SCOTT JACOBY, who is also excellent in THE LITTLE GIRL WHO LIVES DOWN THE LANE, plays Ronald Wilby an introverted outsider and part-time momma's boy. Ronald isn't so "bad," really he's just the victim of circumstance. When a nasty albino dwarf talks smack about his mom, he grabs her by the face and pushes her backwards. (Hey, it worked for CARY GRANT.) Unfortunately the brat's noggin' hits a poorly placed cinder block and B.R has no choice but to dispose of the evidence via a shallow grave. When he gets home, you learn why he took such umbrage to the uggo's taunts. His mother is none other than KIM HUNTER the sexy monkey from THE PLANET OF THE APES! I know she's meant to be all Norma Bates overbearing but, to me, she seems like the perfect mom. When told of her son's murderous mistake, she devises a plan to turn the downstairs bathroom into a luxury artist studio he can hide out in. The door is covered with wallpaper and there's a cubby door in the pantry where she can deliver him candy bars and Carnation Instant Milk. At this point I'm realizing that by simply snuffing a simp, B.R has acquired the lifestyle I have always dreamt of. He no longer has to leave his domicile and he can spend all day working full time on his, "Extraordinary vision of fantasy," a make-believe world called Atranta. As God would have it, all good things must come to an end and Ronnie's dream set-up is demolished when his mom dies from a routine operation. Now Ronald must fend for himself while nosy neighbor Mrs. Schumacher sniffs about and a new family headed by DABNEY COLEMAN moves in. Bored out of his skull, Ronald projects his Atranta fantasies upon the youngest sibling the whiney Babs, who he thinks is the embodiment of his creation Princess Fansetta. As dopey as this all sounds, it's perfectly enthralling as the family has no idea the local legendary killer is Anne Frank-ing it in the second bathroom they tragically never knew existed. Things come to a head as our Ronald becomes more brazen and it finally culminates in a startling climax when the Jan Brady-esque middle sister finds an eye staring back at her through a hole in the wall. Creepy, voyeuristic, and endlessly entertaining BAD RONALD is a must see for television movie enthusiasts and shut-ins everywhere.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

• Brat meets cinder block
• Mrs. Shcumacher's revelation and subsequent dive
• Peephole discovered and Ronald crashing through the wall crying, "Mother!"

As a corpulent teen coming of age in the 1980s, your Aunt John's only recourse for attaining peer acceptance was to wear black on the outside (to hide the fat on the inside), and to become a devotee of Siouxsie Sioux. Based on the 1977 TV movie THE SPELL, the way the social pecking order worked was apparently somewhat different for high school girls of a certain weight in Southern California in the late ‘70s. Our flick focuses on Rita, a big girl forced to live in the anorexic shadow of her foxy younger sister, played by the 1970s welfare-to-work-mother's answer to Jodie Foster – HELEN HUNT, and her ginger-locked ice queen of a mother, the questionably beautiful LEE GRANT (seriously, does anyone out there in KINDERTRAUMA land consider Ms. Grant pretty)? The movie commences with our pleasantly plump protagonist, clad in the requisite dumpy-pants gray sweat suit, being asked to climb the rope in gym class. While being audibly tormented by her classmates, who are all wearing sexy, crotch-cut Spandex unitards, young Rita steps up to rope while her arch nemesis executes some sort of Cirque du Soleil aerial maneuver high above the gymnasium floor. One side look from Rita at the Illeana Douglas-looking lady gym teacher, and the mean, skinny girl falls to the ground like an undernourished sack of potatoes. At home, Rita doesn't fare much better with her looks-obsessed lawyer father scolding her for asking for seconding helpings, and scheming to ship her plus-sized patootie off to a boarding school in England. Rita strikes back by sneaking out the house late at night in a Stevie Nicks cape for bewitching trysts with the aforementioned lady gym teacher, needle pointing an awesome Persian Cat handicraft, combusting some neighbor woman who saw her mingling with the lady gym teacher, and using her powers to nearly drown her waif-like little sister at a swim meet. The movie concludes with the most awesome mother/daughter showdown set in a 1970s open-air kitchen, and let's just say that the only supernatural force at work here kept Ms. Grant's ginger bob from moving. That shit looks like helmet.Speaking of which, please help us out with our first ever KINDERTRAUMA poll:

Who wore it best:

Please vote in the comments.

When I was young I was scared of two things, The Bermuda Triangle and the Devil. I was pretty sure the triangle had to stay put, so if I decided not to go on any plane or boat rides I would be all right. The devil too, I imagined was easily identifiable, (resembling the character on the Underwood Deviled Ham can) and pretty much restricted to staying far underground in a place called H-E-double-hockey-sticks. These theories and more would vaporize the night I begged my mother to let me stay up and watch SATAN'S TRIANGLE a 1975 television movie. The film starts off pleasantly enough with the Coast Guard finding an abandoned vessel with one lone survivor. Doug McClure listens intently as an icy Kim Novak recounts the paranormal demise of all aboard. Doug is a skeptic and is able to find logical solutions to every mysterious anecdote she has to offer. It's all very soothing to realize that every spooky unexplainable occurrence can be effortlessly shot through full of holes by the rational McClure. After everything is put in its place and we decide nothing is amiss, a helicopter arrives and suddenly the fabric of all we thought was real begins to unravel at a demonic speed. As much as I'd love to reveal the ending, I really couldn't do it justice anyway… suffice it to say, it's still the scariest I've ever seen. Besides bearing witness to the creepiest, longest, direct eye contact, smile ever put to film; my sense of reality along with Mr. McClure's character's was smashed into a million pieces and would never be repaired. My mother had her hands full trying to get my screaming, crying ass into bed that night and, for what seemed like years, I would huddle under the covers trying not to think bad thoughts. From that night on I lived with the realization that the devil and even the Bermuda triangle were a lot closer than I thought.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

• The levitating cadaver
• Death by swordfish
• EVERYTHING that happens after the Helicopter arrives…