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Traumafessions :: Reader Alex on Goosbumps "Stay Out of the Basement" (Book)

Posted on By aunt john

Hey, Kindertrauma! This is my first Traumafession and it's a little spontaneous. I just caught a glimpse of the cover to STAY OUT OF THE BASEMENT and it took me back, way back. I don't know if I even read this book, because the story I'd made up about its contents has only a few points in common with the actual storyline, or maybe seen the TV adaptation — the neighbor girl from across the street used to lock me in her basement with the lights off and the TV playing the television series, which beats getting abandoned at the park by older siblings for sheer sadism toward skittish younger children. I couldn't even reverse-Image Search the book's cover to double-check the title without covering my eyes with one hand. I was afraid of a lot of things as a kid (asphyxiation, JOEL GREY as the Emcee in CABARET, and everybody's favorite Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark) but none of them seemed as present and real as the fear reserved for the Goosebumps stories.

The cover image for STAY OUT OF THE BASEMENT is pretty distinctive, not as iconic as Slappy the Dummy but still viscerally memorable — a slimy, wizened green hand, gripping the edge of an ordinary-looking white door. In my memory until just now, it wasn't just slimy but dripping green blood. Six-year-old me didn't get that it was supposed to be some kind of human-plant hybrid, I mistook the gnarly buds and branches for some kind of horrible sores.

The actual plot of STAY OUT OF THE BASEMENT does involve dripping green blood at one point but the actual specifics are completely different than what I'd pictured. The dad in the story is some kind of botanist, experimenting on plants down there after getting laid off at work, but my own dad had a woodworking shop in our own basement and so I assumed that's what Dr. Brewer was up to. To me the dripping green blood wasn't because he was some kind of human/plant hybrid but because of some kind of horror movie plague — dad cuts his hand on a saw or a rusty nail, starts acting weird and pretty soon he's a pustule-covered monster who bleeds green and admonishes you to, "Stay out of the basement!" so you don't get snagged on a rusty nail too.

I'd been told about tetanus, the specter of infection or lockjaw was very real to six-year-old hypochondriac me. The thought that something like that could happen to my dad was much scarier than the thought that the resulting monster might try to infect me too or go on a rampage whereupon I'd be forced to discern my real father from the human/plant clone.

Hell, I'm still terrified of tetanus and lockjaw. Now I can be afraid of MRSA, too. And the really terrible thing is, I still can't go near our basement door without fearing that oozing green hand. And my dad's still hard at work in his shop down there.

— Alex

Five Favorite Things:: Hannibal by Chuckles72

Posted on By unkle lancifer
  1. Hannibal/ Mads Mikkelsen

Mention Hannibal Lecter to most people and they think of the character portrayed by Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. I have no problem with that – Hopkins' portrayal is terrific. However, my favorite Hannibal is the character as portrayed by Mikkelsen.

Mikkelsen's Hannibal is quite different from the version appearing in SotL – he's exotic, charismatic and exceedingly polite (well, mostly). Many differences can be reconciled with other portrayals by the fact that "Hannibal" takes place largely before anyone knows about Dr. Lecter's criminality. He's free to practice as an elite psychiatrist, enjoying an aristocratic lifestyle and socializing with upper class nitwits that salivate in anticipation of the next spectacular dinner party that he hosts.

In an interview Mikkelsen described his portrayal: "To Hannibal, psychopaths are banal, as they all have a reason for killing: a f*cked-up mum, a dad that hit them, whatever. For me, he's the fallen angel: Satan on Earth, a man who sees beauty where the rest of us see horror." This kind of sums it up for me. The dapper, cultured intellectual Dr. Lecter is not merely a facade – he actually is those things while also being a remorseless, cruel, cannibalistic murderer. Satan on Earth.

  1. The rest of the cast

As I said, narrowing my list to a mere five favorite things is tough with Hannibal. I could easily fill out the remaining fours favorites with other cast members, but because I have so much ground to cover I'll begrudgingly lump them together here.

Starring opposite Mads Mikkelsen is Hugh Dancy as FBI special investigator Will Graham. Dancy gives us a Will Graham who is Hannibal's intellectual equal – brilliant but dysfunctional. Will immediately intrigues Hannibal because, while Will is a fundamentally good person, he also demonstrates the instincts of a killer. He can not only eerily reconstruct a psychopath's mind to aid the FBI's investigations, he can unleash his inner savage when he must. Dancy deftly treads a near perfect path through the tricky territory of his character.

Laurence Fishburne is Jack Crawford. After Hannibal I can't even remember who else has played Jack Crawford. This is probably my favorite Fishburne portrayal – his Jack Crawford is supremely pragmatic and quietly tortured by his failings. He's a great leader but, like almost everyone at the FBI, he falls under Hannibal's spell. Hannibal's dealings with Jack are some of the most harrowing of the series, as he pretends(?) friendship with Jack whilst secretly tormenting him.

Will's allies at the FBI include Jimmy Price (Scott Thompson of Kids in the Hall), Brian Zeller (Aaron Abrams of Blindspot) and most notably Hettiene Park as Investigator Beverly Katz. Beverly becomes Will's friend and offers him help when he is at his lowest point, and the outcome of her investigation on his behalf changes the way we, the viewers, see Hannibal Lecter.

I would be remiss in failing to mention the really funny portrayal of the infamously pretentious Frederick Chilton by Raul Esparza (Law and Order SVU). He gets some of the best lines of the series and just kills it with his animated expressions of fear and exasperation.

Gillian Anderson delivers an icy Bedelia Du Maurier, Hannibal's psychiatrist and sometimes-ally. Caroline Dhavernas is Alana Bloom, a psych professor that literally and figuratively hypnotizes Will. I could go on and on – the cast and characters are terrific.

  1. The Gorn

The bizarre and horrifying visuals in Hannibal set it apart from anything that has ever been broadcast by NBC – or any other major network. How to describe it? Well, Unk recently posted about Salem's Lot, broadcast in 1979 on CBS. Scary stuff! Remember that scene where Barlow materializes in Mark Petrie's house and bonks his parents' heads together? Well, imagine instead that Barlow slams his parents' heads together so hard that their skulls explode in slow motion and their brains erupt in a black fountain superimposed against a psychedelic, stylized portrait of Barlow's face. That's Hannibal.

Hannibal's highly stylized title sequence exemplifies some of the phantasmagoric visuals that appear in nearly every episode – usually these are depictions of Will's visions or hallucinations. Will is haunted by a dark stag-man representing the "Chesapeake Ripper", a serial killer that the FBI has hunted for years. In a memorable sequence, psychologist Alana Bloom transforms into an undulating, black seductress.

But of course what most people remember is the gore. Sure, Hannibal slashes, bashes and dismembers people in graphic detail, but that's just beans compared to the escapades of the other creative maniacs that tangle with the FBI. They carve victims into "angels", sew them into a "mural", twist them into string instruments or – good grief, the Totem Pole – you just gotta see it for yourself.

  1. Those other maniacs that I mentioned…

Hannibal starts out in an episodic format, featuring a new lunatic for Will and Hannibal (yes, he helps Will and the FBI) to hunt each week. Later, as the plot thickens, the need to introduce new crazies diminishes – we spend more time with recurring foes.

