kindertrauma

Let Me In

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I, for one, did not need another film version of JOHN AJVIDE LINDQVIST's novel LET THE RIGHT ONE IN. The 2008 Swedish film of the same title directed by TOMAS ALFREDSON is, in my opinion, as good as it gets. Still, I couldn't help but be curious. Plus, how in the name of hell was I NOT going to support the first HAMMER production in nearly thirty-five years? Seriously, I felt like I got my moolah's worth as soon as I saw that legendary name projected upon the theater screen…

The good news is that LET ME IN, directed by CLOVERFIELD's MATT REEVES, is NOT a steaming pile of useless garbage. Maybe it's my vivid imagination but I detected an earnest affection for the material. I can't say it casts the same lyrical spell that the earlier interpretation did but it does score gold stars for the respect it pays the core relationship within the story. I have no idea why it chooses to indulge in subpar CGI when it is clearly unnecessary but overall LET ME IN is nothing if not dignified. Most miraculously, it has a purposeful patience and a rare kind of faith that its audience doesn't require non-stop jump jolts and bombastic musical cues masquerading as scares to remain attentive.

(Some might argue that its poor box office showing proves that faith was squandered but c'mon, why would anyone think remaking a two-year-old film, vampiric or otherwise, would be a sure thing?)

Chances are you are already familiar with LET ME IN's plot. A lonely bullied boy (this time named Owen rather than Oskar) befriends a vampire (this time named Abby instead of Eli) and both parties gain comfort from their quixotic bond. The boy learns to defend himself, the vampire learns to trust and every one rejoices when a douchbag's decapitated head sinks to the bottom of a swimming pool.

As you might have guessed I LOVE this story! Both cinematic adaptations shy away from the gender smudging found in the book but slyly slide the same gist forward anyway. Spiritual connection is the point here and whatever junk one may be packing is incidental. It's the type of symbiotic platonic relationship that is rarely acknowledged or celebrated in our culture. (Possibly because Madison Avenue has yet to discover anything as potent as gender inadequacy fears to sell antiperspirant.) Well, the world may not have much use for bonds like Owen's and Abby's but they themselves sure do. Is it romantic? Yes, anytime someone gifts you a Rubik's cube it's fucking romantic.

NOTE: Strangely enough the other night I was watching 1995's LEAVING LAS VEGAS and was struck by how much it resembled LET THE RIGHT ONE IN. Just switch out the blood for booze and you have a sister tale of lost souls building their own hideaway from the world and creating a relationship based on their own and not traditional terms.

As much as LET ME IN doesn't suck, there's not much that the 2008 version doesn't do better than the 2010 one. Some shoes require more than noble intentions to fill them. That said, I did find enjoyment in some of the newer version's riffs and alterations. REEVES' choice to amp up Owen's latch key solitude by CHARLES SHULTZ-ing his parents into non-entities is cynical, savvy and spot on. He also ends up giving vampire Abby's caretaker/father (the always marvy RICHARD JENKINS) a much more robust and ultimately more frightening spin. There's a car crash scene he's involved in that will undoubtedly have many folks double checking their seatbelts far into the future.

Being permanently trapped in the eighties my rad self (by choice mind you!) I also slobbered at the welcome edition of poppy new wave hits by gender blenders BOWIE and BOY GEORGE. The piece de resistance for me though occurs when Abby pushes the play button on a tape player in a makeshift clubhouse and none other than my juju jam FRUER's DOOT DOOT begins its cricket chirping intro. I know I've mentioned it once before but that song gives my goosebumps goosebumps and it's a perfect choice here for another blast of menthol.

Hate to say it but the biggest problem for me lies in this film's two leads. Both CHLOE MORTEZ as Abby and KODI-SMIT MCHEE as Owen do incredible, outstanding jobs with their parts but I found it near impossible to let go of LINA LEANDERSON and KARE HEDEBRANT's interpretations. (Obviously that's a bias that will not hit you if you are seeing this version first.) Both kids had my support and sympathy but a neon sign in my noggin kept flashing "Imposter!" Like cloned sheep, BLADE RUNNER replicants and that dang robot kid from A.I., I wished them the best but couldn't quit shake the feeling of some kind of glossy innate falsity. Maybe that's just my hang-up; MORTEZ can act up a storm all she wants but at the end of the day I'll always prefer my vampire critters looking more like ALICE COOPER than SCARLETT JOHANSSON. In a similar way the whole of the newer version is just a tad bit too pristine and lacks the natural more earthy rawness of the previous film.

