Medusa in CLASH OF THE TITANS slithered her way into my brain and stayed there. It was not that she was so scary to look at; it was the fact that if you looked at her you turned to stone…and she was topless! In my pathetic, adolescent teenage boy mind I was convinced that if I ever found myself in the same situation as Perseus that I would NOT be able to resist looking. Stupid I know, but sort of like a person who's afraid of heights because they secretly fear they might jump. For some reason this imagined weakness on my part kept me up at night. I'm married now and the female anatomy holds slightly less mystery. In fact, my wife forced me to send this in. She makes fun of me about it every chance she gets.

Jeff, Tell your wife to stop poking fun! That Gorgon was a veritable vixen! In fact, thanks to our local library's supply of back issues of CELEBRITY SLUETH magazine, We uncovered THIS X-RATED IMAGE from her forgotten early modeling career. Don't show it to wifey!

There is probably not a child alive in the United States that hasn't been "touched" by MR. ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD. Maybe you couldn't wait for the trolley to whisk you to the Neighborhood of Make Believe, got excited over Mr. Rogers tour of the local denizens, or maybe it was the "shoe toss" that gave you a thrill. For all the good memories you had from the show, let me dredge up some repressed horrors that you may have forgotten, but still haunt me and my wife years later.

The most nightmare-producing images from the show was when Lady Elaine Fairchilde was on screen. Did FRED ROGERS purposely pick a puppet design to scare children into his submission? Her phallic red nose, alcoholic-red cheeks, her creepy CHYNA-like man-pretending-to-be-a-woman voice, and an overall look that seems Fred pulled her out of the trash. If I was a child in IT, my fear would manifest itself as this puppet.

The next horror-vision on my tour of The Neighborhood is the amazing limping Chef Brockett. I know it's not a politically correct thing to say, he had a physical disability, but hell, this guy gave me the creeps as a kid. He would be cooking and then all of a sudden lunge towards Mr. Rogers, scaring the crap out of me. I had to keep telling myself, it was only a limp, he does not want to eat Fred's brains. While searching for information on DON BROCKETT, I found an eerie link to my fears. Did you know that he was the "Friendly Psychopath in Cell" in THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS AND played a zombie, not only in GEORGE ROMERO's 1985 classic DAY OF THE DEAD but in the 1990 remake of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD by TOM SAVINI? Who knew that the chef with a perfect zombie gate had such ties to horror greats?

The last one almost made me crazy. When I was really young, I had the Mr. Rogers' "long playing" record. It included the regular songs that everyone knew, but I also remember a song where Fred warns his young listeners that they can't marry their mothers. Now, I don't quite recall fighting the Oedipal complex as a child, but if I had an inkling to want to kill my dad and run away with my mom, Mr. Rogers was there to help.

No one I knew could remember this song, leaving me to look like some crazed lunatic, babbling something about Fred Rogers and my mother. But thanks to that series of tubes called "The Internets," I was able to find this song and play it; confirming that I wasn't nuts (Thanks to a blog called Dr. Forrest's Cheese Factory). The song is available on-line, so you can be as appalled as I have been. While this song did not appear to damage me in any way when I was young, the memories of it as an adult has.

I'm sure there are other horrific memories from MR. ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD (remember the rumor about him being a trained sniper? Look it up on Snopes)… but these are the few that scarred me. And speedy delivery to y'all.

EARLIER: Walt discusses the unsolved, possibly GHOULIES-induced death of his childhood Cockatiel.

Almost every child at one point has been afraid to go in the basement, but I'm not sure they were all afraid of the evil, maggot-spewing zombie, Dr. Fruedstein, living down there. I remember one scene in particular where Bob, a young child, hears the screams of his babysitter Anne. Picking up a stuffed animal and a toy gun Bob goes to "rescue Anne." We proceed to watch Anne's throat slashed and her head eventually decapitated. Bob arrives just in time to watch his babysitter's head roll down the steps. Traumatizing for any kid I'd say!

 

My cousin was sleeping over my house, and as kids are known to do, we decided to take all the sheets and blankets I had and create a "tent" that encompassed most of the room. We made sure to include my TV in our hideaway. On HBO was GHOULIES, and we were watching intently.

All of a sudden I hear my pet Cockatiel let out a horrible squawk and then a "thud."

I popped my head out of our makeshift safe-haven to find Willie, feet-up at the bottom of the cage, now an ex-Cockatiel.

So from that day forward, every time I see the GHOULIES, I think of poor dead Willie and how I'll never know if it was the crapatcular movie that killed my bird.

 

As I like to think we all did, I had a great mom and pop video store in New Jersey by the name of Showbiz Video in the 80's before it was run out of town by Blockbuster (who I would incidentally work for years later). One of my favorite past times was to sneak off into the horror section, and look at all the VHS covers with promises of the most horrible things you could possibly imagine. I would dare myself to look at the back covers, which always had more gruesome images, read what the movie was about, and wonder if I could ever bring myself to watch something so terrifying. But one cover above them all I could not even bring myself to even look at, and would turn my head away whenever I approached the "C" section. That film was CREEPERS, the U.S. edited version of DARIO ARGENTO's PHENOMENA. With JENNIFER CONNELLY's half-eaten face and hand holding hundreds of bugs, it was just too much for my eight year old mind to handle. I could not even fathom what the movie would actually be, if that was the picture that was advertising it. I never mustered the courage to find out what the back cover said!Now years later I am a complete devotee to DARIO ARGENTO's work, but I still to this day have not watched any version of PHENOMENA. I'm sure it is no worse than SUSPIRIA or OPERA, but something deep within the dark recesses of my mind will just not let me watch it, let alone rent it before sheepishly returning it unviewed. That is the power of horror film advertising, something which I dare say has lost its oomph in this more glossy day and age.  

Thanks Ryan Midnight of MOVIES AT MIDNIGHT! Ryan's TRAUMAFESSION is a good reminder that TRAUMAFESSIONS don't necessarily have to be about the movies and T.V. shows you've seen. Remember kiddies, you can write in about music, books, toys, art or even an illustration on a VHS tape as Ryan has done. Anything that freaked out your little brain as a child is fair game. We want to hear from you and trust us, other people do as well!