kindertrauma

Name That Trauma :: Reader Nikki P. on a Googly-Eyed Goblin

Posted on By aunt john

Hi there. First & foremost, TOTALLY appreciate your site and the fans that contribute to it. Gives me hope for humanity… Second of all, maybe someone out there can help me determine what the hell it was that graced my eyeballs when I was a wee one in about 1986.

So I crawl into mom's bed 'cause I can't sleep and there's a chick on T.V……she's in her nighty, in the dark, walking toward a closet….it's got those skinny horizontal slanted panels running up & down the doors that allow you to see light glowing from behind it. She sloooooowwwwwly and suspensefully makes her way to the doors and when she whisks them open, there stands a pissed off, green, GOO-ey goblin with big, bulbous, red googly EYES, and I swear, I about had a heart attack.

I can't remember if the goblin thing sucked her into the closet & slammed the doors or what, but I do know my mom changed the channel to this crappy music video in order to keep me from freaking the F out:

DeBarge gives me the creeps to this day…… Anyway, I present this evidence to help solidify the time frame; it was around 1985 or '86. GREEN GOOGLY CLOSET MONSTER WITH BIG-ASS RED EYES. Help me out, good people.

Love & stuff,

Nikki P.

UNK SEZ: Nikki, based on the big red eyes, I'd say you're talking about an episode of TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE entitled "Inside the Closet" directed by special effects master TOM SAVINI. I found a scene on YouTube that fits your description below and I also found some great still shots and a review at at the fantastic blog FROM BEYOND DEPRAVED over HERE! Make sure you let us know if "Lizzie" is the monster you were looking for!

Traumafessions :: Hiram & Melissa of The Harvey Girls on Poltergeist & The Other

Posted on By aunt john

i feel like chicken tonight!

AUNT JOHN SEZ: I love me some horror movies and I love me some musicians, but you know what I really love? That's right, horror-movie loving rock stars! They really hold a special place in my heart, so I am pretty stoked to say that not only did we receive some pretty super traumafessions from Melissa Rodenbeek and Hiram Lucke of the super group THE HARVEY GIRLS, but they were also kind enough to let us debut the new video for "Caerse Muerto" from their latest album "I've Been Watching a Lot of Horror Movies Lately." So let's take a trip down bad memory lane with Hiram & Melissa and then we'll peep their video which pays tribute to EVIL DEAD and CEMETARY MAN. Take it away Hiram…

POLTERGEIST (1982)

I have an uncle who is a very religious man. He's the kind of guy who keeps Chick Tracts around the house in large bags to give away (he's a preacher, after all.) I used to read them as a kid when visiting his family, mainly because they were spread out on the coffee table. Later, I figured out this was probably on purpose — although he was very nice, he would occasionally say things to my parents like, "God watches over his flock, even those that stray," say after they related a story about narrowly avoiding a car wreck. Because I was the kind of kid who regularly checked out ghost stories and gothic tales from our town's very small public library, I was drawn to Jack Chick's crude depictions of good and evil.

One day I read a tract in which a man looks in the mirror only to see his face melting because of his sins. This was during an HBO summer* when I watched Poltergeist about 357 times. The scene where one of the paranormal investigators looks in the mirror and watches his face disintegrate into maggot-filled goo and blood running into the sink… remember that? Well, I couldn't get it out of my mind, and with this new image firmly nestled against it, I didn't look in a mirror for years. In fact, I would purposefully run past a large mirror we had in our hallway while turning my head the other direction. Luckily, I was still a few years from puberty so I didn't have to worry too much about my appearance.

I also never went to church again.

*This is Melissa's phrase for summers in the Midwest — Kansas to be exact. It's when you're young and have no money to do anything and it's 100 degrees for three months, if not longer, so all you do is sit around watching cable with a fan blowing on you (or, if you're lucky, in the air conditioning — which my parents didn't decide to get until I'd left the house). You end up watching a lot of movies over and over again. I would do things like count the number of stunt people… I believe PREDATOR had the most, with around 150 listed in the credits. So, that's an HBO summer.

—Hiram

THE OTHER (1972)

So for some damn reason, this movie aired regularly on CBS in the late 1970s, when I was a credulous and easily startled child. The setting is a wholesome 30s-era farm, where young twins Niles and Holland Perry (CHRIS and MARTIN UDVARNOKY) run around saying "cripes" a lot. UTA HAGEN plays a mystical Russian grandma reminiscent of all the Bensonhurst babushka ladies whose mustaches I both feared and esteemed. UTA teaches Niles "the game," which permits him to psychically link to another's mind. It's a satisfyingly dramatic process, entailing hoarse whispering, profuse sweating, and folding like a T.V. tray at the end from the sheer mental effort of it all.

