CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS has tried the patience of many a zombie fan over the years with its purposely annoying cast, focus on sub-witty dialogue, and elongated build-up to a low on intestine-chomping climax. Personally, I have a soft spot for the film. I remember staying up late for it, and being truly terrified by its bizarre soundtrack, questionable reliance on slow-mo, and truly satisfying final frames. Even haters have to admit that there is a delicious CLOVERFIELD moment in this film where you just think to yourself, "I can't wait to see these people die." As a kid, I was just worried for this sad lot trapped on a potter's field island where the dead had come to life. I had no idea that they were sycophantic thespians following their douchebag director's whims, that they had pretty much begged for the outcome that occurs by mocking the dead or even that the two HECKLE AND JECKLE type henchmen were wince inducing over-the-top stereotypes of gay men. Directed by BOB CLARK whose BLACK CHRISTMAS, let's face it, begat HALLOWEEN which, let's face it, begat everything I care about on this planet, and co-written and starring ALAN ORMSBY who not only had his hand in DERANGED and 1982's CAT PEOPLE but also wrote MY BODYGUARD, C.S.P.W.D.T. is as hard to defend as it is to ignore. It may come across like a local theater production of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD with costumes provided by THE MONKEES, but there is a very real sense of being trapped and cornered that always gets to me regardless of the fact that most of the script apparently was later used to provide biting dialogue for THE ROPERS. The defiant refusal to follow a template structure really does pay off once in a while, like when the couple voted most likely to be "final" instead end up unceremoniously eaten. As obnoxious as most of the characters are, they are at least always distinguishable from each other, a rarity these days. Really, how can you not get behind a flick whose most compelling and sympathetic presence is a corpse named Orville?

• The first couple false scares. I admit it I fell for them.
• Val's (VALERIE MAMCHES) cavetch-y incantation
• Sensitive Anya (ANYA ORMSBY) looses her shit
• The dead finally do rise and it's impressively staged
• Coward Alan throws Anya to the undead to save himself
• Lovable Orville gets his just revenge!

 

    

 

 I'll be honest with you, there's no way on earth I could be objective about a film that features both TOM ATKINS and a zombie cat. Even if this movie was utter crap, I'd still love it. Fortunately, this film is anything but. It's well known to many that NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, though not the most well-known classic, is a classic none the less. FRED DEKKER, who also helmed MONSTER SQUAD, may not have had laurels chucked at his head during the time he was actively filmmaking, but over the years, he has grown to be thought of as one of the great unheralded horror directors of the eighties. Other movies may have made more moolah, but his flicks are loved and I mean passionately. N.O.T.C. opens in outer space with midget aliens littering some tube of toxic crap upon our fair planet in 1950. After a few bars of "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" and a black and white axe murder, we zoom to the present day circa 1986. Here we touch base with every known and adored '80s teen film cliché known to man. A dork (JASON LIVELY) loves a girl with a preppy snob boyfriend and will do anything to win her attention. In this case, he'll have to do some body snatching. The body snatched is contaminated with that alien funk from the '50s, and chaos, gore, action and comedy ensues. TOM ATKINS lends a hand as a hard boiled type who has previous experience with these sluggy, zombie-creating creatures from beyond and a holster filled with brilliant, perfectly timed one-liners. (I would say that this is ATKINS best performance ever, but I'm afraid that THE FOG and HALLOWEEN 3 will beat me up after school.) Besides being host to some truly endearing characters (JILL WHITLOW dressed to the nines carrying a blowtorch, STEVE MARSHALL as a put upon pal) and highly quotable dialogue ("Thrill me!"), N.O.T.C. navigates the horror/comedy balancing act with an ease that should be studied before being attempted by others. Unlike most alleged horror/comedies, the humor is never self-deprecating or cynical and always knows its place is in line behind characterization, suspense and exploding heads.

• The opening scene aliens deserve a movie of their own. So does the, "Screaming like banshees" janitor.
• What's not to like about a movie whose main characters go to Corman University, whose last names are Romero, Carpenter-Hooper and Cronenberg, and are aided by cops Landis and Raimi? Extra-bonus points for the DICK MILLER cameo.
• I'll be honest; there are too many indelible scenes to report. The whole second half is back-to-back incredible scenes. Even the scenes that didn't make the final cut are great. Check out an alternative and superior ending HERE.