Some of the killers are memorable for their crimes. Hannibal is a gothic horror, so the killers don't just leave victims by the roadside – they transform them into symbols of their psychopathy. The Muralist selects victims for their interesting skin tones, The Angel Maker delivers "divine" punishment, the Bee Lady "cures" her patients by transforming them into zombie beehives. The bizarre visuals follow, of course.

Some of the killers are also memorable for the portrayals. Eddie Izzard recurs as Abel Gideon, an imprisoned killer surgeon whose mind has been so scrambled by Chilton's "treatment" that he is undoubtedly far more dangerous for it. Izzard goes a bit over the top, but he's funny and charming enough to smooth it out in the end. Jonathan Tucker, great at portraying villains, is Matthew Brown, the Chesapeake Ripper's #1 fan, who is anxious for approval. Lance Henriksen makes a brief but memorable appearance as a retired but prolific serial killer.

Spoiler Alert! Skip to the next section if you have not yet seen Hannibal and plan to.

Now that's out of the way, allow me to praise Richard Armitage as Francis Dolarhyde (The Tooth Fairy/Red Dragon). This is the third portrayal of this character that I have seen and I would put it up next to Tom Noonan's unforgettable Dolarhyde in Manhunter (1986). Like Noonan's Dolarhyde, Armitage's character is both utterly insane and simultaneously sympathetic. It's a great performance.

  1. The story – particularly the first half of Season 2.

The stories in Hannibal are well executed and, most importantly, carefully woven together into a narrative arc that spans all three seasons. The writers respect the audience, subverting our expectations and allowing us to make connections without exposition. For example, the first episode starts with a murder that is never mentioned again in the series, but careful watching leads to the conclusion that it ties directly into the last half of the third season.

I liked all three seasons of Hannibal, but the story in the first half (six episodes) of Season Two stands out. The opening minutes are probably the most shocking season opener ever. Will and Hannibal are kept at distance from one another and wage a deadly psychological war by proxy. Hannibal narrowly escapes death and then commits his most unforgivable crime. Will gains ground in convincing his allies that Hannibal is not what he seems, while imperilling his friends in his quest for evidence. Through it all, Hannibal maintains the upper hand through his careful manipulations, effecting Will's liberation and Jack's torment by materializing a ghost from his past. The end of episode 6 concludes with a shocking revelation and Hannibal's symbolic conclusion of his latest harpsichord composition. Great stuff.

Nightbooks (2021)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I was feeling under the weather recently and wanted to watch a horror film but I wasn't in the mood for anything that was going to bum me out or destroy my last shred of will to live (you know how it goes). Luckily I found the PG-13 dark fantasy/gateway horror flick NIGHTBOOKS hanging out on Netflix because it completely shifted my mood and delivered everything I could possibly ask for, especially during spooky season. It's surprisingly dark and intense at times (I'm pretty sure it references SUSPIRIA) but there's great humor too and the characters are super relatable and the message it delivers is something that's useful no matter what your age. Based on a children's book by J. A. White, it somehow successfully transported me back to the eighties and I was swearing I was watching a lost Joe Dante flick for much of the runtime.

Winslow Fegley stars as Alex, a kid obsessed with horror movies (posters for THE THING, THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS, CANDYMAN and others align his bedroom wall) and writing scary stories. Feeling alienated by others for his interests, he swears to forever reject his passions and destroy all of his writings in his Brooklyn apartment building's furnace. Before he can achieve his goal though, he is enticed into a neighboring apartment where he spies a TV playing THE LOST BOYS and a tempting slice of pumpkin pie. Suddenly he is trapped in a newfangled telling of Hansel and Gretel with a wonderfully sinister witch named Natacha (Krysten Ritter who is aces and born for the part), her prisoner Yasmin (Lidya Jewett) and a trouble-making mystical cat (who I immediately fell in love with) named Lenore. To stay alive, Alex must rekindle his love of storytelling to entertain Natacha, and frankly, she's a bit on the detail-oriented, critical side.

Our heroes may be trapped but their prison is a fantastic place to spend time for viewers. Natacha has an endlessly spiraling library, a neon garden full of truly threatening spider creatures and a menagerie of Hummel-like figures of her past victims. I don't wish to spoil anything but what's going on in her backyard is even more eye-popping, psychedelic and candy-coated Wonka glorious.

Eventually, strong bonds are formed, the mischievous cat reveals an appreciative heart and even Natasha inspires a tad of sympathy before her comeuppance. Most importantly, Alex learns that what makes him different is exactly what makes him special and I'm all for everybody getting down with that way of thinking. Do yourself the sweet favor of watching NIGHTBOOKS this Halloween season. It really is all any horror fan could wish for.

Unk's Year End Roundup! 2018!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

2018 was a damn great year for horror films. I don't have the mental capacity to make a ranking list, so here are some of my favorite horror movie/TV memories of the past 365 days…

PYEWACKET

I can't resist this simple, straightforward telling of the dire consequences of negative wish fulfillment. It plays out like the world's darkest AFTERSCHOOL SPECIAL. NICOLE MUNOZ stars as Leah, a broody goth-lite teen with some serious anger management issues. Both she and her mother (LAURIE HOLDEN) are struggling through the aftermath of the recent death of Leah's father and neither is very adept at channeling their darker emotions regarding the loss. Mom's solution is to move into an isolated house in the woods, which only makes Leah feel estranged from her friends and even less in control of her life. The two have an epic fight and an enraged Leah ends up performing a black magic ritual that promises to snuff out her mother's existence. Shortly after, the two make amends but the conjured evil spirit (Pyewacket) happens to have an impeccable work ethic and is insistent on finishing the job. PYEWACKET won't likely blow your mind and it has no interest in reinventing the wheel but what it lacks in innovation, it more than makes up for with sincerity and basic competence. It's a classic story, as sturdy as a tree trunk, and the central characters are relatable enough to make it genuinely suspenseful.

CAM

This flick about an online sex worker battling wits with a malicious doppelganger left me itching for a more definitive conclusion. I'm giving it high props anyway for keeping me thoroughly entertained. I can't pretend to understand exactly what transpires but the exploration of the loss of identity in the social media age is fascinating anyway. My absolute favorite element of this slightly aggravating head-scratcher is its phenomenal central performance by MADELINE BREWER who delivers a memorably effervescent star turn. I hope to see her in many more films in the future.

OVERLORD

I would not have minded if OVERLORD went a little more nuts in the monster department. This movie about a rag-tag team of American soldiers discovering a sinister Nazi plot didn't quite have the gooey grand finale I was anticipating but it's still tons of old-school fun. KURT RUSSELL's son WYATT excels at just the type of rough-around-the-edges, reluctant hero character his father perfected back in the day. Something tells me this one is going to play better at home than in the theater and has a long life of cult fandom waiting ahead for it. There are more than a few highly impressive set pieces and I'm of the feeling that multiple viewings will only enhance them.

THE STRANGERS: PREY AT NIGHT

I'm not the biggest fan of the original THE STRANGERS (although I flip for its "Because you were home" scorpion tail sting) so I was surprised how much I dug this low investment, side-dish sequel. The novel trailer park as funhouse setting really worked for me and try as I might, I could not help loving its MTV-era reliance on ‘80s pop music. If you're going to be murdered, it may as well be to the synth-stained vocal stylings of KIM WILDE.

THE MEG

I do wish Meg ate more people but this movie starred JASON STATHAM and therefore it rocks.

