Hey-o. There was a film that scar(r)ed me as a kid. It was on TV in the early 90's. I only remember one image before I turned the channel. A man approaches a cheerleader from behind (or some girl dressed like a cheerleader). His hand touches her shoulder, she turns around, and her face is all spooky and bloody/skeletal. It's not Cheerleader Camp. Help!
Dom
UNK SEZ: Make sure to check out Dom's awesome blog HERE!
Three films about killers in houses: FRIGHT (1971). THEY'RE PLAYING WITH FIRE (1984) and TORMENT (1986). Fright utilizes the babysitter-killer motif marvelously and is one of the best British horror films ever made. They're Playing with Fire is a highly entertaining film about a cougar seducing her student and utilizing his services in a murder scheme to gain an inheritance from her husband's mother and grandmother.
Torment follows a cop on the trail of a serial killer who finds up setting his sights on his girlfriend who is staying at his mother's house, this is a fantastic little film with a twist you probably won't see coming.
Three backwoods inbred horror films: NIGHT OF FEAR (1973), GEEK (1987) and LUTHER THE GEEK (1989). The first of which concerns a woman whose car breaks down on a lonely stretch of country road where she is attacked by a hick and his army of rats; very nasty and effective. Geek follows a couple who run afoul of an inbred, well…geek, after saving the life of his sister and being invited to the homestead of their grateful father. The standout of this film for me is the surprisingly poignant, nuanced performance by Dick Kreusser, as the father, Eben, whom you really feel for. Lastly, Luther the Geek is a straight up crazy film which revolves around a nutjob, sporting metal dentures, recently released from prison with a penchant for tearing out throats.
Three films for those of us who need some horror with their sci-fi: LIQUID SKY ('82), THE HIDDEN ('87) and DARK ANGEL (aka I COME IN PEACE, 1990). Liquid Sky is a one-of-a-kind film about heroin junkie aliens who suck the phermones created in the brains of people who have just had sex because they find it gets them higher than their previous drug of choice. The Hidden is a David Lynchesque sci-fi film about a body hopping alien being pursued by a cop and an intergalatic detective impersonating an FBI agent.
Dark Angel, starring Dolph Lundgren is the sci-fi-action love child of the previous two films. Stop me if this sounds familiar; a cop with the help of an alien lawman is pursuing what he comes to find out is an alien drug dealer sucking people's brains for endorphins which junkies on his home planet use for their high.
Three Japanese horror films: BIOTHERAPY (1986), SWEET HOME (1989) and EVIL DEAD TRAP (1988). Biotherapy is a slasher film which concerns a group of scientists stalked and sushi-fied by a trenchcoat wearing alien. Sweet Home is a supernatural horror film about a TV production crew who are attacked by the ghost of a dead painters wife whom they are making a documentary about. Finally, Evil Dead Trap is a slasher film that feels quite a bit like a Dario Argento film, right down to the music. A TV crew investigate an old warehouse which was the sight of a snuff film they were sent and they pay for doing so.
Three films about people with supernatural abilities: INDESTRUCTIBLE MAN (1956), THE PSYCHOTRONIC MAN (1980) and STIGMA (1980). Indestructible Man stars Lon Chaney, Jr. as an executed criminal brought back to life and given supernatural powers through a scientific experiment and his attendant rampage through Los Angeles. The Psychotronic Man is a fairly creepy film about a guy who has bizarre experiences and develops telekinetic powers he uses to kill with. Despite its low budget, it manages to be unnerving and hypnotic. Stigma is another Jose Ramon Larraz film and another particular favorite of mine that deals with past lives, incest, telekinetic phenomena and murder committed by one, Sebastian, a young man with the power to kill with his thoughts.
Three crime films with some pretty horrific tones to them: The Black Panther (1977) The Candy Snatchers (1973) and Man on a Swing (1974). The Black Panther is one of the great unsung British crime films and chronicles the real-life robbery, kidnapping and murder spree of Donald Neilson, who most notably kidnapped, entombed and subsequently killed Lesley Whittle in a drainage shaft while trying to collect a ransom. The film does a great job showing how unhinged this guy is; The Phantom Killer from The Town that Dreaded Sundown immediately comes to mind looking at this guy's get up. It also really imparts on the viewer the terror of being in the clutches of a madman.
