kindertrauma

Traumafessions :: Kinderpal Mickster on Halloween II

Posted on By aunt john

After graduating from junior college in May of 1992, I took a job in my hometown hospital's emergency room. As an emergency room clerk, I registered people as they entered the ER for treatment. During my time I work worked both first and second shift (there wasn't a third shift). As Halloween approached, my co-worker asked me if I would switch shifts on Halloween, so she could take her children trick-or-treating. Not having any children, I agreed. I made a stupid mistake before going to my shift on that night. I decided to watch HALLOWEEN II. What could possibly be the harm in watching this movie? It is not as scary as the original HALLOWEEN, and I had seen it many times before. Well, I wasn't thinking that the majority of the action takes place in a small town hospital on Halloween night. The hospital I worked in was as small and vacant as the hospital in the movie.

Second shift normally ended at 12A.M. and one of the last duties of the night was to take all of the files from the shift to the business office at the front of the hospital. During the day, this was a busy area with plenty of people; however, at 12 A.M. it was dark and completely void. The night had been uneventful especially for a Saturday night. I had even put the movie out of my mind until I started my journey down the long, dark corridor. The mind can play amazing tricks on you in such a situation. I could hear JOHN CARPENTER's haunting music pulsating in my head. I could see the shadow of a knife-wheedling, masked man. I had the feeling you get when you wake from a nightmare and are still unsure if it was real or not. My heartbeat quickened and I felt panicky. Quickly, I unlocked the door, threw the files on the desk, and raced back to the emergency room.

Whoa! I had learned a valuable lesson. Never again would I mix HALLOWEEN II with working in the ER on Halloween night.

Kinder-Taining :: A Sure-Fire Halloween Recipe

Posted on By aunt john

Given the current recessionary state of the economy, not a day goes by in which your dear old Aunt John doesn't receive a mountain of e-mails, and countless faxes, from harried homemakers looking for advice on how to stretch their food budget dollars.  As the primary home economist at Kindertrauma Castle, your Aunt John is a strong proponent of coupon clipping and home cooking.

In response to those who never really wrote me, I would like to open my coveted recipe file and share with you a relatively cheap and easy to make Halloween dish I picked up while attending boarding school in upstate New York:

For our more visually oriented readers, please follow the instructions below:

Kinder-News :: An Interview With DW Films

Posted on By unkle lancifer

As promised earlier, here is our interview with both ANDREW DURHAM and FRANK WIEDMANN the creators of DW FILMS, who were kind enough to stop by the castle and speak to us about their wonderful movies and so much more…

UNK: As is Kindertrauma tradition, my first question is to ask both of you what movie, T.V show, book etc. was the first to really scare you when you were little?

FRANK: I guess the one movie that most obviously scared me senseless was GEORGE A. ROMERO's NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. I remember a friend telling me about it, and the local "Creature Features" television show on Friday and Saturday nights started showing commercials for it. Back then, before video rentals and Cable movies you had to catch the movies when they came on T.V. Loved the anticipation this created. We waited for weeks, and when NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD finally came on, it was bliss. One year, after watching it, I was unable to get off the couch and get upstairs to my bedroom. We had a staircase that made a U-turn half way up, and I couldn't yet face what was around that corner. When I finally did make it to my bedroom, I locked the door and pushed some filing cabinets in front of the door to keep the zombies out. Don't know what is funnier, me pushing the filing cabinets in front of the door, or the fact that a 12-year-old HAD filing cabinets.

I also need to mention BURNT OFFERINGS. The chauffeur looking up at the window is a "poop in pants" moment.

ANDREW: JOHN CARPENTER'S HALLOWEEN is a masterpiece. In that film, he made the middle of the afternoon seem terrifying. There is a scene where JAMIE LEE CURTIS looks out of her classroom window and sees Michael Myers standing across the street from the school. That still scares me. I also agree with Frank about the original NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. ROMERO was a genius with his style. He made that film look as if you were watching old black and white news footage. The films that really scared me were the movies that looked amateur and homemade. The original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and THE LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK were both shot with that documentary, cinema verite style. With the popularity of reality T.V., recent horror films such as THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and OPEN WATER also reflect that tone and are very effective.

