kindertrauma

Suspiria

Posted on By unkle lancifer

NOTE: This review is part of THE FINAL GIRL FILM CLUB. If you have not experienced the wonder that is STACIE PONDER get over there right quick! She's not only whip-smart she's the final word on all things horror! 

When Suzy Bannion (doe-eyed JESSICA HARPER) arrives at the prestigious Freeborge Dance Academy in Germany, she minuets her way down a fluorescent rabbit hole into a psychedelic universe the likes of which have never been seen before or since. DARIO ARGENTO's bizarre, sometimes draw-dropping visual creation pulsates with a supernatural power one usually only finds in fairy tales and the work of Disney. The slightly off dubbing and trance like delivery of the bordering on nonsensical lines only further convince the viewer that SUSPIRIA is more celluloid fever dream than traditional movie. Hypnotic, filled with countless visual flourishes and subliminal asides, SUSPIRIA is unquestionably a technical marvel. Behind the curtain of aesthetic brilliance though, stands real terror. The amazing opening sequence powered by the haunting audio howls of GOBLIN delivers one of the most nerve shattering introductions in the history of horror film. It alerts the viewer immediately to the fact that they are not only not in Kansas anymore, but they may be standing over the precipice to an unfriendly phantasmagoric universe where it'll take a lot more than H20 to take down the wicked witch. Multiple viewings are not recommended but required, as there is just no human way to absorb the entire onslaught in one sitting. As with other great works of art, SUSPIRA is almost a living thing, it grows, morphs and expands with each passing year. Plus there's maggots.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S): 

  • Make sure there are seatbelts in that taxicab HARPER, the symphony that is the opening to SUSPIRIA is a real head rocker
  • The M.C. ESCHER wallpaper
  • Close up of knife in heart
  • Maggot rain
  • Landing safely in a pile of…barbed wire!
  • The missing gargoyle and the blind man's dog
  • The creepy kid and the maid
  • Don't knock over that peacock lamp!

 

 

The Boogens

Posted on By unkle lancifer


Yellowing newspaper articles fill us in on the tragic past of a silver mining town in Colorado. Cave-ins, disappearances and mysterious deaths lead to the abandonment of further digging and the permanent closing of the mines. Flash forward to the early eighties when dynamite blasts signal the grand reopening of the cursed labyrinth. Enter THE BOOGENS; tentacled, amphibian creatures responsible for all that previous hardship that are now free to return to their deadly ways. Two young couples learn the hard way that the local doom-saying oldster is not as crazy as he appears. In fact, he's really the local authority on all subjects Boogen as his own personal pappy met his death via a Boogen bite many years ago. Slasher veterans REBECCA BALDING (SILENT SCREAM) and ANNE MARIE MARTIN (PROM NIGHT) star in this entertaining monster mash infused with slasher tropes that delivers authentic suspense while keeping the title creatures securely under wraps until the final reel. The unveiling of the creatures may disappoint those whose imagination painted the beings as something a tad more menacing than the turtle-faced hand puppets they actually are. Thanks to an atmospheric, snow covered, cozy log cabin setting and atypically likable, even endearing characters, it's easy to forgive this low budget flick its few mostly financial limitations.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • Tiger the poodle steals every scene
  • Old man's passive aggressive vandalism involves spray painting the word DEATH on the mine entrance
  • The Boogens utilize the heating duct
  • Jessica's choice of objects to throw at the camera to thwart off Boogen attack includes empty tea kettle
  • Jokester Jeff gets yanked under a truck

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Unkle Lancifer on Alan Parsons Project

Posted on By unkle lancifer

What is it about the ALAN PARSONS PROJECT that has given me the creeps ever since I was a wee lad? Why is it that even now, whenever I hear them playing in a drugstore, I either immediately feel like committing suicide or I imagine it's a bad omen that foretells that at any-second there will be a hold up that will leave cashiers and customers alike sprawled out on the floor swimming in their own blood? Alan Parsons was the audio engineer for PINK FLOYD's THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON which explains a lot, but whereas the FLOYD come off as anti-authoritarian and kick-ass, Parson reeks of a sort of surrender to a larger malevolent power. It's euthanasia music, a soundtrack for pulling the plug. The old man in the SENTINEL who has to guard the doorway to hell for eternity has ALAN PARSONS PROJECT on his iPod. The scariest song may be TIME which is an existential taunt just perfect for a hospital death bed, but the one that really gets stuck in my craw is EYE IN THE SKY which is either about a floating God face that judges your every move or a stalkers theme. I think maybe that guy who killed the girl from MY SISTER SAM listened to it. It may be responsible for the death of DOMINIQUE DUNN. I'm glad that there are some folks who do enjoy these admittedly well-produced ditties. It makes me feel that perhaps there is not really anything inherently evil within them. For me I'll be fine never hearing them or getting that goosebumpy feeling ever again, and if some smart ass plays them at my funeral, I vow to rise up screaming!

