kindertrauma

Search Results for: Kindertrauma funhouse

Toolbox Murders (2004)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Greetings, from your friendly neighborhood, unrepentant TOBE HOOPER apologist; I'm sorry but I kinda love 2004's TOOLBOX MURDERS. I know that's not the consensus but the heart wants what the heart wants. How can a movie from 2004 fill me with such nostalgic glee? I'm not sure, maybe because it's just so fabulously old school in its stance. No, there's nothing very revolutionary going on here, just a plain, mostly straightforward affair cooked medium rare and served garnish free, but I find it hits the spot all the same. I don't need any more than this. That'll do pig, that'll do. Oh, just allow me to break my affection down for you…

TOBE HOOPER

Give this guy a break will you? He drops the ball now and again but he knows what he's doing. There may not be anything as robust as the famous door slam from THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE in TOOLBOX but there's plenty to relish anyway. On several occasions HOOPER steers your attention one way and then slams you from another direction entirely, that's what I call a scare that's earned, baby. He knows what you expect and he likes to tease you. One of my favorite bits involves a bathroom medicine cabinet that is opened to reveal…nada. TOBE, you foiled the medicine cabinet scare! I could kiss you!

ANGELA BETTIS

What a spitfire. Imagine an unhinged HOLLY HUNTER fused with a robotic praying mantis and then set free to needle at will. BETTIS just fascinates and the horror world is a better place having known her. Her character here "Nell Barrows" is more tack sharp and caffeine restless than her usual wounded birds; she's a vintage observer who senses something afoul and won't be stifled. She is also quietly mourning the recent death of her father and am I reading too much into the movie to say her journey is all about confronting the ugly eventuality of the grave?

SUPPORTING CAST

BRENT ROAM is a refreshing change of pace from the lantern jawed Aryan dullards usually picked to play the rational boyfriend plus, if you ask me, he was born to wear scrubs. JULIET LANDAU is lead material and she is able to transform a sidekick part into something exceedingly sympathetic. SHERI MOON is SHERI MOON, she's got a Manson gal meets my hippy babysitter vibe that is too strong for me to resist. Go ahead and find her annoying if you must. I want her to read me a bedtime story and teach me how to smoke. RANCE HOWARD, father to RON and CLINT, is just plain Hollywood royalty and it's nice to see him treated as such within the film.

CINEMATOGRAPHY

Director of photography STEVE YEDLIN also shot MAY, so you know he's no slouch. There are some velvet black nighttime scenes spiked with wet, reflected colors and even the scant daytime scenes have an otherworldly, corrupt Garden of Eden quality. The interiors overall have a pungent air of romantic sleaze that bring to mind NAN GOLDIN photos. This is a low budget film that, to my eyes, looks top of the line even as it's delighting in dilapidation.

THE AMBASSADOR HOTEL

Playing the role of the creepy Lusman Arms apartment complex is the legendary AMBASSADOR HOTEL. THE AMBASSADOR has appeared in hundreds of movies from A STAR IS BORN to SE7EN and it just drips history and personality. It was demolished by a bunch of idiots in 2006 and this is one of its last few cinematic appearances. I'm adding this title to the ever growing list in my head that says when it comes to creating horror there are three important things to consider… location, location, location.

THE STORY

Not unlike delicious Razzles brand treats which are first a candy and then a gum, TOOLBOX is first a slasher and then a supernatural shocker with a SUSPIRIA boner. I dig the MULHOLLAND DRIVE-light "Hollywood's gonna stomp your dream" theme that weaves through it too. Traditionally, in name only remakes make me see red but in this case I call it kosher. TOOLBOX is not trying to be a more modern, hipper version of the original and it ends up offering a denser mythology than the previously existing one. As much as I appreciate the original and its outstanding cast, I'm glad this doesn't go down the same torturous trail.

