Totally Killer (2023)
I was a bit skeptical concerning TOTALLY KILLER mostly out of loyalty to the fine film that is THE FINAL GIRLS (2015) which it seemed to be aping. In reality, it probably owes more to the HAPPY DEATH DAY flicks and I gotta say it eventually won me over due to its sense of humor and commitment to not caring if I bought its flimsy time travel logic or not. (Ultimately I preferred it to the more tedious HAPPY DEATH DAY films but it can never touch the magic of the aforementioned THE FINAL GIRLS). SABRINA’s forever teen Kiernan Shipka stars as Jamie Hughes, a gal who travels back to arguably the most eighties year in the eighties, 1987 with plans to thwart a slasher serial killer in a mask that resembles Max Headroom. Doing so will hopefully prevent the eventual Halloween night murder of her mother (Julie Bowen of AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS ). Bloodshed ensues along with choice tunes by New Order & Bananarama. Much fun is had with Jaimie being consistently shocked by just how casually politically incorrect everyone was back in the day, particularly her beloved parents. Personally I wouldn’t have minded if this bubbly BACK TO THE FUTURE meets (pick an eighties slasher) lark had the gumption to explore darker territory (had more gruesome kills) but it’s got more than a couple twists that keep you guessing and the cast is obviously having a blast with the material. Plus, there can never be too many horror movies that take place on Halloween as far as I’m concerned so I’ll happily add this to my yearly October watch pile.
Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (2023)
I love the idea of a PET SEMATARY prequel that explores the town of Ludlow’ Maine’s past, the legend of deceased soldier Tim Baterman, the Native American origin of the cursed gravesite and the youth of cautioning oldster Judd Crandall. I’d certainly prefer it offshoot from Mary Lambert’s beloved take on the material rather than 2019’s misguided remake (I’ll never get over how they were somehow able to strip legendary traumatizer Zelda of her power to terrify) but I'm game to give it a shot. Unfortunately, PET SEMATARY: BLOODLINES frustratingly buries its endless potential along with its notable cast (David Duchovny, Henry Thomas, Pam Grier, Samantha Mathis and likable newcomer Jackson White) in muck both figuratively and literally (the climax degenerates to an underground mud wrestling match). Worse still, there’s an ever prevalent vacuum of actual horror; the undead look merely peeved, zombie cats are AWOL and the audience is inexcusably never assaulted by an actor attempting an irksome Maine accent. In fact, nothing new is offered besides the highly unwanted left field assertion that the reanimated will only die if you destroy their eyes. Lambert’s original take on King’s novel may have been off-kilter (and even courting campy) but at least it was colorful, unpredictable and unafraid to get weird, this true step backwards is just plain toothless.
Woodchipper Massacre (’88)
Here is a reminder that a movie doesn’t have to be technically brilliant to be entertaining. WOODCHIPPER MASSACRE cost a couple hundred bucks to make, was filmed on video in Connecticut in 1988 and is highly flawed (every hokey line is SCREAMED to assure it is recorded) and yet is a surprisingly fun black comedy. It’s sorta a cross between THE CAT IN THE HAT (kids getting into trouble while the authority figure is away) and LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (inadvertent murderers make matters worse while attempting to hide their crime). Highly obnoxious Aunt Tess (Patricia McBride), a Halloween-wigged grating cross between “Billie” (Adrienne Barbeau) in CREEPSHOW and Momma (Anne Ramsey) in THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN, is tasked with caretaking her nephews (writer/director Jon McBride, pipsqueak Tom Casiello) and niece (eye-rolling sarcasm queen Denice Edeal) while their father is away on a nondescript business trip. Aunt Tess is a veritable harpy who when she attempts to confiscate young Tom’s recently acquired RAMBO-knife is accidentally stabbed and killed by it instead. Grim humor abounds as the three resourceful siblings eye the Woodchipper Pop rented out for the weekend to take care of any evidence and an unplanned visit from Tess’s psychotic son complicates matters further. I’m not going to lie, I snickered throughout this movie during a time that I really did not wish to snicker at anything and for that I’m forever in its debt. If you have a sick sense of humor and love to see awful people who beg for a comeuppance get the one they richly deserve, I highly suggest tracking this hilarious homemade treat down (look no further than Tubi).
Haven't seen Totally Killer or Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (I'm surprised they didn't call it Pet Sematary: Resurrection) but the track record for films using Bloodline(s) or Resurrection in the title is not good. I like the original Pet Sematary and feel Pet Sematary Two is really quite entertaining and a perfect Halloween/fall film (unique too; how many films actually spell out Two instead of using 2 or II? Not too many I can think of)
I have yet to see Woodchipper Massacre, despite having been meaning to for years; I think I will remedy that tonight. I have been rewatching a lot of SOV and DTV films from the 80s recently and they are largely very enjoyable.
Ghastly1,
BLOODLINES is a lot like that recent Exorcist movie in that it’s hard to believe they go so far out of their way to ignore what made the OG work.
I love both of Lambert’s films. They are so strange. She’s really underrated. Big fan of her SIESTA (’87) too.
