I'm sure I hardly need to introduce myself; I'm sorta a big deal. Unless you live under a rock or don't own a radio, you know who I am. If you have somehow not heard my awesome radio show (KAB rocks!) you've certainly seen me riding around Antonio Bay in my wicked convertible! Well, I'm not here to promote myself, but rather to expose a certain oldster who's gotten a free pass in this town as of late. I'm talking of Mrs. Kobritz and her dubious abilities as a babysitter. I've ignored missing under garments, the dilution of my liquor with tap water, and habitual tardiness, but it's high time Mrs. Kobritz be held accountable for her routinely irresponsible behavior. First of all, I realize that the other night there was an out of the ordinary occurrence that had many of our locals running about pell-mell begging for God to intervene. (I'm referring to the zombie-infested fog bank that engulfed the town.) But many of us were still able to do our jobs and even help others when the opportunity arose. I know I did everything I conceivably could to warn all my listeners of the impending danger (off the clock!). And let's face reality folks, the crew of the Elizabeth Dane were only going to kill six of us; it's not like the whole town was going down! (more…)

No, It's not a masterpiece like the original. Gone is the pitch perfect ominous supernatural dread. Gone is the focus on the stalwart Laurie Strode. In it's place is debatably the most interesting portrayal of a child killer in years. Before scoffing imagine Zombie's haunted hay ride without it's impossible to live up to title, HALLOWEEN, you will see the tale of a harassed child who snaps completely and a mother who desperately clings to the hope that her son is not lost forever to mental illness. Zombie's white trash environment was widely criticized for being a cheap tack on catalyst for lil' Mikey's madness. I don't read it that way. His siblings share a similar upbringing without a hint of the same affliction. In fact, young Michael has no memory of his actions and explicitly wants to return home and be with the family he still imagines alive. No, the roots of his behavior do not involve druid style mumbo jumbo, but he is taken over by a nameless something that still fits snugly inside the definition of EVIL. DAEG FAERCH's heartbreaking portrayal is original in the annals of horror, with his soft features and sensitive disposition towards his mother ("I like your hair curly. It's pretty.") He is the antithesis of the robotic, cut in stone child demons that are usually displayed in movies like THE OMEN or THE VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED. When Michael reaches adulthood the second half of the film concerns the events we are more familiar with, but the shells in this game are switched around enough that you never really know what's going to happen. Laurie bringing Lindsey BACK home to the Wallace's to check on Annie? Brilliant. Credit should also be given for the more brutal and realistic violence. Usually In slasher movies victims go down quickly and easily. A simple machete to the face and they'll even pose for you so can place them in a make shift shrine. These victims convulse, shake, squirm and crawl away just like real ones and the result is visceral and disturbing. In my book, Zombie's meta take easily achieves the gonzo schlocky pandemonium of a real honest to goodness horror film, the kind of which there are far too few. I agree the ham fisted editing does weaken the theatrical version, but the director's work-print closes with a much more touching and enduring finale involving a voice over from Mike and Dr.Loomis's first session together. As the audio rolls we hear Faerch's pip-squeak voice intone "Hi, I'm Micheal Myers…" Was his performance enough to convince me of that fact? To quote from the original film: "As a matter of fact…it was."

• "Love hurts" Zombie may never live it down but it's a counterintuitive choice that genuinely lingers
• Bully gets his comeuppance in the woods. If you say you didn't enjoy this scene as much as I did you are a liar
• Tiny Mike in giant mask
• Lil' Mike takes care of the nurse followed by an ear maddening siren blare
• Many people THINK about blowing their brains out when watching home movies. Mommy Moon doesn't just think about it, she DOES it!

 

 In Greentown, Illinois, October is a brisk month punctuated by the arrival of traveling lightening rod sales and carnivals. One by one, assorted townsfolk are granted wishes on the midway of Dark's Pandemonium Carnival; for example, the ugly schoolmarm wants her beauty restored, the dual-amputee barkeep wants his limbs back so he can relive the glory days of short-lived football stardom, and the virginal barber wants to get with some ladies. Preteen pals Will Halloway and Jim Nightshade quickly discover the dark side to this freaky Make-A-Wish-Into-A-Nightmare-Foundation, and find themselves being hunted by the carnival's sinister proprietor Mr. Dark (JONATHAN PRYCE). Will's over-the-hill father (JASON ROBARDS) teams up with the boys to bring the calliope crashing to the ground.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

• Jim & Will's shared spider nightmare
• PAM GRIER as the saucy soothsayer with the glowing eyes
• The creepy ginger-haired kid who breaks the window with a rock
• The meltdown of merry-go-round time machine
• Mr. Dark's "Have You Seen These Boys?" hand-inked jobs