THE KILLER

"Coffin Baby" as named by HOOPER, is a creepy and intimidating creation with a tasty back-story to sink your teeth into. We're given enough information to intrigue but not so much that we feel he's completely pinned down or knowable. TOBE does a crackerjack job of never allowing the viewer too much time to focus on the killer's mug but delivers enough so that you don't feel completely cheated either. We're dealt pieces and splinters only, leaving our brains to assemble and assume the worst. Like many a great monster, Coffin Baby, as the looser in a Faustian deal, has got his cursed tragic side too. His giddy victory dance exuberance after disintegrating a victim's face with lye makes me want to get to know him better. Last I heard there was a sequel in the making, speed it up!

THE KILLS

If you check out the deleted scenes on TOOLIE's DVD you'll see some classic, over-the- top, blood splattery kills that were sadly dumped in order to obtain a useless "R" rating. Considering the film's nearly nonexistent theatrical life this is sort of like chopping off your nose to go to a dance at a country club that won't let you in. Filmmakers please don't bow down to the antiquated "R," better you should save your bloody charms for the more appreciative home viewing crowd. I'm not saying the "R' rated TOOLBOX is too weak, just that the difference between seeing a drill going into a head and a drill going into head and then coming out of a mouth is a big one for gore fans like me.

ALL IN ALL

TOOLBOX is really one of the better films that came out of the 2000's if you believe my notoriously indiscriminate opinion. In fact, I suspect that only ageism and anti-HOOPER sentiment keeps it from being heralded as such. If this movie was released with the false claim that it was directed by a young first timer named, say "Travis Hasbro" everybody would be all over the place claiming "Travis Hasbro" was the next big thing. Well, fuck Travis Hasbro, TOBE HOOPER is the man. I hate it when people call the director of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, SALEM'S LOT, THE FUNHOUSE, the seriously underrated EATEN ALIVE, and POLTERGEIST for Pete's sake (not to mention superior episodes of THE OTHERS and TAKEN) a "one hit wonder." It's called counting, my friends. I'm not blind to HOOPER's duds but I think it's preferable for an artist to create some great and some bad rather than all mediocre.

NITPICKS

Just to prove I'm not all puppies and rainbows (actually, I am) here are a few, special bonus nitpicks for you cranky folks out there! Sometimes the movie may be a bit too dark (particularly during the kills), some of the sideline characters are a bit too cartoonish and dilute the tone, the closing BUDDHA STALIN song blows chunks and whoever chose the hideous glowing SLIMER fonts for the opening and closing credit sequences needs to be retroactively fired. There, I'm out! Here's hopin' I see you again soon Coffin Baby!

Kruegertrauma Fredhouse!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

UNK SEZ: So I was going to treat you all to a special NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET funhouse on account of it's national Freddy Day but then PART 4: THE DREAM SOMETHING OR OTHER got stuck in my laptop. It's still in there! I even looked to the sky shaking my fists and yelled, "Not this time Krueger!" but it still would not budge. So eventually I gave up trying and went with some poster images (Damn you Krueger!) They'll have to do as I was not about to leave our faithful Funhouse players hanging. So in other words, forgive the lame unoriginality and blame Freddy if it puts you to sleep…

NOTE: I was able to salvage the image below from the original movie. Can I just tell you that I am obsessed with the "kitty takes a trip to San Fran" poster hanging in Roger Rabbit's dream laboratory? I've tried to Google it and find another representation of it but to no avail. I want that poster! Was it especially made for the movie? If so, why? Maybe it's just supposed to make you feel crazy, in that case, well done WES CRAVEN! O.K. good luck kids! If you don't hear from me for a while it's because I'm at the movie movie theater watching you know what. As for now, "School's out Krueger!"

NOTE 2: Wait up there! Aunt John tells me today is not only Freddy Day but beloved Kindertrauma lucky charm MICKSTER's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICKSTER!!! We heart you always and wish you a nightmare free year!

The Haunting (1963)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Look at the face above, doesn't that say it all? There are dozens of moments of virtuoso horror conduction in ROBERT WISE's masterpiece THE HAUNTING, yet the presentation of that visage is the one I anticipate with equal excitement and dread. WISE has directed classic films in nearly every genre, he edited CITIZEN KANE and uncredited scenes in THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS, more importantly as far as what we are talking about here, he was the protégé of dyed in the wool dark conjurer VAL LEWTON. Here we find the ultimate tribute to his mentor.