TERRIFIER

The plot is nothing to write home about but boy is Art the clown scary as hell. DAVID HOWARD THORTON has such an expressive mug and he delivers one of the best make-up heavy horror performances since ROBERT ENGLUND portrayed you know who. Ultimately the movie itself didn't quite grab me but its nightmarish centerpiece miscreant certainly did.

THE WITCH IN THE WINDOW

Writer/director ANDY MITTON (YELLOWBRICKROAD, WE GO ON) has tacitly become a tremendously reliable horror auteur. His light poetic touch gives his modern horror tales an uncanny vibe that makes them feel like classic psychological ghost stories. As superbly crafted as the supernatural element of this tale is, it also earnestly relays a rocky yet moving relationship between a father and his son. If you are a fan of haunted house movies, this is a must.

SATAN'S SLAVES

I have not seen the original 1980 Indonesian Horror film of the same name that this film is a loose prequel/sequel to but if it's anywhere near as creepy as this flick, I certainly want to. Writer/director JOKO ANWAR does an incredible job juggling a multitude of characters in this family haunting tale, each of which is as vital as the other. There's a strong autobiographical element that brings a sense of natural realism and it makes the horror scenes that much more credible and terrifying.

A QUIET PLACE

I can't think of any other movie going experience in which the premise of the film (sound =death) took such hold of an audience; so many glaring eyes at anyone who dared rustle in their seats or chew popcorn! I'm a sucker for a movie with a big heart (the father/daughter reconciliation left me misty-eyed) that can also scare your socks off. PG-13 or not, this monster thriller had moments of squirm-inducing anxiety that brought me back to my first viewing of ALIEN.

BIRD BOX

Speaking of confronting the downfall of society with more than one hand tied behind your back, BIRD BOX (based on a book written before A QUIET PLACE) is another compelling take on an apocalypse (I grew up entranced by THE LAST MAN ON EARTH and WHERE HAVE ALL THE PEOPLE GONE? so Hollywood, feel free to make more). This Netflix nugget dropped instantly inspiring a million memes and an inevitable backlash but I'd be lying if I told you it didn't keep me perpetually captivated. I so relate to any material that focuses on the terror of being responsible for another life because I have nightmares about my cats getting lost every night. Plus nobody can get me to say a bad word about SANDY B.

THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE

I was more than a little miffed when I learned writer/director MIKE FLANAGAN had the audacity to perform a major renovation on SHIRLEY JACKSON's exquisite tale. I decided to hate-watch it anyway and sure as hell, my hate turned to love at record speed. Lo and behold FLANAGAN, against all odds, delivered a JOHN IRVING goes to hell masterpiece of family dysfunction. The neat as a bow ending felt like a bit of a betrayal but I'll never curse a hearty four-course horror meal over a too sweet dessert.

THE CHILLING ADVENTURES OF SABRINA

This here is my jam. I'm never more happy then when I can escape into a horror series that clicks in all the right places with charming characters and an excellently decorated home base. I miss BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER so much in these dark times and the wonderfully dark SABRINA eased my longing and then some. I could have used a little more of Salem the cat but cousin Ambrose (CHANCE PERDOMO) provides a reasonable stopgap and MICHELLE GOMEZ as Mrs. Wardwell is the best mischievous frenemy since Dr. Smith rattled the Robinsons in LOST IN SPACE.

CASTLE ROCK "The Queen"

Oh boy. I dug this entire (sometimes uneven) series but the seventh episode appropriately titled "The Queen" rocked my heart into oblivion. Horror royalty SISSY SPACEK delivers a performance for the ages as Ruth, a woman crashing through eventful periods of her life under the spell of dementia. It's an hour of soul-shattering television and just when I thought it couldn't get more pitch-perfect they went and played the most appropriate song in the universe, NANCY SINATRA's "Time". Bravo.

MANDY

Aw, when NICOLAS CAGE gets the right material he can bring something that exactly no other man can. I haven't enjoyed him this much since he went full on bonkers in VAMPIRE'S KISS. Speaking of material, someone please buy a fruit basket for costume designer ALICE EYASSARTIER for me. All I want is a baseball jersey with either a number 44 on it or a roaring tiger face. Wow, 2018 sure was the year for the mind-f*ck movie, eh?

ANNIHILATION

My eyes really couldn't get enough of this movie. It's like watching a heady sci-fi epic while flipping through an artsy coffee table book at the same time. ALEX GARLAND finds this incredible middle ground where the beautiful and the grotesque collide and many times it's hard to decipher whether you should "aw!" or "ew!" (many times, both at the same time is appropriate). The final act flew a couple hundred miles over my head but I adore the mystery of it anyway. I know it is impossible but there's also a creature attack scene in this movie that has me fantasizing about GARLAND remaking 1979's PROPHECY about twenty-four hours a day. My dreams are too big for this world.

THE RITUAL

It's a rare and beautiful thing when a film adaptation lives up to its source material and this flick does just that with remarkable craftiness and gusto. I'm a big fan of ADAM NEVILL's novel of the same name and I'm so impressed with how this film prunes out elements that might not have worked on screen and more impressively, added layers that miraculously deepen the tale. The premise is familiar survival horror territory but in a genius stroke, the main character is tasked with battling guilt and grief just as much as he must lock horns with an unimaginable backwoods monster. This movie towers in my head because I first watched it with my Mother and brother after my father had died and it somehow struck me as an anthem saluting perseverance when facing the unfixable.

HEREDITARY

Ugh. I know this movie is difficult. I think it goes about a mile too far into the WTF?-zone in the last lap too- but it unnerved me soooo good in places that I felt near crazy at times. I was honestly so discombobulated by the nefarious sound design that at one point, I thought that a wounded stray dog had come into the theater and was barking for help. I found myself in a semi-dream state where I wouldn't be surprised if I started to hallucinate. Whatever its faults, it brought a tangible waking-nightmare feeling that I have to give mad props to. Much has been said (deservingly so) about TONI COLLETTE's performance but I also have to throw mad laurels at ALEX WOLFF (who is also great in MY FRIEND DAHMER) who played the son. He killed me. After THE MOST HORRIFYING OCCURRENCE, his reaction is to go to bed! The dude goes to sleep! Finally, I feel like I've been represented on screen!

SUSPIRIA

I can't believe I was warned NOT to see this movie by a "friend"! Are you kidding me? Some people say this movie is "too long" to which I say, "Boo-hoo, pack a lunch and settle in." Yes, I loved every minute of it. It's the female peacock version of ARGENTO's masterpiece, generally the same worthy bird, just with a more subdued color palette. TILDA SWINTON has never been more TILDA (even when she's not TILDA) and DAKOTA JOHNSON brings it in ways I never would have guessed she was capable of. I also dug the lovely cameo from OG witch-bait JESSICA HARPER and the trifling stand out presence of RENEE SOUTENDIJK (EVE OF DESTRUCTION). Director LUCA GUADAGNINO impeccably nests the supernatural crisis in real-world events to ground them and then swings the pendulum into surreal otherworldliness just when you've gotten your sea legs. Haunting, brutal and trippy as all get out, I didn't want to leave this witch school, I was begging for tenure.