Alright, I admit it, I miss the killer kitties, is that so wrong?

Separating legitimate criticism from knee jerk loyalty gets a bit like untangling Christmas lights here. I guess the important thing is that LET ME IN does a better job than one could reasonably expect, all things considered. Arriving unfashionably late and offering not much more than another excuse not to read something, its fate as an also-ran is pretty much sealed. On the other hand, I think the material deserves to be discovered in any way it can be; if this version is able to reach somebody that the first film or the novel failed to then more power to it. I say experience LET THE RIGHT ONE IN in any way, shape, format or under any title you can. It not only avoids the superficial mire most vampire tales get stuck in but it stands as a gleaming example of the vast depths that the horror genre, in general, is capable of and is rarely given credit for. If you've seen the first film, there's a "been there done that" quality to LET ME IN for sure, but personally I'd much rather retrace these worthwhile footsteps in the snow than follow another newer path that leads absolutely nowhere.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Jeremy S. on Sticky Stairs

Posted on By aunt john

I'm pretty much out of options here and I just found you guys. I heard you've helped people find movies in the past and are very knowledgeable about horror movies. I'm coming to you on the end of my rope.

I believe this was from the late ‘80s. In this movie there's a guy crawling up stairs, but they're like gooey, like marshmallow or something and he's sticking to them. Then his girlfriend axes him in the back thinking he's one of the monsters or whatever that's trying to kill them and their friends. He may have been wearing a leather jacket.

Possibly in the movie but not sure: There may have been a farmhouse, some kind of statue remembering people that died, and possibly a graveyard. I believe this was from the late ‘80s. Also that scene I remember may have been taking place in a basement.



UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Special thanks to reader Mincemeat for coming forward with GHOSTHOUSE!

Trauma-List :: Reader Carol McM's Creepy Lady Faces!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

O.K. – it has taken me way too long to finish this up – but finally here it is! I got the idea of compiling creepy lady faces from way back when that whole TOP TEN WILLY MOMENTS thing was going on and some of these are on the list on my blog (UNK NOTE:: Go to that swell spot HERE!) but not all of them. They probably should have been though cause I can't think of much more that kept me in a constant state of freaked-out when I was a kid than these ladies faces visiting me in the night.

As an adult I have added a few more ladies to the list…and they tend to sneak up on me in the middle of nights when I am feeling rather weak and feeble – such as Unk's addition to his top 10 willy inducing moments list of the lady in SATAN'S TRIANGLE, and the originator of the willy list idea, ANDRE of THE HORROR DIGEST's addition of the old witch lady from BLACK SABBATH. Also, I was a little disappointed that there weren't more faces to add. I really thought there would be like 10, at least. These are in no particular order of how much they scared me. Actually they aren't in any order at all – I just don't feel like moving them around. And I'm not really going into major details with some of these. You will understand what I'm saying if either you've seen them, or you are planning on seeing them, or you know exactly what I'm thinking, or all three.

THE OMEN – Mrs. Baylock

I've noticed that most people, when referring to creepy goings on in THE OMEN, usually point to the nanny who hangs herself out the window during the birthday party. While that is kinda creepy, to me that is nothing compared to Mrs. Baylock sneaking up on the mom while she is trying to put on her shirt in the hospital. Her face is so menacing and she keeps coming closer and closer to the camera, and all the while LEE REMICK is struggling is a position that would make anyone feel vulnerable.

BURNT OFFERINGS – Marian Rolf as Mrs. Allardyce

I think this is quite possibly one of the most mentioned '70s horror scary lady faces. At least it is in my head. I think the photo speaks for itself.


Honorable mention: BETTE DAVIS' face while she is writhing in pain from a broken back.

ENCOUNTER WITH THE UNKNOWN – Mrs. Davis (or the lady in the cemetery)

This movie is a horror trilogy that scared the pants off me as a young child, and this lady was the main reason. Her face haunted me for years and whenever I couldn't make out my sister's face in the dark it would morph into this face. I was on a desperate horror trilogy search for most of my 20s and when I finally found it, on TV late at night, I was thrilled but it had lost 90% of its impact. O.K. more like 99% of its impact. The movie is nice for nostalgic reasons, or if you like '70s horror just for the feel – but it's not very scary.