The camera's concentrated stare at that (imagined/not imagined) face on the wall is a moment when we can catch WISE in the act of basically teaching the audience how to watch a horror film. Don't be surprised if for the rest of the movie's running time you are subconsciously on the look out for secondary images within the constant clashing of patterns and off angles within the nearly breathing beast known as Hill House. I have to laugh when people use words like "subtle" and "suggestive" when describing THE HAUNTING. Make no mistake, this is an aggressive mind-fuck campaign you're witnessing. Just because you're too clueless to realize you're being mugged does not mean your wallet isn't already empty.

Watching THE HAUNTING once again, it was my intention to do a post pointing out the near onslaught of points of unease, the countless eyes on doorknobs and statues that glare at the occupants, the molten black tar shadows that cling to the walls, the endless maze of twisted corners and that damn spiraling, dizzying staircase, but boy did I get lost in the halls of Hill House myself yet again. It seems no matter how many times I visit this gothic funhouse I never exit the same door that I did the last time. I went in looking for that face on the wall and I exited transfixed by another.

THE HAUNTING hasn't the luxury of time on its hands to deliver the full all-encompassing apprehension of SHIRLEY JACKSON's novel THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE, but a finer facsimile I doubt is humanly possible. Several of the film's b-lines and amplifications can even be seen as improvements. CLAIRE BLOOM certainly brings an effervescence to the character of "Theo" not found on the page and well, if any actor has ever "owned" a part it is JULIE HARRIS as Eleanore "Nell" Lance (Vance in the novel). Oh yes, here is another example of your Unk's favorite type of horror character, heroism-free and verging on unsympathetic. Quit simply, Nell's a mess and easy pickins' for Hill House.

When Dr. Markway (RICHARD JOHNSON) invites Nell to join his small team of investigators at the title mansion he does so due to his knowledge of her attracting paranormal activity in the past (which Nell denies.) He has no idea that she has recently lost her overbearing mother to whom she was caretaker. Nell jumps at the chance to start a new life and be free but the reality is she is hardly equipped for the outside world. Her life has been spent fulfilling the needs of others and suppressing herself. She talks a good game (mostly to herself via voice over) but when the world doesn't accept her with open arms, she recklessly attempts to flee back into the womb. Her real mother may no longer be available but the mother that is Hill House certainly is. (Notice that the most haunted room in the joint is the nursery.)

We are told many stories throughout the course of the film (and novel) some are relevant, some are conjecture and some are outright lies (Nell seems most happy when offering up falsities about her stone li(e)ons and fictional apartment.) One tale that overshadows all is the legend of the paternal evil in the house, Hugh Crain, but if you ask me he is a diversion from the source of Nell's real threat. The last occupant of Hill House was Hugh's daughter Abigail and her death perfectly echoes Nell's mother's right down to an unanswered knocking on a wall for assistance with a cane. During one of the supernatural visitations we even witness Nell responding to a similar knock on the wall thinking it IS her mother.

When Nell find the words "Eleanor come home" scrawled on a wall by a ghostly scribe we automatically imagine her recently departed mom pleading for her return but is it in actuality this other woman begging her to stay? As in "Come home to what you are used to Nell, you were born to be subservient to the likes of me, not a social being with a life of your own."

In the film (not so much in the novel) there is an unmistakable sexual tension between the self possessed Theo and Nell that Nell avoids. She puts on airs that she is attracted to Dr. Markway, but I think this too is one of her lies…a cover up. (To be honest, I consider every male character both living and dead in the movie to be a sort of "false lead.") She calls Theo "one of nature's mistakes" and it's almost like someone else is speaking through her (her mother's words? Words once said to Nell?) It is clear that Nell's sister Dora has started a family, why not Nell? She may complain of having to take care of her ill mother but perhaps that's been a convenient way to avoid something else.