The Candy Snatchers has a similar plot in which three criminals kidnap and bury a young girl alive in a bid for ransom from her family, unfortunately, her step father uses this as an opportunity to collect a multimillion-dollar inheritance. The film has several twists and turns like that and creates a tense and bleak atmosphere in which you hope for a sunny resolution but at the end of which you are simply left saying "Damn…". Man on a Swing follows a cop (Cliff Robertson) investigating a murder and becoming involved with a creepy, malevolent little clairvoyant, played by Joel Grey, whom he begins to suspect may be more involved in one way or another than at first he thought.
Three films about houses of psychotic women: The Corruption of Chris Miller (1973), Symptoms (1974) and Singapore Sling (1990). In The Corruption of Chris Miller, when he takes up residence in the isolated country home of two reclusive, repressed misandrist women, a man who is wrongly thought to be a particularly vicious serial killer, suffers for it. Jose Ramon Larraz is one of my favorite horror directors and with Symptoms he created a truly great and atmospheric film about madness which imparts a rain-soaked sense of dread. Singapore Sling is a bizarre mashup of noir, horror and art film which tells the story of a detective searching for his missing lover and who winds up in the clutches of her murderers, a profoundly insane and incestuous mother-daughter pair who hold him hostage and incorporate him into their sex activities.
Three films about female revenge: Lipstick (1976), Remember My Name (1978) and Tattoo (1981). Lipstick is a rape-revenge film starring Chris Sarandon and the Hemingway sisters, Margaux and Mariel. A slimy rapist is acquitted after attacking a model and sets his sites on her younger sister for which she removes him from the earth. Remember My Name is a stunning film starring Geraldine Chaplin and Anthony Perkins about a murderess being released from jail and tracking down her former husband and ruining his newfound marital bliss in a bid to win him back. Tattoo tells the story of a model (Maud Adams) being kidnapped, held hostage and inked by a deranged tattoo artist (Bruce Dern) who seeks to realize his masterpiece on a living canvas.
THE FLY II (1989) comes nowhere near reaching the heights of its brilliant parent film but folks who dismiss it as an empty also-ran are missing out on a strangely effective monster flick. The previous film’s tortured lovers Seth Brundle and Ronnie Quaife are now deceased but their tormented offspring Martin (Eric Stolz) continues their angst-filled legacy. There’s much scientific mumbo jumbo to weed through here but amongst the chaff are scenes of true heartbreak (don’t get me started on that poor deformed dog) and a wildly impressive final hulking fly-beast proudly presented by special effects artist turned directer, Chris Walas. All ends unhappily ever after for sure and the film’s depressing dour vibe may be mostly responsible for its negative reception but I can’t help but respect its unflinching gravitation toward the unpleasant ugliness of true horror.
THEY (2002) has approximately one diehard fan and I fear that may be yours truly. I can’t help it, it’s got an overall creepy waking-nightmare tone and it’s all about solemn adults digging up and dealing with the traumas of childhood (especially fears of the dark and of things that go bump in the night). Mia Farrow-esque Laura Reagan stars as psychology student Julia Lund who is endlessly trying her boyfriend Paul (Buffy’s Marc Lucas) Loomis’ patience due to her habit of spying grotesque gargoyle like creatures out of the corner of her eye and sometimes hallucinating an alternative dimension filled with such creatures. All involved believe she’s crazy but anyone who has seen the ABC 1973 made for television film DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK knows she’s not. Directed by Robert Harmon who did the fantastic THE HITCHER (’86) and featuring solid performances (Ethan Emery as Julia’s childhood friend Sam is particularly good), the wrongly maligned THEY has much to offer for fans of the more psychological side of horror.