UNK:Can you give me a bit of back story on how your films were made and exactly who was responsible for what?

FRANK: Andrew was the first one of us to get a Super8mm camera. I remember AS SOON as he got it we started having ideas. We both were involved in the planning stages. We would take trips down to a dumpster bin behind a local thrift store, and (since we weren't allowed to dig through it) we would hide in it as low as possible and go through all their clothing, shoes, and precious costumes. You'll notice in our films that ALL actors had to wear a costume we found, no matter how ill fitting it was. SARAH GETZOFF was a trooper, doing all that running and action work in shoes that were way too big for her. I also remember that we would listen to movie soundtracks a lot, and a lot of the scene progressions were created from listening to the music. Andrew was responsible for the photography, and I was the editor. Both of us also got into the merchandising. "Making of" books for some of the bigger movies, premiere night give-aways, etc.

ANDREW: Filmmaking, more so than most art forms, is probably the most collaborative. Even when it was just a group of 12-year-olds, once we decided on an idea, it was all hands on deck. Everyone contributed in some way, whether it was borrowing your Dad's car or your Mom's fur coat. As Frank mentioned, I was responsible for the filming and he did the editing. I can't recall ever sitting down and assigning each task, it just seemed to transpire organically. Maybe it was because I was the one with the camera and Frank was the one with the editing machine. What still amazes me, when looking back, was our innate sense of visual story telling. With regards to shooting, somehow we just knew about establishing shots, camera angles and close ups. Even more profound was our comprehension of editing. We knew about eye lines, pacing, cross cuts and to avoid jump cuts. Perhaps this comes from growing up in the age of mass media. We must have learned this visual language from watching a lot of movies and television. I guess the same could be said today for the five year old kid who walks up to a computer for the first time and can completely navigate the desktop. Years later when I was in film school, I was amazed when the teacher would spend hours lecturing on the importance of opening your scene with an establishing shot, or going to a close up to build tension. I always wanted to raise my hand and ask if anyone in film school had ever seen a film before???

UNK: You really seem to have covered the bases as far as the type of films that were popular at that time, are there any that you planed and never got around to?

FRANK: I would have loved to do a POSEIDON ADEVENTURE ship disaster, or some sort of Zombie or Alien Invasion movie. We never did attempt any Sci-Fi!

ANDREW: Jeez Frank, what was TERROR IN THE SKY? Chopped Liver? That was a total IRWIN ALLEN disaster film. Perhaps Frank is still lamenting over the fact that our very first film, which we never finished, TERROR ISLAND, was about a shipwreck on an island. The island was inhabited with dinosaurs. Sort of like GILLIGAN'S ISLAND meets JURASSIC PARK. Actually it was probably more inspired by LAND OF THE LOST. It is interesting that we never made a sci-fi film, especially since we were the original STAW WARS generation. I still have the script for a film we almost made called FUTURE BATTLE. As I remember it was pretty good… for a STAR WARS rip off. But much like Hollywood, even we had movies in development that never made it to the big screen.

UNK: I can imagine that the neighborhood premieres for these movies were a real blast. How did they go over with friends and family?

FRANK: I remember the premieres were held in Andrew's garage, and we did have parents show up. We'd spend most of the afternoon cleaning the garage and buying "refreshments" for the concession counter. At the SHARK premiere we raffled off a large cardboard shark fin with the words SHARK cut out of it, backed in red cellophane with a light behind that. It was very fancy! I wish I knew what happened to it.