When Markway's wife appears and eliminates the doctor's usefulness as a decoy, Nell really begins to unravel. She realizes that there is no new world waiting to accept her and that she has no real identity to fall back on. The thoughts that we have been privy to from Nell sound a lot like those of a self-destructive drug addict (or cult member) trying to justify their actions. She wants to loose herself to something bigger to avoid looking at herself and tellingly, the first fright the house delivers her is a mirror (does she see a face or a wall?). Nell has been praying for freedom for eleven years but now that she has it can she handle it?

(Oh-oh, we're about to crash into a spoiler tree…jump out now!) In the book, Nell, rather than abandoning the false sense of security and purpose she's found and returning to a world where she perceives herself as having nothing, completely obliterates herself by driving into a tree.

"I am really doing it, I am doing it all by myself, now, at last; this is me, I am really doing it by my-self."

Oh Nelly Nell, this is the same fucking mistake you've made your whole life, confusing self actualization with fulfilling the needs of others…in this case the needs of Hill House.

The movie lets her off the hook a smidge more than the book, as the steering wheel is clearly shown to be controlled by some unseen force that Nell resists. Still, there is the acknowledgment by Theo that Nell may have finally gotten exactly what she wanted. Unable to get a firm grip on either Theo's or Markaway's coat tails, Nell essentially resigns herself to the life (or death) of a shut-in, one of those who are housebound and "walk alone" (an eventual recluse herself JACKSON can be seen as the patron saint of the hermetic).

Nell's experiences in Hill House though often frightening, also involved feelings of belonging that she had never experienced before. She had hope, there were possibilities around the corner and she felt important not just as a caretaker for someone else's needs but because of her own individual gifts. It's almost as if it were the positive feelings that she could not maintain that led her the most astray. It reminds me of the time I thought I'd help my friend's gold fish by giving them clean water to swim in and they all died of shock.

It's easier to think that Nell was hoodwinked and therefore not responsible for her actions. In my recent viewing though I noticed an expression on her face during her kamikaze drive that I hadn't before. It's an expression of ecstasy at having given in to the seductive, malevolent force, for having trashed the idea of "living" for good.

So here's my new dilemma; I don't know what's scarier, that face on the wall I started this post talking about or this newly discovered one. Was Nell happy to stay at Hill House? Did she end up gladly trading in an imagined inescapable situation for a very real one? Did she happily hop from one station of servitude to another, one mother to another? Look at the face below, doesn't that say it all?

Kinder-Link :: Haunted Closet's Spooky Little Rascals

Posted on By unkle lancifer

When your Unk was a critter way back in the seventies they used to air THE LITTLE RASCALS shorts on television every Sunday morning. My favorite was one where the gang unknowingly gets trapped in a haunted funhouse ride. I remember watching every Sunday just hoping that they would show that one again. Leave it to THE HAUNTED CLOSET to dedicate an entire post to spooky LITTLE RASCALS' episodes including that favorite of mine (turns out it's called HIDE AND SHRIEK). Make sure that you check out this wonderful post HERE.

Drag Me To Hell

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hey now, did I not just recently make a statement about the sad fact that if one wants to see a decent horror movie they are better off staying home and renting rather than going to the theater? Luckily for all of us, the known universe was at least partially created to prove me wrong at regular intervals and consequently there is now a horror movie playing in theaters nationwide that is actually good. Ah-hah! I got you universe! I got you with my fancy reverse psychology! I just went to see DRAG ME TO HELL and I didn't even want my money back by the end! I liked it and from what I could tell, so did the other people in the audience. Yep, they even clapped just like you are supposed to do after you have been successfully entertained.

