The year was 1980 and my grandparents had just got cable television. As a seven year old, I was amazed at the bounty of forbidden entertainment that was now available to me. I remember being astounded and confused by a sleazy aerobic program on Showtime and all the uncensored music videos that they showed in between the movies. My older sister and my older cousin told me that a scary movie called WHEN A STRANGER CALLS was coming on Showtime and we made plans to sneak out of our bedrooms and watch it.

We all sat in the living room with the lights turned off and were scared out of our minds by the first ten minutes of the movie. The tension filled the air as we huddled together and hoped that no one would be calling from another room in the house. Just as the movie was getting scarier and scarier, my sister heard a thumping and scratching sound coming from the coat closet. My cousin screamed at the top of her lungs as the scratching noise got louder. My grandmother came running into the living room and began cussing at us and wondered why we were up so late watching television. She opened the closet door and out sprang her cat. I remember feeling bad that we got caught, yet relieved that there wasn't a murderer waiting in the closet!

I saw DRAGON SLAYER when I was eleven years old, in the year it was released. In the film, the king has made a bargain with a very nasty dragon. In exchange for the dragon not destroying his villages, he provides the dragon with virgins. Twice a year there is a lottery to choose a girl to be sacrificed to the dragon. But one year, the Princess learns that her name has never gone into the lottery. She sees this as a horrible wrong she must correct and replaces all the tiles with her name to guarantee that she is chosen at the next lottery.

Even when the Princess has the chance to escape her self-induced fate, she doesn't. She descends into the cave. You don't see her for a while, until the Slayer (PETER McNICHOL) happens upon her. And there she lays, dead (one would assume), but looking pretty decent except for a little blood…

… and there are baby dragons munching on her leg!

They've eaten off a fairly clean portion, and you can see the bone, and the baby dragons happily munching along like a hungry man eating a bad, fast food fried-chicken leg still attached to the chicken, ripping off more flesh as they go.

And they clean that bone.

It's visible in the darkness of the scene; a long white shank between two hunks of meat.

Just.

Bone.

And I wondered if she was dead when they started eating her. The baby dragons are hungry little buggers that look like nuclear-waste mutated MUPPETS. When SLAYER-boy McNICHOL kills them, they quiver about and are even creepier and sad because although they may be virgin-eating monsters, they're just babies.

Since then, I've never been able to deal with movies where people are eaten, especially if they're eaten alive. And if my ankles are touched or grabbed for any reason, I take serious umbrage!

Then my boyfriend learned of this trauma and thought it would be funny to bite my ankles. It was at his peril.

I found the scene in bits (at about 1:45) in a music video someone made, and it still turns my stomach.

Humpty Dumpty we all know to have been a riddle, with the answer of course being that the mysterious Humpty was in fact, an egg. Nothing particularly eerie about that, right?  Well, as soon as someone decided to take the guesswork out of the rhyme, by illustrating Mr. Dumpty perched atop his wall, and gave him a face, it all changed. To a child (at least to me), we now had the story of a life; a terrifyingly fragile one at that. The rhyme was no longer a riddle; instead it could be surmised as:

"The fragile Eggman unwisely sat top a wall. He fell and died horribly."

I remember being read this out of an Old-school Mother Goose book as a very young child and thinking what a nightmare it was to be Humpty Dumpty, as veritably anything (I had broken many an egg trying to help my Mom cook, promising to be careful) would lead this poor creature to a yolk-splattered death. Humpty couldn't go out and play, he couldn't slide down the stairs…everything I knew to be fun was off-limits to Humpty, with any false move leading to his doom. His only real option would be to stay at home in the nest or egg carton and not move.

Of course I knew Eggmen didn't exist. It was the concept of this absurd fragility that had me so scared.

The picture out of that book sealed the deal, for it depicted the wide-eyed, last-second look of terror as Humpty, seeing the end of his cursed existence a few seconds away, was beginning to fall. I would imagine what the after-effect drawing would look like; that panicked, open-mouth look, and huge open eyes frozen amidst cracked shell and leaking albumen. I could even hear him scream.

I scribbled over his face with a pen, in an attempt to hide the first "Face of Death," I had ever witnessed, but to no avail. I still knew it was there. I remember later watching SESAME STREET where a very freakish looking Humpty, with a mouth that caved in as he spoke, was being interviewed by Kermit the Frog as a nursery-rhyme news correspondent, and feeling the sense of dread that it was only a short matter of time until he was destined to fall from the wall, and no one would be able to help. Such was the fate of the doomed Eggmen.

The Eggmen repulsed me, as if they were the Elephant-men of the nursery rhyme circuit. It was not as if I wanted to save them; rather, I never wanted them to exist.

Earlier: Reader Bigwig not so fondly recalls Struwwelpeter.