ANDREW: I still laugh when I think about those movie premieres. You really have to understand the context to appreciate how hysterical it all was. We grew up in a college town, Stanford. The emphasis was on academics and refinement. Parents spent their time attending their children's violin and dance recitals or driving their kids to computer class or Latin tutor. Frank and I would set up these premieres in my garage with a refrigerator box as the projection booth, then screen these Hollywood style horror films oozing with blood and guts for everyone in the neighborhood to see. We never saw this us unusual or even reactionary. We just believed that if you spent all this time making a movie, then you must have a gala premiere.

UNK: Backyard filmmaking has got to be an entirely different experience for modern kids. Do you think the technological advances and advent of YouTube will help or hinder their creativity?

FRANK: I think as long as kids get together to make movies it will be a creative experience. There is a "remake" of ELEVATOR on YouTube already by a kid who is like 7-years-old, and he re-enacted it on video with stuffed animals. What I loved about our process was that it cost $20 for 3 minutes of film back then. That was a lot of money for us at that age. Everything had to be planned out as precisely as possible. We spent so much time planning, making story-boards etc. Now, with video (which costs nothing really) I can imagine that the planning may not be as precise and some of the scenes may become very improvised and loose. Not that improvisation is bad, but having a well thought out story line is important. Also, unlimited time on video kind of takes the pressure off. I don't know how good our movies would have held up if they had been 30 minutes. I think the 3 – 15 min time was perfect.

The films were completely silent, so we would need to create a cassette tape with the music on it. It would take quite a while to record the songs to match up with the movies. Then during the premiere, we hit "play" at the designated "blip" at the beginning of the movie and hope the music would fit for the remainder of the film. When I added music and sound-effects to these movies on my computer 30 years later, I was so jealous of the technology that's available to kids today.

ANDREW: I'm so jealous when I see the tools that kids have at their disposal today. Kids younger than we were, are using these amazing little cameras and desktop editing systems. It's really incredible, but… We know that all this technology doesn't guarantee a better product. When GEORGE LUCAS went back and updated the original STAR WARS with CGI, not only did he destroy a perfect example of 1970's sci-fi filmmaking but he ruined the film. All those extra effects took away from the original charm. An artist strongest attribute is to know when to hold back. We shot on actual Super 8 film and often had to edit our stories before we even shot film. This restraint allowed us to be very clear with every single story point. If a young kid has a great idea, an enthusiastic group of friends and love for movies, then they can probably make some great little movies, but if all you have is a bunch of high tech gear and no vision, well then you end up with a lot of very long, sloppy, music videos / skits. You can see hundreds of these on You Tube already. I can only imagine, if Frank and I had access to limitless video, the torture we would have put our audiences through with 45 or even 30 minute versions of SHARK or TERROR IN THE SKY. We might have been skilled filmmakers for 12 year old, but we were still kids and probably a "little" self absorbed.

UNK: Thanks guys. I can't tell you enough what great treasures your films are. I know there are more in the vault and I can't wait to see them. Consider me your number one fan. And to all you kids out there making stuff: art, movies, music, whatever… remember this handy tip from your Unkle Lancifer, SAVE EVERYTHING! You may not realize it now, but you just might have a one of a kind masterpiece on your hands!

Kinder-Spotlight :: DW Films

Posted on By unkle lancifer


One fine day while your Unkle Lancifer was searching the youtubes researching a Traumafession, he came across a short film called ELEVATOR and was blown away. Further digging unearthed several other films from the same creative minds and an obsession was born. DW FILMS is the result of the brilliant collaboration of ANDREW DURHAM and FRANK WIEDEMANN, the McCARTNEY/LENNON of backyard film making. Created way back in the always groovy "Me Decade", DW FILMS give ROGER CORMAN a run for his money by utilizing plots from established blockbusters and taking them to the next level at a fraction of the cost. Did I mention that both behind and in front of the cameras at DW FILMS you'll only find kids? Below is a small sampling of their brilliant output for you to enjoy. Besides the priceless nostalgia factor, they are all truly inspirational in regards to revealing what can be accomplished with little money and mucho determination and vision…


Watch ELEVATOR


Watch SHARK!


