Ask yourself, which of these Ebay orphans is most likely to kill you in your sleep?
The Kindred
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- From the That's Gotta Suck! File: Being trapped down in Dr Lloyd's basement full of homicidal open sored puss-faced mutations
- Quiet drive is disturbed by watermelon exploding with creature and every orifice in driver's face being stuffed with tentacles
- Screaming cat-like monstrosity on the operating table
- Melissa (PAYS) violently shoves a fetus critter back in the jar
- John's ultimate showdown with brother Anthony!
Official Traumatot:: Billy Jacoby
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 Even if you don't know his name, you're sure to have seen BILLY JACOBY before. He appeared in nearly every other television show and movie produced during the eighties. Juggling multiple monikers throughout his career and now known as BILLY JAYNE, this OFFICIAL TRAUMATOT's genre resume may be the longest on record. Putting aside his most visible turn as the wise-cracking Buddy in the teen TOOTSIE-in-reverse masterpiece JUST ONE OF THE GUYS, his credits include BLOODY BIRTHDAY, HOSPITAL MASSACRE A.K.A. X-RAY (in which he was paired again alongside BLOODY BIRTHDAY costar ELIZABETH HOY), THE BEASTMASTER, the great SUPERSTITION, the classic CUJO, the amazing NIGHTMARES, the nearly unwatchable DEMONWARP and even the DAVID DeCOTEAU helmed JUDY LANDERS infected trashathon DR.ALIEN among others. It's high time we all salute the hardest working TRAUMATOT in the business!    Â
Bloody Birthday
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- Mid coital teens pulverized in open grave
- Dad cop Brody bludgeoned in the front yard
- Junk yard refrigerator trap
- Curtis tries to run down Joyce wearing ghostly guise
- The great ant poison birthday cake debacle
- BLOODY BIRTHDAY's ultimate trademark set piece JULIE BROWN gets arrow in the eye through makeshift bedroom closet glory hole
C.H.U.D.
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- Lady walking her dog is pulled into manhole
- Lost father and young daughter use phone booth and accidentally dial 1-800-C.H.U.D.
- Poor puppy is found hanging by leash in sewer
- Considerate C.H.U.D. elongates neck for easier Samurai sword slicing
- HEARD & STEARNS exciting manhole escape!
South Park: Imaginationland
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Traumafessions :: Robert T. on Tourist Trap
The very first horror movie I ever saw was TOURIST TRAP on television and it scared the living daylights out of me. Years later I bought it on DVD and there it sits on my shelf, gathering dust. Even the cover freaks me out. I keep telling myself I'm waiting to be in the "right mood" to watch it. The truth is, that even as an adult I'm scared to return to that feeling again. There is a scene where the killer puts plaster on a tied up girl's face and tells her that her heart is going to explode from fear. That got to me more than every other horror movie I've ever seen put together.
Alone In The Dark
- Opening diner dream sequence includes PLEASENCE looking right at home brandishing a cleaver
- The loons run over a mailman
- Bunky (CAROL LEVY) is menaced by a knife blade that appears through the mattress and strangely recalls the shark fin from JAWS
- SIC F*CKS perform "Chop Up Your Mother" at a joint called "Stumps"
- Sis goes to the crazy side and hallucinates a corpse out of the blue
- The brilliant reveal of "The Bleeder"
We All Scream For Ice Cream
- Warning: There is a redundant overload of supposedly scary sing-songs; migraine sufferers take note
- Buster has no nose! A great concept if only it were: A) explained; B) followed up on, in any way shape or form
- The flashbacks are the best part; HOLLAND gets the summery suburban atmosphere just right
- Evil Virgil (COLIN CUNNINGHAM) melting in the hot tub. Gloriously BLOB worthy. That's what I'm talking about!
- Layne uses remote control sprinklers to freeze the frosty Buster