kindertrauma

Traumafessions :: Reader Mickelodeon on Fembots, Sleestaks, Sesame Street And Doctor Who

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Even today, I can barely bring myself to utter more than the names of these things that terrified me as a child, lest I begin screaming and crying for my teddy bear:

There's no way I can quantify these and put them in order of terrifying-ness, because they all scared the shit out of me.

But one -another one from SESAME STREET, no less- needs explanation: it was an animated bit, where a rock-like "IF" fell to the earth, with some truly terrifying music playing in the background. I think the music is from 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, but I'm not 100% sure of that. I've looked for this on youtube and have had no luck tracking it down to see if it still scares me the way it did. Talk about terrifying; I'm still not a huge fan of the musical piece.

And thank God I didn't know about JON PERTWEE's DOCTOR WHO and his autons back when I was but a wee girl, or they would have won hands down as most terrifying…Christ almighty.

UNK SEZ: Mickelodeon, that 2001 animated bit freaked the hell out of me too! In fact, after a traumafession from our pal AMANDA BY NIGHT on that crazy bouncing "Rover" ball from THE PRISONER, yours truly left this comment:

Rover does freak me out. It's so otherworldly and surreal. They used to have an ongoing bit on THE ELECTRIC COMPANY that gave me the same feeling. It was a take off on 2001 but having not seen that film at the time I had no idea. It was just a cartoon of a monolith that broke apart revealing different words. The one that haunted me was "ALL". It hurt my little brain to think of "ALL"

I can't find that one but here is the one for "ME" which is equally unsettling and hurts my slightly larger brain…

I don't know why a shape would give me the willies, but it's so out of place and unusual (Rover is the same way) that it just feels like there is some larger force at work that you can't get your head around. Sort of like a house pet's response to a vacuum cleaner.

As it turns out these animated monolith bits were shown on both SESAME STREET and THE ELECTRIC COMPANY! SESAME STREET aired two different shorts and THE ELECTRIC COMPANY had nine. All that means is that as a kid back in the seventies, there was virtually no escape from Monolith horror!

To read more by Mickelodeon, be sure to check out her site Strange Cousin Susan.

Traumafessions :: PhantomofPulp on "The Astral Traveler" from Lost in Space (Season 2, Episode 13)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

As much as I loved the idea of monsters when I was six years old, I wasn't prepared to meet "Angus".

LOST IN SPACE screened on Sunday afternoons in Australia in 1968, and I was hooked on the show. I don't think I caught every episode when it was first showing, but when I did, I loved it.

In "The Astral Traveler", Will Robinson is trapped in a cave and whisked back in time to a Scottish castle on Earth. Lost and panicked, he stumbles into an area of the castle that houses a dark, stinking lagoon. Something is sloshing around beneath the surface of the lagoon, but we don't know what. The apprehension I felt waiting for that "something" to emerge from the water was beyond the limit of my six-year-old brain. When a shambling, whaling, disgusting THING dragged itself up from the depths emerged and began to chase Will, I experienced my first dose of unadulterated terror. Later in the episode, a Scotsman named Hamish, who was much less scary than the monster, explained that the monster's name was "Angus."

The monster had a name?

How could a monster have a name?

On top of the fact that Angus looked hideous, his wailing, which had a scary echo added to it, resonated in my virgin eardrums for years. I'd never heard anything so horrible. Even today, few sounds are the equal of that wail.

Back then, I WAS Will Robinson while watching LOST IN SPACE, so getting chased by Angus was totally personal. There was no concept of Angus being a guy in a suit to ease my extreme anxiety. During the episode, I ran and hid behind the sofa several times. I'd half cover my eyes and peer back out at the little black and white T.V. in the corner. The monster repelled me, but he also called my name. I was an eye patch wearing, card-carrying member of the juvenile Ugly Brigade back then, so there was something about Angus that elicited my sympathy, and made me feel that we shared common ground.

When, at the end of the episode, the creature is soothed by Hamish's bagpipes, I thought that he wasn't such a bad guy after all. However, when the episode would screen again, I'd go back to loathing and fearing him. Ever since this encounter with Angus, I have always felt a little bit apprehensive when meeting someone named Angus. I look at them closely, as if to assure myself that they're not the Scottish lagoon monster in a human suit.

UNK SEZ: PhantomofPulp, thanks for that fantastic traumafession! I don't remember this Angus guy but I can see why this orange beastie rocked your world. He reminds me of that horrible sewer monster from the KOLCHAK episode "The Spanish Moss Murders" combined with the "mud monster" from THE WORLD BEYOND. No wonder you hid behind the sofa!