Woodchipper Massacre has soared to the top of my favorite SOV list. In fact, I found out that TERROR VISION is putting it out on Blu and VHS in late November so I ordered a copy on VHS (!) (I also got HOLLOW GATE (’88) on Blu, I’ve been waiting for a release of that for decades!)
The Director of Woodchipper Jon McBride has another movie on Tubi called CANNIBAL CAMPOUT from the same year so I gotta check that out soon. The only other movie of his I’ve seen is FEEDERS (’96) which I wasn’t crazy about back in the day but should give another chance to now that I appreciate SOV more (Its on Tubi too).
Unk,
Funny you mention HollowGate; I just saw that again a few days ago for the first time in a very long time and leaving aside a few instances of overacting that went on for too long (the oh my God we're going to die, while crouching in the bushes scenes) I was surprised by how good and competently made it is. HollowGate absolutely deserves recognition.
I haven't seen Siesta, but I will have to check it out; sounds weird.
I saw Woodchipper Massacre last night for the first time and agree with you, it is pretty enjoyable for what it is. The shouting though was kind of rough.
I didn't realize until recently that the same guy did Cannibal Campout, which is one I always fondly remembered from my video store days because of the attention grabbing, rental demanding VHS cover.
Some others that stick out in my mind are Headless Eyes, Killer Nerd and Bride of Killer Nerd (great titles), Gore-met, Zombie Chef from Hell (an equally memorable title), 555, The Burning Moon (that one is real fucked up and technically impressive) and Psychos in Love.
Ghastly,
Hollowgate has always stayed with me. The last time I watched it was on YouTube so I’m really looking forward to seeing it on Blu ray. There’s just something about the atmosphere of that movie that I really enjoy. Wish it was going to come out in time for Halloween.
I’m going to have to look into those other SOV titles. I’ve always loved PSYCHOS IN LOVE and that great song they sing in it! The box for 555 was amazing and haunted me for decades. It’s probably part of the inspiration for this site being pink! I wasn’t crazy about the move when I finally saw it and foolishly traded it for something else in the nineties. Did the same with THE JAR too which is also coming out soon thanks to TERROR VISION
Here’s their link if anyone wants to check 'em out:
https://www.terror-vision.com/
…also if you haven't seen it, Truth or Dare? aka Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness from 1986 is also good as far as SOV/DTV goes. It also features future Backstreet Boy, A.J. McLean interestingly enough. But don't take my word for it, take Elijah Wood's:
Oh yeah Truth or Dare is awesome! That crazy mask! Strangely enough I recently saw a DVD copy (bootleg?) at my local library! It’s not the first time I saw strangely obscure horror there so I’m guessing someone who works there is a fan. Elijah Wood has great taste! He follows Kindertrauma on twitter!
Totally Killer – Liked it a lot!
Bloodlines …. Nope.
I kinda have a fundamental issue with prequels. I'm a proponent of the Hemingway approach to storytelling – write the story and then toss out the first chapter.
There are exceptions – Better Call Saul comes to mind – but overall I'd rather my stories have pathos than explanation. In this case, King gave us all we needed in the original novel. The ground was sour and had been since time immemorial. There was a bigfoot-esque critter wandering around. Did they have anything to do with one another? Who cares. The story was about the absolutely bonkers lengths a grieving parent would traverse to alleviate their pain of loss. You could relate to Louis in every bad decision.
Bloodlines – ooof. I'm not surprised the studio didn't release it theatrically. I was mostly bored. The Timmy Baterman story in King's novel was a very short passage, a tale told by Jud to Louis. Expanding it for a feature film required finesse, and this movie didn't thread the needle. The general lack of pets (Baterman's dog barely figures into the story) and, for that matter, the cemetery itself didn't help matters. Henry Thomas and Pam Grier were very good, but David Duchovny seemed to be phoning in his performance, which didn't help. I did like having two Native characters in the story, but the rest of the movie is so flawed it wasn't enough. The frequent shot of the truck driving down the road (meant to remind viewers of the previous film) felt like more of an annoying non-sequitur.
I'm going on rough memory, so I could be wrong, but I think, in King's novel, the place behind the pet cemetery isn't actually a Native burial ground. I think King writes something along the lines that the local tribe, the Mi'kmaq, knew the place existed, and its dark power, so they avoided it. I think the "Indian burial ground" stereotype was created for Mary Lambert's film. Am I remembering this correctly? It's been awhile since I read the book.
Chuckles72,
I think you’re right. It destroys some of the mystery when too much is explained and it’s really all about that relatable grief. That said, I do have a soft spot for the unnecessary Pet Sematary 2 !
SDC,
The book and movie are blended in my head too but I found this googling the subject…
“In the novel, the Pet Sematery is a primitive burial site supposedly used by a Native American tribe known as the Micmacs (Micmaqs) – however it was also suggested that it was used to bury the victims of cannibalism and as a result became haunted by the Wendigo, a demoniac creature that is said to be of Native American folklore.”
I enjoyed Grier and Thomas too but am thinking there were way too many characters in Bloodlines and yes, not enough pets! That dog was great and would have loved to see more of him!