LEVIATHAN (’89) may have fared better if it was a little less stingy when it came to showing its central aquatic monster (designed by brilliant Stan Winston). No worries though, as intimidating as THE THING (’82)-leaning creature may be, the film’s most disturbing elements involve body horror and fear of contamination and disease. Part of the late eighties ALIEN (’79) underwater craze (see also THE ABYSS, DEEP STAR SIX, LORDS OF THE DEEP et. al.) LEVIATHAN separates itself from the fish school by not only having a likable cast (Peter Weller, Amanda Pays, Daniel Stern, Ernie Hudson, Richard Crenna, Hector Elizondo and Lisa Eilbacher) but also in my opinion, one of the greatest (and most punchable) villains in the frosty eyed Meg Foster as corporate ice-queen Ms. Martin. Written by David Webb Peoples (BLADE RUNNER) and Jeb Stuart (DIE HARD), directed by George P. Cosmatos (COBRA, TOMBSTONE), with a score by the phenomenal Jerry Goldsmith (THE OMEN, POLTERGEIST and the aforementioned ALIEN among sooo many others), LEVIATHAN has a pedigree that can’t be sneezed at. I’ll always wish there was a bit more of a solid, crystalizing view of the mutant baddie but this undervalued fish tale is a memorable thrill ride anyway.
SPOOKIES (’86) is more of a cinematic catalog of awesome eighties special make-up effects than an actual movie but you won’t hear me complaining. This crazy quilt of a movie has its reasons for being borderline incomprehensible (it was actually two different films that were joined together with the aid of some newly added tinker-toy connecting scenes) but who needs logic when you are dealing with an avalanche of the undead, farting mud monsters, witches, glowing-eyed grim reapers and even a giant web spewing spider lady? It’s even got one of those absolutely irresistible eighties synth scores! Sure, the characters are all slightly annoying but that only makes their inevitable demises that much more enjoyable. This is one true monster mash that has to be seen to be believed.
TerrorVision (’86) is a goofy, extremely eighties sci-fi/horror comedy about a destructive alien creature who looks like a mound of garbage that travels by way of television signals. Some say the only good cult films are those that are unintentional but this frothy, fun-time flick is as cult as they come and was surely built to be so. Surely the casting of Gerrit Graham (“Beef” from De Palma’s PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE) and cult Queen Mary Waranov (CHELSEA GIRLS, CHOPPING MALL, EATING RAOUL and countless more) as swinging parents sealed this film’s cult status fate from the get-go. Filling out the cast is the always excellent Diane Franklin (AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION) portraying colorful new wave daughter Suzy, MONSTER SQUAD & FRIGHT NIGHT II’s Jon Gries as her punker boyfriend “O.D”, Chad Allen as the Rambo-obsessed youngest child and Bert Remsen as loony survivalist gramps. Directed by Ted Nicolaou of the SUBSPECIES series, produced, and co-written by the prolific Charles Band and featuring a score by Richard Band (RE-ANIMATOR, TROLL, FROM BEYOND etc.), TerrorVision is a non-stop barrage of enviable interior design, music video inspired sharp angles and fluorescent hues swirling around a gooey, bulging-eyed glob of a creature. What’s not to love?
SHE CREATURE (2001) is the first in a short lived Cinemax series that utilized AIP (American International Pictures) movie titles as springboards for modern interpretations. The series was fittingly entitled “Creature Features” and this inaugural entry centers around a captured mermaid whose final boss monster form is beautifully realized by the late great Stan Winston. There’s a lot of cozy waterlogged atmosphere thanks to the story taking place mainly on a boat circa 1905 (In fact, it’s a bit of a cinematic precursor to THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER and the strong cast includes the likes of Rufus Sewell and Carla Gugino. Few cinematic monsters are as sympathetic as the exploited creature presented here and her ultimate true form reveal is surprisingly satisfying.
THE BEAST WITHIN (1982) had one of the most intriguing ad campaigns I can recall from my youth and even though the film doesn’t quite live up to its threatening, “we dare you to watch” reputation it still offers more than a few unforgettable sights. Heck, this is one of the few films that gave me nightmares BEFORE I actually saw it! Paul Clemens plays Michael MacClearly whose puberty is especially problematic due to his being the product of his mother being raped by a giant locust of some sort. Scriptwriter Tom (CHILD’S PLAY, FRIGHT NIGHT) Holland tries his best to make the murky material make sense but best to just go with the flow and appreciate the special effects (that cross the line into hilariously cartoonish at points) and the effectively swampy southern locale.