Watch DEVIL'S BABE


Watch TERROR IN THE SKY


Watch WHAM-O WOMAN :: PART ONE :: PART TWO

NOTE: Check out our interview with both ANDREW DURHAM and FRANK WIEDEMANN, the driving forces behind these amazing films HERE

Traumafessions :: Reader Cooch138 on 'WAY OUT ep. "Side Show"

Posted on By aunt john

I was ten during the summer of 1961.

There was a TV show called 'WAY OUT, a sort of take off on THE TWILIGHT ZONE and OUTER LIMITS. There was an episode about a man who visits a sideshow featuring all kinds of weird displays, such as the fish that changes color-every other month, and a severed woman's head. Stuff like that. The highlight of the sideshow was a woman, chained to a chair with a light bulb for a head. The man stays after the show and the light bulb woman, Cassandra, begins talking to him. As the show progresses he falls in love with her and she convinces him to free her from her chains so they could run away together.

In the final scene, you see a woman in a flowing gown. Her back is to the audience. She is standing in front of the sideshow display, only this time it is a man's body with the light bulb head chained to the chair. She is speaking lovingly to the guy. She turns to face the camera, the severed head has been crudely sewn to her body! The male protagonist obviously having been killed by Cassandra and now has assumed her dreaded spot in the sideshow chair.

The jolt of this final scene haunted me for years.

I only overcame it in grad school when I dated a girl named… Cassandra.

UNK SEZ: Cooch138, thanks for bringing up this show. I had no idea of its existence until you mentioned it. 'WAY OUT aired in 1961 on Saturday nights and lasted for 14 episodes. It was hosted by ROALD DAHL, the mind behind Kindertrauma legends THE WITCHES, CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY and many, many others. As of yet, the series has not found its way onto DVD. You can be sure if it ever does, we'll be covering it on these pages once again.

Trauma-Scene :: Ghost Ship's Opening Dance Number

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I am unabashedly partial to waterlogged horror, stick a bunch of idiots on a boat, preferably an abandoned one, and I'm so there. If the folks on the boat are battling a soul stealing demon then I'm so there; I've already left and come back again. It all stems from my original trauma experience watching SATAN'S TRIANGLE back in the olden days when I still had a soul to steal. That bad boy might as well have branded my forehead because it left me searching for a movie watching experience that can never be equaled. The only mini sub-genre that gives me a comparable amount of pleasure is the ski comedy, particularly if it concerns a lodge that is being threatened with closure by spoiled rich snobs who are begging for their comeuppance. Don't worry folks, I'm not going to tell you that GHOST SHIP is as good as your standard ski comedy because it's not. It has all the ingredients, a great cast, awesome looking sets and admirable cinematography. Why, it even has a cool, mid-movie music video insert where you can watch a giant hook impale a woman's face to the sounds of a jaunty mid-nineties (GHOST SHIP is actually from 2002) sounding trip-hop tune. But alas GHOST SHIP suffers from DARK CASTLE disease, which means as far as the script goes it is just a random sewing together of brainstormed ideas with little concern for good storytelling. I'm just warning you, don't let GHOST SHIP break your heart. You're better off with a less flashy movie that really cares about you than GHOST SHIP, which at the end of the day is only using you and will never return your calls.

It should be admitted that even though the film as a whole is a dirty, lying, wallet-snatching scabby-faced hooker that it has one of the greatest kindertraumatic opening scenes (sans the crappy ironic title fonts) in recent memory. Have you seen it? You have to see it! The opening scene involves a tragedy that befalls a bunch of dancing fools and a very tight cable that splits them all into pieces like they're Wile E. Coyote or something. A lone little girl is so short that the cable misses her, so she must watch as the crowd around her is spliced apart like sliced Velveeta. It is disturbing as all get out, and it makes promises that GHOST SHIP has no intent on delivering on. If the rest of the film was even half as successful as this opening bit, I would have have fallen head over heals for it. Instead this barnacle barge just sinks. (Don't even get me started on the epilogue that had me scratching my head so hard it left permanent scars.) Oh, If only this ship could have docked at a ski lodge!