It's pretty neat to witness a simple story enthusiastically told by a person who knows what they are doing. DRAG ME is a crisp, clean cut of horror, designed to run like a funhouse ride, full of squirms and screams with zero bitter after taste. It has no intention of shaking you to your core or changing your life, but it is bound and determined to remind you that every once in a while horror can be fun. Everybody knows that director SAM RAIMI (THE EVIL DEAD TRILOGY) knows how to work a camera in stunningly inventive ways, but his real gift on display in DRAG is his talent for well-timed, pitch black comedy. You won't find any gritty realism here, but RAIMI has an astonishing ability to keep things breezy while still allowing his characters' hands to get sufficiently dirty. Miraculously the film's conclusion is wonderfully cop-out free.

ALISON LOHMAN (WHITE OLEANDER) took over the film's lead when ELLEN PAGE (JUNO) flaked, which is all kinds of fine by me. The role requires LOHMAN to go from mild and self-effacing to wild and self-serving without being too self-aware or losing the audience's sympathy. It's a lot to ask, but LOHMAN pulls it off and her delivery of the line "Here, kitty, kitty" is, mark my words, destined for horror infamy. In fact, I think you can expect DRAG ME TO HELL itself to become a future classic. Hopefully the DVD release will coincide with Halloween 2009, as this is the type of non-taxing, fun loving, yet still effective spook show that is tailor made for the holiday and can be enjoyed by many ages (DMTH is PG-13 but somehow doesn't reek of it.) I wouldn't wait for the DVD release though, SAM RAIMI has made it safe (and worthwhile) for horror fans to head back to the theater. Grab some like minded friends and expect some spirited conversation afterwards.

Horror Fans And The Movies That Love Them

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Horror fans. Who and what are horror fans? Are they unhinged psychopathic time bombs who get a vicarious thrill witnessing pain being inflicted upon their fellow man? Are they ineffectual nerds who are preoccupied with processing their feelings of powerlessness in the universe by viewing assembly line murders? Are they simply antisocial misfits who misspell the word uncle and live in a make believe castle who waste time writing posts on blogs that sound more and more like rejected SEX AND THE CITY voiceovers? We may never know and I, for one, could give a crap. I'm just writing everything you are reading now to justify my posting of awesome gore shots from my current movie obsession CARL REINER's hilarious send up of not so modern education SUMMER SCHOOL!

That's right SUMMER SCHOOL! If you're asking yourself what the hell is a comedy like SUMMER SCHOOL doing on Kindertrauma well, have fun asking yourself that and let me know how that works out for you. I'm just writing about SUMMER SCHOOL because I love it and I love the characters of Chainsaw and Dave who just happen to be big time horror movie fans and adore THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE specifically. Plus, don't you know that SUMMER SCHOOL (pronounced "Summa Skule") stars SHAWNEE SMITH (1988's THE BLOB), DEAN CAMERON (BAD DREAMS), KELLY JO MINTER (A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: THE DREAM CHILD) and features songs from sexy kinder-babe E.G DAILY (BAD DREAMS, ONE DARK NIGHT)? So here's to SUMMER SCHOOL and now lets take a look at those gore shots….

Pretty disgusting, huh? Boy this is a pretty lame post. How can I turn it around? I know, I'll make it a highfalutin list! We all love lists, right? Be they grocery, shit or even HALL & OATES' famous list of the best things in life (Your kiss is on that one!) Let's make a list of horror films that feature horror fans as characters shall we?


SALEM'S LOT: Little LANCE-Y KERWIN liked classic horror movies (The kind in black and white where nobody ever gets a shish kabob shoved down their throat or jumps out of a television to kill you) very much in this STEPHEN KING adaptation. It's a good thing he did too, ‘cuz it ends up saving his ass when he uses a crucifix from one of his horror models to scare away a pesky floating vampire kid!


THE FUNHOUSE: Remember Amy Harper's little brother Joey? (SHAWN CARSON) His bedroom was covered in memorabilia and he was so into horror flicks that he dressed up as a killer and stabbed his sister in the shower with a rubber knife. What a perv!


FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER: Tommy Jarvis was a horror fan and spent much of his time creating masks and elaborate special effects that were on par with the work of master TOM SAVINI! Good Job Tommy!