Niles spends most of his time connecting to and freaking out about Holland, a remorseless junior psychopath. I cried when Holland flung a cat into a dry well. I cried when Holland sunk a baby into a water barrel so that just a bit of dark hair floated at the top. But what scared me too much to cry was the finger — cut off a corpse with a pair of garden shears, carefully wrapped in tissue paper, and hidden away until it was green and fat as a corrupt sausage.

It's just not fair that the little girls in THE SHINING get all the creepy twin glory.

(The movie features an outstanding lyrical soundtrack by JERRY GOLDSMITH, who also scored POLTERGEIST. Suggested drinking game: Every time Niles portentously whispers "Holland," chug a lemonade.)

—Melissa

AUNT JOHN SEZ: Thanks Hiram & Melissa! Be sure to check out their Top 10 Horror Movie Music Moments, and get a copy of "I've Been Watching a Lot of Horror Movies Lately" from Circle Into Square.

And now, let's watch the world premiere of "Caerse Muerto":

Name That Trauma :: Reader Kirby on Death on a Sunday

Posted on By aunt john

Greetings, Kindertrauma-ers!

Maybe someone can help me figure out what has been bugging the crap out of me for so many years…

My memory of it is really fuzzy (I was only about 4 or 5 years old) but I'll tell you every detail I can remember. It was a short animation, possibly on Nickelodeon, possibly LIQUID TELEVISION? Simple black and white, of a short, caricature of Einstein-looking guy as a narrator. The background was completely white and he was naming the days of the week in sequence really quickly and telling us what a "man" did on those days. Like, "blah blah on Monday, blah blah on Tuesday, etc… and died on Sunday."

He went through all the days of the week a few times always going faster, but it always ended on "and died on Sunday" with a picture of a tombstone and flowers. It was really only a minute or 2 long, and it was probably aired somewhere between '90-'93. This was thrown in between all my happy child-friendly cartoons but I liked it, or thought I liked it. Then I went to bed that night and my mind was just completely disturbed by it. I couldn't stop replaying it over and over in my head even though it was scaring the crap out of me. It was like being tortured.

Also, you know in the show MYSTERY!, in the intro there's the tall chick in the beginning next to the tombstone and drinking a glass of wine? I have a vague memory of an animation that looked exactly like that, with a woman next to a tombstone but it was the focus of the whole story (or at least was a main part of something). I can't remember the story, but this lady gave me nightmares. I think she was holding a flower (or maybe it was a handkerchief.) The background was completely white also, and since it was about death it might have something to do with the "died on Sunday" animation, but I can't remember.

Do any of these grim images ring a bell to anyone?

Thanks for any input! Hip hip hooray for this site!!!!

Love,

Kirby

Name That Trauma :: Reader Jackie on Tumble-Dry Tots

Posted on By aunt john

Hi! Here's my trauma:

Two mothers in orange or yellow (very ‘70s) outfits are in a laundry room or laundromat talking about how they like to wash their kids. They open two dryers and there are two kids (both girls I think) in striped knee socks inside of the dryers. One of the women reminds me of LOUISE LASSER (of MARY HARTMAN, MARY HARTMAN). Saw this on T.V. sometime between ‘85-‘89.

If someone can figure this out, they're amazing.

Thanks,

Jackie

Kindertrauma Funhouse:: With Special Guest Host B-Sol of The Vault of Horror!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

UNK SEZ: Howdy kids, peeps, critters, kin and the ships at sea adjacent to Antonio Bay! Your Unk is honored and proud to announce that today we have a special guest host for our funhouse in the form of the one and only Brian Solomon (aka B-Sol) of the outstanding and impeccable VAULT OF HORROR!

B-Sol has hand picked ten film images for you to identify today and they are real beauties. Put on your thinking caps and do your Unk proud! B-Sol will be on hand to nudge you in the right direction should you get lost and make sure you visit him today at his hospitable home turf HERE! Take it away, Mr. B-Sol!

Kinder-Bitz!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hey, the highly acclaimed documentary CROPSEY is playing on the INVESTIGATION DISCOVERY channel this Friday night. Learn more HERE and check out JOHN KENNETH MUIR's review HERE!

I tried to write a review for the CRISPIN GLOVER craptacular SIMON SAYS several times and failed miserably. No worries, TENEBROUS KATE hit the nail on the head HERE!

Andre Dumas sets her eye on EYES WIDE SHUT over HERE!

