kindertrauma

Cellar Dweller

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

JEFFREY COMBS (don't get too excited he's only in the prologue) is Colin Childress, a comic book illustrator responsible for an EC-like series entitled CELLAR DWELLER. Unwisely, he decides to crib some text from some ancient old necronomicon-y type book he has lying around and POOF! A giant monster appears and kills him and some anonymous lady to boot. Thirty years later, loyal fan Whitney (DEBRAH FARENTINO) shows up at his previous home that is now an exclusive (there's four students) artist colony. She unearths the work he left behind and consequently conjures the beast from hell as well, who wastes no time laying waste to the entire group. What's fun here is Whitney's ability to alter events with her artwork; making a banana peel appear by drawing it, just in time for rival Lisa (a post-DYNASTY PAMELA BELLWOOD) to slip on it, thus sealing her fate, etc. Sadly this idea is not exploited further as it could have injected a lot more life into the movie. (It kinda reminded me of the rewindy remote control utilized in FUNNY GAMES, if not my favorite A-HA video.) There are many more missed opportunities to be found here, but none are so bad as to outweigh the presence of YVONNE DE CARLO (AMERICAN GOTHIC) who I'd pay to see tie her shoe. The real problem besides just how stagnant the proceedings are, is that the title monster is the cutest thing I've ever laid my eyes on, and pentagram-embedded chest or not, I just wanted to fix him a sandwich and knit him a scarf. Written by CHILD'S PLAY scribe DON MANCINI and directed by (not to mention special effects by) FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 7: THE NEW BLOOD's  JOHN CARL BUECHLER, CELLAR DWELLER may not always work, but there's never any mistake that creative minds are at play.  indelible scenes INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • Whitney's not-so-great comic book art
  • Philip's (future NORBIT director and HEAD OF THE CLASS alum BRIAN ROBBINS) not-so-great abstract art
  • Amanda's (MIRANDA WILSON) not-so-great performance art
  • Norman's (BEN CASEY star and Noir legend VINCE EDWARDS) not-so-great desire to act out scenes from his forthcoming detective novel by shooting at vases and pointing a gun at a woman's head
  • Lisa's pretty great death by banana peel
  • Norman's very great decapitation

Prom Night

Posted on By aunt john

four killer kids from prom night
Show me a person who bagged out on their senior prom because of the early ‘80s slasher-flick PROM NIGHT, and I'll show you a person who agreed to a secret pact to cover up a murder they committed with their childhood pals. Our film commences in an abandoned monastery, though it looks more like a hospital, where grade school chums Wendy, Nick, Kelly, and Jude are playing a fairly innocuous game of hide-and-go-seek dubbed "The Killer is Coming." An uninvited Robin Hammond joins in on the action, and the foursome proceeds to back her out of a second story window. Rather than get help for the visibly breathing Robin, the four take an impromptu oath to conceal their involvement, and peddle home on their banana-seat bikes. A large, clucky window falls on Robin, so she doesn't survive, and her murder is erroneously blamed on some serial pedophile that gets sent up the river for the crime. Flash forward to present, and Alexander Hamilton High School is in the grips of prom season. Kim Hammond (JAMIE LEE CURTIS), older sister of the deceased Robin, has been elected prom queen, and Nick, one of her sister's killers, will be her prom king. To make matters more awkward, Nick just broke up with Wendy, another of one of the kiddie killers, and Wendy is not taking her dumping sitting down. Wendy enlists the help of high school truant Lou and his cronies to pull off some sort of CARRIE WHITE shenanigans when the king and queen are crowned. Thankfully, the pedophile who took the wrap for the murder, just so happened to coincidentally escape from a mental institution and was last seen driving towards Alexander Hamilton High in a powder-blue punch buggy. Oh, and all four of the childhood killers have been receiving breathy phone calls from a man asking them if they "still like to play games" and finding their yearbook book photos taped inside their lockers with shards of broken mirror. The big night finally arrives, and as JAMIE LEE struts her bestest disco moves in high school auditorium, the three girls involved in her sister's death are methodically slashed and dispatched. The second half of the films begs the viewer to figure out who could be behind these killings. Is it the pedophile seeking vengeance? Is it Kim's father and high school principal Raymond Hammond (a notably miscast LESLIE NEILSEN)? Is it Kim herself? (Editor's note: JAMIE LEE does sort of look like a dude from certain angles). I'll never tell, but to quote from the haunting disco anthem that permeates the school auditorium, "Prom Night… Everything's All Right!"
 INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • The opening sequence with the kids tormenting and killing Robin is a must-see. The repeated intonations of, "The Killer is Coming… The Killer is Coming," is downright creepy
  • Jude's death in the back of her date's super-awesome raper van
  • The protracted chase scene of super-bitch Wendy by the mysterious killer
  • The disco floor, complete with sunken lighting, in the Hamilton High auditorium
  • JAMIE LEE's show-stopping dance routine, with obligatory close-up as her partner Nick twirls her like a pizza
  • The decapitated head tumbling down the prom catwalk
  • The prom's signature song:

Ghostwatch

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

On October 31st, 1992 while American kiddies where storming suburban streets demanding their fair share of LEMONHEADS and MARY JANES, across the pond in the motherland little nippers were being funnel fed the fear of God thanks to a BBC broadcast that left some scrambling for psychiatric aid. GHOSTWATCH was a faux-reality specter hunt starring familiar television faces that, like ORSON WELLES' famous WAR OF THE WORLDS radio broadcast, blurred the line between reality and entertainment as it blurred the line between this world and the next. Viewers were brought along to observe the goings on in the household of one Pam Early who, along with her two young daughters, was experiencing poltergeist activity. Instead of the usual non-events that one would assume would take place on such a show, many were shocked to find themselves witness to extraordinary happenings. The presence in the house nicknamed "Pipes" by the girls, because of his penchant for banging on pipes, was cleverly inserted in various scenes where observant viewers might catch him for a fleeting second. Things go from creepy to alarming as it is discovered that the broadcast is working as a giant séance and effecting households all over England. Finally, even the studio that is hosting the show begins to experience the phenomena. Even knowing of the show's inauthenticity is small comfort for much like THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, it's the slow progressive mounting dread and the systematic worsening of circumstances that really gets under the skin. Having decided not to break the illusion of reality with breaks explaining the show's identity as simulation, police were flooded with panicked phone calls and some viewers were rumored to have committed suicide. At least two children were diagnosed or treated with post-traumatic stress disorder and the hoopla lead to a national ten-year ban. Contemporary cynical audiences may find all this hard to swallow but dozens of factors lead to the lightening strike of GHOSTWATCH that Halloween night. Sadly, I was in the States gorging myself with MALLOW CUPS and NECCO WAFERS.

 INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • Pipes by the bedroom curtain. (All of pipes' nearly subliminal appearances can be viewed HERE )
  • Playing the audio tape of Pipes' voice
  • Daughter Suzanne possessed by Pipes
  • Reporter SARAH GREENE trapped in the "Glory Hole" while the cats howl and the transmission fails.
  • Stalwart host MICHAEL PARKINSON succumbs to Pipes' will

Official Traumatot :: Michael Stephenson

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

MICHAEL STEPHENSON starred in two films for Italian director CLAUDIO FRAGASSO. The first was the little seen BEYOND DARKNESS (LA CASA 5) and the second was TROLL 2, an in-name only sequel widely regarded as one of the worst films ever made. Is TROLL 2 really that bad? Yes, it is, but it's also strangely lovable, endlessly entertaining and probably ten times funnier than anything intentionally so. Fans are rabid and legion; most can recite the film verbatim. There might be better child actors out there, but certainly none of them have ever been required to swallow the spoonful of insanity that poor STEPHENSON had to, and for that he deserves, if not our praise than at least our pity. The great news is that MICHAEL is currently working on a documentary about his experiences and the phenomenon that followed. If it turns out anything like the trailer, we're in for a (green) treat! If you'd like to keep up to date on all things TROLL2, stop by BESTWORSTMOVIE, the official TROLL 2 fansite!  