SCREAM: Randy Meeks (JAMIE KENNEDY) watched so many horror movies that when the time came for all his friends to be murdered he believed that actual real life would echo the structure of one of his favorite films and guess what, he was right!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME: Creepy Alfred may not have been that into horror cinema at all but he certainly liked to create fake decapitated heads in his spare time. He could also make really great MELISSA SUE ANDERSON masks which if you think about it would really come in handy if you were dressing up as Mary Ingles for Halloween!


THE BLOB: Little Kevin Penny just had to see GARDEN TOOL MASSACRE, "a standard slice and dice" that featured a killer in a hockey mask who killed camp counselors. Somewhere out there adult Kevin Penny is nursing the wounds of having to endure GARDEN TOOL MASSACRE's remake!


FINAL EXAM: Not so final boy Radish (JOEL S. RICE) decorated his dorm room with posters from THE TOOLBOX MURDERS and THE CORPSE GRINDERS, but unfortunately his knowledge of horror did zero to help him survive an identity free slasher on campus.


FADE TO BLACK: Lonely cinemaphile Eric Binford (DENNIS CHRISTOPHER) likes to dress up as his favorite movie icons including DRACULA and THE MUMMY among others when he murders the bullies who torment him. Look out young MICKEY ROURKE! That dude means to kill you!


SPIRIT OF THE BEEHIVE: Munchkin Ana Torrent becomes so obsessed with JAMES WHALE's FRANKENSTEIN and particularly the scene where the monster accidentally drowns a little girl that it alters her view of reality entirely.


6 FILMS TO KEEP YOU AWAKE: A REAL FRIEND: Speaking of loosing a grip on reality, teenager Estrella (NEREA INCHASTI) much like Chainsaw and Dave from SUMMER SCHOOL idolizes Leatherface from TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE to such a degree that she imagines that the goofball is her B.F.F.! With friends like that, who needs enemies who are still breathing?


FRIGHT NIGHT: Reluctant vampire hunter Charlie Brewster (WILLIAM RAGSDALE) is a horror fan whose favorite show just happens to be hosted by legendary horror star Peter Vincent (RODDY MCDOWALL)

So what says yooze guys? Can you think of any more movies, horror or otherwise, that feature horror fans as characters? Contrary to popular belief, my brain can't come up with everything! Help an Unkle out! Remember, mind over matter!

My Bloody Valentine 3-D

Posted on By unkle lancifer


Last night your Unkle Lancifer was lucky enough to catch MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D. To tell you the truth, I cannot remember the last time I had so much fun seeing a movie in the theater. It is an absolutely straightforward funhouse ride with likable characters, a great use of location and a highly contagious mischievous spirit. We're talking simple, absolute fun. This movie actually has the rare wisdom to trust the validity of its predecessor and the slasher genre itself while adding its own clever spin. Frankly, I felt like a teenager again sitting in a room full of total strangers screaming, laughing and in this case, ducking from flying body parts. I think that if you go see this movie and you don't have a good time than you should just grab a shovel, walk into your backyard, dig a hole and then just lie down and call it a life. Not being able to find joy here means that there is something so broken and twisted in your soul that you are clearly beyond any type of repair and that you should really think seriously about taking your negative energy out of the universe. If you have any love for your eyeballs at all, you will go see this movie immediately and in 3-D. (No, I do not own stock in this fine film.)

P.S.: Did I mention it stars TOM ATKINS?

Traumafessions :: Fewdio Edition

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Howdy kids, your Uncle Lancifer and Aunt John have decided to spend the day fishing for piranha in the moat that surrounds Kindertrauma Castle. Not to worry though, the Fewdio guys are here to babysit. You remember them; they're the fine chaps who brought you THE EASTER BUNNY IS EATING MY CANDY not so far back. Behave yourselves and listen to everything they say and don't tell them that we marked all the bottles in the liquor cabinet to insure against hooch thievery!

