If your Aunt John learned anything regarding cross-country bicycle reconnaissance missions from 1985's PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE, it would be two simple things:
- There is no basement in the Alamo.
- Should you ever find yourself stranded on a deserted highway after falling off a cliff in a convertible with a mysteriously sexy prison escapee, never EVER hitch a ride in a big rig with a corpulent lady trucker who goes by the handle Large Marge.
You see, the Large Marges patrolling the interstates might seem like nice, flannel-clad Samaritans when you first climb into their rigs, but don't be fooled. Sure, they'll drive you to the next rest stop where you might hit it off with a Francophile waitress, but not before they subject you to this TRAUMATIZING tale:
On this very night…
10 years ago…
Along the same stretch of road…
In a dense fog…
Just like this…
I saw the worst accident I ever seen…
There was this sound…
Like a garbage truck!
Dropped off the Empire State Building!
And when they finally pulled the driver's body…
From the twisted… burning… wreck…
It looked like… THIS!!!!!!

Should you disregard my warning and take a such a ride, please don't introduce yourself at the next rest stop restaurant by brazenly announcing, "LARGE MARGE SENT ME!" You'll be coldly greeted by gasps and sideways stares.