EAST OF EDEN – Kate Ames

This was a made-for-T.V. mini-series that came out in 1981 that was very popular with the folks (mostly ladies and young girls) who liked their epic romances. I watched it with my mom and sister and i liked it's soft focus, flowery, olden days style, but it really picked up in the second half when the lovely young Cathy turned into incredibly creepy prostitute, then brothel owner Kate Ames. I won't go into the story too much cause it's all long and complex and none of it has a point here. Basically every time we see Kate she is in all black with a big hat and veil and when she speaks she is very bitter and scary and at the very end she is suffering from rheumatoid arthritis, and some sort of crazy lady disease – maybe syphilis, since she's a prostitute. We see her in a small room with one dim lamp and she looks like a freak!

When I was trying to find images online from what I remembered of the end of this series there was absolutely no image anywhere even remotely resembling Kate in this state of madness and all in black. All the photos online are of Cathy with long lush hair and white frilly dresses and soft focus lenses. So I got the movie from Netflix and took some screen shots and watched this last part and was surprised by how creepy it still was to me. At this point she is clearly out of her mind and is saying something like "What they don't know is… I can make myself so small…that they can't even see me." She says something to that effect in a creepy whisper over and over again and the camera simultaneously pulls back up to the ceiling so that she becomes smaller and smaller in the shot. Plus she's smiling.

THIS HOUSE POSSESSED – Rag Lady

There are more reason's to watch this movie than PARKER STEVENSON. In fact the whole movie is really great and he is just the icing on the cake. I saw this movie many many times in my youth and the character of the rag lady (and she is credited on IMDb) was the part that creeped me out the most. Just her face here with the sad, scared eyes and the general old lady creepiness is creepy, but there is a part that scared me so much I couldn't watch it for years.

In this scene the rag lady gets swept into a boiling swimming pool and her face in the water was just too much for me to take – as a youngster, that is. As an adult I'm all "What ev' THIS HOUSE POSSESSED, you don't scare me anymore." In fact now this movie makes me feel all cozy inside.


Honorable mention: When the blonde lady slides down the glass shower door all covered in blood – with her mouth open and screaming and all.

SYBIL – Hattie Dorsett (the mom)

She is just plain scary. I just recently saw an episode of MISSION IMPOSSIBLE that she is in – from the first season in 1966 – and she looks almost exactly the same – with the same hair do.

DARKROOM – The Witch

This is from the DARKROOM TV series from 1981 that I watched every week. Unfortunately, it didn't last very long, and I really don't remember anything of the other stories but this one that scared the CRAP out of me. The title of the story is "Catnip" and the whole synopsis is on the site THE HAUNTED CLOSET, so I won't write it out here – but the ultra scary moment is when this kid looks under his bed, thinking he is going to see a cat that jumped in his window, and he sees this creepy-ass witch's face hissing at him. I'm telling you it added a whole new level of fear to the what's going on under the bed thing. I mean now I couldn't even check under the bed cause seeing this face under there would be worse than just laying in bed sweating and wringing my hands. Then, at the end of the episode the kids mother is calling him and he doesn't answer and his mother says "What's the matter…cat got your tongue?" I don't think you see the kid anymore – and all I could imagine was that scary witch gnawing on his tongue. Creepy.

Oh and thanks so much to THE HAUNTED CLOSET for the screen shot – I never thought I'd see this creepy old lady again!

UNK SEZ:: Thanks for the great list Carol! I'm happy to tell you that I found that THE DARKROOM episode "Catnip" on YouTube!

Traumafessions :: Rev. Wayne Austin Goodchild of They Call Me Potato on Reeves and Mortimer's 'Masterchef'

Posted on By aunt john

Hello Kindertrauma!

Whilst balancing cutlery on my fingers the other day I was reminded of something that deeply disturbed me, although it's supposed to be weird so I'm not sure if it classes as a boney fidey trauma. And despite being 15 at the time, and already lapping up hideously gory films and whatnot, it still managed to freak me out. What is this devilry of which I speak? Why, only VIC REEVES' interpretation of the mangled-accent MASTERCHEF host LOYD GROSSMAN!

I'm not sure how popular/known REEVES AND MORTIMER are on that side of the pond, so a quick spiel about them: they rose to prominence in the mid-‘90s with a variety of surreal comedy shows, the most famous being THE SMELL OF REEVES AND MORTIMER, where they occasionally worked alongside other comedians like MATT LUCAS (LITTLE BRITAIN) and CHARLIE HIGSON (THE FAST SHOW). They were known for being, quite simply, very very strange. Here's a YouTube clip of the inexplicable MASTERCHEF sketch that gave me the willies (and still does, a little bit). May it haunt your collective dreams from now on!