Traumafessions :: Reader Miriam67 on All Dogs Go To Heaven

Posted on By aunt john

When I was little, my mom rented a movie for me. It seemed harmless enough. I was all excited and watched it by myself in her bedroom. The movie was ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN. I watched the whole thing, amazingly. I was a little bothered when the dog got killed and went to heaven. I was kind of upset when the dog stole his "life clock" and added more life to it so he could go back to Earth. That just seemed wrong to me. But at the end, he ended up going back to heaven for good, and I just started crying harder than I can even remember.

I don't remember exactly what upset me so much; maybe it was the movie as a whole. I didn't like that the character was murdered. I didn't like the dishonest stuff he did. (I felt like he was cheating God). I didn't like that he went to Heaven in the end.

I just bawled and bawled and I can remember crying and yelling at my mom "WHY DID YOU RENT THIS??? WHY???"

I never saw any of the sequels. I refused to watch the show. It wasn't that it scared me; it just made me incredibly sad. I was a very sensitive little kid. I have not seen that movie since and I still do not want to! I've never even particularly liked DON BLUTH films in general since then.

Movies about dogs: YES!

Movies about dogs dying: NO!

(I'm glad I've never seen OLD YELLER).

That is my worst trauma, mainly because I can't think of anything else that ever caused me to scream and cry like that.

DON BLUTH owes me big time.

Happy Birthday To Me

Posted on By unkle lancifer


I confess. I'm ga-ga for the kooky Canuck stalk and slash who-done-it known as HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. I say this knowing that there are large slices of the movie that are totally indefensible, most notably its slap you in the face, punish you for paying attention final reveal. Maybe it's because I originally saw it at a very gullible age. Rather than be flabbergasted by the multitude of inconsistencies, contrary edits and overall implausibility, I was instead hog-in-slop happy to be eavesdropping on what the "big kids" were up to. I imagined my own future life of playing chicken over drawbridges, belonging to an elite snobby group that everyone secretly hates, and murdering people during well-timed blackouts.

Regardless of the film's ability to sometimes drive me over the deep end with frustration, I cannot help returning to it again and again. It has a certain mood that I just can't stay away from. There is a distinct gothic soap opera vibe. Amnesia, clandestine affairs, drunken, wealth-obsessed mothers banging on mansion gates in the rain, H.B.T.M. is decorated with thick, sweet old-fashioned melodrama. Furthermore, I think it does a fine job of capturing, like a firefly in a mason jar, the adolescent death wish angst that makes you skip curfew and head out to the graveyard. It doesn't always work but even when it doesn't, it delivers something memorable.

MELISSA SUE ANDERSON plays VIRGINIA WAINWRIGHT a girl on the fringe. She obviously has desires of fitting in with her friends and placating her aloof father, but she knows she is different from everybody. Years ago she and her floozy mother were involved in an accident that took her mother's life and left Virginia in the need of some serious (and experimental) brain surgery. As flashbacks of the tragedy persist, Virginia's friends begin to die in gruesome ways and it begins to appear that Ginny's operation was not such a smashing success after all. Has the surgery altered Ginny? Although we are meant to, at turns, suspect nearly every one of the extensive cast of the murders, we are always in tune with Ginny who is growing more and more horrified of what she may be capable of. It's an exaggerated metaphor for what many people feel at her age, that their mind or bodies are no longer their own.