HALLOWEEN

My list is not in any order but I've saved my personal favorite for last anyway. This blessed return to Haddonfield, Illinois may not be the most original or artistic of the year but it filled my heart with the most horror-infused joy anyway. I'm just so damn grateful to spend quality time with my favorite horror character again- and I'm talking about Laurie not Mike. I am truly in worship of this incarnation of my hero. It may have been more comforting to see Laurie as the fully functioning yet hyper-neurotic, Type A personality in 1998's H2O but in this alternate timeline, JAMIE LEE CURTIS brings back Laurie's square peg outsider quality which I think is crucial. (even if it's not as snugly satisfying). It's a subtle, fascinating performance that I only wanted to see more of. The movie is best when it's keeping itself as sharp, clean and streamlined as a butcher knife and only stumbles when it needlessly complicates things (or neglects to kill off deserving characters). Sure, I would much rather have learned the fates of Tommy and Lindsey (or even Ben Tramer) over Lonnie but there's so much obvious Easter egg love for the fans that it feels gluttonous to complain (Laurie still has her ENDSOR portrait!). And then there's that score! Just the luxury of getting wrapped up in that JOHN CARPENTER synth-quilt again feels like a glorious windfall.

All in all, it's a modern slasher masterpiece in my book; the characters are strong, the atmosphere is intoxicating and the kills feel consequential. This is the one movie that I've seen this year that I'm sure to return to again and again. The original HALLOWEEN is THE ground zero for my unabashed horror fandom and (although I highly value ROB ZOMBIE's personal interpretations as well) this truly felt like going home again.

That's it! I didn't like everything, I swear. I just decided to leave the movies that I was less enthused by out in the cold where they belong. I also sure as hell didn't see everything so if there are any titles I forgot to mention that you enjoyed, let us all know in the comments! Happy New Year!

It's a Horror to Know You :: Reader Eric!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

1.) What is the first film that ever scared you?

The first film that ever scared me had to be The Wolfman (1941). It was the first horror movie I ever saw as well as one of if not the first movie I ever saw. My father had a copy of the Gene Shalit Critic's Choice VHS with it's goofy pictures of Gene on the bottom which has always stuck with me.

The movie itself had an atmosphere exuding dread, provided courtesy of the heavily fogged woods, sad and yet harrowing score and disturbing Jack Pierce make up. I think what scared me was the idea that a person could transform into some sort of grotesque violent beast and something about that tip toe walk he did was just uncanny.

Even though I love all the Universal monsters, the Wolfman has been my favorite Universal monster and no matter what anyone says he'll always be tops in my book; so suck it Drac and fall to pieces Frankie.

2.) What is the last film that scared you?

Horror films tend not to scare me anymore, more so they mostly either get me imagining about the world in the film and/or disgust me with gore; but there is one I've seen recently that not only did all of this but in so doing deeply unsettled me and that is City of the Living Dead (1980).

My favorite of the Gates of Hell trilogy and my favorite Fulci movie overall (No I don't think The Beyond is his best; I don't even think it's all that good and I don't understand why it's seen as his best film- get over it). The atmosphere in this one is the most doom laden, nihilistic and cosmically anti-human I have ever encountered in a film.

No one is safe anywhere, no matter what you do, it's all over, there is no hope, we're all going to die-end of story. The gore is top notch and absolutely raw and vicious and that priest! That priest is to my mind the most menacing antagonist/figure in the history of film.He wants to literally unleash hell on earth and do all kinds of nasty things to human bodies and souls.

I know everyone makes a big deal about narrative in Fulci's films, but I don't watch them as normal movies with a linear plot progression. Shut up and suspend your disbelief. I see them as filmed nightmares, with all the sometimes chaotic aspects that entails. That is what this movie is to me; pure unadulterated nightmare.

3. Name three horror movies that you believe are underrated.

I'm just going to go ahead and cheat here and talk about more than three horror movies I think are underrated. Eerie is the name of the game with me and all of these evoke an eerie feeling in me.

How Awful About Allan (1970)

One of the few TV movies I actually like. Anthony Perkins is absolutely fantastic here; for my money this just edges out Psycho II as his best movie (no I don't like the original Psycho and yes, I think the sequels-especially part II- are superior). I heard about this one from Phil Anselmo and I'm forever in his debt for turning me on to it.

This isn't some scare fest but the atmosphere is what does it for me (atmosphere is what endears me to a film and is far more important to me in a horror film than blood and guts and stupid jump scares, which is why modern movies and modern horror in particular, suck).

This film to me is the essence of autumn; it evokes the altogether not unpleasant and oddly cozy feeling of overcast suburban cold and desolation, I as city folk experienced on excursions to grandma's house as a child (Don't know if anyone knows what I'm talking about).

Where Are the Children? (1986)

Provides a similar experience for me as the aforementioned How Awful About Allan. This one has a damp, dank feeling to it; a perfect overcast, rainy Saturday morning/afternoon film. Frederic Forrest is great as a real son of a bitch in this one. No one seems to talk about it, give it a watch.

The Norliss Tapes (1973)

The Norliss Tapes gave me a really uneasy feeling. I love the set up; a rainy day (if you can't tell by now, I'm big on those) a reporter stumbles onto the supernatural, goes missing and leaves behind a series of baffling tapes which chronicle his horrific discoveries. This was supposed to be the pilot to a television series in the tradition of Dan Curtis's better known Kolchak: The Night Stalker that unfortunately never got made.

The premise, the zombie, the unsettling voice over narration from the tape all combine to create something which to me is quiet, strangely contemplative and unnerving. The ending with the demon is cheesy and weakens it somewhat, but other than that, it is pretty creepy and is another (almost) perfect rainy day movie.

Remakes can't work nowadays but I think this would have been perfect for a movie remake circa the 1970's or 80's and had it been done in this era, would have worked. This movie got my imagination going and I have continued David Norliss's investigations in my head for my own edification and amusement many a time. This way nothing can be mishandled by modern film making.



A Warning to the Curious (1972) and The Signalman (1976)
Two English ghost stories for Christmas made for TV movies; Did you know the British tell ghost stories at Christmas? I didn't. A scary Christmas? sign me up. Both at once engaging, entertaining, atmospheric and unsettling. I highly recommend both.


Schalcken the Painter (1979)
Another British TV movie. On the whole, it seems to me that the British make better TV movies than us colonists. Some mighty strange happenings in this one. Slow and eerie with one hell of an ending.

The House by the Cemetery (1981)

The third in Fulci's Gates of Hell trilogy but my second favorite of his films. Again, like City of the Living Dead, this one had the power to frighten me at times sitting there alone in the dark. The first time I saw it, you can bet your life it did just that. I, like Fulci, have a thing with eyes and when Dr. Freudstein's eyes peered out from the darkness of that basement, I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. Glowing eyes peering out of the darkness has always been a scary thing to me.

The movie overall has a sense of impending doom about it different than the aforementioned City of the Living Dead; this is a much more localized doom, to be visited only upon those unfortunate enough to enter the house and so it does not have the same scale and scope intended for us by Father Thomas in City of the Living Dead. Dr. Freudstein is a nasty piece of work quite literally and he isn't averse to hurting you badly with sharp objects.

This film taught me something as well. I learned there is a fate worse than any of the death's suffered by the characters in this movie, one that is infinitely more dreadful than anything imagined in the twisted inner workings of Dr. Freudstein's mind- my own private vision of hell- 'Bob'; god I hate 'Bob'.

Beyond the Darkness (1979)
This movie is more disgusting than scary. One scene in particular created an extreme aversion to eating in me. The scary aspect is the thought that people like the main characters can exist in this world or at the very least someone seemingly sane can think them up. The whole of this movie from the as usual excellent score by Goblin to the acting and carnage being depicted emanates something terribly nihilistic, depressing, hopeless and empty.

