale told around a fire on Christmas Eve!

Even if you don't follow my ghostly advice, I hope you all have the greatest holiday season! I should warn you that I may be making myself scarce for a little while as I need to spend some quality time with my family and friends…hahahhaha…just kidding. Actually I just got an early present in the form of the ALIEN ISOLATION game so I gotta hang out in space for a while. Wish me luck against those rascally Xenomorphes, and I'll see ya sometime next year!

Sunday Viewing:: Tales From The Darkside: Seasons of Belief (aka The Grither)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I have the perfect segue from talking about THE BABADOOK to getting ready for the holidays. It's an episode of TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE's third season called "Seasons of Belief" even though it would make much more sense to call it "The Grither." It's Christmas Eve and a little brother and sister (Hey, it's Glim-Glim's best friend JENNA "Six" VON OY again!) are acting up, being bratty and generally disparaging Santa Clause. In order to cool the kid's jets and perhaps teach them some humility, the kid's notably long in the tooth father (CREEPSHOW vet and SUPERMAN 2 president, the always awesome E.G. MARSHALL) and his much younger wife (I'm just sayin') tell the moppets a terrifying tale of an artic beast called "The Grither." The kids are warned that the monster's name must not be said aloud or else he'll come a' calling. You know where this is going don't you?

As the parents relay more and more fantastic details and even improvise a Grither theme song, the creature seems to grow more and more corporal as if they are conjuring him into reality. In fact, this lil' 20 minute episode is not unlike a mini-version of the great SCREAMS OF A WINTER NIGHT. I believe the hostile wind from that treasure of a movie even makes an appearance! Nope, there's not much innovation going on here, but MARSHALL is so much fun to watch, the requisite shock ending is out of this world and the last line is the funniest thing I ever heard.

"The Grither" is the lone directorial effort of the late MICHAEL McDOWELL who authored the classic BEETLEJUICE, another tale of a ghoulish entity whose name should never be spoken and if it doesn't get you in the holiday mood, quite frankly, I don't know what will.