Virginia is shown as a virginal goody-two shoes at first. She passively involves herself in wild stunts with her friends and immediately fights against her loss of control. She's no wilting wallflower though, as the veils fall off we find her prone to raging outbursts and tantrums over her situation. The more she connects with her past pain the more aggressive she becomes. Some of her duel-natured behavior can be explained away by the film's surprise conclusion, but not all. Actually, the film's nature as a murder mystery requires many of its character's to put on false facades at regular intervals so that suspicion may fall upon them. At the drop of a dime, Ginny and a number of her buddies are required to adopt icy stares and spout threatening double entendres. It may be a cheap ploy, but if you take it literally it has an eerie effect. In Ginny's world, nobody seems to be who they say they are and everyone is a liar.

Which brings us to HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME's bizarre finale. I'm not complaining about the morosely beautiful setting or the more than impressive guests supplied by TOM BURMAN. Of course I'm referring to the de-masking of our killer and the subsequent unraveling of everything we've seen. After viewing Ginny's calculated seduction and murder of a friend via shish kebob, it's finally time for her birthday party to get underway. Here it is revealed that her pal Ann (TRACEY E. BREGMAN) has been responsible for everything we have witnessed thus far. (Although the discoteque seduction of her friend was all Ginny as Ann was present at the time). How were we the viewers who actually witnessed the last couple murders performed by Ginny misled? Well, Ann was wearing a mask, an incredible mask in fact, the kind that makes you look exactly like another person. Don't get me wrong, a part of me bows down to this movie's brazen audacity. In a way it's a precursor to the television remote control in FUNNY GAMES. The movie basically looks the audience straight in the face and just says, "Suck it."

You really can't blame director J. LEE THOMPSON (The original CAPE FEAR and the CHARLES BRONSON slash-thriller 10 TO MIDNIGHT) because a surprise ending was forced on the guy. In 1981, it was pretty much mandatory in a horror movie. By all accounts it was our main gal Ginny who was meant to be the killer during filming and that's just what I can't let go of. I still want Ginny to be the killer. I think that's a better, more original movie. In fact, it WAS the better, more original movie I was watching 'till this ending was thrown at me out of nowhere. Shoving in some voice over dialogue claiming one of the characters is a "genius mask maker" just doesn't cut it. I want Ginny to be the killer because she deserves it. She earned it. There are few enough slasher films that delve into the mind of its killer, let alone slasher movies with a female protagonist/killer. (Speaking of clever play with genre gender roles, it's important to note that the more elaborate, fetishistic kills are reserved for male cast members. The lone onscreen murder of a female (FUNERAL HOME's LESLEH DONALDSON ) at the film's beginning, reads as perfunctory.)

At the end of the day I love this movie too much to ever really want to change it (don't even get me started on it's creeptastic theme song or those must-have Crawford Acadamy striped scarves) but, like a concerned mother telling her child to sit up straight, I can't help wanting to adjust it so that others can see in it what I do. It is said that the ending that had Virginia as the killer was never even filmed, yet somehow it still exists in my mind's eye. I'd forgive Virginia. She's had crazy-ass experimental brain surgery after all, she's not responsible. It could have been a modern female version of I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF if they had just let it alone. Jeez, you want a surprise ending? Just have Ginny's dead mom grab her hand at the end. What do you think dead people are for in horror movies?

Recently I've discovered a way to watch this movie AND accept its bonkers conclusion. It's simple really, Ann's bathtub drowning was the real deal. My Ginny, wracked with guilt, and unable to accept her actions, simply hallucinates that her dead pal Ann masqueraded as her and is responsible for the bloodshed. Denial is a powerful force, and is there any greater reality-smasher than good old tried and true insanity? It's a stretch I know, but in a movie where identities are shuffled about like playing cards and where truth is whatever you explain it to be, what's one more mask to tear off?

Note: Unfortunately, the current DVD of H.B.T.M. has an alternative soundtrack to the previous theatrical version. Although this does benefit us with an extra disco tune nothing can replace the previous score which cleverly riffed on the film's awesome theme song throughout. Luckily, SYREETA's haunting number still remains over the closing credits…