Regards,

Rev. Wayne Austin Goodchild

Name That Trauma :: Reader Stephanie R. on a Turtle Traumatizer

Posted on By aunt john

Hi,

Great website. I had the sudden urge to find a movie I'd seen years ago called the CHILD OF GLASS. The search led me to your site — and all I can say is HA! Love it!

O.K. so it got me thinking…one day in about 1979 on a Sunday afternoon, I'm flipping through the channels and I come across the end of a French (I think) movie in which some kind of reptile or alien or large turtle tears it's way out of a woman's back, and then the next scene is of a giant sea turtle swimming out into the blue ocean depths…

The End.

UNK SEZ:: Whenever something crawls out of a woman's back I think of THE MANITOU and whenever I hear of a giant sea turtle, I think of THE BERMUDA DEPTHS. I don't know what to think here, does anybody out there have any ideas?

Kinder-Spotlight:: Playing House Trailer!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Does this movie look heavy? It's not heavy, it's my brother's! That's right my very own brother TOM VAUGHAN just put the finishing touches on his first feature! It's called PLAYING HOUSE and where it may fit more snugly into the psychological thriller camp, take it from me, there's some real horror in this movie. In fact, I've seen the movie twice and there's one scene that got me but good both times. AUSTIN WINTORY, the guy who did the music for GRACE, even did the fantastic score! We'll keep you up to date with where you can catch PLAYING HOUSE but in the meantime, check out its official home base HERE! And make sure you check out the trailer below!

Playing House Trailer from Playing House on Vimeo.

NOTE: Whatever you do, please don't tell my parents that my little brother made a movie because then they're going to start pressuring me to make one and I just don't have the time because I'm right in the middle of a PS3 game.

Comeuppance Funhouse

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I know everybody says Karma is a bitch but I don't think Karma is nearly bitchy enough. I will say this about Karma though…lazy, lazy, lazy. Give lameazoid Karma a helping hand by identifying these ten images from ten films where people get their just desserts crammed in their deserving faces!

Carrie: Don't Ask, Don't Snell

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Oh the majority. There's a reason why the majority should not have the power to vote on the civil rights of others. The majority has a crappy track record. The majority thought slavery was a super idea and this one time, at band camp, the majority thought that women shouldn't be allowed to vote. Who has the audacity to both nail groovy Jesus to a cross AND burn witches at the stake in his name? That goobly gobbly gelatinous blob the majority that's who! Benefits of joining this club include never having to feel shame or remorse and never having to feel personally accountable for your actions. Jump on in, the water is oblivious! How's that whole "people are basically good." thing working out for you Anne Frank? My mistake, the majority didn't snag you, you died of Typhus. Even the best concentration camps can do little to curtail a typhus outbreak.

The majority of the students at Carrie White's school think she's creepy. Strawberry blonde is just a polite way to say "borderline ginger" and ick, she's all insecure and shy. Don't you just hate people who don't reek of their own self-satisfaction? Her house is a joke, her mom is a loon and her dad, somehow unclear about the sanctity of straight marriage, abandoned her ass years ago. She's vulnerable, she bleeds and she's all alone. What choice does the majority have but to take advantage of the situation and rip her to shreds? Remember, if you want to be all safe and snug in the majority you better be able to identify who's NOT in the majority. Just look around for somebody who's having a harder time in this world than you are and proceed to make their life worse.

Speaking of majorities, let's say you gimme some of that old time religion (it's good enough for me!) Please don't be offended my devout friends, I know not all believers are hypocrites who wear the mask of God to do the devil's work. Personally, I bring a basketful of faith with me to every funeral I attend. (Lye has many wonderful uses too but it's not recommended that you throw into someone's face.)

In Carrie White's world we're not talking about religion but the abuse of religion, the way religion is used as a tool to keep certain people underfoot. Momma White has a clear "don't ask don't tell" policy about telekinetic powers and the idea that Carrie is a sinner due to her sexuality is constant. Thanks to mom's favorite book Carrie spends a lot of time in a closet. Yep, it may be more than strong female characters and campy dirty pillow talk that keeps the gays coming back to this STEPHEN KING story.

See what's happening here? Maybe I shouldn't have watched CARRIE right after I read about yet another bullied gay teen committing suicide. It keeps bleeding into my piece! On second thought, I doubt my timing was a random accident either. After reading about yet another bullied teen committing suicide some spark must have ignited in the back of my head that said, "Time to watch CARRIE!" BRIAN DePALMA's eternal asshole roast always makes me feel so much better.