MOSQUITO (1994) can easily be mistaken for a by-the-numbers giant insect flick (please don’t confuse it with the previous year’s far inferior SKEETER) but it’s super fun, covertly clever and features some (literally) eye-popping effects. If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a garden variety mosquito sucked the blood from an alien whose ship crash landed on earth, the outlandish answers you are looking for are here. You’ll also encounter an appearance by the lead guitarist of The Stooges (Ron Asheton) and a rousing tribute to THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE featuring original Leatherface Gunner Hanson. All in all, this is a rollicking good time you'd be wrong to swat.
PROPHECY (1979) had a movie poster and print ad declaring it “The Monster Movie” and with its giant mutant bear aberration (her name is actually Katahdin and it’s not her fault her mom ate mercury tainted fish), it did not renege on that promise. Director John Frankenheimer does his best to carve something dignified out of writer David (THE OMEN) Seltzers’ stew of Indian folklore, corporate greed and environmental reprimands and if he doesn’t quite succeed at least we get to see folks torn limb from limb. It’s unlikely critics were ever going to happily swallow this creature rampage hokum but let it be said that there’s at least one scene in this film (you all know I’m referring to the exploding sleeping bag incident) that had more impact on a generation than anything witnessed in far better received thrillers of its era. In any case, PROPHECY will always loom as an epic monster movie (and a fountain of nostalgia) in my mind and who needs critic’s approval when you got a giant mutated bear on your side?
THE BOOGENS (’82) are tricycle-sized varmints with glassy eyes and bodies that resemble a giant crab shoved into a turtle shell. These poor creatures were perfectly content to hang out underground twiddling their tentacles until some wise guys decided to re-open their mine that was specifically closed down due to multiple boogen-related deaths. Anyone who follows these pages knows this is my go-to winter comfort horror movie thanks to its super charming leads, quaint locale and commitment to spotlighting an adorable doggie named Tiger. I could go on and on and indeed I have HERE.
DEEP RISING (1998) is a rousing horror adventure filled with intrigue, humor and plenty of sea serpent tentacles (courtesy of special effects master Rob “THE THING” Bottin). Written and directed by future THE MUMMY (’99)-helmer Stephen Sommers, this misunderstood mini-masterpiece also features an impeccable cast that includes Treat Williams (RIP, one of the true greats) Famke Janssen, Anthony Heald, Cliff Curtis, Kevin J. O’Conner and Dijon Hounsou among others. Back in my video store working days I was able to attend an advance sneak peak viewing of this fun flick and it remains one of my favorite movie -going memories. The crowd went wild, popcorn flew and all were riveted from the opening credits till the hopeful-for-sequel ending. I was a hundred percent certain it was going to be an unanimously loved hit but for some reason (I blame shockingly uninspired marketing) it did poorly at the box office. Over the years it has slowly collected the devout fans it deserves but if it has somehow evaded your grasp, consider this a reminder to dive into it as soon as you can.
THE KINDRED (1987). Family reunions can be a drag especially when your sibling is a giant fish mutant (don’t I know it!). Let’s face it folks, when 1950’s-style mad science mayhem meets 1980’s level make-up artistry and practical effects, the audience wins every time. Once a late night cable staple, THE KINDRED fell off many a horror fan’s radar after avoiding the jump from VHS to DVD but now that it’s on Blu-ray, there’s no excuse for missing this slime-dripping throwback gem. Sporting a cast of scene-chewing masters (Rod Steiger, Kim Hunter) and engaging then-newcomers (Amanda Pays, Talia Balsam), this agreeably overstuffed B-movie dynamo will have you checking the backseat of your car for creatures stowing away in watermelons for many years to come.
THE ALIEN FACTOR (1978) is simply not content delivering one mere monster from outer space, it delivers three, each being more absurd then the one that preceded it. Created by the unstoppable Don Dohler (FIEND, NIGHTBEAST), this backyard beast feast may be assembled by bubble gum and popsicle sticks but it’s charmingly earnest and more fun than most movies quadruple its budget. You know the drill: UFO crashes to Earth delivering murderous entities and small town sheriff tries to protect the locals while greedy mayor sabotages his efforts in order to insure plans for a future amusement park are not thwarted. I’ll admit the first time I caught this makeshift mock-buster on VHS, my poor soul internally whimpered for a refund, but over the years my aghast pity has transformed into unfeigned respect and slow-clapping, nodding approval. Sure, the creatures presented somewhat resemble oatmeal plastered Halloween costumes strutting down a Jr. High School assembly stage but damn how you can’t keep your eyes off them!