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Todd G. on JAWS

Posted on By unkle lancifer

The first time I can remember ever being scared was seeing JAWS at a drive-in theater in a packed station-wagon. I remember hiding behind the seat closing my eyes and all us kids screaming whenever the shark jumped out. I remember one part where they're under the water beneath a boat and and all the sudden a dead guy's face appears in a hole. That stayed with me more than the shark, at the time it was really sick! On the ride home we all pretended the station-wagon was a boat and we were being chased by JAWS.

Official Traumatizer :: Louise Fletcher

Posted on By unkle lancifer

It's a rare remake that can improve upon the original, and TOBE HOOPER's 1986 retelling of INVADERS FROM MARS was widely panned for missing the mark upon its release. On cable and via videotape, it eventually reached its target audience, kids unaware of the original who found a unique motion picture largely told from their point of view. One of the additions that left a lasting impression was the character of Mrs. McKeltch, played by LOUISE FLETCHER, an already formidable school teacher whose threatening demeanor is magnified after she becomes host to one of the evil aliens that are replacing the townsfolk. Most parents were well aware that FLETCHER could play scary in her sleep after her Oscar winning performance in ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, but the kiddie set were startled to find their every classroom fear personified on screen. The scene where young David Gardner (HUNTER CARSON) stumbles upon the malicious schoolmarm dining on a frog behind the science class was particularly unsettling for Kermit loving kiddies, and burned a lasting mark into many of their minds. So, here's to you FLETCHER for hitting a nerve in all of us who ever had to stay after class. You revealed a truth that many of us had already suspected; much like the aliens from the miniseries V, the administrators at our schools where covertly munching on defenseless smaller animals while our collective backs were turned!

Ghosthouse

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

Although the ever-popular traumatizer POLTERGEIST CLOWN DOLL never reappeared in the subsequent POLTERGEIST sequels (one assumes he was destroyed with the house…weep!), a reasonable facsimile (direct rip-off) does wreak havoc in the Boston-shot, Italian-produced lesser spook ride GHOSTHOUSE. Along with a creepy unsympathetic ghost girl, this clown doll maliciously murders all who stray into his home in this schlock-athon directed by CANNIBAL kingpin UMBERTO LENZI. GREG SCOTT stars as ham radio enthusiast Paul who stumbles across a broadcast of several people screaming in horror while fiddling with his dials. He follows the signal to a house where several squatters have taken up residence. Recognizing the voices as their own, the rag tag team of camping buds stand in line to be systematically slaughtered by the polter-tyke and her terrible toy. Deliciously gory, yet routinely moronic, you'll only hurt your brain trying to make sense of the characters behaviors and the elusive storyline. More like a brainstorm of unconnected horror ideas spit across the screen, when it works you'll be on the edge of your seat cheering, and when it fails you'll be on the edge of your pillow napping. Sure it's a mangled incoherent mess and five hours too long, but really who among us is strong enough to resist the pull of a killer clown doll movie? They're just too few and too far between to quibble about such non-necessities as competent, rational storytelling. 

   INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • Whenever the ghost girl and her evil clown dolly appear, they are accompanied by what is referred to in the movie as a nursery rhyme like song. In fact, it sounds neither like a song nor a rhyme, and more closely resembles a robotic voiced child in the back of a car asking over and over again, "Are we here? Are we there yet?"
  • Someone please explain Pepe the hitchhiker to me.
  • Not scared of kids and dolls? The handyman is a maniac who will kill you with a cleaver that is for some reason referred to as an axe
  • Not scared of handymen? There's also a ghostly Doberman Pinscher to contend with
  • Not scared of dogs? Don't worry an unexplained maggoty-faced grim reaper stops by!
  • Head in a washing machine!

 

         

Official Traumatot: Ann Carter

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Give it up for 40's child star ANN CARTER! After gaining attention playing VERONICA LAKE's bewitching offspring in I MARRIED A WITCH she astounded many with her touching portrayal of an imaginative square peg in the classic CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE. HALEY JOEL OSMET may have become a household name whispering "I see dead people," but decades earlier this flaxen haired wonder had been there and done that. We're proud to bestow her with our highest honor THE HONORARY TRAUMATOT AWARD!