Retribution (1987)
Not scary but it has a cool premise, great super gory special effects (I can't believe what they did sans CGI) no one talks about this one and I have no idea why.

Faceless (1987)
The first Jesus Franco movie I ever saw. I had never heard of this one before so I had no idea what to expect and this one shocked me which is no easy feat. It is surprisingly good and the gore so effective you feel the pain the characters must be experiencing. 1987 wasn't an altogether bad year for horror movies.

4.) Name three horror movies that you enjoy against your better judgment.

I'll cheat again here (I'm a cheater, it's a character flaw; nothing can be done about it) but because I both was long winded in the previous section and I can't watch anything I don't genuinely enjoy, I'll skip this question. If it's a bad movie, it's a bad movie and I don't enjoy it, ya know?

5.) Send us to five places on the Internet!

I've cheated my way through the majority of this so I see no reason to stop now. I'll send you to six places on the internet.

SOILED SINEMA. Nothing else like it on the internet. These guys do the best movie reviews anywhere. You definitely haven't heard this perspective on cinema before, I promise. Check it out.

HYSTERIA LIVES! 408 slasher movie reviews and counting! Who knew there were that many? Slasher movies are my favorite sub-genre of horror and I've seen a lot of them but I haven't even heard of most of these. For my money, one of the best horror websites out there.

RETRO SLASHERS. Another great slasher movie site. Definitely worth a perusal.

ROTTEN COTTON. Like Spicoli said, "Awesome, totally awesome!"

SHITCASECINEMA. Some really great (and hilarious) reviews of some terrible yet entertaining movies as well as the occasional good one. Zardoz approved!

WeWatchedAMovie. Movie reviews/news, humour and Michael Myers parodies? What's not to love? I said GOTDAMN!!!!!!!

It's a Horror to Know You:: Jon Clark!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

It's a Horror to know You Jon Clark!

What is the first film that scared you?

Halloween 3, I know it gets a bad rep and all that but when I saw it, it was on TV (edited for TV at that) I was just a little boy, maybe six (who didn't know or CARE that the film didn't have Michael Myers in it). It was the opening scene where the mechanized man walks into the hospital and makes the "C" with his thumb and forefinger, then QUIP, plugs it into that poor dude's eye sockets. There's that, which is pretty damn horrible and terrifying, but what does he do next? He wipes his fingers off on the curtain! Damn, that' s just cold. As was always the case when I was a kid, pretty much right after that scene, it was time for me to go to bed (thanks mom!). So of course all that night I knew, just knew for sure some creepy dude was about to open the door and come for my eyeballs!

What is the last film that scared you?

A few months ago, I was on my computer working during the day with no one in the house, and sometimes I open up a little window on the screen and watch movies or TV while I work, usually when I'm inking. It just plays in the background. I decided to have a mini marathon of the syfy show Paranormal Witness. Each case has the real people telling their stories. Sometimes they have videos of what they saw, sometimes they have police officers(!!) saying "this was real." Watching episode after episode gave me this awkward feeling. Just this cumulative effect of woah, man, something is really going on out there, this stuff is all real! I just got really creeped out and had to put something else on, like a comedy, you know… just until people came home… yeah, better with people around.

Name three horror films that you feel are underrated:

It's 1983, network TV, primetime, I'm in third grade, alien "Visitors" arrive. They are our friends. They just need our help. Oh, and they eat rodents, oh and they want to eat us too. This is V: The Miniseries baby. There is so much good about this show. I love the concept of the resistance. Julie's rise to prominence and unwanted power. The scene where the older Jewish father Abraham tells his son why we must hide the scientists breaks my heart. Even the scene when Elias's brother dies in front of Caleb, I don't know, it's borderline ham-handed but I get sucked back in each time to believe in the pain there… He was the doctor! And horror? Dudes and dudettes, my kid mouth gaped down like Diana's when she ate that mouse, and when Donovan kicked that guy's face off, it was nuts!

The Dead Zone. Yup, the one by Cronenberg. It's a movie that I find myself putting on all the time. There's an intensity and profound sadness to Walken. (on a side note: in my heart of hearts I believe that the comic book character John Constantine: Hellblazer was based off Walken in this film, has to be) The whole sequence with the serial killer "gazebo" is scary, intense, and shocking. Look at the details. Look at his room, it's the same from when he was a little cowboy. Herbert Lom, wow. Martin Sheen, on fire!

Near Dark. Vampires in Texas and no one says vampire. There's a sweet love story (that I buy right into) and the whole thing really makes vampires seem real. Of course you gotta duct tape up the windows because: vampires! Added bonus: I've read the screenplay and it's not written like any other script I've read, it's horror film poetry. I leave you with exhibit A and B: "Is this shit kicker heaven or what?" And Homer.

Name three horror films that you enjoy against your better judgment:

This one was the hardest one to answer, because well, if I love something, I love it. I go with my feelings and let go of the critical judgments.

The Crazies remake. (this was surprising because I'm usually a purist and George Romero is a hero of mine) I saw this in a second run theater with a friend the first time around, and I thought it was pretty good. I watched it again just recently and liked it even more. There are some really great suspense moments. That pitchfork scene being one. It kicks off right away and doesn't really stop. Eisner did a great job with it. I gotta give him respect.

13 Ghosts. The William Castle original. It's just goofy fun and I can watch it with my son. It's a live action Scooby Doo movie. There's a lion ghost! And I love William Castle anything.

Prince of Darkness. I've read and heard the arguments. Here's how I feel about this one: It's like old Star Trek, yes, the acting can be over the top (or underwhelming for POD), yes, the effects are mostly cheesy (I mean The Thing vs. POD, how the mighty have fallen) BUT, we're talking about something here. There is a solid story here. There is a big huge frightening concept about the nature of evil, where it is, what it wants. There is a science vs. religion argument here, and it's creepy. And I love it! I regularly re-watch the opening 45 minutes. I mean a month won't go by without me re-watching it. The idea that the church has been hiding a demon/antichrist in the basement for centuries, I don't know, maybe it's just because I think that's EXACTLY what they'd do… !

Name three favorite non-horror films.

A Simple Plan (also works in the underrated section) This movie is so freaking good! I don't know where to begin. The concept, the acting, the script, the direction (Sam Raimi!). Scenes turn and head into dark dangerous places that leave my head spinning.

Singing in the Rain. I am the biggest horror nut in the world, but hear me out. This is a case of the most talented people in the world firing on all four cylinders and then turning on the rockets too. You've seen baseball, this is Babe Ruth, you've seen basketball, this is Michael Jordan. These people are the best dancers, comedians, singers, choreographers, there's romance, spectacle, old school Hollywood. I LOVE this film.

The Sandlot. Again and again. Call me a softee. When they play baseball at night under the fireworks with Ray Charles playing in the background, my eyes well up. "You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!" Sandlot 4-eVer, 4 eVer.

Jon Clark has his first horror comic THIN coming out on September 7th through American Gothic Press. THIN is an unconventional horror story about an overweight woman who attempts a miracle weight loss cure and finds herself in a nightmare without a way out. It's intimate, visceral, and horror fans (especially Kindertrauma fans) should love it. THIN is available for preorder HERE and make sure you like THIN's facebook page HERE to keep up to date! Check out a preview of THIN below!