Flowers in the Attic

Posted on By aunt john

After her husband is killed in a car crash on his thirty-sixth birthday, mother of four Corrine Dollanganger (VICTORIA TENNANT) falls on to financial hard times. Rather than take a secretarial position or even a cashier job at the local food store, Corrine packs up her alliteratively named brood, Chris, Cathy (KRISTY SWANSON), and twins Cory and Carrie and returns to the mind-boggling mansion of her estranged parents. One of the caveats of the flaxen-haired family's stay is that the ailing Grandfather must never know of the children's existence, so that Corrine may work her way back into his good graces. The children are kept locked away in a room with twin beds and attic access, and Corrine assures them that it will just be a temporary housing solution, as her father is not much longer for this world. What Corrine neglects to tell her kids is that their late father was actually her uncle (awkward!), however their austere, Bible-banging Grandmother (LOUISE FLETCHER) is quick to inform the children that they are nothing more than the Devil's spawn in her judgmental eyes. The kids try to make the most of their house arrest situation and transform the cobweb-riddled attic into a pretty sweet playroom complete with a ballet bar so Cathy may practice her dance moves. The passage of time is marked by the changes of the leaves on tree outside the attic window, and as visits from Corrine decline, the violent cruelty of the Grandmother escalates. Due to lack of sunlight, the siblings develop a heavy pancake makeup pallor, and the twins' health seriously declines. It takes the death of Cory to finally get the "We really should devise a solid escape plan and get the hell out of here before we end up dead too" fires burning under Chris and Cathy's assess. On their way out of the mansion, they learn that their Grandfather has been dead for almost two months, and although their mother was reinstated into his will, she will be re-disinherited if there is any proof of offspring from her first marriage to her uncle. It just so happens that their mother is getting remarried in a ballroom on the ground floor of the mansion, and the surviving Dollanganger kids raise their objections rather than hold their peace.When it comes to turning novels into feature films, it's standard operating procedure that certain elements of the text will be lost in the adaptation. One of the key themes to V.C. Andrews best-selling novel was the incestuous yearnings between the older siblings which culminated with Cathy's rape by Chris. Aside from a furtive glance of Cathy in the bathtub by Chris, FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC turns a blind eye to the brother-on-sister action, and ends up feeling more like a watered-down made-for-tv movie.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • Grandmother is rather handy with a bull whip, and forces Corrine to show the kids the deep lash wounds on her back
  • Cathy gets a haircut from Grandmother, and follow-up trim by Chris
  • As the groundskeeper buries Cory, the camera pulls back to show three pre-dug graves for the other of the Dollanganger kids
  • Cathy bitch slaps Corrine so hard that she topples over a balcony and ends up being hung by her wedding veil

Kinderguest Vicar of VHS on The Children

Posted on By unkle lancifer

The plot was some dumb thing about kids being turned into zombie-like killer munchkins by toxic waste, then going around hugging their parents to death in a cloud of flesh-dissolving chemical fog. Much like WHO COULD KILL A CHILD?, in this one the adults had to defend themselves by murdering the kids–by cutting off their hands, or something, I believe. (Don't ask me, I didn't write it.)

Something about this movie just GOT me as a kid–maybe it was the creepy, CARNIVAL OF SOULS makeup on those innocent little faces. Maybe it was the idea of Mommy reaching out for a hug from her beloved daughter and instead of warm fuzzies getting SCREAMING CHEMICAL DEATH! Or maybe it was the emotionally gut-punching notion that in order to survive, the parents had to kill their own children–an idea so distressing to my 9-year-old mind just thinking about it made me cry. Whatever the case, this movie got into my brain and stuck there. Anyway, I loved my parents, and I knew they loved me…so the horrification of that love, even making that love DEADLY, was truly traumatic.

I rewatched it years later and found (as I figured) it wasn't a well-made or well-acted movie–and yet I still had the same visceral emotional reaction to it! So there's still some scar tissue, obviously.

Afterwards, I called my Mom.

  • Thanks V.O.V. The Vicar of VHS can be found holding court over at MAD MAD MAD MAD MOVIES, a great spot with an eclectic mix of cinematic oddities. Visit often!
  • For more on THE CHILDREN check out this KINDERTRAUMA REVIEW!