Not only does the majority of the cast deservingly die horrible deaths in CARRIE but it's also just such a brilliantly crafted film. I swear the score alone makes me levitate. Is there even a weak link moment in CARRIE? I used to think it was the fast forward tuxedo purchase scene but I've come to appreciate that bit as a needed bubble of relief between the torturous Christ crawl beginning and the cathartic flaming blast of divine retribution close. When did this movie stop being a horror movie to me and start being my very own gospel? If Carrie White burns in hell then hell is located in my heart.

Back to teens gay or otherwise being bullied to commit suicide. Oh wait, I'm sorry one recent kid who killed himself was only 11 so he was not really a teen at all. Let's just say kids, kids in our schools that go to our churches and live under our roofs killing themselves because we fail to instill within them the basic self love not to. Kids killing themselves because they live in a world where it's acceptable to believe that some people have more worth than others, a world that tells them that outnumbering is the same as being right and that morality is measured by the pound.

Sorry, sometimes I forget my second class citizen status and I get all, what's the word? Uppity. It's only that I can see the graffiti on the wall from here. Eventually one of these bullied kids is not going to be satisfied politely offing themselves in a corner and are going to spin their torrent of rage outwardly. Then when enough of the "worthwhile" kids are lying in their own blood we'll start that conversation again about the effects of violence in movies and video games. Frankly I'm sick and tired of my favorite genre being in the hot seat because a majority of people spoon-feed hate to their offspring for breakfast every morning. Hey, I don't mind jumping off the sidewalk for your twin pod cloud car baby carriage but if we're going to dumb down our entire culture for the sake of "the children" can I at least have some insurance that your lil' entitlement dolls aren't just more bigots in training?

NOTE: I have many friends with kids and I'm consistently impressed with the progressive values that they consciously instill in them. If you are a responsible parent, I'm not talking about you. In fact, I thank you and recognize you as THE MOST important factor in the solution to this fucked-up epidemic.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah CARRIE. Am I the only one (God forbid) that watches CARRIE as revenge porn? Scratch that, "revenge" is such an ugly word. I should say "retaliation" porn. "Retaliation" sounds more like designer perfume. Why does this movie that I found so frightening in my youth now only feel empowering? Even the film's hand from the grave ending, which once upon a time nearly made me piss my pajamas, I now read as a triumphant promise that Carrie's fury will remain long after her death. By film's end Sue Snell, the lone survivor has amassed far more than the gruesome memories of prom night; she is now and forever acquainted with the depths of Carrie's previously unacknowledged torment. (According to CARRIE 2: THE RAGE, Snell took that knowledge and put it to good use becoming a high school guidance counselor.) Sue Snell and her problematic empathy, whatever did Tommy Ross see in her?

So where does the horror lie in CARRIE? This ship doesn't sail by the power of our fears of not fitting in does it? That seems lame. Overzealous religious folks like Carrie's mom are off-putting but they're pitiable more than anything else. Maybe CARRIE works because it ignites the collective mob's cowardly worry that someday they'll pick the wrong witch to lynch and it is they who will burn. As far as I'm concerned Carrie White should be the patron saint of every bullied teen (or kid) out there. She may have ended up crushed beneath the wheel, but what religious figure worth their Red Sea salt doesn't? Yes, she brings down a world of destruction but every decent Bible story ends the same way. I believe it's truly tragic that the wonderful Miss Collins gets shortened at the hip but I can't blame Carrie for her perceptions being a bit off. Having your dreams met with a bucket of pig's blood is bound to distort your view.

I don't (officially) condone violence as the answer to anything and I'm aware of the contradiction of pushing Kumbayah sentiments while watching P.J. SOLES' eardrum get ruptured by a wayward (and pregnant with Civil Rights movement history) fire hose but sorry, I can't help but get giddy when oppressors reap what they sow. Thank you Carrie White for getting me through the rough patches (no matter what my age) with your cathartic house cleaning skills. At this point, if you ever pop your hand out of the grave around me, I swear to God, I'm only going to want to shake it.

Tommy Ross, close us out with your awesome (and Carrie White approved) poetry!

"What are you going to leave for us,
you people in your cars,
spewing pollution into the air?
You people with heavy feet
trampling down the wilderness.
You people who peer into the back seats of our cars,
hours after you come out of the back doors of your motels.
Soon, all we will have is each other,
and that could be enough.
If you will let us have room enough,
and air enough, and peace enough
to love each other as you never could."