First up, who is Fewdio? Fewdio is a new entertainment company committed to scaring the crap out of people the old fashioned way… creeping them out. We're five film makers (a motley mix of screenwriters, directors, actors and producers) who have together and separately worked with STEVEN SPIELBERG, LAWRENCE BENDER, JERRY BRUCKHEIMER, BRETT RATNER, TONY SCOTT, RICHARD KELLY, CHRISTOPHER NOLAN and… gulp… even the antichrist of film himself, EWE BOLLE (don't ask). With our minds set firmly on horror, terror and the celluloid to share those feelings with everyone we know, we set about making the films ourselves during the lengthy writers' strike since no one was working. Now, with a horror anthology feature consisting of fifteen 2-to-11 minute shorts, we're ready to show the world our labor of (twisted) love, called, appropriately enough, NIGHTMARE HOUSE.That said, we found Kindertrauma through one of our favorite horror journalists PETER GUTIERREZ over at Firefox News and it got us to thinking… "Why are we obsessed with scaring people with our films?" The answer that came up around the table, was resoundingly that we had all been struck silly with fear at one point in our childhoods and for some completely broken reason, were looking to both achieve that sick adrenaline high again, and even sicker… give it to others… That said, here's what frightens Fewdio… 

 

JOHN CRYE
 

I was eight years old when MAGIC, starring ANTHONY HOPKINS was released in theaters, and it provided the single most frightening image of my childhood. I did not see the actual film until almost twenty years later, but in 1978 the ad campaign was enough. The ad was brilliantly simple: the grinning head of a ventriloquist dummy speaks an ominous nursery rhyme in a nasty falsetto. Then his eyes roll back in his head. I think I may have only seen the ad once through before that visage simply popping onto the TV screen would send me screaming from the room. My older brother used to love to wrestle me into the den and force me to listen to that dreadful sing song voice… 

 

DREW DAYWALT
 

I have two things that traumatized the living hell out of me as a "lil kinder"…(actually there are many MANY more, but I've got two that are seminal in shaping the warped mind I have today. First up is one that traumatized just about everyone born between 1965 and 1985…. LINDA fucking BLAIR… I was watching TV (I was about seven or eight) when the trailer for the film THE EXORCIST came on. Most of it was just building-up-suspense-type-stuff… but at the end there was LINDA BLAIR looking like something right out of hell itself, as well as a super-short snippet of her crabwalking backwards down the steps. CRABWALKING BACKWARDS DOWN THE STEPS? WHO THOUGHT OF THAT? I'd love to know because I'm dying to punch him in the cock. Okay, so everyone's scared of THE EXORCIST – but here's where my pain gets entertaining (for YOU…) What happened was, I continued to relive that stupid trailer for years in the form of a malignant and unnatural recurring nightmare. Probably once a month or so I would have this sublime dream that we had a framed picture in our house of the non-demonic LINDA BLAIR, but as I'd walk by the picture in the dream, she would morph into her Exorcist-version and reach out of the painting and grab me and bite me. Hard. Like on my face. I woke up screaming many times… Hold on a sec, now I need a Xanax… Okay, meds taken, now for Number Two — The other Kindertrauma, for me, is the opening credits to the original NIGHT GALLERY series from the early 1970's. The first time I saw it, I was literally frozen with fear as I sat alone on the couch, gripped by some unseen, unearthly horror that seemed to force me to keep watching what was clearly the most terrifying thing I had ever seen in my life. Mom was just in the next room, cleaning up the kitchen, but I was actually physically unable to move my limbs to get myself away from what I was seeing and hearing. I could not move. I could not blink. I could not look away. I could not scream. It was, by far, the most excruciating and exquisite fear I have ever felt. It lasted probably 30 seconds… but the twisted funhouse-mirror-style faces and gut-churning, grinding, synth music left a mark on my soul still leaves me chilled when I hear it, 30 years later. 

. 