THE CAVE (2005) got slammed by critics and audiences alike and although it’s no masterpiece, much of the animosity towards it may have been due to it being released around the same time as Neil Marshal’s similarly set and far superior, spelunking suspense classic THE DESCENT. I had avoided it for years based one its bad reputation but a recent watch entertained me well enough and I’d recommend it to anyone looking for a low emotional commitment monster mash that plays like an underground version of 2000’s PITCH BLACK. Heck, both pictures even feature the always reliable Cole Hauser (THE CAVE’s full deck cast also boasts Piper Perabo, Lena Headey, Morris Chestnut, Eddie Cibrian and Daniel Day Kim) It’s all rote, predictable and inconsequential for sure but the sets are splendid, the creatures (when visible) are cool, the stunts are impressive and I gotta admit that sometimes (maybe most the time) I find comfort in familiarity. Your world won’t be rocked but this is a fun diversion if you enjoy seeing disposable characters picked off one by one by less than humans beasties.
EQUINOX (1970) was warning folks (particularly KFC chomping picnickers) about the perils of reading from ancient Evil tomes a good decade before THE EVIL DEAD (’81) followed suit. Why didn’t anyone listen? Those lucky enough to stumble upon this eye-popping oddity on late night television (or preferably a drive-in) back in the day can attest to its amusing yet still somewhat eerie power. Fans of cabin-centric locales, Lovecraftian yore, Harryhausen-happy stop motion effects (we’re taking everything from flying winged demons to giant ape dudes), demonically possessed forest rangers and fashions befitting the B-52’s will be left perpetually smitten.
THE RUNESTONE (1991) is an over the top, sense-defying would-be epic adventure that juggles Norse legends, a possessed Pennsylvanian archeologist and a glorious rubber-suited monster that terrorizes an art gallery with hilarious results. It’s supremely stylized, super silly and an overall singular experience that deserves to be far more notorious among genre fans than it currently is (full review HERE).
METAMORPHOSIS: THE ALIEN FACTOR (1990) is a science fiction horror hybrid that delivers a smorgasbord of deliciously old school special effects from stop motion animation to eye-popping puppetry. Not since THE DEADLY SPAWN (’83), (which this film was originally conceived to be a sequel to), has an alien invasion been so delightfully demented. Pass it by if you’re seeking out a heady plot or competent acting but if you’re of fan of monster mayhem, it’s a generous provider (More HERE).
THE RELIC ('97) wants to know what would happen if you combined a giant rhinoceros with some kind of spider/crab and let it loose on a well populated charity ball in the Chicago Natural History museum and frankly, so do I. Directed by the underrated Peter Hyams (CAPRICORN ONE, OUTLAND, the ever important STAY TUNED) and featuring one of the greatest casts ever assembled in the form of Tom Sizemore, Penelope Anne Miller, Linda Hunt, Audra “Mrs. Roper” Lindley and somehow even EGOT recipient James Whitmore. Although frustratingly dark and murky at times, THE RELIC still features an impressively gnarly beast and a highly appreciated decapitation or two (full review back HERE).
CREATURE (1985) may be yet another ALIEN (’79) rip-off but as far as wannabes go, it’s one of the best. Sure, you’ve likely seen all this before but unlike many of its brethren, CREATURE showcases some nifty set design, compelling characters (especially the wonderful Diane Salinger as Security officer Melanie Bryce), a formidable sharp toothed space baddie and plenty of freaky gore (More HERE)
UNDERWATER (2020) is drug down by an abysmal title and apparently not everyone is a fan of its divisive lead (Kristen Stewart, who’s actually great in this) but it’s still one the best sci-fi, horror, disaster thrillers of recent memory. It also ends up being quite the monster movie before the end credits role. Exploiting the universal fears of confined spaces, drowning and well, literally exploding, this beautiful to behold well-oiled suspense machine also offers some poignant thoughts on loss, recovery and the noble act of simple perseverance. I can’t recommend it enough and by golly, I’ve just convinced myself to watch it again as soon as possible (Full review yonder HERE).