Book Report :: Miss Hickory

Posted on By unkle lancifer

This book by CAROL SHERWIN BAILEY has haunted me since my youth. I knew there was something about the ending that was disturbing but happily my brain had repressed exactly what that was. One visit to eBay and a couple of days later, I had the answer in my hands. It was time to re visit the nightmare world of MISS HICKORY. First of all the character of Miss Hickory is kind of a jerk. She's a prickly fussbudget, know-it-all twig doll with a nut for a head (A hickory nut natch). She spends her days drinking tea and making preserves in a corncob house that she obsessively cleans as she makes critical judgments of the animals around her. She finds out from the gossipy crow that her human hosts and the child that watches out for her have moved to Boston and abandoned her for the winter. Miss H at first refuses to believe this news. She usually spends the winter indoors on the kitchen windowsill. How will she survive the harsh New Hampshire winter on her own with just a tiny corncob house to guard against the elements? Well she needn't concern herself with the corncob house because in short time, a chipmunk squatter takes over the digs and she's left homeless… (more…)

Humanoids From the Deep

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Once again messing around with Mother Nature spawns slimy results in the ROGER CORMAN produced monster-thon HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP. Here it is mankind's eternal quest for a superior salmon that gets him into hot water with the powers of fate. Meddling with the DNA of these fishes produces the inevitable result of eight-foot tall, long-armed fish-men with one-track minds. Think late night double feature mash-up of CREATURE OF THE BLACK LAGOON and THE ACCUSED. DOUG McCLURE (You know him from such films as THE HOUSE WHERE EVIL DWELLS and SATAN'S TRIANGLE) teams up with "a great little lady scientist" (CARLY SIMON double ANN TURKEL) and scapegoat American Indian (apparently sufficiently non-Caucasian Latino ANTHONY PENA) to thwart the horny hybrids power move for the next step on the evolutionary ladder. Whether our heroes are successful is anybody's guess. I do know that the town of Noyo's annual salmon festival was a complete disaster, with dozens of humanoids crashing through the pier to tear the tops off of every female they encountered and ripping the faces off of any man who stood in their way. Directed by "great little lady" BARBARA PEETERS and considered too dull by producer CORMAN, HUMANOIDS was hijacked and injected with extra scenes of gore and nudity to fit the tastes of 1980 teenage audiences. These outlandish, over-the-top trashy breaks from the story have done much to cement HUMANOIDS into the minds of puberty stricken, cable-watching males over the years. Let's be honest, this is one cult favorite where nobody's clamoring to view the original director's cut. Even without the T&A though, HFTD is an entertaining throwback and fun diversion from the then current slasher craze. It's a goofy spectacle of bad taste and, like the impressive ROB BOTTIN creatures that inhabit it, its cross-pollination lineage may be it's strongest suite.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • PETA baiting multiple dog disposals
  • Tent attack ventriloquist dummy gets an eyeful and is unusually animated after owner's demise.
  • Baby in danger is saved by drain cleaner
  • Salmon festival attack garnished with same scream over and over in maddeningly endless loop
  • Dilated eyeball ALIEN rip-off baby birth

TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Reader Ian on the Kindertrauma Channel

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Have you checked out the Kindertrauma Channel yet? What are you waiting for an invitation? Well, here it is: We invite you to check out the Kindertrauma Channel. You'll find stuff you'll wish you hadn't like reader Ian here, who was re-traumatized when he stumbled upon the trailer for IT'S ALIVE…

I nearly shat myself with evil old memories when I saw the movie trailers on the KINDERTRAUMA CHANNEL! The worst offender has got to be IT'S ALIVE. LARRY COHEN is in need of serious psychiatric help. I remember the first time I saw that trailer…I was 11 years old, May 1977, on an afternoon after I'd just got home from school. My mother kept going "what the hell is that?" I was so freaked out she had to dose me with NyQuil just to sleep…my school attendance improved markedly because I didn't want to see that trailer! Now, at 42, I still can't bring myself to look at pix from that movie…and I'm bloody dreading when the trailer for the remake hits TV… I thought I was the only one who got warped by these trailers…

