kindertrauma

Traumafessions :: Aunt John on Darby O'Gill & the Little People

Posted on By aunt john

I was either in second or third grade at the time, and as a special St. Patrick's Day treat my entire grade school was forced to don green attire, drink Shamrock Shakes concocted by the cafeteria staff, and watch DARBY O'GILL & THE LITTLE PEOPLE in the gymnasium. Overall, the film was pretty dull and could barely hold the attention of kids cracked out on mint-chocolate chip drinks. The mass boredom quickly gave way to hysteria with the on-screen appearance of the screaming banshee, who had come to claim the soul of title character's daughter who had fallen ill after chasing a horse up a mountain side. The younger kids started screaming and some were even audibly sobbing. Things got worse when the phantom death coach came tearing out of the sky to take Darby in place of his daughter. The girl sitting in front of me on the floor became so upset she vomited green ice cream chunks all over the back of the boy sitting in front of her. The teacher running the projector stopped the film, and I don't think they ever showed it again for St. Patty's Day.

Still Of The Night

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

 What in the name of God is a MERYL STREEP movie doing on Kindertrauma? Before you throw your computer out the window, let me explain. STILL OF THE NIGHT also stars the recently deceased and highly mourned ROY SCHEIDER (JAWS)! It is a quiet, slow boiling homage to HITCHCOCK (visually, it's more INTERIORS-era WOODY ALLEN) and although it wouldn't induce a goose pimple on your old Aunt Tilly, it was released in 1982 and sometimes that's enough. SCHEIDER plays Dr. Sam Rice, a psychiatrist whose patient may or may not have been killed (sadly off screen) by Brooke Reynolds (STREEP in her lone chain-smoking Femme Fatale performance. Between you, me and the lamppost she actually cleans up real good). O.K., that's sorta the whole plot, someone's trying to snuff ROY's light out too, and we're supposed to think it's the STREEP, but nobody does because that's far too obvious. The real reason that S.O.T.N. made it to these pink pages is because, at one point, ROY recounts his patient's Frued-orific dream which has a handy riddle inside, that once deciphered will reveal the real killer. This dream features a very scary little girl. In fact, she's so creeped-out that when she pulls her teddy bear's eye off, it bleeds real blood! The little waif proceeds to make like a pint-sized Freddy Krueger and chases the poor, soon-to-be-dead dreamer around a swanky Long Island abode. Ultimately, she bursts through a door with pupils painted on her eyelids and autumn leaves swirling about her head while an ear splitting scream blares. The dream sequence is pretty damn cool and, truthfully, so is the surprise ending where I promise you a knife does come into play in some capacity. The bad news is you will have to endure a non-thrilling auction house scene that tries to pry suspense from ROY passing STREEP a note undetected. STILL OF THE NIGHT is probably too still for most horror junkies but, the great part is, if you ever find yourself getting bored, you can always play spot the HITCHCOCK reference.indelible scenes

  • Roy has an Uncle Charlie ala SHADOW OF A DOUBT
  • STREEP sits in as the prerequisite blonde ice queen and JESSICA TANDY (THE BIRDS) is present as well
  • Dreams play a large role (SPELLBOUND) and there's also an auction (NORTH BY NORTHWEST)
  • STREEP conveniently moves into an apartment behind her alleged prey allowing for voyeuristic REAR WINDOW camera play
  • That first step is a doozy! (VERTIGO)

The Kindred

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

 Right before kicking the bucket with an unsolicited assist from diabolical Dr. Lloyd (mad as a hatter ROD STIEGER, AMERICAN GOTHIC), Amanda Hollins (BAD RONALD's ma KIM HUNTER) informs her son John (DAVID ALLEN BROOKS) that he has an unknown brother named Anthony. She also requests that he go to her house and destroy all evidence of the secret experiments that she has been working on over the years. Rather than heed his mom's dying wish, John invites his girlfriend, his co-workers and a shifty follower of his mom's theoretical writings (AMANDA PAYS , LEVIATHON) up to the old homestead for a weekend of snooping and dropping like flies. What John discovers, besides that his friends are mortal, is that he may have got the looks and brains in the family, but his long lost brother got the amphibian complexion and the desire to maim. If ever there was an unheralded, long lost classic from the eighties this is it. The story moves at a clip, the characters are engaging (GEORGE CLOONEY's ex TALIA BALSAM of CRAWLSPACE is especially good) and most importantly, the latter half of the film is wall-to-wall sludge, stomach busting effects and edge of your sofa suspense. I'm shocked that it does not have a better reputation among horror fans. Sure, it opens like one of those boring, claustrophobic mad scientist in an underground bunker flicks, but once it gets revved up. it plays like the great missing H.P. LOVECRAFT adaptation that STUART GORDON forgot to tell you he made. I have to admit to being partial to tentacles, be they octopus, squid or BOOGEN in origin, and this pictures got' em by the truckload. Why they even sprout out of a watermelon for chrisake! There is a human to fish transformation scene, rickety floorboards that lead to a subterranean pit of mini monsters, and a rousing climax that leaves STIEGER covered in clear gelatinous goo. If you've somehow missed this once late night cable regular, do yourself a favor and track it down. The kill ratio may be low but the slime tide is remarkably high.indelible scenes