Arbogast blows my mind with "Images of Film: shadowplay" HERE!

Less than a month ago I prayed that somebody with a brain would invent a gun like the one in LOOKER and so now it is kind of so (it doesn't make you forget junk…rats!). It's called the DAZER TAZER and you can't buy one HERE!

I can't stop watching LOUIE; it's my new favorite misanthropic genius show. If you are an old person you should check it out HERE!

Aunt John thinks that TRUE BLOOD should be replaced by this HERE!

BLOODY TERROR turned me on to THE BIRD AND THE BEE singing HALL AND OATES and you can check out "Rich Girl" HERE!

Speaking of music, will somebody operate on my head and remove this HERE!

MADE FOR TV MAYHEM names a trauma and it's called MIDNIGHT OFFERINGS and you can read about that HERE!

I will not apologize for my love of SHOTGUN HARLEY (below).

Name That Trauma :: Reader Mick on a Freaky French Fling

Posted on By aunt john

When I heard about your site I hoped to God you might be able to identify a film I saw when I was young which kind of freaked me out.

It was a French film about a man who has an affair with some woman he meets on a train and he follows her to a little town where it transpires that almost everyone has slept with her. At one surreal point in their story he ends up sitting front of a huge fridge full of beer, he's a garage mechanic…I think, and at the end he wakes to find it was all a dream and his wife walks into the room, to reveal herself as the woman from the dream… or something…probably…

Can anyone help?

Thanks,

Mick

Toolbox Murders (2004)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Greetings, from your friendly neighborhood, unrepentant TOBE HOOPER apologist; I'm sorry but I kinda love 2004's TOOLBOX MURDERS. I know that's not the consensus but the heart wants what the heart wants. How can a movie from 2004 fill me with such nostalgic glee? I'm not sure, maybe because it's just so fabulously old school in its stance. No, there's nothing very revolutionary going on here, just a plain, mostly straightforward affair cooked medium rare and served garnish free, but I find it hits the spot all the same. I don't need any more than this. That'll do pig, that'll do. Oh, just allow me to break my affection down for you…

TOBE HOOPER

Give this guy a break will you? He drops the ball now and again but he knows what he's doing. There may not be anything as robust as the famous door slam from THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE in TOOLBOX but there's plenty to relish anyway. On several occasions HOOPER steers your attention one way and then slams you from another direction entirely, that's what I call a scare that's earned, baby. He knows what you expect and he likes to tease you. One of my favorite bits involves a bathroom medicine cabinet that is opened to reveal…nada. TOBE, you foiled the medicine cabinet scare! I could kiss you!

ANGELA BETTIS

What a spitfire. Imagine an unhinged HOLLY HUNTER fused with a robotic praying mantis and then set free to needle at will. BETTIS just fascinates and the horror world is a better place having known her. Her character here "Nell Barrows" is more tack sharp and caffeine restless than her usual wounded birds; she's a vintage observer who senses something afoul and won't be stifled. She is also quietly mourning the recent death of her father and am I reading too much into the movie to say her journey is all about confronting the ugly eventuality of the grave?

SUPPORTING CAST

BRENT ROAM is a refreshing change of pace from the lantern jawed Aryan dullards usually picked to play the rational boyfriend plus, if you ask me, he was born to wear scrubs. JULIET LANDAU is lead material and she is able to transform a sidekick part into something exceedingly sympathetic. SHERI MOON is SHERI MOON, she's got a Manson gal meets my hippy babysitter vibe that is too strong for me to resist. Go ahead and find her annoying if you must. I want her to read me a bedtime story and teach me how to smoke. RANCE HOWARD, father to RON and CLINT, is just plain Hollywood royalty and it's nice to see him treated as such within the film.

CINEMATOGRAPHY

Director of photography STEVE YEDLIN also shot MAY, so you know he's no slouch. There are some velvet black nighttime scenes spiked with wet, reflected colors and even the scant daytime scenes have an otherworldly, corrupt Garden of Eden quality. The interiors overall have a pungent air of romantic sleaze that bring to mind NAN GOLDIN photos. This is a low budget film that, to my eyes, looks top of the line even as it's delighting in dilapidation.

THE AMBASSADOR HOTEL

Playing the role of the creepy Lusman Arms apartment complex is the legendary AMBASSADOR HOTEL. THE AMBASSADOR has appeared in hundreds of movies from A STAR IS BORN to SE7EN and it just drips history and personality. It was demolished by a bunch of idiots in 2006 and this is one of its last few cinematic appearances. I'm adding this title to the ever growing list in my head that says when it comes to creating horror there are three important things to consider… location, location, location.