TALK TO ME takes this year’s cake for me by a large margin. Danny & Michael Philippou’s merciless dunk into an unfriendly afterworld chilled me to the bone (and when I viewed it a second time it done my psyche equal damage). A wonderfully performed, freshly directed goosebump inflictor unafraid of exploring the complexities of grief and guilt, this is a truly frightening film that gives even an old codger like myself, great hope and anticipation for the next generation of horror. Much applause.
THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER is a rare treat that truly transports you into an another (wonderfully gloomy) time and place. I’ve had a lifelong love of seafaring horror films and Andre (TROLL HUNTER, SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK) Ovredal’s take on “The Captain’s Log” chapter of Bram Stoker’s Dracula is right up my rain-soaked, waterlogged alley. It certainly doesn’t hurt that this particular cruise features the most alarmingly frightening vision of a vampire since SALEM’S LOT (’79).
THANKSGIVING is a devout homage to eighties slashers (particularly of the Canadian variety) that impishly high-fives every beloved trope before it stomps on home plate AND is the best thing to happen to the titular holiday since green bean casserole was invented. Extra points earned for it’s opening mob scene take down of rabid consumerism. Many had been waiting for this flick since Eli Roth’s faux trailer of the same name appeared in 2007’s GRINDHOUSE but I feel like I’ve been sadly missing out on its existence since about 1981.
WHEN EVIL LURKS came around just in time to disprove my premature belief (aka wishful thinking) that I had outgrown my lifelong fear of possession films. Turns out that in the right, thoughtful hands there’s plenty of life (and death) left in the sub-genre that had me quaking in my bobo brand shoes as a child. There’s a wild, frenzied, uncontrollable spirit to Demian (TERRIFIED) Rung’s backyard epic that kept me happily grinding my teeth throughout.
M3GAN was built to last and pretty much achieved icon status before her films release based on her meme-baiting trailer alone. For decades, many have tried and failed to rival fan favorite, Chucky in the killer doll department and this smirky, knowingly campy, yet still uncannily creepy robotic hellion is the first to come close. None of this should work and yet its circuitry runs smoothly with zero glitch. I don’t know how they pulled it off but just as Megs did with a poor unfortunate bully’s ear, they happily did.
SCREAM VI leaves its predecessor in the dust and what more can you ask for from a slasher sequel? It’s New York City setting certainly did much to breath new life in the long in the tooth franchise but more impressively, it changed the trajectory of a few of its characters from snoresville to somewhat engaging. I’d rank this much higher if it actually had the cojones to off some of its leads but I thought it was a surprisingly invigorating (yet wildly implausible) jaunt just the same.
THE CONFERENCE is a Swedish black comedy that continues 2023’s slasher revival. It takes its time revving up but once its game pieces are securely in place, its a joy to watch them get mischievously knocked down with sly sight gags, clever editing, highly rewindable kills and a Bob’s Big Boy-esque masked killer with a hard to argue with motive.
INFINITY POOL is quite the challenging, slippery fish and I think we’ve established that I’m leaning toward tried and true comfort horror in my current mental state but I’m also easily mesmerized by both Mia Goth and Alexander Skarsgard so here we are. I’m not sure I can explain the plot of this latest surreal mind-screw from Brandon uber-Cronenberg but suffice to say, it expertly stoked my fear of traveling to foreign lands and left me with a lingering feeling of unease.
EVIL DEAD RISE bravely takes its mother franchise into unfamiliar urban territory and although it may not utilize the full potential of its fresh environment, its penchant towards extravagant splatter is hard to argue with. If Alyssa Sutherland’s wickedly demonic grimace doesn’t get under your skin, director Lee Cronin’s gloriously gory (not to mention groovy) climax certainly will.
TOTALLY KILLER & THE BLACKENING are slasher comedies that I actually found genuinely funny. The former mixes BACK TO THE FUTURE time travel with neon eighties horror excesses to charming effect and the latter pointedly pokes fun of the genre’s sketchy history with black representation. Perhaps even more so than horror, comedy is highly subjective so don’t sue me if you ribs are more resistant to tickling than mine. I mean, I also found THE POPE’S EXORCIST hilarious so maybe don’t go by me!