  • From the That's Gotta Suck! File: Being trapped down in Dr Lloyd's basement full of homicidal open sored puss-faced mutations
  • Quiet drive is disturbed by watermelon exploding with creature and every orifice in driver's face being stuffed with tentacles
  • Screaming cat-like monstrosity on the operating table
  • Melissa (PAYS) violently shoves a fetus critter back in the jar
  • John's ultimate showdown with brother Anthony!

Official Traumatot:: Billy Jacoby

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

 Even if you don't know his name, you're sure to have seen BILLY JACOBY before. He appeared in nearly every other television show and movie produced during the eighties. Juggling multiple monikers throughout his career and now known as BILLY JAYNE, this OFFICIAL TRAUMATOT's genre resume may be the longest on record. Putting aside his most visible turn as the wise-cracking Buddy in the teen TOOTSIE-in-reverse masterpiece JUST ONE OF THE GUYS, his credits include BLOODY BIRTHDAY, HOSPITAL MASSACRE A.K.A. X-RAY (in which he was paired again alongside BLOODY BIRTHDAY costar ELIZABETH HOY), THE BEASTMASTER, the great SUPERSTITION, the classic CUJO, the amazing NIGHTMARES, the nearly unwatchable DEMONWARP and even the DAVID DeCOTEAU helmed JUDY LANDERS infected trashathon DR.ALIEN among others. It's high time we all salute the hardest working TRAUMATOT in the business!     

Bloody Birthday

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

   If you ever give birth to a baby during an eclipse, take my advice and throw it into the nearest trash can. Babies born during an eclipse, having missed the influence of Saturn, have nothing by the way of human conscience. I can tell you first hand that living without a conscience is no big whoop; however, these eclipse babies also develop a passion for brutal murder, and without the conscience thing to curb their bloodlust, what you get is a situation like the one depicted in BLOODY BIRTHDAY. In this case, three kids are born on the same eclipse sullied day and as they near their tenth year of life on our blue planet, their insatiable desire for murder cripples, or at least complicates matters for, a small Californian town. The three kids in question are as follows; four-eyed weasel Curtis Taylor (BILLY JACOBY), cruel MISS-PIGGY-faced Debbie Brody (ELIZABETH HOY) and a boring blond kid who only becomes less so when a fish bowl is chucked at his head (STEVEN SETON). Whenever they can, they kill the innocent with an arsenal of jump ropes, skateboards, shovels, arrows, and, when time is of the essence, guns. Little Debbie is so blatantly evil that she charges her mischievous posse quarters to check out big sis Beverly (The non "Wubba Wubba Wubba" JULIE BROWN ) undress! Thank all that is holy that sometimes-sitter Joyce Russel (THE PREY's LORI LETHIN) and her lil' bro Timmy (Mike Seaver's pal Eddie from GROWING PAINS, K.C. MARTEL) figure out exactly what the terrible troika's got cooking and vow to put an end to their sinister shenanigans. With a bucket load of bottom of the barrel co-stars (top billers SUSAN STRASBERG and JOSE FERRER make glorified cameos ), and a script whose mantra is "destination nowhere", BLOODY BIRTHDAY may be an amateurishly decorated, half-baked affair but thanks to the nonstop mayhem, it's also a wish come true for killer kiddie flick fans.indelible scenes

  • Mid coital teens pulverized in open grave
  • Dad cop Brody bludgeoned in the front yard
  • Junk yard refrigerator trap
  • Curtis tries to run down Joyce wearing ghostly guise
  • The great ant poison birthday cake debacle
  • BLOODY BIRTHDAY's ultimate trademark set piece JULIE BROWN gets arrow in the eye through makeshift bedroom closet glory hole

C.H.U.D.