THE STORY

Not unlike delicious Razzles brand treats which are first a candy and then a gum, TOOLBOX is first a slasher and then a supernatural shocker with a SUSPIRIA boner. I dig the MULHOLLAND DRIVE-light "Hollywood's gonna stomp your dream" theme that weaves through it too. Traditionally, in name only remakes make me see red but in this case I call it kosher. TOOLBOX is not trying to be a more modern, hipper version of the original and it ends up offering a denser mythology than the previously existing one. As much as I appreciate the original and its outstanding cast, I'm glad this doesn't go down the same torturous trail.

THE KILLER

"Coffin Baby" as named by HOOPER, is a creepy and intimidating creation with a tasty back-story to sink your teeth into. We're given enough information to intrigue but not so much that we feel he's completely pinned down or knowable. TOBE does a crackerjack job of never allowing the viewer too much time to focus on the killer's mug but delivers enough so that you don't feel completely cheated either. We're dealt pieces and splinters only, leaving our brains to assemble and assume the worst. Like many a great monster, Coffin Baby, as the looser in a Faustian deal, has got his cursed tragic side too. His giddy victory dance exuberance after disintegrating a victim's face with lye makes me want to get to know him better. Last I heard there was a sequel in the making, speed it up!

THE KILLS

If you check out the deleted scenes on TOOLIE's DVD you'll see some classic, over-the- top, blood splattery kills that were sadly dumped in order to obtain a useless "R" rating. Considering the film's nearly nonexistent theatrical life this is sort of like chopping off your nose to go to a dance at a country club that won't let you in. Filmmakers please don't bow down to the antiquated "R," better you should save your bloody charms for the more appreciative home viewing crowd. I'm not saying the "R' rated TOOLBOX is too weak, just that the difference between seeing a drill going into a head and a drill going into head and then coming out of a mouth is a big one for gore fans like me.

ALL IN ALL

TOOLBOX is really one of the better films that came out of the 2000's if you believe my notoriously indiscriminate opinion. In fact, I suspect that only ageism and anti-HOOPER sentiment keeps it from being heralded as such. If this movie was released with the false claim that it was directed by a young first timer named, say "Travis Hasbro" everybody would be all over the place claiming "Travis Hasbro" was the next big thing. Well, fuck Travis Hasbro, TOBE HOOPER is the man. I hate it when people call the director of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, SALEM'S LOT, THE FUNHOUSE, the seriously underrated EATEN ALIVE, and POLTERGEIST for Pete's sake (not to mention superior episodes of THE OTHERS and TAKEN) a "one hit wonder." It's called counting, my friends. I'm not blind to HOOPER's duds but I think it's preferable for an artist to create some great and some bad rather than all mediocre.

NITPICKS

Just to prove I'm not all puppies and rainbows (actually, I am) here are a few, special bonus nitpicks for you cranky folks out there! Sometimes the movie may be a bit too dark (particularly during the kills), some of the sideline characters are a bit too cartoonish and dilute the tone, the closing BUDDHA STALIN song blows chunks and whoever chose the hideous glowing SLIMER fonts for the opening and closing credit sequences needs to be retroactively fired. There, I'm out! Here's hopin' I see you again soon Coffin Baby!

Traumafessions :: Kinderpal Turnidoff on Tom Lehrer's "L-Y" Song

Posted on By aunt john

I love when little bits of childhood T.V. trauma creep back into your life. I was watching some old ELECTRIC COMPANY with the boy and came across Tom Lehrer's "L-Y" song!

I first saw it around 3 years of age and many times after that and I remember it scaring the Holy Hannah out of me. I think maybe because of the music. The way he sings it is very frantic and nervous, and the music itself is intense in a Hassidic Russian kind of way.

The kicker for me though was the end where the music slows down to an eerie crawl and you enter a dark room where Dracula awaits to do who knows what to you! See, back in the '70s, vampires were actually cool and scary unlike today, where they cry and brood and stuff.

I dare you to watch the new ELECTRIC COMPANY today. It's still traumatizing, but in a completely different way. *nostalgic sigh*

Best site ever.

Thanks,

Turnidoff

There's No Place Like Horror: Top Ten Killer Homes I'd Move Into Tomorrow

Posted on By unkle lancifer

It came to my attention recently that Christine Hadden of FASCINATION WITH FEAR was planning to retire someday in the picturesque, cliff-top abode depicted in the film THE DARK (2005). The problem was that Christine had picked the exact same place that I had been planning to eventually move into!