PAUL HUNGERFORD
 

For me, one of the scariest moments in film had a lot to do with "how" I saw this particular film. In 1982 I was taken to see POLTERGEIST. Now, I had seen a lot of films by that point in my 11 years. A friend of the family worked in NYC as a cameraman for the news and had a 3/4 U-Matic top-loading video player in the house. Their video library consisted of everything that was awesome from 1974 to 1979. Including JAWS, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, KING KONG… even THE OMEN and THE EXORCIST. And I watched them all. A dozen times each. Alone, on the floor in the dark, one-windowed room, in front of a 24"inch color console TV at my Aunt's house… whenever I wanted. So I was no novice to horror. But then came POLTERGEIST… Due to my love of JAWS and CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, I was also a STEVE SPEILBERG nut and once I learned his name was on Poltergeist, I had to go! But that night in 1982 changed me. We had NO idea what to expect and upon walking in – we discovered the theater was mobbed! Thus came a decision I would later regret; I elected to sit by myself. My last moments of a good night's sleep would end once that movie started. Specifically, when little Robbie was attacked by that MAD OLD TREE! I shit my Boo Berries! To this day I can't look at trees outside when there is thunder and lightning! "Holy Crap!" I thought, "How much worse could it get!" Then, a giant crazed clown pulls our footed-red-pajama-clad Robbie UNDER THE BED! UNDER. THE. BED. Boo Berries! Finally, the coup de grâce, the cool smart ass twenty-something scientist PEELS HIS OWN FACE OFF IN A MIRROR WHILE CHUNKS FALL IN THE SINK!! Boo Berries galore! That movie sitting by myself, surrounded by strangers, with no one but my own hands to hide behind, kept me up for weeks. I remember thinking, while hiding under my covers, that if my Mom and Dad ever found out that I was scarred because of that movie, I would never get to go with them to Friday night movies, and that scared me most of all! 

 

DAVID SCHNEIDER
 

My earliest memory of having the shit scared out of me was a certain page in the classic children's book, Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel. I've searched for the image online, and while there's plenty of pictures of the cover, I haven't been able to find the picture in question, unfortunately. Or perhaps, fortunately. I honestly don't even remember the story. I'm pretty sure it concerned a fellow named Mike Mulligan, and he owned some sort of heavy duty steam-powered construction vehicle. The steam shovel may have even talked in a falsetto with a French accent, but I may just be misremembering that part. But it definitely had eyes. Piercing, crazed eyes. And oh, I can still picture that page. That page that kept me up nights. It was a dark drawing of an empty dirt pit; the foundation of a future building. It was empty, and lonely, and dirty. I remember thinking it felt like the picture had been painted with dirt. I think Mike had been fired at this point in the story, or perhaps the job had been shut down by Union leg-breakers. Or maybe it was just the end of a long day, I dunno. But the point is, there was nothing in this dank pit except disheveled, rusted equipment. It was like a half-finished pit to hell, in my little 6-year old mind. I had a dream of that image, of being buried alive by that Steam Shovel. Layer upon layer of dirt heaped upon me, as I cried out to no avail. I looked up and saw those maniacal eyes of the steam shovel staring down at me, laughing at me, as I was buried deeper and deeper into that dirt mound. My mother would make me sit through that book, because it had been a favorite of hers when she was little. "It won an award!" she'd say. Well, I can't dig myself out of a demonic pit inhabited by crazed anthropomorphized construction equipment with a damn Caldecott Medal, can I mom? Fuck Mike Mulligan, AND his damn steam shovel. 

 

KIRK B.R. WOLLER
 

For me, the two images that I can't get out of my head, even to this day, come from THE EXORCIST & THE SHINING. I'm with Drew on the whole LINDA BLAIR thing…When she's on the bed and her head spins around… her damned eyes just freak me out, so mean & possessed…and the head turning effect was mechanical looking — but to me that was part of the what horrified me the most…it was so un-human & disturbing. But I think THE SHINING image might just horrify me more…it's when the little kid kept saying "redrum, redrum, redrum, redrum, redrum, redrum,"…his voice, that gravelly quality it has when he speaks as the little boy who lives in his mouth… and the endlessness of his chant and that uncertainty of what was going to happen next… it still gives me chills even as I write this…"redrum, redrum, redrum,redrum , redrum….."Â