COBWEB deep dives into childhood fears (especially of parents) and has a crisp, spooky Halloween vibe that’s hard to resist. Visually, it’s an eye-candy stunner, although it may have fared better in the scares department if it was more grounded and less precious and artsy (I’m also extracting points for including yet another home invasion by folks in animal masks bit). The direction and cast are great (Lizzy Caplan and Antony Starr are memorably unnerving) but best to take this one in as a dark fantasy akin to MATILDA or CAROLINE rather than straightforward horror for full effect.
THE BOOGEYMAN and THE NUN 2 are audience-friendly jolt dispensers that may not have what it takes to set the world on fire but graciously delivered the well-oiled horror escapism that I (almost medically) require. Rob (HOST) Savage’s stab at Stephen King’s short story is more creature feature than its more psychological (and slim) source material and that’s way OK by me. The cast is top notch, the scares work and it does a fine job of representing those fears of things that go bump in the night. As for the latest cinematic run-in with the demon nun known as Valak, this sequel easily outdoes the original outing, features an awesome giant goat monster (!) and I have to admit I found myself strangely invested in the plight of its main characters. Both are about as mainstream as they come but still deserve kudos for delivering the goods. Additionally, I also had a pleasant enough time with the family drama leaning INSIDIOUS: THE RED DOOR though it may say something that my favorite part of that film was Patrick Wilson & Ghost’s cover of Shakespeare’s Sister’s “Stay” over the closing credits.
NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU involves an alien abduction and therefore I’m automatically intrigued. Written and directed by Brian Duffield (SPONTANEOUS) and starring the effortlessly expressive Kaitlyn Dever, this marathon-like take on the home invasion flick is brazenly in your face (there’s no cruel waiting for the final reel for a momentary glimpse of the intergalactic interlopers), non-stop startling and delightfully low on dialogue. It may not permanently destroy your well being like FIRE IN THE SKY (’93) but its captivating its its own stellar way none the less.
THE OUTWATERS and SKINAMARINK are the troublemakers in class this year and I don’t mind giving them props for willfully singing their own tunes no matter what’s on the radio. Both flicks are confounding puzzle jumbles at times (OUTS is a patience pusher, SKINS brings new meaning to the term vague) and yet, this devious duo delivered images (OUTS with its gruesome decapitated head sticks, SKINS with its diabolical Fisher Price phone) that will be burned into my brain forever and as a horror fan, I can’t help appreciating that. Additionally, I’m thinking Mark Jenkin's THE WICKER MAN wannabe ENYS MEN is a spiritual sibling to this off-center duo though as much as I loved that film’s poetic visuals, the rest of it pretty much flew kite-like right over my poor addled head.
KNOCK AT THE CABIN and SICK despite boasting the impressive pedigrees of KNOCK being directed by the periodically great M. Night Shyamalan and SICK being written by SCREAM’s Kevin Williamson, failed to make much of an impression on me. Still, both were entertaining enough watches thanks to heavy-lifting performances by Dave Bautista (KNOCK) and quirky Jane Adams (SICK). I wouldn’t be opposed to giving both a second viewing in the future because it’s highly possible I simply watched them on a zombie-mode off day.
SAW X was met with open arms by both fans and critics so I figured I’d give it a shot. I never had much motivation to keep up with the franchise but since this offering took place between the first and SAW II, I figured I’d be all up to date. Turns out that even though I dig the work of Tobin Bell and especially the great Shawnee (THE BLOB) Smith, even this above average sequel is still not my bag. I’m not feeling the industrial warehouse vibe or the moralizing (the pig mask is cool though!). I mean, this film opens with Jigsaw fantasizing about vacuuming some dude’s eyes out of his head all because he briefly considered stealing a watch! Talk about being tightly wound! I appreciate a good grudge, I guess I just like my killers to be a little more stoic and a lot less scold-y.
EXORCIST: BELIEVER is one of the few true clunkers that I witnessed this year and I’d like it to go sit in the corner and think about what it's done. What can be said about a legacy sequel that not only disappoints on a storytelling level but also frustratingly squanders the amazing cast it fails to deserve? But hey, let’s not end this ramble on a negative note, I will begrudgingly admit that it did feature some impressive make-up effects (even if much was jettisoned to the cutting room floor) and a competent performance or two. Plus, think of all the animals dear Linda Blair helped with her paycheck!
What were your favorite horror films of 2023? I know I’ve missed more than a few so leave a comment with your thoughts! Recommendations, opinions and dire warnings appreciated!
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