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

 GREEN ACRES truly is the place to be! EDDIE ALBERT would have won his famous theme song country vs. city debate with EVA GABOR a lot quicker if he left out the "chores" lyric and simply reminded her of the "C.H.U.D.s!" The Big Apple may have stores and Times Square, but neither of those selling points can be experienced when one is being pulled into a manhole by a glowy-eyed subterranean mutation. For our less citified readers I should explain exactly what a C.H.U.D. is. The acronym stands for "Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller" or "Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal" depending on whom you ask. If you receive the latter reply as an answer to your query, you are probably speaking to someone who is deeply imbedded in the cover-up of these monstrous creatures. In addition, if you've ever found yourself wondering why radiation poisoning is not a viable solution to our country's homeless problem, look no further. It turns out that radiation has a strange effect on the homeless. The sad truth is it turns them into C.H.U.D.s. In the old days before you could just Google such facts, folks had to find out the hard way. Disgruntled fashion photographers (JOHN HEARD), mop topped soup kitchen volunteers (DANIEL STERN) and even widowed (by C.H.U.D.-ly means) police officers (CHRISTOPHER CURRY) had to get their hands dirty to discover what you just learned for free. For those who are thinking, "Just round up all the bag people and transients and ship them off, that'll solve the problem!" I have to disagree. It's actually the illegal transportation of radioactive toxic waste through our sewer systems that is the real culprit here. How can you differentiate between normal homeless people and those that have gotten the C.H.U.D. bug? Well floodlights for eyes and green skin is one fool proof indicator, but try this test the next time you're passing by a hobo camp; just stop and offer up some coinage. If your arm comes back a bloody stump, you're most definitely dealing with a C.H.U.D.!indelible scenes

  • Lady walking her dog is pulled into manhole
  • Lost father and young daughter use phone booth and accidentally dial 1-800-C.H.U.D.
  • Poor puppy is found hanging by leash in sewer
  • Considerate C.H.U.D. elongates neck for easier Samurai sword slicing
  • HEARD & STEARNS exciting manhole escape!

South Park: Imaginationland

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

 Even if you are not a regular fan of SOUTH PARK, you doubtlessly are a fan of someone or something that makes a cameo in SOUTH PARK IMAGINATIONLAND. Freddy, Pinhead, Jason, THE PROPHECY's ManBearPig, CLASH OF THE TITAN's Medusa and even every nerd boy's wet dream, Retro-Cylons (!) can all be spotted. Those are only a handful of the trauma-inducing icons that appear in the special three-part ,epic mini-movie. I'd reveal more, but the less you know the better about this colorful collage/map of the inside of your pop-culture-fried brain that's guaranteed to push your DVD player's "pause" button to its limit!     

Traumafessions :: Robert T. on Tourist Trap

Posted on By unkle lancifer

The very first horror movie I ever saw was TOURIST TRAP on television and it scared the living daylights out of me. Years later I bought it on DVD and there it sits on my shelf, gathering dust. Even the cover freaks me out. I keep telling myself I'm waiting to be in the "right mood" to watch it. The truth is, that even as an adult I'm scared to return to that feeling again. There is a scene where the killer puts plaster on a tied up girl's face and tells her that her heart is going to explode from fear. That got to me more than every other horror movie I've ever seen put together.

Alone In The Dark

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Irresistibly unhinged legends MARTIN LANDAU, JACK PALANCE and DONALD PLEASENCE all sharing the same screen? The lone voice of reason portrayed by THE A TEAM's "Mad Dog Murdock" DWIGHT SHULTZ? A cameo by LIN SHAYE (DEAD END, 2001 MANIACS)? Really, what have any of us done to deserve such a movie as ALONE IN THE DARK? The early work of director JACK SHOLDER would have one assuming that he was well on his way to becoming a big name in horror. He directed NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2, THE HIDDEN and even edited the legendary THE BURNING. His talent is most clearly on display here though, ALONE which he co-wrote with LIN's producer bro ROBERT SHAYE, is intelligent, tense and truly original. Actually that may have been its downfall. Like the same year's equally ignored and groundbreaking THE SENDER, ALONE takes a stubbornly psychological approach and goes out of its way to work against the slasher mold that had such a firm grip on movie goers at that time. On the surface it's business as usual; escaped lunatics terrorizing a home complete with the standard nubile babysitter, but the difference is these madmen are presented as uncomfortably human and the line that distinguishes them from their prey is smudged whenever possible. Interestingly, the idea of using a disguise to hide behind is played with momentarily in a prophetic scene involving a hockey mask. (ALONE and FRIDAY THE 13th Part 3 which introduced the iconic mask were filmed around the same time and released only a couple months apart so best to chalk it up to the collective unconscious rather than pilfering or tribute). All this humanizing of the psychos may be fun today, but in 1982 it wasn't really what audiences were looking for. ALONE wisely threads black humor into the mix to keep it from getting too heavy and make no mistake, it never flinches when it comes to the gore. Still, viewers made it known they preferred their monsters shadowy and enigmatic, thank you very much. Regardless of its initial reception we're talking classic here folks, one that holds up better then most of it's more successful contemporaries.indelible scenes

  • Opening diner dream sequence includes PLEASENCE looking right at home brandishing a cleaver
  • The loons run over a mailman
  • Bunky (CAROL LEVY) is menaced by a knife blade that appears through the mattress and strangely recalls the shark fin from JAWS
  • SIC F*CKS perform "Chop Up Your Mother" at a joint called "Stumps"
  • Sis goes to the crazy side and hallucinates a corpse out of the blue
  • The brilliant reveal of "The Bleeder"