Traumafessions :: Reader Zoë M. on Superman Short "Terror on the Midway"

Posted on By aunt john

Hey Kindertrauma! First of all, I want to thank you for solving my "Name That Trauma" a while back. (The answer was THE BONEYARD and involved a giant PHYLLIS DILLER monster) Well, now I've got an odd little traumafession for you in the form of one of the Paramount/Fleischer Superman shorts.

When I was a kid, my dad made sure to raise me on a diet of oddities and rarities; what this meant was that he made sure I was growing up with the same things he did. While I'm thankful for all the twisted things he put on play, I cannot deny that I've had a great deal of kindertraumas because of it (and I think I will relay more of these at a later date. In fact, it's a promise.)

I've seen most of the Paramount/Fleischer shorts, definitely all of the ones produced by the Fleischer Bros. (they made the first nine out of seventeen that Paramount produced), but I think this one stands out for me in particular because my dad made a VHS of this short followed by MIGHTY JOE YOUNG (1949), so when I would reach for that tape I'd get a double dose of big gorillas.

Biased reasoning aside, there are a few reasons this film may be the most gut wrenching for me to watch.

Gigantic, which seems to be the name of the menacing gorilla, is SCARY, plain and simple. When he first busts onto the scene, everything and everyone stops dead in their tracks before scrambling like ants after he roars. His strength is also more than the average gorilla, easily defeating the 6 (or more) men that try to restrain him, followed by him throwing his cage cart at them. In fact, it seems like the only one who can subdue this creature is Superman… which is a little odd since based on all this, how in the heck did they get him into a cage in the first place? The only thing that was restraining him was a lock that a much smaller, cuter monkey released. Did I say cute? I meant stupid. Stupid, stupid monkey for releasing the world's scariest cartoon gorilla.

If the visage of Gigantic doesn't freak me out nearly enough, his theme song does me in. Although there's a shocking cue when he shows his face, the shot where he's starting to stalk Lois Lane is where his unnerving theme plays. It almost conjures up images of the dinosaurs trapped in tar towards the end of "The Rite of Spring" segment from FANTASIA, albeit a somewhat cheaper and grandiose piece of music by comparison. It is a grueling, haunting piece of music that frankly sends chills up my spine to this day. What a great theme for a terrible Gorilla!

Lastly, the chaos; Oh my god, THE CHAOS. The minute Gigantic comes out, there is no such thing as the word "calm" in that tent. Besides Gigantic, elephants, lions, and a rogue panther all smash and attack those in their way. Superman even gets attacked not a split second after changing into his costume by that rogue panther. HOLY CRAP! The escalation of terror is astounding and I absolutely love it. What, a gigantic gorilla with the face of Satan wasn't enough? Okay, have a team of scared elephants. What, still not satisfied? How about the gorilla corners Lois, stalks her, AND THE TENT STARTS TO BURN DOWN.

Of course, Lois and Superman survive to have the usual exchange of, "And I live to see another day", "Yes, thanks to Superman."

GOD CLARK, way to rub it in. But in all seriousness, I love love LOVE this short. Well, then again I love the Fleischer Superman shorts, but this one sticks out to me for that Gigantic gorilla action with his scary ass song.

Thanks and best,

Zoë M.

Traumafessions :: Reader Heystu3 on the Tristar Pictures Unicorn (?)

Posted on By aunt john

My personal trauma, I've always felt, is pretty random and a little embarrassing…the Tristar Unicorn. At a young age, girls are encouraged to embrace the majestic image of the unicorn. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against unicorns, I had the Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper to prove it, but this one in particular never sat well with me.

I think what bothered me the most was the crescendo of music. It starts off nice and soft, and before you know it, you've got a mythical beast galloping toward you with the horn section blaring! This opening sequence bothered me so much that when my family went to see HOOK in theaters, I had to sit in the lobby with my mom until the the unicorn had run its course.

With such absurd fear, of course the inevitable ridicule ensued. My two older sisters would taunt me by humming the Tristar theme. All in all, let's just say I wouldn't be fazed if this horse went down NEVER ENDING STORY, Swamp of Sadness-style…perhaps then I could have watched a movie without an initial panic attack!

UNK SEZ: Wait a minute Heystu3! You have been running in fear of that unicorn for so long and you never stopped and looked behind you to see that it is only a friendly Pegasus! Unlike the monstrous and evil Unicorn, the winged Pegasus loves all humans and would never cause them harm!

Thanks for the trauma Heystu3 and thanks to ULTRA GROSS for the yummy unicorn meat!