Curse of the Cat People

Posted on By unkle lancifer

 

 Young Amy Reed (ANN CARTER) knows that one of the many benefits of being a child is that the line between reality and fantasy is easily crossed. Trouble is, she's having problems navigating the return trip. This not only irks the ire of her fellow classmates, but also severely disappoints her father Oliver (KENT SMITH). Unfortunately his daughter's flights of fancy echo those of his deceased ex-wife Irena (SIMONE SIMON) who, in his mind, also had difficulty keeping her feet on the ground of provable reality. Making matters exceedingly worse is that Amy's new secret, make-pretend play pal is dead Irena herself! Father and daughter battle wills. Oliver sees Amy as a dreamy headed liar and Amy is crushed that he has no faith in her. Irena's presence is actually surprisingly nurturing  all things considered (she tried to off Amy's mom in the original CAT PEOPLE), and she takes on a guardian angel type role for the girl. The real danger lies in the gothic mansion Amy has been visiting. Scary old lady Farren is harmless, but her estranged jealous daughter (equally feline ELIZABETH RUSSELL) sees Amy as a threat coming between her and the mother who denies her. Producer VAL LEWTON went out of his way NOT to deliver the psychosexual horror sequel audiences (and RKO) were clawing for. Instead he delivers a personal film about miscommunication between parents and their children and the ominous scary world such conflict breeds. True, it's not the full on horror show its predecessor was, but for those who beg for originality in a sequel your wish has been granted. Strangely, because of this difference in tone, some have even questioned if CURSE is indeed a horror film at all. Well, it's partially directed by ROBERT WISE (THE HAUNTING) and involves a ghost, a traditional looking haunted house, the headless horseman and a sinister looking spinster bent on strangling a kid. You may not find the interiors running red with blood, but they are soaked in the darkest shadows ever filmed. Like little Amy, what you see within those shadows is up to you. CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE is a real groundbreaker when it comes to showing the inner workings of a trouble youngster's mind (PAN'S LABYRINTH owes a debt). It is sensitive, even delicate, but that does not disqualify it as a horror film. Any child could tell you that. indelible scenes   

  • Irena's first ethereal appearance
  • The magic tree mailbox is on the fritz!
  • Irena's picture burning in the fireplace
  • As with all VAL LEWTON's films, the cinematography through out is uniformly exquisite but Amy's flight from imagined danger through a snowstorm is especially breathtaking

 

            

The Changeling

Posted on By aunt john

 

Having recently lost his wife and young daughter in a tragic car accident, composer John Russell (GEORGE C. SCOTT) packs up his belongings and flees New York to take a teaching position in Seattle. With the help of local historical society worker Claire Norman (TRISH VAN DEVERE), John moves into the Chestnut House, a dilapidated mansion that makes the BURNT OFFERINGS estate look like a bungalow. It doesn't take too long for Russell to realize that he is not the sole occupant of the manor as faucets start running and doors start slamming. After he's almost taken out by a flying shard of stained glass from a dormer window, John discovers a hidden room in the attic complete with an old-timey wicker wheelchair suitable for a dead child. Faster than you can say microfiche machine, John enlists Claire to help him research the history of the house at the local library. They learn that a child living in the house was a coal cart hit-and-run victim, however she's not the one behind the haunting. A subsequent séance reveals that the child's name is actually Joseph, and John spends the rest of the movie in full-on Sherlock Holmes mode as he connects the supernatural activity going down in Chestnut House with prominent Senator Joseph Carmichael (MELVYN DOUGLAS). With its noticeable lack of special effects, aside from the occasional touch of pyrotechnics, THE CHANGELING is an old-fashioned, bump-in-the-night ghost story. GEORGE C. SCOTT's grounded performance as a grieving man seeking solace for both himself and the kid haunting his house keeps the plotline, especially in the second half of the flick, from bordering too far on the absurd. Okay, maybe the ending was a little out there with the Senator being in two places at the same time, but SCOTT makes the suspension of disbelief worthwhile. 

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • The infamous rubber ball that returns from the river to bounce the stairs and scare the shit out of John
  • The monotone voice and spastic penmanship of the medium conducting the séance
  • The little girl sees the apparition of a drowned boy in the floor of her bedroom
  • Claire tumbles down the stairs after being mercilessly terrorized by the wicker wheelchair