Name That Trauma:: Asat on a Surprise Coffin Ending
The mid-1980s was a gangbusters era for Trauma, what with the rise of mom-n-pop video-rental shops that knew better than to enforce strict policies about horror-movie rentals. But in addition to that, such places often had third-hand cassettes that Blockbuster woulda been ashamed to shelve. I am on a quest to turn up one such bomb. Keywords: foreign, gory, hypodermic needles, coffin, surprise ending.
Okay, here's the expanded version: back about 1985, the local hole-in-the-wall video shop got a reputation for renting out "Headless Eyes" to kids under 18, and you were guaranteed some gossip at school if you were known to have watched it and thrown up…or watched it and NOT thrown up. Celebrity in high school is like that, remember? Anyway, some friends and I were determined to get in on that action, but of course the Friday we went looking for it, the tape was already out. Eh whatever, we settled on a box that looked to be of similar caliber. I really should have written down the name.
For starters, it was foreign. Italian or Spanish, and I don't think the cassette we got was dubbed into English. Big deal, we weren't watching for plot subtleties after all – this was supposed to be a test of our fortitude! And boy-howdy was it ever – it was like watching paint dry on a rainy day. Until the very end. And I mean the very, VERY end…the last second and a half of the film. See if you can guess how it ended.
From what we could piece together, the story was set in a villa/castle owned by some Dr. Jekyll-wannabe with a plan for an immortality serum or maybe just a process that would turn people into gorillas or something. That was this film's claim to gory fame: it involved close-up shots of venous injections and blood spurting from incisions, supposedly "TAKEN FROM REAL-LIFE FOOTAGE". This might have been quite traumatizing if the whole film didn't look as though it had been filmed with the proverbial 16mm potato.
Anyway, the mad doctor's plans come to naught and the film ends with him probably dead and his lovely young wife also a casualty of his attempts to meddle with Mad Biology. Her coffin is on a table and some guests/servants are mulling over how it's gonna be a pain in the butt to bury her as the camera slowly zooms in on the coffin. The conversation drags on as the camera zooms and the focus-puller just barely manages to earn his day's wage. Can you see where this is going? Off in the distance a telegraph can be heard….
BOOM! Coffin lid flies off and the bride flails about wild-eyed, revealing fangs or some such as the screen freeze-frames and the credits roll. SORRY KIDS, NO REFUNDS! BE KIND AND REWIND! Well obviously I'm not crazy about the prospect of sitting through that whole mess again, but I sure as heck would love to spring that finale on the guys again after all these years. I have little doubt they remember it – it was our own collective Ralphie-Parker-Ovaltine-Decoder-Ring moment. Not the usual kinda Trauma but more the end of innocence kind.
Again, it wasn't a super-rare tape or this little shop wouldn't have had a copy. It was definitely European and had the grainy look of a 1970s cheapie. I keep thinking it must have had a pretty good title coz I believe we just picked it on the basis of whatever was on the front of the case. Of course, it couldn't have been as good as "Headless Eyes", coz we knew we were settling for second-best at best.
Traumafession:: Andrew H. on The Believers (1987)
For decades, I was haunted by a movie where a mom dies by getting electrocuted in a kitchen. I couldn't remember the details and when I saw it, I didn't know what the title was. It was a scene that terrified me and stayed fresh in my mind for nearly 30 years.
Recently, my wife and I went and saw Hereditary in the theater. We loved it. Once we got home, we immediately did a horror deep dive and started watching movies with similar themes. That's what led me to the 1987 voodoo, child-sacrifice thriller The Believers.
The movie starts with the death of Martin Sheen's wife by electrocution in their home. As his son watches terrified while screaming, Sheen's wife played by Janet-Laine Green seizes up and dies in front of their eyes. That's how the movie starts before we even get to the credits.
I was probably six or seven when I saw this on HBO around 1990. For years, I thought it was part of the film Pulse starring Cliff De Young, but it wasn't and I could never track down the scene even when internet searches became an option. The thought of this movie where a mom got fried in her kitchen always stuck with me, lingering in the back of my mind and occasionally popping up.
Now that I've seen it again thanks to Heredity, I can say it's not nearly as traumatic as I remember, but it's still a very effective scene. I don't recall trying to watch the rest of the film when I was younger, probably because I ran away from the television terrified, but as an adult I can say The Believers is a pretty good flick.
I recommend seeing this one not only for the scene that scared the hell out of me, but also for the other traumatizing parts in the film. The Believers features a lot of great familiar character actors and has a pretty great story written by Mark Frost of Twin Peaks fame. I liked it, even though it still kinda freaks me out.
Kindertrauma Funhouse:: L
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In Memoriam:: Margot Kidder
I've got to pour one out for the great MARGOT KIDDER. In my book, she's one of the coolest actresses that ever graced the screen. As photogenic as she was, there was always something so real about her and she seemed like somebody you could know in real life. Maybe it's partially due to the time period of her most indelible performances but she reminded me of every babysitter or Aunt I ever looked up to in awe. Man, how I loved her scratchy voice and the little twist of her upper lip and her kooky unfeigned laugh. There was just nothing phony about her and she never altered herself to fit into Hollywood. In fact, in the way she was slowly nudged out of the SUPERMAN franchise you can observe everything that's wrong with the movie industry. Somehow, those in power didn't fathom that Lois' strength was equally compelling as the man of steel's. It's gutsier to scale the Eiffel Tower when you can't fly.
For many folks, KIDDER's name will always be synonymous with her portrayal of Lois Lane in the SUPERMAN series and that's fair and no surprise, she's truly phenomenal in that iconic role. We should never forget though, her incalculable contribution to the horror genre. She has appeared in several seminal fright films and is known to proudly admit to being a fan of horror movies herself. What the SUPERMAN films and her horror output have in common is that she brought something grandly her own to the table that nobody else could (for further evidence of that, just check out any of the remakes of her films). She has said, "I'm a very good screamer, that's for sure" and we are all so lucky that we got to scream along with her.