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Turn On Your TV: The Top Ten Shark Attack Movies By Amanda Reyes

Posted on By kinderpal amanda by night

That Was Then: I originally wrote this article in 2008 for a website that is no more. Since then, Asylum Films has literally vomited up a new breed of direct-to-video shark movies. And while I do not care for their output, I do appreciate the cold hard fact that it is impossible to keep a good killer fish down. With that in mind, I feel fairly confident that I wouldn't change too much about what I wrote (although I did add an addendum and tweaked my original piece a bit to release it of some unfortunate jibes… I was far more bitter in 2008, apparently). Also, I should note, at this point, I had missed a classic or two that probably should have made the list. I've already been scolded for omitting Mako: The Jaws of Death (1976), so please that keep that mind!

And away we go…

People have always been fascinated with sharks, although film audiences may not have recognized that until 1974 when Steven Spielberg's Jaws was released. The film was so popular that the term blockbuster was created to define its chartbusting success. Since then, many a filmmaker has tried their hand at undersea terror.

The stories generally remained the same, even if the creatures changed. Piranha 2 for example, follows the blueprint of Jaws almost verbatim but instead we get tiny but toothy flying fish. OK, so that one didn't really work out (don't misunderstand me though, I love that movie!) and truth be told, it was the shark movies people kept coming back to. Jaws itself spawned three sequels and countless rip-offs that continue to this day. And, since we are #2 on the old food chain, why not sink your teeth into some of the best, and some of the not-the-best-but-pretty-damn-fun shark movies ever imprinted on celluloid?

1. Jaws (1975) – Without a doubt, Jaws is the greatest shark film ever made and one of the most cherished horror films of our time. The success of Jaws is partially due to the fact that it transcends the typical man vs. nature plot and becomes a human drama about men facing their fascination, fears and objects of revenge. If you haven't seen this film then you've either been living under a rock, or have a terrible fear of sharks. Essential viewing for anyone who loves great filmmaking.

2. Jaws 2 (1978) – However, Jaws 2 was probably not made for lovers of great filmmaking, but fans still ate it up. It never comes close to being better than its predecessor but as a lover of slasher films, I find that this movie is basically a version of Friday the 13th featuring a shark as an unstoppable killer. We've got beer guzzling teens, girls in cut off shorts, isolation and one scary creature! Made purely for the love of entertainment, this movie succeeds at that on every level. (Confession: I watch Jaws 2 way more than the original. It's how I roll.)

3. Open Water (2003) – Yeah, yeah, yeah, Open Water is not really a shark movie, it's a metaphor about the disintegration of a marriage and about how self-importance can lead to one's downfall. But let's face it, that's not what drove the masses to the Cineplex. We came to see lots of sharks terrorize a good-looking couple that find themselves cast away into the brutal ocean. The mixture of art and horror works beautifully and it made Open Water one of the most thoroughly haunting pieces of guerrilla filmmaking I have ever seen.

4. Shark Attack 3 (2002) – To date, this is the mutha of Megaladon movies and is also the best entry in the Shark Attack series. It's a non-stop ride for fans of MST3K and is not without its share of surprises either. One of the best lines ever put in a movie is here and it's a doozy. And the awesomely bad CGI only adds to its charm.

5. Deep Blue Sea (1999) – High budget Hollywood all the way, Deep Blue Sea is one of the few films in the recent onslaught of shark movies that made its way into the theaters (recent being relative of course, I forgot this movie came out in the 90s!). It's certainly one of the better nature gone amok films of recent memory and frankly was far more entertaining than most people gave it credit for. It's deliciously over the top, especially Stellan Skarsgard's hilariously serious performance, and it has enough truly suspenseful moments that it just had to make the list (Hollywood haters be damned!). Plus its got the beautiful Thomas Jane proving that he's often a bit better than the material he's saddled with.

6. Spring Break Shark Attack (2005) – This made for TV movie is just great. OK, it's not ‘great' by normal standards, but it's far cheekier and more entertaining than most TVMs of late. There was no reason for CBS to have aired this, since their audiences seem drawn to cerebral police procedural fare. But hey, slap a bikini on a couple of pretty girls, sink some CGI teeth into a few obnoxious teens, and somehow convince Bryan Brown to show up for a small cameo and you've got yourself a winner!

7. Blue Demon (2004) – It's a dream come true! A shark attack comedy. I mean it's an intentional comedy! And it's actually funny! Although not well received when it was released (PG13 shark movies are usually a no-no), there are enough funny moments, including an incredibly hilarious turn by Jeff Fahey that the admittedly bad CGI doesn't hurt nearly as much.

8. Up From the Depths (1979) – Well, it's a monster fish and not really a shark, but I qualified it because it's just too much fun not to mention. Made for the drive-in audiences of the 70s, this is a pure popcorn thriller complete with a giant gilled fiend that can attack in three feet of water! Check out the older couple blaming the hotel manager for ruining their good time when he tries to rescue them from a con artist! Good stuff.

9. Cruel Jaws (1995) – OK, this movie gets points for ripping off every shark movie ever made. I don't merely mean they lift the story either – they plagiarize dialog, music and re-use footage (most of the extra footage came from L'ultimo Squalo aka The Last Shark)! If you're a shark attack movie connoisseur you're sure to pick out every pilfered moment – and you'll love every second of it!

10. Shark Attack 2 (2000) – OK, it's not quite as jaw dropping as Shark Attack III, but there are enough what-the-heck moments to make it one of the more entertaining attack films to have been released of late. The best scene features our heroes, who, supposedly beside themselves with worry about the killer sharks, take time for a sightseeing tour of the island! Good times.

Honorable Mentions:

Dark Waters (2003) – This didn't quite make the list, but I have to include any Lorenzo Lamas extravaganza featuring our brunette beefcake going toe to fin with some killer fishes. It's a surprisingly engaging film. Or I'm an easy sell.

Megaladon (2002) – This is a serious attempt at making a suspenseful shark attack movie and minus the utterly horrible special effects, it's actually a very good little film. The acting is top notch; it's just too bad the shark looks a bit like Jabberjaw. Still, it's not a bad way to kill an evening.

L'ultimo Squalo (aka The Last Shark, 1981) – Just because James Franciscus is so cute.

This is Now: Well, it's 2014 and here I am reliving my favorite shark moments, and wondering if I've missed anything. Since I wrote this I have seen Mediterranean Shark Attack (2004), Sharks in Venice (2008) Shark Night 3D (2011), and Bait (2012), all of which I've enjoyed on some level (and I'm wondering why I haven't seen The Reef (2010)… and I still haven't seen Jaws of Death either! Argh!). Of those, I think only Bait would make a new top 10, but since I'm a sucker for the toothy water creatures, I will add them all to the honorable mentions list. I'm like that – everyone gets an award!



USA's Saturday Nightmares:: By John Sullivan

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I was an ‘inside kid'.

Sure, I went to school and rode bikes and journeyed to 7-11 to pick up comic books and Slurpees.

That was my afternoon. But my night?

Movies. Lots and lots of movies.

My parents gave me a TV time limit. I had a few hours a week. It was sort of an allowance. I had to be smart, and budget my presence in front of the tube.
I used all those hours on Saturday. Here's why:

USA'S SATURDAY NIGHTMARES.

Saturday Nightmares was my youthful gateway into horror films. In an environment where my parents were permissive enough to let me watch some TV, but not permissive enough to let me rent R-rated horror films, Saturday Nightmares provided a mainline fix that my pre-teen (and early teen) self desperately needed.