Devil Dog: Hound of Hell

Posted on By aunt john


After escaping from, yet before returning to, Witch Mountain, ‘70s onscreen siblings KIM RICHARDS and IKE EISENMANN took a detour from their usual Disney fare to star opposite RICHARD CRENNA, YVETTE MIMEUX, and the cutest, most satanic German shepherd to ever grace the made-for-tv-movie screen. Back story on the dog: ‘60's B-movie vamp MARTINE BESWICK along with two associates pay a visit to a puppy mill looking for a bitch in heat. Although hesitant to sell, the breeder eventually parts with his prized German shepherdess for $5,000. BESWICK and her crew chain the dog on a short leash in a barn with an inverted pentagram in the floor and burning candles everywhere which, if you really think about it, is the perfect setting for either a major fire or performing a black mass. The barn is used for the latter, and Satan is kind enough to send a canine demon to knock up the tethered shepherd. Meanwhile, somewhere across town, Mike and Betty Barry (CRENNA & MIMEUX) arrive home to find that their family dog has fallen prey to a hit-and-run accident. The death of the dog sours daughter Bonnie's (RICHARDS) 10th birthday party, and she decides to blow it off for a bike ride with her brother Charlie (EISENMANN). The two don't even make it out of the driveway before they are accosted by a creepy produce purveyor who, in addition to having a nice selection of greens, just happens to have a litter of possessed German shepherd pups in the back of his truck. Bonnie falls hard for a little scamp she names Lucky and, before long, the puppy with the glowing eyes unleashes its evil on the Barry household. Its first victim is the religious Mexican maid who is immolated when the sleeves of her housecoat brush up against the prayer candles she lights to ward off the dog. Next to go is the Great Dane from next door, followed shortly by his owner who turns up floating in his swimming pool. One by one, the Barry family members fall under the dog's spell: daughter Bonnie becomes a bitch, son Charlie stops at nothing to win the student council election, and Mom Betty becomes a total whore and is pretty flippant about the affair she has with her son's guidance counselor. The guidance counselor also has fatal run in with Lucky, and Mike finally puts two and two together about his family's transformation when he finds the dog hanging around the crime scene. It was either that or catching his wife and kids chanting in front of a spooky painting with the dog late at night in the attic, who's to say? Fresh from denial, Mike seeks advice from his local occult shop owner, unsuccessfully tries to shoot the dog at close range, and then jets off to South America for a pow-wow with a holy man who teaches him how to send the dog back to the hell from whence it came. Despite the dense amount of action packed into its 95 minute running time, DEVIL DOG falls short in the special effects department. After the laughable final showdown between Mike and Lucky, the family becomes un-possessed and son Charlie reminds all that there were at least nine other puppies in the litter.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • BESWICK's black mass barn buddies, especially the man in the mirrored sunglasses
  • The poor maid, polyester and prayer candles do not mix!
  • CRENNA is almost seduced by the blades of his lawn mower
  • MIMEUX's quick change from Susie Homemaker to full-blown slut
  • KIM RICHARDS Proactiv®-ready reflection in CRENNA's handheld mirror

Who Can Kill a Child?

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Opening with documentary footage of children suffering in Auschwitz, India, Korea and Vietnam, WHO CAN KILL A CHILD? promises to be a grim experience. Once you get past those initial scenes it is thankfully less savage than one would imagine, and a rather well directed film. Thematically, it's actually a kissing cousin to animal revenge films like THE BIRDS. Here children (who it is pointed out suffer the most in times of war) collectively decide enough is enough and set out to kill all existing adults rather than continue to be doormats and pawns. This Spanish precursor to CHILDREN OF THE CORN begins as a young couple Tom (LEWIS FLANDER) and Evelyn (AMY STEELE clone PRUNELLA RANSOME) decide to take a holiday on a remote island. She is pregnant with his child and although he was originally not too keen on bringing an infant into such a mad world, he has since warmed up to the idea. Upon reaching their destination they find a somewhat deserted seaside town. It's actually only the adults who are M.I.A. as children roam the streets randomly and in packs. Eventually, through the testimonial of an adult survivor, they learn that the children just snapped one night and went on a non-stop killing spree. Their attack was easily successful because, as the bloodied witness points out, "Who could kill a child?" Well, it turns out Tom could, especially when his wife and unborn son are on the chopping block and he's left no other choice. After the survivor is lead away by his daughter to be hacked to death by a kiddie mob, Tom and Evelyn decide to cut the R&R short and head for the mainland, which proves less than easy. The audience is delivered one suspenseful scene after another, until a grisly finale that harks back to NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD occurs. This all may sound exploitive, but it's not. Anyone who feels squeamish about the demise of the underage in this movie need only rewind to the film's news footage introduction to see what real horror is.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

  • That creepy kid fishing; what the hell is in his tackle basket?
  • The oldster who gets bludgeoned with his own cane
  • The kid's interpretation of a piñata party
  • Isolated normal kids are recruited by some ambiguous psychic means and stagnantly pose in what must be a salute to HITCHCOCK'S famous birds on a jungle gym scene.
  • Evelyn is attacked from within
  • The po-po come to save the day! (Well…maybe not)