NOTE: All you kids out there really need to stop by PhantomofPulp's absolutely fascinating site PHANTOM OF THE PULP which itself is like a deep Scottish Lagoon chock full of the most intriguing creatures you can imagine. I discovered the very kindertrauma friendly book covers you see below, but there is even more exciting stuff for you to dig through and peruse as well. I think you can tell by his traumafession that this guy has got a way with words and a slew of interesting ideas banging around his noggin. You can jump over there HERE.

Name That Trauma :: Kinderpal FilmFather on a Troubled Teen Special (Torn Book and Dead Deer)

Posted on By aunt john

This Trauma has been popping up in my head lately, and has been recurring for the last 25 years or more…

  • It's not a movie, but more like some kind of afterschool special or classroom film from the late '70s/early '80s.
  • It features a young teen boy, probably 15 or so, who starts off nice (helping feed a local man's deer, for example) but ends up hanging with the wrong crowd of no-goodniks (a couple of other boys his age, if I remember correctly).
  • One day they're in class, where a snooty teacher shows them his most valued possession: a book signed by his favorite author.
  • Later, the boys walk by the shed where the local man keeps his deer feed, and there is some poison nearby (I forget why, just play along). The two other boys grab a pitchfork and plan to rip open the feed and poison to mix them together, but the main boy stops them…only to grab the pitchfork and do it himself.
  • Following this, the boys break into their vacant classroom and trash the place…with the main boy mimicking the teacher while holding the book, saying, "THIS is how much I love this book." He then rips the book in two down the spine.
  • Hearing someone coming, the two friends flee while our main boy hides behind the door. Their teacher enters the room, sees his precious book ripped apart, holds the pieces to his chest, and drops to his knees, sobbing.
  • Somehow the main boy escapes, and as he's walking home he passes the local man, who's surrounded by dead deer that ate the poisoned feed. Not knowing the boy did it, the man asks him to help remove the deer (cut to a closeup of one of the deer's heads, its eyes glazed over).
  • Instead of helping, the boy runs away from the scene, finally collapsing against a tree and sobbing hysterically. The end.
  • During the credits, a male narrator in voiceover wonders aloud why the boy did such things.

Can anybody out there help me identify (and possibly locate) this special? Like I said at the beginning, it's been nagging at me on and off for decades.

UNK SEZ: That movie is called UNKLE LANCIFER: THE EARLY YEARS. Nah, I'm just kidding, I would never sob against a tree! Jeez, FilmFather I have no idea but it does indeed sound like an after school special of some sort. Anybody out there got any clues?

NOTE: This has little to do with anything and I apologize but does anybody out there remember the afterschool special entitled THE COSMIC AWARENESS OF DUFFY MOON (1976) that stared IKE EISENMANN (ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN, LANCIFER KERWIN ( SALEM'S LOT) and coined the inspirational power slogan "You can do it Duffy Moon?" They referenced it on THE VENTURE BROTHERS once and I found my self doing a spit-take of recognition worthy of MARTIN SHORT.

UPDATE: LANCE KERWIN talks "Duffy Moon" at the remarkably addictive retroCRUSH HERE.

I CAN'T SHUT UP: How Kindertraumy is this Indian Safety poster that retroCRUSH spotlights HERE?

UPDATE: Name That Trauma SOLVED! It's an educational film from 1975 called THE BOY WHO LIKED DEER. To learn more about it, feel free to fawn over The Haunted Closet.

Official Traumatizer:: Richard Lynch

Posted on By unkle lancifer

So there I was this weekend working on a post for BAD DREAMS when I found this Official Traumatizer nomination from reader FatherOfTears in my inbox….

RICHARD LYNCH gave me the creeps for many years in my childhood! He usually played bad guys in sci-fi films over the years, including the original BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and BUCK ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY He has this evil look in his eyes and a sadistic grin. He may have had his best scary role in BAD DREAMS. In that movie he plays a cult leader who sets himself and his followers on fire! One follower survives and his ghost begins to haunt her when she awakens from a coma. Talk about irony: LYNCH himself was a burn victim in the late '60s! He had a bad LSD trip, poured gasoline on himself and then set HIMSELF on fire! He lived, but his face was all scarred up. He would later use this as an asset for his bad guy roles! So with this I nominate RICHARD LYNCH as an Official Traumatizer.

Is FatherOfTears psychic? The same exact thing occurred last week when I was writing about an episode of TWIN PEAKS and he sent another LYNCH nomination, in that case DAVID LYNCH. Kismet? The collective unconscious? How can anyone explain this phenomenon? Well, FatherOfTears consider RICHARD LYNCH an Official Traumatizer both because he earned it and because I now live in fear that you have direct access to my brain and will reveal to the world exactly what I did one moonlight night at Camp Wanahickee circa 1981!