USA'S Saturday Nightmares was a prime-time (8 PM – East Coast – old school USA network) non-hosted weekly horror movie feature forum that consisted of several elements:

0 – The Intro. As I mentioned, this was an un-hosted venue for horror films but the intros were awesome. In the early days of USA's Saturday Nightmares, it was a little more commando. They were stark black and white shots of grotesque monster movies. It looked cheap, and felt cheap and that informed the scariness of whatever film the show was threatening to air. After a few years, they amped up the budget and it became an early CGI ‘tour' through a museum of horror icons. Regardless of which intro or bumper I preferred, they were atmospheric and foreboding. In other words, even if the movie sucked – I was still scared to watch it.

1 – The Horror Movie. This was usually some semi-obscure thriller that was molding in a VHS bin somewhere. I'm not industry adept enough to guess where the USA network programmers got their material, my guess is it was whatever they had access to. I mean, ‘Bloodbath in the House of Death'? ‘Scared to Death'? ‘Devil Times Five'?, ‘Up From the Depths'?, ‘The House Where Evil Dwells', ‘Spookies'?, ‘The Being'?, – I can go on. And I will. But this show dredged up some of the most lesser-known, cheap thrill horror movies that could ever be IMDB'd. For a kid who was only exposed to ‘Salems Lot' and ‘Gremlins', Saturday Nightmares was a goldmine. R-rated horrors edited for television. Therefore, parent-friendly.

2 – The Anthology Shows. It wasn't just a horror feature showcase. Oh no. It had frosting on the cake. Following the movie, Saturday Nightmares wasn't done with you. They aired three different syndicated horror anthology shows. Among them: The Ray Bradbury Theater, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, and The Hitchhiker.

‘The Ray Bradbury Theater' was more of a slow-burn horror anthology. The stories were generally fantastical and had a more broad nature. Not all of the stories presented were from the mind of the great Ray Bradbury, but many of them kept the tone of some of his earlier works. I remember one called ‘The Playground' with a young-ish William Shatner that haunts me to this day.

‘Alfred Hitchcock Presents' had a more crime-oriented atmosphere and a typical just-desserts twist ending. I'd compare the stories presented akin to EC Comics' noir books.

‘The Hitchhiker' was probably inappropriate for a kid my age. It was a port from an HBO series, and consisted of a lot of sex and murder. A lone, scruffed Hitchiker tells stories of lust and death. It was heavily edited for TV, so the impact was lost on me. I do remember some of the stories were compelling, but they had to cut out all the naughty stuff.

3 – The Short Films. Oftentimes, one of the Saturday Nightmares features would end early, and they would have to stick in a mysterious short film to fill out the run time. Short films are commonplace these days, especially on YouTube – but in 1988, it was rare to see a cool, scary short flick. Somehow, the USA Network was able to find some frightening brief bits to pad out the run-time. I remember one was about a man engineering a gigantic mouse-trap…for himself. It was his method of suicide. Dark, right?

I WAS 10!

The first film I ever saw on USA's Saturday Nightmares was ‘The Loch Ness Horror'. It involves – you guessed it – a bunch of people running away from a rubberized Loch Ness Monster puppet. It's…garbage. However, the nostalgia of gunning my BMX bike back from the comic book store to make it home before sundown to watch ‘The Loch Ness Horror' stays with me.

I think I bought a Hulk comic that day. Memories fade…

My parents had to endure my love of USA's Saturday Nightmares. We weren't a rich family. We had a modest house on Long Island with one TV. So, if I watched something – they had to watch that thing. In a strange way, my parents are well-versed in horror movie trivia because of that environment.

-‘Hey Dad, remember ‘Demonwarp'?

-‘Is that the one with the murderous Sasquatch and George Kennedy, and the zombies you made us watch'?

-‘Yup'.

-‘Why couldn't have you been a doctor'?

I was a weird kid. I lived for Saturday Nightmares. Whenever my parents had a dinner party, they knew I'd be out of their hair watching something like ‘Jaws of Satan'. Just to be clear, that's a film about a king cobra possessed by the Devil.

My Dad's buddy, after wandering into the TV room:

‘What are you watching'?

‘Jaws of Satan. Killer king cobra movie'.

‘What the hell is Fritz Weaver doing in this crap'?

As low-grade as many of the movies shown on Saturday Nightmares were, they did expose me to a world beyond the A-list ‘thrillers' that masquerade as horror movies.

Later on, as USA became more mass-audience oriented, the films became more commercial. ‘Demons of the Dead' was replaced by ‘Nightmare on Elm Street 3'. ‘Girls Nite Out' was replaced by ‘Friday The 13th V'. Not that there's anything wrong with those particular films, but I could see them anywhere. I respected the unavailability of the unknown titles.

Soon after…

Saturday Nightmares was kicked. USA rolled into original programming, and became the home of ‘Psych' and ‘Burn Notice'. I'm sure those shows are fine, but I miss the ‘go for broke' programming of the 80's. What is ‘Burn Notice' about, by the way?

I got older and discovered eBay and Amazon and YouTube. I was able to find a lot of my favorite niche horror films on that landscape.

My Saturday nights got booked with grown-up things. Girls, life, girls.

I work as a screenwriter now. I've written the (self-proclaimed) B-movie classics ‘Fear of the Dark', ‘Prophecy: Uprising', ‘Prophecy: Forsaken'. ‘Recoil' (not a horror film but Steve Austin is kinda scary).

I've got a few new thrillers in the pipeline.

I like to think that USA Saturday Nightmares contributed to my silly career.

I leave you with the Wiki link for USA's Saturday Nightmares.

Every flick is a classic. Sorta.

Now, I'm off to find a VHS copy of ‘The Loch Ness Horror'…

JOHNNY BLACKOUT (John Sullivan)

Post-Childhood Traumafession:: Unk on The Haunted (1991)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Our pal Mickster's "Post-childhood" traumafession regarding THE STRANGERS got me thinking about all the movies that rattled my own bearings as an adult. There are more than a few to choose from but my mind keeps flipping back to the 1991 T.V. movie THE HAUNTED (thanks largely to THE CONJURING dredging it up no doubt!) I realize I have already confessed to this particular trauma in our comments section but I thought it might be interesting for me to examine, in closer detail, just how and why a modest TV production got under my skin in a way that many seemingly more likely films failed.

Hopefully a big takeaway from this site is the understanding that different people are scared by different things; one person's meat is another's poison, there's no accounting for taste and perhaps a zillion factors come into play (life experience, timing, mood) that are impossible to gauge. Some try to attach value judgments on scares (gore and jump shocks are lowly as slow burns and subtlety are lofty) but these after the fact assessments mean nothing when the lights go out. Which isn't to say I don't have a favorite type of scare…

My preferred scare is when you realize too late that you've popped a hole in the movie (and or book) and it's currently leaking all over you. Holy crap, something has changed in the space you're in and the genie is way too fat to fit back in the bottle! I'm talking about movies (and or books) acting up like Ouija boards and those dreaded intangible guests who won't take a hint and vamoose. How could I go to sleep after watching THE HAUNTED when the swirly black mass that inhabited the movie could, at any second, materialize before me? I'm an adult and I'm rational. That means I've got plenty of legitimate sounding excuses for being freaked out by THE HAUNTED.