Luckily an east coast vs. east coast blogging war was averted when the two of us came up with a time-sharing compromise. I couldn't help wondering though, what if we hadn't come up with a solution to our dilemma, where would I live then? Below are my top ten slabs of horror real estate that I would gladly move into should the need arise. After you've given them a quick walk-through make sure you check out Christine's top ten choices HERE!

10.MODERN PROBLEMS (1980, The PSYCHO house)

Sure I love the PSYCHO house just like everybody else but there's no way I'm dealing with a motel filled with unseemly transients! In the alleged comedy MODERN PROBLEMS, CHEVY CHASE spends a weekend (along with DABNEY COLEMAN and MARY KAY PLACE) in what is in indeed, the one and only PSYCHO house; however, it's miraculously on a beach and there's no seedy motel to deal with. I could live in this joint for sure, especially if it comes with housekeeper NELL CARTER!

9.SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT (1974)

Hey, look at this pad; it's got a front porch for me to drink 40s on! I can almost see myself standing there as an old man in shorts and argyle socks telling the neighborhood kids to scram! Sources (IMDb) tell me that this fixer upper is located in Oyster Bay, Long Island. I'm going to start working on my accent now.

8.THE BOOGEY MAN (1980)

I love the BOOGEY MAN house and it comes with a well and a barn, so you can't beat that. This place resides in Chesapeake Bay, Maryland and just check out those windows up top there! Don't they remind you of another famous horror home? I'm ready to move in, right after I check my sneakers for mirror shards.

7.THE HUNGER (1983)

I know I should be trying to get out of the city but I can't sneeze at Miriam the Vampire's luxury New York digs in THE HUNGER. Urban life isn't so bad when you've got mad cash and a video camera security system at your front door! I know it doesn't look like much from the outside but vampires (perhaps because they spend so much time indoors) sure know a thing or two about interior decorating.

6.THE LADY IN WHITE (1988)

This place is a bit small for my needs but it's not without its charms. It's got a rustic storybook quality to it that I enjoy plus there's a nearby cliff that you can throw people off of!

5.THE UNINVITED (1944)

Speaking of cliffs, I know I should appreciate THE UNINVITED more than I do, it's got RAY MILLAND in it after all, but it's always been a smidge of a snore for me. Having made that embarrassing admission, I must say that I big time dig the house from the movie. Hmmm, maybe the place from the GHOST AND MRS. MUIR is more my speed.

4.LET'S SCARE JESSICA TO DEATH (1971)

This beautiful house is located in Essex, Connecticut; I used to live in Connecticut so adjustment should be a breeze. You must know by now that I am secretly a hippie and that I can entertain myself for hours strumming on a guitar and making grave stone rubbings. The locals are sure to be a problem but they'll get used to my playing THE BEST OF BREAD into the wee hours eventually.

3.THE FOG (1980)

Stevie Wayne sure knew how to live. I'm not sure that I like the idea of my front door being easily accessible to sea-ghouls but I'm not the kind of dummy who answers the door when somebody bangs on it with a hook either. Put it this way, if it comes with the K-A-B lighthouse I'm sold. Bodega (aka Antonio) Bay, California here I come!

2.THE ADDAMS FAMILY (1991)

This house is just is the ravens' knees and that's that. Plus, out of all my picks I believe this is the only one that comes with its own graveyard, which should come in handy. Who needs to yell at kids to get off your lawn when pouring a cauldron of boiling oil on their heads can get the same message across?

1.THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (1979)

It's just a lifetime dream of mine to live in the Amityville Horror house. Isn't it just the perfect place to set up Kindertrauma operations? This one was actually recently up for sale but I didn't have to count my Folgers can full of loose change to know that it was a tad out side my budget. (That reminds me, Aunt John you better remember to play my numbers today!) My first plan upon moving into this place was to restore its creepy devil eye windows. Then, I would have put two creepy Jody the pig blinking eye lights up in there to scare away the tourists. I wouldn't have been afraid to live in this, the most famous haunted house in the land. I'm used to black sludge pouring from my walls and I know how to hang a fly strip. (By the way, the above image is from the superior AMITYVILLE 2: THE POSSESSION from the best year God ever made… 1982!)

Yowza, that was a startlingly easy list to come up with. There's so much great horror real estate out there! The hard part is going to be picking just one! At least there will be no debate about which realtor to use!

Thanks for going on this tour with me kids, make sure you check out Christine's picks over at FASCINATION WITH FEAR right over HERE, she remembered all the great spots (Garth Manor, anyone?) that your Unk forgot!