Bad Dreams

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

 

I don't know how it happened but somewhere along the line during these past two decades I fell in love with the movie BAD DREAMS. When I originally saw it, I remember being pretty into it but being distracted by its similarities to NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: THE DREAM WARRIORS and being more than a little perturbed by its pull the rug out from under you, swallow-its-own-tail ending. Now, those factors do not loom quite so large. I've come to terms with its questionable internal logic and those ELM STREET comparisons have greatly blurred. In fact, due to its relative restraint, in many ways, BAD DREAMS seems much less dated than its more successful and sometimes cloying cinematic lookie-likey.

It's nice to jump off the fence and declare my love, who was I kidding anyway? How could I continue feigning ambivalence when the truth was, over the years, I found myself watching it again and again. It's not perfect for sure, but perfection has always had an open invitation to bite me. Eventually I simply had to come to terms with the fact that it had a flavor and aroma all its own and that it was ready to stand up and be judged on its own terms. It's kinda sorta perfect in a way, a late eighties stand alone horror tale filled with pop psychology, retro tune-age and a cast I could send piles of stalker Valentines to.

It's like this see, creep-bomb RICHARD LYNCH is a scary JIM JONES-type, safe-trap house suicide cult leader who decides to fry his flock and drag them to the promised land. JENNIFER RUBIN (of NOES3) is the lone uncooked survivor who takes a coma nap for 14 years. She awakes in a hospital and is totally macked on by a doctor (BRUCE ABBOT of REANIMATOR fame ) who is really into beige sweaters. She is then forced to go to the greatest group therapy sessions ever assembled due to the fact her co-crazies include such luminaries as Keebler babe E.G. DAILY (ONE DARK NIGHT), uber-eyebrowed DEAN CAMERON ("Chainsaw" from SUMMER SCHOOL !) and a chain-smoking SUSAN RUTTAN (best known from L.A. LAW). Does it get better than this?

 

 

Of course LYNCH's character "Harris" begins to show up in RUBIN's increasingly messed up visions demanding her to return to the cult by offing herself. He also begins appearing to her newfound pals and starts forcing them to commit suicide to drive the point home. The scene in which he is first revealed in an elevator I think is a really well done scare and still holds up nicely today. RUBIN's presence still brings to mind Freddy's third outing, but I also think BAD DREAMS can sit snugly beside THE SENDER and even CANDYMAN thanks to its commitment to straddling "reality" and its main character's skewed version of reality simultaneously.

Director ANDREW FLEMMING was fresh out of film school when he took this project on, but his efforts are impressively slick especially considering the rather meager budget he had to work with. He went on to direct the, as far as I'm concerned, above reproach FAIRUZA BALK gilded mini classic THE CRAFT and more recently the hilarious HAMLET 2. Some movies you fall in love with at the get go and with some it takes years. Maybe it was I who had to grow up and shelve my Freddy comparisons to enjoy what BAD DREAMS has to offer. There I was all those years pointing my index finger and haranguing "You should be more like Freddy!" when I should have been basking in BAD DREAMS singular, thankfully zinger-less charms. I'm sorry BAD DREAMS; ya know what? I think Freddy should be more like you!

 

 

 

 

Kinder-News :: The Premio Dardo Awards

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Our buddy the ever-brilliant Arbogast (pictured above) of the incomparable ARBOGAST ON FILM was kind enough to bestow upon Kindertrauma a Premio Dardo Award. That's when you pick five fellow bloggers that you think don't stink and actually rule and tell everybody to go visit them A.S.A.P. Afterward the five you chose have to pick five of their own and so on and so on until who knows what happens. So in accordance with these rules here are five blogs that we love to death and think are deserving of the Premio Dardo Award as well….

DINER WITH MAX JENKE
Jeff Allard's lifelong commitment to horror is evident in everything he writes. This guy is a walking encyclopedia of knowledge and never fails to fascinate us with his insights. Currently he is doing a countdown of all the FRIDAY THE 13th films, so get there right quick if you know what's good for you!

SLASHER SPEAK
Speaking of the wise and knowledgeable Vince Liaguno knows his slasher flicks and adores the leading ladies that sometimes survive them. He's even written a book of fiction called THE LITERARY SIX which utilizes slasher themes, but takes them in directions you might never predict. If you are a fan of classic eighties slasher horror you'll feel right at home at Vince's pad.

MADE FOR T.V. MAYHEM
Second only to MEREDITH BAXTER-BIRNEY, Amanda By Night is the undisputed queen of the made-for-television movie. She's often bringing up stuff that I have never even heard of and I'm always amazed at how much she knows. She writes for just about everybody cool (Retro Slashers, Horror Yearbook and Pretty Scary), but MADE FOR T.V. MAYHEM is her super entertaining home base. If you feel like you've seen it all, stop by her joint and let her school you!

AWESOMENESS FOR AWESOME'S SAKE
He's often times not safe for work and he's not the type of guy you can bring home to mother, but if loving Mr.Canacorn is wrong neither myself or Aunt John want to be right. Who can turn the world on with a mustachioed smile? Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem so fricking awesome? Well it's Mr.Canacorn and you should know it! He's not right in the head, but if you've got the nerve he's got the verve. Awesomeness is just plain AWESOME!