1. It was late at night.

Nonexistent scientists estimate that it takes countless dozens of conscious brains to keep the walls of reality standing firm. The more sleeping brains you have in your neighborhood the more likely it is that a wily, interdimensional entity might take advantage of the weakened barriers and slide through. Moreover, watching scary movies, reading about Bigfoot on the Internet and/or dabbling in ghost hunting shows, no matter their level of ridiculousness, acts like a magnet to these creatures. You are basically making yourself a lighthouse in the fog. Through years of research I have learned that the closest you can get to supernatural entertainment after 2 am while still remaining safe is SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH.

2. It's based on a true story.

Adorable as it may seem now, prior to the release of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake, the term "based on a true story" still held some small bit of weight with me. The family depicted in THE HAUNTED was a real family. They went on talk shows and tainted their existences delivering their tale of ghostly woe. If they were crazy, I found small comfort in that. If you are a ghost (or a demon)I don't care if your return address is heaven, hell or my sick head, the point is you need to leave. I guess I could hope the family was lying but that would mean the grandma was lying too! Lying grandmothers are scarier than ghosts. I can't win.

3. KIRKLAND sold it.

I'm no aficionado of thespian pursuits and I pity the horror fan that is, that's asking for a whole lot of pain. On the other hand, if you look at truly successful works in the genre they are almost always strongly connected with at least one sterling, performance. Although they are rarely properly acknowledged, they are often the galvanizing glue that holds the entire shebang together (I started a list of examples but boy, did it go on.) I have to hand it to SALLY KIRKLAND in THE HAUNTING if for no other reason than that she made me believe her. (This cannot be said about her performance in FATAL GAMES). I'm not saying I'm going to run out and start a fan club or anything, I'm just saying that against some serious odds she convinces you of her genuine turmoil. No matter the authenticity of the actual story, within the confines of the teleplay , KIRKLAND is telling the truth.

4. It played upon my pariah complex

STEPHEN KING tagged some of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR's angst power on relatable "economic unease" and I'm so right there with him on that. But I have to point out an infrequently sung about undercurrent that tends to hitch a ride on "true story" haunted house tales – the fear of being ostracized by one's community and (so frequently in these stories) rejected or failed by one's church. Families that do the right thing, care for each other and mind their P's and Q's suddenly find themselves outsiders unable to reach the base goal of belonging. They are for unknown reasons unwelcome to buy into the suburban dream and eventually must abandon everything they've worked for and move on, usually to a place where similar (but of less interest to the public) events occur. Apparently ghosts do more than turn your hair white, they have a way of making you feel homeless in your own home and shunned by your own community. Boo!

5. That weird shadow thing gets to me!

Who would guess that an amorphous, black splotch of roving something or other could upstage THE HAUNTED's signature raped by a face-morphing hag demon under a disco strobe light scene? (Yes, I really just wrote that sentence.) But upstage the hag rape the undefined darkness does indeed do! (And that one too!) Fabrication or not, a nebulous cloud perpetually on the brink of transforming into something your mind doesn't realize it's horrified by yet is scary stuff. Besides forcing you to stare like a slack jawed idiot trying to attach some known shape or meaning to it, the inky entity additionally reeks of something too familiar- that blank slate of apprehension we've all stumbled upon in the dark, the instant before we're able to recognize what it is before us. (Huh?)

I don't know what it is but I know I don't like it. It drives me crazy because it's a traveling stain! It looks like a cross between a Rorschach test and the faceless being that rummages through my recycling bin every Tuesday night! According to the story, this merciless tear in sanity's pants will even follow you when you go camping! Light-hearted marshmallow roasting will not dissuade it! It can walk through walls! It can appear anyplace at any time! I didn't even mention the noise it makes! It sounds like a pig in a garbage disposal!

6. My guard was down.

I am a co-conspirator! I was happy to find something of interest on TV and I was completely open to it. I wasn't thinking, "This better be good!" I didn't scrutinize its every move and I didn't look down on it. I wasn't trying to use the movie to validate myself as an astute critic or a super fan. Forming an opinion was not my #1 priority and I was engrossed in the movie rather than myself. It's like in THE BREAKFAST CLUB when ALLY SHEEDY is all, "Why are you being so nice to me?" and MOLLY RINGWALD is all, "Because you're letting me." The biggest reason this movie freaked me out is that I let it.

Traumafessions :: Reader Jessica B. on The Twilight Zone's "Eye of the Beholder"

Posted on By unkle lancifer

The tinkling music from THE TWILIGHT ZONE entered the room which, moments before, had consisted of my dad sitting round faced and contented on the couch and my mom collecting cups and plates from the coffee table. The room suddenly became filled with electricity and an undeniable current that the spirit world might soon emerge.

ROD SERLING appeared. He walked casually into our living room with black hair and a thoughtful glimmer in his eyes. He spoke as if to me alone. Secretly, at age nine, I had a crush on him. How could you not? He spoke in a smooth knowing voice. Cigarette smoke, unheard of today, swirled around his perceptive face. He knew the secrets of the universe and he was willing to give you a glimpse but only if you dared to journey with him through the Twilight Zone.

I felt as if I had a special connection to ROD SERLING. As if only somebody with my understanding of the inner workings of people could be of any interest to him. I felt as if I shared a special bond with this man who penetrated the depths of human life. I braced myself. My stomach fluttered. My mom gave me sideways glances trying to protect me from my own curiosity.

"Please mom, let me stay up for THE TWILIGHT ZONE." I had jumped up and down earlier as I begged my case.

"It comes on too late. You have to go to sleep."

"There's not even school tomorrow."

"You'll be frightened. Remember when your camp friend Rose Hoffsteader told you those scary stories. You couldn't sleep."

"I won't. I promise. This is different. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE."

I sat cross-legged in front of the television with my stomach in my mouth and my hands pushing down on the half worn rug. My fingers and toes felt icy. Just the sound of the music made breathing difficult and snacking impossible. All my energy was focused on just sitting there.

A woman lies in bed with her face wrapped in white gauze bandages like a mummy. There is a slit for her mouth and a place for her nose to breath. The room is dark and sterile. A doctor and a nurse stand over her bed in silhouetted figures. They are talking with her. She is telling them that she hopes the operation worked. She had been so ugly her whole life. This is her last chance to become normal looking.

It seems that the ugly deformed people are exiled from this place where she and the doctor live. The outcasts have to live on a special island or another planet. This woman so much wants to become normal looking and live like everybody else. She told the doctor that all her life she had been ostracized and people ran from her.

The hospital room is so still with dim lightening. The possibility of seeing an ugly face looms. My body was stiff. I sat with my hands ready to cover my eyes and my legs ready to bolt. The doctor says that he will remove the bandages the next day.

He begins to take the bandages off. My hands were over my face as I watched through slatted fingers. It was impossible to look away. Yet the scene is so dark and empty. The bandages are painstakingly unwrapped. The woman is beautiful with blonde hair. I felt my shoulders relax as relief poured though my body. But wait…she is upset. Everyone is so sorry that the operation did not go well. I became confused. She looked fine. Then the camera zooms in on the doctor's face which had previously been hidden by the nurse's back. His face is totally deformed with a pig like nose, bulging cheeks and twisted eyes.

I screamed and ran for my life, out of the living room into the hallway.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The tinkling music was back. It permeated the house, in my bedroom; in the bathroom … I was trapped in THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

— Jessica B.