SISTERS (1973)
This flick is almost too good to be true. Does the world even deserve this? You sort of get two outstanding performances for the price of one thanks to KIDDER's mystifying double-edged role and on top of that, SISTERS is pure, primo BRIAN De PALMA (complete with succulent split-screens). The worship worthy director is clearly tipping his hat to HITCHCOCK but there's also a late in the game plunge into dreamy POLANSKI-ville that will make your head swim. You're not going to find a better showcase for KIDDER's remarkable versatility and it's incredible to see her effortlessly shift from cooing to terrifying in the blink of an eye. She's remarkable and in a just universe KIDDER would need a twin to help her pick up all of the laurels thrown at her feet for the talent she reveals here. Add a dash of JENNIFFER SALT, a dollop of CHARLES DURNING and a beyond brilliant BERNARD HERRMANN score and you got something impossible to duplicate.
BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974)
It's impossible to overstate the importance of BOB CLARK's holiday slasher. Without it, there would be no HALLOWEEN and without HALLOWEEN – oh geez, I don't even want to think about it. BLACK CHRISTMAS's tone and overall construction are impeccable but what really makes its bulbs shine are its vibrant characters. KIDDER's 's Barb is a sensational standout; she's brassy, cynical, nasty but funny and ultimately surprisingly lovable. She might not survive the night but she's equally as valid and essential as those that do. Anyone with the wrongheaded idea that victims in slasher films are disposable cannon fodder need no other proof than Barb that they're horribly wrong. Sure, she's flawed and abrasive but that just makes her relatable and it's her humanity that makes her demise all the more tragic. I think we're all a little conditioned to think only the survivors are of interest in horror films and nothing could be further from the truth. Focusing solely on the protagonist is sort of like scraping the center out of an Oreo and throwing the rest of the cookie away. It's a great way to miss out (and something a townie might do).
THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (1979)
Based on a true story (sure, Jan) this haunted house extravaganza is a bit of a fixer-upper but that doesn't stop it from being a stone cold classic. No matter the faults in its foundation, I don't think there's anyone who could complain about the two central performances provided by JAMES BROLIN (as believably bonkers-bound George Lutz) and MARGOT KIDDER (as harrowingly harried Kathy Lutz). KIDDER is spot-on heartbreaking as she slowly realizes that her Mr. Right is slowly morphing into Mr. Yikes. When push comes to shove and shove comes to axe-wielding murderous intentions, she displays just the right maternal momma bear strength but never lets go of her character's rightful panic. And KIDDER (much like similarly put-upon SHELLEY DUVALL in the following year's THE SHINING) is capable of the perfect dark-eyed howling wraith-face for expressing pure unadulterated horror. This joint might not be all it could be (needs more Jodi the pig) but boy, do the occupants (especially KIDDER) know how to sell it.
HALLOWEEN 2 (2009)
I'm still here sticking with my initial assessment that ROB ZOMBIE's HALLOWEEN 2 is one of the best horror sequels ever made for unflinchingly staring directly at the down and dirty ugliness of dealing with the aftermath of trauma. KIDDER is cast as Laurie Strode's consoling therapist Barbara (her name a nice wink to BLACK CHRISTMAS). It's not a large role but it provides the film's lone safe space in a whirlwind of emotional anguish. In my mind, it's also a rather generous way to allow the actress to put a needle in the butterfly of her own triumphant confrontation with the monsters of the mind. Some folks like to accuse ZOMBIE of stunt casting but I just see that rare person who is gracious enough to give back to the people who inspired him.
To be honest, I'm still a little bit haunted by the details of KIDDER's well-publicized manic episode in 1996, which left her confused, alone, injured by an attempted rape and utilizing a random backyard for shelter. It still sends a chill down my spine as this type of mental collapse can happen to anybody at anytime and should be treated like any illness and without stigma or public exploitation. I wouldn't wish such a thing upon my worst enemy let alone an artist who has brought me great joy repeatedly throughout my life.
As much as it pains me to think about, I now believe there can be a beneficial takeaway from what my hero MARGOT KIDDER went through and that is the knowledge that a person's darkest hour will never define them, that sometimes the bottom of the pool is the best place to propel yourself back to the surface. The bright side of the dark coin she was handed is that she was able to get the help she needed (vitamins/orthomolecular medicine rather than psychiatry/drugs worked best for her) and she was able to plow forward avoiding any future episodes. She returned to her craft, worked steadily (albeit mostly outside the mainstream) and when not on set enjoyed a peaceful existence in the Rocky Mountains with her beloved grandchildren and dogs. She passed away far too early at 69 but she died in her sleep, which has got to be one of the top ways to go considering the alternatives. I found it heartening to see upon her passing so many celebrities, co-workers and fans expressing how sweet and kind she was off screen and how dynamic and influential she was on screen. I'm going to back that up by telling you that when I was fortunate enough to fawn on her at a convention she was every bit as genuine as I'd hope she'd be. KIDDER has left behind many a favorite film for me but I'll also like to remember her as the brave woman who treated her troubles with mental illness much like Lois Lane treated the criminal Kryptonian Ursa after she was cleverly bamboozled into losing her powers in SUPERMAN 2, by saying "You know what? You're a real pain in the neck!" and punching the unwelcome menace into the abyss.
Of course mental illness is probably something you never fully conquer, I'm sure you always have to watch your back but MARGOT's determined rebound and subsequent well-being is something that should be celebrated as much as her impressive career. I'm glad she found some peace in this life and hope her peace is now eternal. So long, Margot and thank you, you'll always be cooler than Superman to me.