FILM FATHER
Film Father is one of our favorite people out there and his site pretty much rules. Here is a review site that looks at films from a parental perspective and sometimes offers guidelines about what may be suitable for kids. It almost seems the polar opposite of Kindertrauma, but really it's not. In fact, now that his kid Dash is helping out with the reviews you can get a kid's point of view as it happens! How cool is that? It's not all greasy kid stuff though, FilmFather is an avid movie buff and his reviews of non-kiddie fare are some of the best out there, so EVERYBODY should check him out!

Official Traumatizer :: Reader FatherOfTears Nominates David Lynch

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Well, what can I say about Mr. LYNCH? He has done many "cringe inducing" scenes in his films over the years that sure as hell would have been traumatic for any kid who had seen his works. Hell, most of his traumas were seen by me as an adult! There are many, but several stand out in my mind. There is that "baby" in ERASERHEAD…

There is BLUE VELVET where DENNIS HOPPER whiffs some N2O before sexually assaulting ISABELLA ROSSELLINI. Right after that she goes after the guy she has hidden in a closet, KYLE MacLACHLAN, and she tries to seduce him!

WILD AT HEART has a bunch. There is WILLIAM DAFOE and his bad teeth assaulting a pregnant LAURA DERN and there is even the twisted mother played by (DERN's real life ma) DIANE LADD.

But for me, and many others, it would be his T.V. show and movie TWIN PEAKS that would be the killer. Early in the show LYNCH decided to cast his prop master, (some MST3K fans could call him a prop "diva"-sorry Beez!) FRANK SILVA, as the town evil spirit named BOB who tormented Laura Palmer for part of her life. That character was SCARY! Long gray hair and the evil sadistic grin! Who can forget the scene where Laura's cousin Maddy has the vision of BOB crawling over the couch to attack her…

And later when he did kill her it was, at that time, one of the most disturbing killings ever seen on T.V.!! Of course since BOB was an evil spirit, he had to inhabit someone to do his dirty deeds. In this case it was Laura's daddy Leland (RAY WISE). Now if you thought his Devil in REAPER was scary, you should see RAY as the possessed Leland! Who can forget the scene in the prequel FIRE WALK WTH ME where the possessed Leland berates Laura for her "dirty hands"!

There are of course, many others like the end of MULHOLLAND DRIVE which, B.T.W. ,would jump start the career of an actress who's daddy was once a Pink Floyd roadie. So with that and many others that are too many to list, I submit that DAVID LYNCH be an Official Traumatizer! Oh, did you know that GEORGE LUCAS considered LYNCH for RETURN OF THE JEDI?

UNK SEZ: FatherOfTears, you must have been reading my very Laura Palmer-esque secret diary recently as I have been on a mad DAVID LYNCH kick as of late. I was actually in the process of writing a post concerning one of the episodes of TWIN PEAKS that you mentioned when we received your request to honor LYNCH with the Official Traumatizer title. I'm not sure exactly how many actual traumas LYNCH has dumped on any of us in our youth, but seeing as TWIN PEAKS was on broadcast television, I'm sure there is somebody somewhere who caught it as a child and perhaps now resides in a rubber room. Speaking for myself, as a young adult I caught the episode "Lonely Souls" (the one you mentioned in which Laura's cousin dies at the hands of BOB) from the second season when it originally aired and I have to say, you are correct, it was indeed one of the most, if not THE most, disturbing things I have EVER seen on television. In fact I can't think of anything that has freaked me out quite so much since.

DAVID LYNCH as an Official Traumatizer? You got my blessing!

Note: Mr. LYNCH claims that much of his dark inspiration comes from a nasty and short lived time of his life spent in Philadelphia, the very city in which Kindertrauma Castle stands, we are so proud!

Traumafessions :: Reader Jeffrey P. on Fraggle Rock & the THX Logo

Posted on By aunt john

When I was little, I always loved to watch videos of THE ADVENTURES OF SPOT in the playroom, but there was a preview before the episodes that scared me so much, I almost threw out my SPOT videos. It was a preview for a JIM HENSON show called FRAGGLE ROCK, and here's what scared me: The part where these giants called the Gorgs grabbed a Fraggle, but the Fraggle got away. I found it on youtube today, and boy it was different from what I remember:

Scare level ( on a scale of 1 to 5 screams): 2.5 screams, if you are 6 or under, 0 if over.

Whenever I started watching a DISNEY video, I always ran from the room before the movie started. Why? Because of terrifying THX logo. The DEEP NOTE scared me so much, that I haven't watched a DISNEY video ever since. Here's the logo:

Scare level: 4 out of 5 screams!